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CFM Babs from Chorley FM



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Stumpy Fingers

Posted by CFMBabs , 21 February 2013 · 732 views

Did I ever mention how illiterate I am with computers? It's a surprise to all I imagine, that so much of my time is spent at a Radio Station which actually runs with nothing but computers! I am there at my desk looking all clever and like know what I'm doing -- It's a ruse!

I have spent hours writing stuff, from reports to emails, only to press the wrong button and it all magically disappears - how frustrating. I haven't the will to sit down and begin again. My heart sinks.

My stumpy fingers, clumsy and unwilling to hit the right key, thank goodness for the "Backspace" button. How many times have I attempted to write a word that just keeps coming up with the wrong thing altogether, and that brings me to my phone Oh! the dreaded texting exercise. I have sent many a text that makes no sense what-so-ever.

"Hi Alan I gusse I wsont be in tofay, I hace too muvh to do"......Send!!

........Ping! with a little mailbox sign

"What? :/"

I usually ring him instead it's easier. My texts have been known to crack a smile on the straightest face. I have sent messages that I couldn't possibly post on here for fear of deletion from the site. My daughter despairs. She got me one of those stylus things that you touch the letter with in the hope it solved my dyslexic messages so that people could understand without having to ring me back! It worked for a time but I lost it and now it's back to stumpy fingers and non decipherable messages

I mentioned it in clinic that I am likely to get myself into trouble with my fingers and my somewhat rude or dysfunctional messages - they think I am in the wrong place, "The psychiatric Dept is that way my dear!" And yes I am such a fool, I make fun of myself to make light of a situation, that's me all over.

I joke that my fingers are perfect for making pastry. In fact my pastry though I say it myself is by far my greatest achievement in the kitchen, although I am pretty good at baking!
I used to be top of the class at school, it was almost embarrassing watching my cakes rise like I was inflating them with a bicycle pump. My friends, it's fair to say hated me, my teacher loved me. I was the model student from which she would take the credit and I would stand with a will to die of embarrassment at the final result.

I took to cake decorating too. I went to college and I will always remember the Mothers Day Cake, beautifully decorated like a woven basket with flowers all made of sugar and the foolish trick of putting it on the roof of my car whilst I got in and then forgot about it.

It fell off in the middle of the road about half a mile from the college to rapturous laughter from passers by. My work ruined and a flattened cake to boot. One of my many thousand disasters!

My stumpy fingers ended my love of cake decorating. It does ruin most of my everyday chores in fact. I hate loose change, shoelaces, buttons, threading a needle-impossible! Opening jars, milk cartons, zips, clasps, packaging, and text messages to name but a few.

And there goes my phone - text message. Let's see who I can upset today. My life is never dull?


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Ouch!

Posted by CFMBabs , 29 January 2013 · 561 views

Woke up this morning - Ouch!! My back was staying put - I wanted to get up! Sciatica struck at 08.15 on Tuesday 29th January.

So my day begun like a Neanderthal, my knuckles almost dragging the floor. I needed to straighten up, least ways to make coffee which I desperately needed, my mouth like the inside of a Rabbit hutch.

Reaching for the jar of coffee with a little Argh! Just lifting the kettle for water did nothing to help my posture.

Cats gathered around my ankles assuming to be fed and I was having trouble making a drink never mind preparing breakfast for the felines.


With drink in hand and stacked up cushions on the sofa a sat in agony until my husband showed up in dressing gown and slippers; yes, it is his day off, of all days.

"Shall we go out today?" he said. Quite unaware that I was hunched and in pain.

"Can we just take it easy" I said "My Back's out"

"Oh Okay, I'll just have a coffee then" Looking at me to provide his cup.

I think at that point he realised that I wasn't moving so with an about turn he went off to make his own.

I am assuming it's Sciatica and not something I have pulled. My self diagnosis saves me a trip to my general practitioner and I'm afraid that's another story!


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Momma Used To Say

Posted by CFMBabs , 28 January 2013 · 604 views

My Momma used to say, "just wait until you're old"
When your back goes out more than you do and begin to feel the cold
Back then her words were unheeded I was young, why should I care?
I'm too far away from fifties, it was a lifetime till I was there.

