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The Dragon's Den

Posted by CFMBabs , 22 October 2008 · 674 views

This could quite easily be the beginning of a child's fantasy story.

I sniffled and coughed into the dragons den
I didn't know whether to run or hide right then
To face your nemesis when you don't feel great
When you have to go before it's too late

My name was called and I walked to the door
Took a deep breath and awaited the roar
I walked into the room with little hope
Was met with a woman and stethoscope

Her face seemed so gentle, but was it a fable
As she spun on her chair and away from her table
She could see I was unarmed and not at my best
With nose and eyes streaming and a noisy old chest

I couldn't believe how pleasant she seemed
On every question her face beamed
She was genuinely glad that I'd gone today
Showed much concern as on the couch I lay

"You've lost loads of weight are you sure you're okay"
"Are they looking after you, she went on to say"
"You look so thin, I'm worried in fact"
"I think we may need to act"

I told her no problem I was otherwise fine
Just a rotten cough from that daughter of mine
And I thought it best for you to treat
Than having pneumonia to beat

We had a chat and I was amazed
A new leaf she had turned and I was not phased
I always dreaded the doctor's stare
Never wanted to go in there

I guess we all feel the very same
Having a disease is all in a game
Choosing the right doctor is no mean feat
Every day a challenge we have to meet

I feel like a warrior another battle won
This skin for armour sure ain't no fun
My sword is my humour, without which I'm lost
Another battle over without any cost

The dragon turned friendly, it wasn't so bad
The greatest battle I've not yet had!


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Stay At Home Mum

Posted by CFMBabs , 21 October 2008 · 654 views

I've had such problems with my internet connection that I'm not sure whether this will get through or not. I honestly think that if I hired a carrier pigeon, learned Morse code or wrote a hand written letter and posted it in a remote place -- it would get there faster than I'm able to post. So much for modern technology, eh!

It's been driving me mad, and with a heavy cold to boot, I'm not a happy bunny! I'm sniffling, coughing and feeling generally sorry for myself with little sympathy actually. My daughter still needs her gruesome jelly dish for Brownies, it's their spooky night tonight! Her farewell words this morning were: "Mum, don't forget to make that jelly with disgusting gummy insects in, and Oh! are you picking me up from college --- good quarter to three then!"

My dad rang 14 times yesterday worrying about his own illness and casually mentioning mine! The house was in a tip and I couldn't move away from the fire. My daughter came home from a hard day at college and then lectured me on how to tidy round before lover boy boy arrives. You'd think he was judging the relationship on tidiness or has obsessive compulsive behaviour, Y'know the one where you need to do things over and over again. I mean, how many times do you need to vacuum a carpet in one day?

I admit that I'm not the tidiest of persons but so much is expected of me! I hate it when woman say,"Oohhh I'd love to be at home all day, my house would be spotless."

"Well, tickle my fancy, dear. Try doing it with a rucksack and a litre of liquid on your back, not to mention a couple of yards of tube, coupled with all the rest of ailments I have to carry --- then you can crow all you want -- I need help."

I honestly think I'd be better off at work, in some cushy little office. Of course that's never going to happen, there are simply no cushy jobs any more unless you are very fortunate. I think I still have much to give. I have a world of experience -- you don't exist for 48 years and learn nothing, although my daughter thinks otherwise -- you gotta love her!

I'm involved in radio and do all manner of things connected with fighting the establishment, you really wouldn't want to know about that! So all in all I'm pretty useful, never mind knowledgeable, and I wouldn't be able to do a full day's work anyhow -- I simply don't have the time! So my assumption is: I do enough work to keep busy. I'm not just a stay at home mum and considering all that I have to put up with, I think I'm pretty amazing! If I didn't say it, no one else would!

Now I'm going to hit the "Post" button -- here goes fingers crossed ------- I guess it made it or else you wouldn't be reading this. Success!


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Beam me up Scotty!

Posted by CFMBabs , 15 October 2008 · 632 views

Just reading Barefut's blog kind of makes me feel lucky that my journey did not involve practically swimming there, or trying to get through a concrete jungle like Tarzan's bit of fluff -- Jane! (not that I'm suggesting you live in a concrete jungle, or are anyone's bit of fluff) But you kind of know what I mean -- you need an endurance medal dear!

May I ask what Luke Skywalker's relevance was? I mean we have cardboard cut outs at the reception desk but they happen to be real! Actually now you mention it, they do bear resemblance to Artoo - Deetoo or C3PO---- "Name -- Address ---GP! -- uh!" I think they are programmed to be non - comprendo! And then out comes the file! It takes both hands to drag it out of the drawer and with veins protruding from her neck, she slams it on the counter.