I'd go outside in winter, build a snowman, cold hands would warm by the fire
With feet so cold inside my boots and skimpy outdoor attire
"You'll get chilblains" my mum used to cry, and then you'll get what for
But those words meant nothing as I ran out of the door

I'd walk around in Tee shirts when woollens I should have worn
"You'll get pneumonia one day" and then you will mourn
But life in the 80's was fun, why should I take her heed?
A Mum who told me what to do was something I didn't need.


So the years went by as they do and I got married did all that
But something wasn't right you know, I began to eat my hat
My fingers dead and painful, Pneumonia came and went
And off to see the specialist, I was duly sent
They said I had Scleroderma, surely it wasn't bad
I'd never even heard of it. something I never knew I had

My Mother's words rang through and through
And now I was feeling the cold too
Chilblains, illness, I had the lot
And other things that I've forgot

I guess my Mother was always right but I never saw this day
And now I wish she was here, she was right I would say


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Snow-Ma-Geddon

Posted by CFMBabs , 26 January 2013 · 621 views

Snow they say!

Well it's certainly cold enough. The mere mention of the word and everyone buys bread- Why?

I'd wrestled with a wonky wheeled trolley all round the supermarket. I'd bumped. bruised, and bore the brunt of many a screwed up face and said "Sorry" more times than a child with a broken piece of China! I was worn out when I reached Checkout.

In front of me was a lady, you know the type. A busy little bee type who was keeping up with the cashier, throwing things into bags, but the mound of Bread? 10 loaves - I counted.
I looked at my measly shop with just a pack of fresh meat, a bag of peppers. cheese, tinned tomatoes,beans. Yeah! I'm making Chilli.

The lady announced with a rather worrying expression. "It's going to snow really bad, thought I'd better stock up"

I smiled and looked down into my trolley and said "It's terrible when you shop for a month isn't it?" Meaning the stuff I had was for a whole month.

Some people don't get humour.

"You don't eat much then do you?" She said

"I don't eat at all" I said!

She hurried off balancing loaves on top of the bags of shopping.

I said to the cashier. "A few more loaves and she could build an extension"

At least someone had a sense of humour - she laughed out loud.

She went on to tell me that they had been really busy since the weather men announced there would be snow. I had noticed some shelves were unusually bare and the fact I had the wonky wheeled trolley was because it was on it's own in the far corner of the car park, No one else wanted it!

"I hate the cold, do you?" She asked

I think she sort of guessed that due to the heavy layers of clothing I had on, boots, gloves, scarf the whole lot. I actually looked like I had robbed a snowman

On the way home it started and I was very glad to get indoors to my warm fire.
Looking in the fridge, I wondered if we would survive this snow-ma-geddon? If we get snowed in my family will starve. Huh! welcome to my world. They can share my Osmalite!


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Cats Everywhere.

Posted by CFMBabs , 14 January 2013 · 505 views

Heating on! Now where are my boots?

Those flakes were growing in size, Mmmm! it may be sticking. The cats certainly thought so. Note I say cats yes I now have a menagerie! One Meowing, one stretched in front of the fire and one sat on the work top -- Sat on the worktop?? "Hey Geroff"

Meeeoww!

Beastly thing, I've just spent ages cleaning the worktops and trying to get rid of the smell of curry from last night. The containers are in the bin and I'm not going out - not yet to put them in the dustbin outside. I can't find me boots!

"Oy Get off me table"

I despair! The door is opened but the cats just look at me as if to say "Are you crazy - We ain't going out in that"

Sigh!! Clean the table again and then I see paw marks on my cooker "Oh No!" Clean the cooker.

The black cat rubs my leg and then around around my feet I cannot walk. I know what they want -- food!
20 tins of cat food later, half a leftover Chicken and the Turkey from the festivities, no wonder they think I'm a push over! I'm a vending machine for food - they Meeoww and I dispense. Better still let it snow and we can stay indoors all day.

It's getting so dark now - looks like thunder. I don't like thunder it scares me, ever since my grandma told me of ball lightning and how one chased her through the house. She even turned all the mirrors round. No wonder I have a phobia? I have visions of a ball of fire raging through the house but I can't turn our mirrors round unless I move the wall as well, like something out of Harry Potter.

CRACCK! Whoooo there it goes! I'll stand here away from the door. Hailstone, it's like the end of the world - I'm so dramatic aren't I? Another rumble - how many seconds are you meant to count to judge the distance of the storm? It looks really bad out there.

"Hey, get your head out of that bin!"

There's the back end of a cat with no visible head in the bin licking the curry containers..... I give up!

Meeow! I'm pulling its back end out of the bin and when finally out, it's tongue is swishing from side to side and sneezing. I reckon it's eaten the Vindaloo....... that'll serve you right!

I grab a tin of cat food from the shelf and I have a following.

"No Squabbling and no stealing from each other."

I can't get the stuff out of the tin and with the cat's head so large there's not enough bowl to put it in, so I scoop it out and it lands right between it's ears and what fun as the others fight to eat it off the cat's head.

Phew! I may get some peace now. The thunder has stopped, Cats fed and I'm having a coffee.


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Shocked

Posted by CFMBabs , 09 January 2013 · 375 views

There's absolutely nothing remotely humorous about a Hospital or doctor's appointment. It's just something you get very used to and - yes we do need them. I've been to-ing and fro-ing for much of the 13 years since diagnosis. Monthly appointments and stabbed so frequently for blood that my body is a not a temple but a colander. I've driven home with arms aching and bruised and the last time I was there - electrocuted! Yes, I testify, I was actually shocked, not in a surprised sense but physically, and yes, I was shocked as well.

I'm an old sucker for clinical trials, I just can't say no. Part of me wishes I could! They see me coming. I'm convinced there is a huge arrow over my head as I sit blatantly reading some old discarded magazine about the next doors wife's husband's fetish for sniffing woman's shoes. I can feel the approach is directed at me and I try to bury my head deeper into the story but usually to no avail. That gentle tap on the shoulder and the clipboard under your nose and you are there! It's another Trial and here I go again - Yeah I'll do it! So you spend far more time that you ought to, filling in forms and agreeing to be poked, prodded, and scrutinised all in the name of science. Nothing new for me last time. I'd promised myself a fast appointment. Ask no questions, don't complain, nothing new, nothing changed, still the same - there you go, I'm outa here! But as usual I gave in to yet another Trial about body mass or something like that! See that's me all over, never really ask what I'm getting into.

I signed the sheets, agreed to spend half an hour in a room at the far end of the corridor - where nobody goes!I Had the grace of my appointment with the doctor first and then when she'd given me a dose of hypothermia and a severe Raynauds attack in a room you could refrigerate wet fish in, I reluctantly went for the usual blood tests. I watched in envy as people went in and out like a cuckoo on a chiming clock. You could tell the one's with Sclero, reinforcements were always called to the room, the expert Vein Hunters, surprising isn't it? Where do they come from, are they hiding?My turn next and as I nestle into the chair, so high my feet never touch the floor. I feel I am going to be ejected through the roof but that comes later. I always get the intolerant sort, the one who has had a bad day and everyone knows about it! My confidence and bravery are dumped on the floor at that point. "I haven't had much luck today, everyone is vein-less and I've run out of small needles." "WHAT! You have no small one's??" My toes curl as she rummages through the drawers of the trolley and out comes a needle so big if I had another I could knit a jumper!