I can almost mind read "Ugh, she must be a serial complainer, this is the size of the Domesday Book." Large it may be but that's testament to how many things are wrong with me or how many times I go. Let's face it, who wants the life and times of a hypochondriac female messing up the drawer?

Of course that's how I feel at times. I suppose little things like the common cold are so insignificant these days, but when it gets to the point of complaining about something -- you'd better make sure it's big because nothing comes close to having scleroderma in some respects.

I guess it doesn't matter where you happen to be in the world, if you have a chronic condition, you simply have to travel to receive treatment, unless you are very fortunate and live near a specialist centre! I wonder if they really understand how frustrating it can be to recall patients for menial tests that take a couple of minutes when they know how far they have to travel?

The lengthy wait in a stuffy room full of unfortunate people, who all stare at each other wondering what's wrong with them is enough to put anyone off! I tend to look around for someone worse off than myself and I'm usually not disappointed. There are magazines strewn around the place on all manner of subjects. One I chose was about skydiving -- What? Another was about skiing holidays--- Was someone having a laugh? Then there are the posters which display wonderfully graphic pictures of a full blown Raynaud's attack. I nearly had one by simply looking at it!

Screaming kids, frustrated patients who'd been there since they opened the desk and still unseen by the doctor, nurses dashing to and fro -- I nearly had a hyperactive episode just watching the performance of some individuals. And the groan as you get called in ahead of someone who swears they were there much longer then you -- I can't cope!

I sigh relief to be back on the road home with new appointment in hand and a huge smile on my face. I look so happy that I could be forgiven for having just been given the all clear, which both you and I know is a bit hopeful! Soon I'd be home with not much to report, so much so that my hubby never bothers to ask any more, unless I'm strapped up with something! And then it's the accepted norm, instead of asking what it's for, it's what does it do? That's his enquiring engineer's head, not his sympathetic concerned selfless being.

Ask me about appointments and I will cringe at the thought. My feelings are mutual it seems. Never mind Star Wars -- Beam me up, Scotty -----Star (hospital) Trek!


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Frustrating Day!

Posted by CFMBabs , 13 October 2008 · 652 views

Ahhh! Five thirty in the afternoon -- I'm all alone. It feels strange to be sat in total silence and solitude for once. The only audible sound is the clock ticking on the wall and the odd crackle from the fire. It's usually around this time of day that the family come home and the house is filled with the sound of my daughter hollering downstairs, "Muuumm! -- where's my slippers -- what's for dinner?"

My hubby requests a cup of tea, switches on the TV and then stretches out on the couch to watch the news. The music goes on in Steph's room, the cat meows in the kitchen, geese knock on the door and I stand in the middle of pandemonium after my uneventful day at home.

Today, I travelled to Manchester, a journey I hate to make; it's such a drag! When I get there it's parking that becomes a problem -- I'm talking about hospital parking! My hospital has become huge over the past few years but they seem to have forgotten about extra parking spaces and built more buildings on the car parks - Doh! What a stupid planning error that is. Now you have to walk a million miles to get where you want to go (Okay a million is an over-exaggeration) They sensibly put the Rheumatology Dept. right over the other side and up one level -- great for those with walking difficulties. If you can make it to clinic, you probably don't need to go in the first place!

"Ah you made it, arthritis all better now is it? -- Catch your breath dear, at least you ain't puffing and blowing as hard as last time -- won't need to do a PFT! And you seem to be quite warm -- Raynaud's much better is it?"

"Arghhh! Just spent half an hour trying to park -- 20 minutes trying to find you, 45 minutes in the waiting area -- 15 minutes in a room with a bed and 5 minutes with you! Not to mention over an hour and a half travelling here through bumper to bumper traffic -- Yes! I'm quite warm, in fact I'm sweating dear -- Raynaud's no!, knackered, frustrated and disappointed -- yes!"

"Come back in 3 months for a review"

Well I may as well not go home and reside by the road or in the department seeing as my journey was a total waste of time, fuel, aggravation and a perfectly good wasted Raynaud's attack that went away before I got inside the room! "Well my finger's were in spasm," I pleaded!

So I'm none the wiser. I must be okay, not dead or about to die. Not needed for any tests, experiments or prodding. No different, no worse, no better, in fact pointless going in the first place. They could have rang me on the phone or asked me on the net, that's about the level of interest shown! I could have sent a carrier pigeon with my questions on a postage stamp because I no longer know what to ask or say -- what can you say! "Have you got a cure yet?" That would be good; I've never asked that one!

Where's the family you might ask? Hubby at work -- daughter with her boyfriend -- such peace!

So here I am reflecting on a day that never amounted to much, watching my fish swim around the tank, which actually is more interesting than the rubbish on TV!

Clock ticking -- better put some more fuel on the fire before dark!


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Crunch!

Posted by CFMBabs , 11 October 2008 · 667 views

I'm fed up of hearing about the world's economy! Every time you switch on the TV, open a newspaper, listen to the radio or even eve's drop on a conversation at the local supermarket -- it's on everyone's lips, Recession! Doom and gloom it seems and a direct result of people's greed and needs to be better than the next man. It simply had to happen -- a timebomb waiting to explode -- the bubble burst and now we all have to pay for it!

I'm so glad that I retired from the rat race 5 years ago and sometimes I'm glad that I'm not able to work anymore. Sure I get terribly bored at home and I sometimes feel useless but I have much to be grateful for and in my little world it's enough.

It's a damp Saturday with not much going on except for the sound of Whiirrr, Bang, Crash! That's my hubby doing work on the house! I keep well away so I don't get roped into holding a beam above my head until every last drop of blood drains into my arm pits. I provide the odd cup of tea and swiftly disappear into the front room before he remembers he has a wife and "Bingo" a helping hand! Don't get me wrong I'd love to help and I do. It's just today seems so cold, I could not feel any worse and I certainly don't feel up to weightlifting. Poor man forgets sometimes that I do have a 12 inch tube in my stomach, no muscles and Hey! Scleroderma for goodness sake. Now this is the point where you all say Awww! but don't because sympathy is not what I'm about.

I may eventually get my dream instead of having to wait for my hubby to get the inspiration, or the weather to behave. Surely someone spending a whole week instead of a few hours each day will complete a wall, a roof and perhaps the yard? Many hands make light work and my hubby can take a well earned rest.

Arrgh! The football is on TV. England play Kazakhstan. I hear my hubby down tools as the national anthem is played. Everything stops for soccer! Even housebuilding. "Oh no" I moan -- how long is it before the World Cup Finals? My house may be finished by then?


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Barefut -- Sisters In Rhyme

Posted by CFMBabs , 09 October 2008 · 687 views

Oh! Barefut you are too kind
You leave my poetry well behind
I guess we have the very same wit
We both can write our little bit

I'm glad it's more then pain we share
Sisters in arms with much to bear
What have we got if not in text
What little ache will we have next

Life is like a box of chocs
I heard that somewhere on the box
I confess I know all your woe
And wish for us both, it would go

My neck is hard to move and twist
Won't swivvel like in the Excorcist!
My rheumatologist thinks it moves just fine
It's Just a bit of wear over time

I'm 40 something and knackered too
My knees feel like they're stuck with glue
My back won't bend when I want it to
And if I have a cold it's more like flu

If I have a cough it's a hospital bed
And that is something that I dread
Strapped to a machine to keep me fed
How does one keep their head!

Oh listen to me -- how I complain
I'm off on a tangent again
When other folk they are much worse
And suffer greatly from this curse

At least I can say I only have CREST
And only 4 I have confessed
R for Raynauds that makes me numb
E for esophageal that effects my tum
S for sclero that makes me sick
And T for those spots that come so quick

So Barefut, thank you for the quote
To know my problems are not remote
To know a friend is always there
And we have so much that we can share!


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No Time

Posted by CFMBabs , 09 October 2008 · 677 views

My dietician called with concern
Was very surprised indeed to learn
I've been a very naughty girl
And it turned her head in a whirl

Her neat little plan - her regimen
Was first on my back then off again
You see it's not very easy carrying on my back
A black and unsightly feeding rucksack

You need the calories, and vitamins too
(And all she said I already knew!)
To miss your feeds in such a way
To go without almost every day
Is almost a timebomb waiting to blow
I hung my head and cried -- I know!

You see I have an hectic life
A mother, a daughter and a wife
My dad needs attention as much as myself
Funny as they get old he thinks of himself
And yes I know this selfish way
Doesn't help me through the day

My daughter can't drive and I take her to class
She's a really good kid, my little lass
So I don't have the time of day
To go on my feeds in this way

No sooner I get the rucksack on
Some things happen, opportunity gone
I can't sit down and take a break
Or find any time that I can take
I'm always doing something -- can't slow down
I could hear her sighing and imagine her frown

I wish I was a bit more wise
But I'm not gonna tell no lies
I don't have time to ingest
Or take a well earned longed for rest!


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Pain

Posted by CFMBabs , 08 October 2008 · 749 views

Ouch! I grab my shoulder again
I rub away a little pain
What may be agony to other guys
Is just a nuisance, not my demise

You see I suffer many aches
A catalogue it surely makes
Whilst one bit aches beyond compare
My other pains are just not there!