The next bit is by far the most painful. The tourniquet. They wrap it so tight around your arm that the blood hits a dam. So with my arm about to drop off and a lovely shade of blue, she smacks my arm with a flick so hard her false nails almost fly off and in goes the needle. There is a "bwop, bwop" sound as she pulls hard back and forth to draw out the blood but the carriage shoots backwards with nothing but fresh air. "Elsie, I have another vein-less wonder" By this time I'm traumatised, in pain and gesturing that my arm is about to drop off through lack of circulation and excruciating pain from the band around my arm. In walks the chief blood sucker with a confident smile and at least a small needle."Have we tried your feet?" "Oh please, not the feet!" "Okay, we'll persevere with the arm then" After about 5 more insertions there is blood. It's dark, thick and unforgiving. It slowly gloops into the tube before finally giving up but they reckon they have enough."Phew, no really Phew!" My arm is aching and I feel abused and my reaction as I leave the room puts everyone in the waiting area on edge. I'm called to the room that nobody ever goes. Following on behind a 2nd year Medic with a clipboard and brand new stethoscope. I'm asked to lie on a couch crisply decorated with a new piece of paper roll and of course with shoes and trousers removed. She places electrodes on my feet and legs and warns me of a small charge."It really won't hurt, we are just measuring fat." The hum of the machine grows louder and louder until she pushes the button and Zap! I jump uncontrollably as the charge resonates through my body and my hair stands on end! "Oops perhaps a little too much that time!" she says "What do you mean that time - do you mean you are going to do it again?" "Yes but I'll do it right this time" I wondered frantically if doing it right meant total electrocution or just a little tingle but she threw the switch and nothing happened so she'd either blown the machine up or she'd done it correctly. I was extremely happy to learn she had indeed done it correctly."See you next time" Not jolly likely, I thought? So fully charged, bruised and aching minus two phials of my precious blood I leave the hospital thoroughly trialled and released on bail till next time! My life with Sclero is never dull!


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Here Kitty!

Posted by CFMBabs , 08 January 2013 · 360 views

I've never been the brightest button in the box, according to some. I was never top of the class in high school except one subject where I excelled my own expectations and probably that of the teacher too, Biology. Yes I could sex a Frog, knew the gestation period of a Newt and claimed top marks for drawing an Amoeba - it was rather good, I had all the shading in the right places.
I was good at drawing too but I was ridiculed in Maths, numbers never added up for me. I never seemed to have enough fingers!

Thinking back and I am thinking back so many years ago, I have done better than most with very few qualifications. Anyway I digress.

I want to talk about our new arrival, a cat! Yes he arrived over the holidays, hungry, homeless and searching for pity; he came to the right place it would seem.
My house cat was none too impressed by the new cat in Da House so much so that we have a chorus of strange noises emulating from behind the sofa until there is a screech and one shoots at speed into the kitchen, usually my house cat Smudge! She's such a scaredy cat.

Anyhow this stranger needed a name but not before I searched the newspapers for Lost Pets and the local shops to see if anyone was missing him but to no avail so we named him Sammy after numerous attempts of Hugo, Dougie, Hector, and he was almost Fred. but Sammy it was.

That was 3 weeks ago now and he's still with us.

"Stop giving him too much food" my daughter said as she sat stroking him. He has the most gorgeous shiny coat and very affectionate too. Someone must be missing him I thought!

I wondered if he had been, well you know, Done! I reckoned if he had then he must belong to someone. I spent many a moment with a crick neck chasing him until finally announcing that his bits had been removed, much to the amazement and extreme dislike of the cat; well, it's not nice someone chasing you to get a view of your bits and bobs, is it?

He continued to put on weight and was looking more and more like a well cared for member of the family. He was answering to his name and showing affection towards us. Smudge however, was not impressed and the groaning continued.

"He looks like a Leopard" my husband announced! "How much food are you giving him?"

Fact is just the normal although he had gorged himself on left over turkey - he must have thought he was well in here if this is the quality of food.

I was making dinner for the family when Sammy came in purring and rubbing his head against my leg. He then flopped on the floor with such a bump due to his size that I turned around. It was then I realised. He had pairs of teats down each side of his large belly, Sammy was pregnant.

"Oh my, Oh My" I muttered, "He's a She!" How could I have been so silly to think he was a boy with no bits. Of course he didn't, well he wouldn't. So now it's Samantha not Sammy.

So now we are about to have Kittens much to the delight of my daughter who is already volunteering to be Midwife. My Husband is less impressed though at the thought of a houseful of cats and I can't imagine what Smudge will think. She was a solitary feline and now she was going to be an Aunt of sorts. I somehow think she won't be happy

I have no idea when the event will happen? We wait and hope that there are just a few.
We are fast becoming a Cat Sanctuary and a feline maternity unit. I have noticed another cat hanging around in a similar condition.

"It's not coming in" was the warning from my husband but my daughter has other ideas I'm sure. I caught her with a bowl of food trying to entice the cat closer to the house. I am feeding the entire population of my village here.

So it's official. I can sex a Frog and a Newt but not a Cat. Bottom of the class in Biology. I really am losing my touch!


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Respite or Frostbite

Posted by CFMBabs , 04 January 2013 · 337 views

It was meant to be a quiet day. I hadn't reckoned on my daughter having the day off from work and I found myself rolling out of bed to the sound of a 7am alarm and wondering why she was still in bed?"You don't listen Mum. I told you last night it's my day off. Now I'm never going to get back to sleep" Well, since I was already up, I might as well stay up and Steve was already heading for the bathroom, so the next question would be:"Make us a coffee" It wasn't long before Steph joined us enquiring where her coffee was too. I could tell she was about to ask what I had planned for the day by the way she waited for her Dad to leave the room. Guess what was coming next? "Can we go into Town later?" I found myself without hesitation saying yes and with that she went back upstairs with coffee in hand, no doubt counting her money.

I love my days off, in fact I only go to the radio station once a week now. I do miss the company and most of all the warmth, but I found doing more days was just wearing me out and in the end something had to give. I'd been involved with the radio station in the Holiday Celebrations in Town last year. Of all things I get myself into, and I do! I ended up dressed as an Elf; Yes an Elf in full regalia. I was a fat Elf no other way to explain it. The suit was rather big but a welcome size for me because it meant I could wear several layers underneath. Forget the pointy toes on the shoes I was given, it was fur lined boots all the way for me! I thought the effect was rather good until a child asked me if I was Robin Hood? - it somewhat blew me down. "No I'm an Elf" I was glad that we weren't involved this year. I almost got Frostbite in my fingers and toes and I claimed the heater that was backstage of all the fun, even the TV Celebrity from a well know Soap opera couldn't get near. Famous or not, I was there first and it was all mine. "Clear off" The whole event led up to a crescendo of explosive fireworks and the crowd "Oooed and Ahhh'd" By this time though I was aching so much and I looked about as green as the suit itself, not to mention fingers and toes that no longer belonged to me. No, as I reflect I'm so glad we weren't asked this year.

So with the holidays over and things just about getting back to normal I now have a trip into the next town to deliver and a Daughter yearning to spend some cash and spend she certainly did. A designer bag that looked like the sort you got as a kid and cost a whole month's wages and a silver safety chain for her bracelet. I marvel at the young and not a single regret of cost. My shopping list consisted of Cat food, and Milk and I splashed out on some Ham steak for Steve's evening dinner. A whole gallon of fuel for a trip that lasted a couple of hours. So respite for me this afternoon with Steph having gone out with Boyfriend. feet up and a warm computer on my lap. The day is grey but I'm quite content!


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Just call Me Babs

Posted by CFMBabs , 03 January 2013 · 337 views

Here's my first attempt at a blog for almost 3 years. I'm a bit rusty and corroded around the edges but none the less here goes!

I live on a farm of sorts. I have a house that is begging to be finished, a Husband with gout, a 22 year old Daughter with boyfriend in tow, one house cat, one visiting cat and one Goat. I have 3 walls, one conservatory with no doors and our 6th December Holiday under renovation but we are getting there.
I have Raynauds, Scleroderma, Cervical Spondylosis, Arthritis, Fybromyalgia and a broken nail. Besides that I'm fighting fit?? I'm also known as Babs.

I was sat here in front of the TV when I decided to write this blog, watching in awe as a guy shovelled copious amounts of food into his mouth for entertainment thinking how much I would be choking if I swallowed a pea.
Mealtimes are a nightmare, My Daughter is Lactose intolerant, My Husband's Gout causes havoc with meal plans and I don't eat and there's this guy eating mounds for a TV programme and we're all feeling nauseous.
"Turn it off" I asked but the options were a film we have seen so many times that I know the script, a game show and I gave up flicking through the channels when a programme about nurses flashed across the screen. Not that I have anything against those Angels, I just don't want to watch!