My neck is stiff and hard to turn
A better stance I'll have to learn
Just for today I'll need to rest
Just while I'm not feeling my best

I hate this condition, don't want it no more
Even my knees are feeling sore
I'll get out my thermals and woolly socks
My feet feel like two icy blocks

Oh! look at my fingers all bent and white
They certainly aren't feeling right
A freak of nature, someone to snub
I'll give them a gentle rub

No sympathy I ask, for I'm quite used
My confidence needs no boost
Just another drawn out day
Nothing special about today

Don't feel sorry coz I can cope
I'll get through this day I hope
I know I'm not finished yet
I have a good few years I bet

If I can get out of bed come dawn
Stretch my arms and give a yawn
I know I'm living and care for nothin
And I'm not yet in my grand oak coffin!


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True Love Not In Text!

Posted by CFMBabs , 06 October 2008 · 692 views

They say that the course of true love never runs smooth, well, after 19 years of marriage and almost 25 years of being together, I think I'm pretty much experienced in that game. And like it or not, it is a game and that's what I tried to tell my daughter who sat uncontrollably sobbing about the guy who texted her at 2am to say it was over!

What does a mother do when she sees the one thing she loves most of all in her life, upset, distraught and crying. I cradled my girl with tears in my eyes trying to wipe away those that ran down her face. Every sob was a short sentence, I kept saying over and over again "Shhhh, I know love," and I do know because what girl hasn't cried for a boy or her first teenage love? "He's a coward, a cad, a low down dirty dog" I cried "Who texts in the early hours and does a thing like that -- he's a stupid senseless boy"

My hubby stood helpless in her bedroom. Guys aren't very good with affairs of the heart, I could imagine him reaching for the shotgun -- if we had one! "I'll have him," he snarled.
Of course none of this was helping and the crying got worse, even the little cuddly toy Mutt, who has been her bed companion since a tot, looked sad and wet with tears. I cuddled her in my arms for over an hour until the coldness got to me and I had to retire. She was calm but still mighty upset when I left the room, but she promised to go back to sleep.

I could hear the sobbing from my room and was faced with a dilemma -- do I go back in or let her cry it through but all of a sudden there was silence, so I stayed awake for a while until I must have dropped off.

I was up quite early considering the events of the early hours. I'd made coffee and was about to wander into the front room when I heard her footsteps on the stairs. She entered the kitchen, eyes swollen and white faced. She flung her arms around me and it was round two. What a situation we had. This boy had caused such devastation with just one text message and I didn't know what to do? I knew she liked the guy, I guess I underestimated just how much! He said he loved her and that he always wanted to be with her -- why did he end it so abruptly? It was only as we sat in the front room that any of it made sense.

They'd been to an 18th birthday party, but he'd decided to leave early with his friends leaving my daughter on her own. He'd gone into town - got drunk, kissed a girl and then his friends all vowed to tell Steph. In a silly drunken moment, he'd panicked and told her first thinking she would drop him like a stone. He got it in first! My daughter was asleep when the sound of a text message woke her up. What followed was disbelief, no explanation and grief.

Without going any further, I have to say that things are back to normal when the wrath of the entire entourage of friends and relatives got involved and the lad came crawling back with hearts and flowers.

The world looks a brighter place somehow but if he ever hurts her again, well, lets just say, that mobile phone might end up somewhere rather indescribable and not suitable for text!


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Sticky Mess

Posted by CFMBabs , 02 October 2008 · 688 views

Making treacle toffee is not for me I guess
I always end up with an awful sticky mess
No matter how I make it - it's never a success
I have to say I'm beaten, can't make it I confess

My grandma had the knack, that I did not inherit
Never got the recipe so never gained the merit
It was always very edible, better than my mum's
Didn't need a trolley jack to prise apart your gums

My last attempt was fabled and went straight in the bin
Couldn't get it out the pan or even out the tin
It stuck like glue to everything, sticking to my cloth
And when the dog found it, up the field she was off

The entourage was following and every animal we own
Was taking little pieces and wandering off alone
The geese's beaks were soldered, the goats had some too
No matter how they tried they couldn't help but chew

I've never witnessed such a scene, the animals were queuing
Instead of grazing on the grass they were simply chewing
The geese were full of treacle, the cat had it on its fur
The dog was running in circles, the goats had it in their hair

By george those goats were quiet, geese were silent too
The dog had given up trying to chew the toffee through
There was treacle in the garden and even in the trough
They'd all had a bath to try and get it off

I'm not making toffee, my family cry hooray!
I can't afford the vet bills that I would have to pay
I can't afford the dentist, so I guess I'll just give in
And buy the toffee from the shop to save all the din.






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