Things have really changed in the household over the last few years, in fact the only thing that's the same is the hole in my wall although it's slightly smaller of late on account of a glass building intended for Summer evenings being constructed and for a brief time had doors, so I guess we didn't have a hole then.We have a hole now because my husband took them off again and never got round to putting them back! It's only draughty when the wind blows so then we just turn the heating up!
There was a time when it was normal to meet a Goose on the bottom step of the staircase but they have now long gone on account of the complaints received by dog walkers. It was fun!

I had Chickens also. Those went too when I was tired of answering the door to strangers who didn't understand the term "Free Range" I once called them to the yard when an guy started having a go at me on a really bad day and told them off for going on the road. I couldn't quite understand his anger, I did ask the Chickens to comply and they did understand - I think? Anyhow he just thought I had lost my marbles.

My dietician stayed away as long as she could and couldn't help showing her relief when I informed her that the Geese had gone. She's been back and forth more frequently since.
My husband dreams of more Goats, a Ferret and a new set of Chickens. I say nothing and hope it's a passing whim and nothing more. He hasn't mentioned it for a while.

My voluntary job keeps me sane, warm and occupied. I've had days, you know the one's. The one's that anchor you to the bed and no amount of attempts to get up. I have sicky days and achey days and days where I don't quite know where it hurts most only that it does.
"Don't touch me, don't ask me to do anything, it's an off day"

My Daughter bids me Goodnight and I'm contemplating the same. The bed is beckoning me and I have an overwhelming urge to climb into it.

I reckon it's sanctuary!


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The incredible Shrinking Head!

Posted by CFMBabs , 09 March 2011 · 591 views

You can tell it's March -- Things flying about the yard, yep! there goes a Chicken, not entirely the direction it was heading but when the wind took hold it ended up right in the middle of the field. Today has got to be compared to a mild hurricane. It almost blew me over and the gust took me up the yard the fastest I'd gone for years!

I was glad to be home and watch stuff through the window. Stuff like twigs, chickens, an old plastic bag and the old gander trying to stand proud and looking like a fool next to the nest where his missus is sitting on a nest being battered by a force 10. Raynauds in full bloom I see, time for a hot drink!

Wondering what to make the tribe for dinner? We had pancakes yesterday, an age old tradition. It was like a scene from "Oliver", both my hubby and daughter standing by he stove waiting for the next cake. Trouble is, I'd no sooner flipped the last pancake when the next plate was shoved under my nose to fill. Production line or fast food take away comes to mind.

Also it's official my hubby has gout! No more beer or foods which aggravate the condition. I could hardly tolerate the sulk last night. No Beans, Brocolli, Cauliflower, Lentils, nothing that's bad for you, and he sulks! I could understand if it was chocolate. No it's the beer bit that's got him sulking. He's not a heavy drinker, far from that in fact! But he likes a tipple when we go out, now he'll get to sample my life without alcohol. I would love to be able to hand the car keys to him in an inebriated condition but that ain't ever going to happen!

I went to the hairdressers last week. My hair was everywhere but in place. It had grown so much since December. I decided in order to keep the style longer I'd have a good old crop. I was taken back though when in the mirror I saw my ears being revealed for the first time in years. I asked the stylist a question which made her walk away laughing and in need of a steady hand.

"Wow, look at the size of my ears -- Is it true they grow much bigger as you get older --- they're not ears they're flaps"

I finally left with my huge ears and that pretty much dominated the rest of the day. It was certainly the topic of conversation in our home for the rest of the evening until my hubby came in with a wooly bob hat. "Here wear that then!" My daughter thought it was hilarious and before you get to wonder if I've actually worn it, well, I haven't and I'm not going to!

I've got used to my ears now and perhaps they are in proportion after all. I've lost so much weight in recent years that my head has probably shrunk. Well you can't have everything can you?






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