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CFM Babs from Chorley FM


Passports At The Ready!

Posted by CFMBabs , 25 June 2009 · 961 views

Just one more week to go until we board the plane for Crete! This will be our second trip this summer and I'm already planning our third. I guess I'm obsessed with the Greek isles but in reality I'm looking for respite. I feel much better in the sun and it's wonderful to be pain free even if it's only for one week!

I do it every time. "I won't take too many clothes" The truth is I always bring back a suitcase full of unworn items proving my husband was right once again! The sight of a small slight figured woman dragging a trunk across the check in with everything but the kitchen sink is a scene my family have become accustomed to.

"Goodness woman, we're only going away for a week"

I truly believe that my hubby is scared of of facing more than 7 days away -- imagine the amount of stuff I'd be shoving into the car. I'd be unrecognisable behind a mountain of luggage, a Mexican Donkey comes to mind!

I in turn, don't think I could face more than a week either since my hubby conducts the check in and departure in military fashion, almost like we're about to fly the space shuttle.

"Passports, three of -- check!"
"Tickets, three of -- check!"
"Insurance -- check!"
"Money, cheques, cash, euros, little bag of change for the plane -- check!"

We arrive at the check in desk -- me out of puff and hubby with his passport wallet which contains travel documents and the whole of our life! The passports are handed over with precision and handed back so he can replace them in their allotted pockets. He gathers the family, checks the hand bags for items which are not allowed before we go through customs. I have to admit it's a sense of amusement and great satisfaction when he bleeps, as he often does, going through the security checks. My daughter and I turn and face in the opposite direction with a degree of glee written all over our face and a very ridiculed look on my hubby's.

Finally in the departure lounge a huge sigh of relief once the baggage is safely out of our possession. Hubby struts around like a cockerel with wallet underarm and newspaper in hand. We sit contemplating which magazines we should buy for the journey and debating a trip to the tax free shop for yet another bottle of perfume.

Once on the plane I can relax because hubby normally drifts off to sleep before take off. The occasional snore is all we hear from him until we touch down in Crete and the whole thing begins again!

This time will be different since there are 10 of us in the party -- will he organise them too? Watch this space!



Posted by CFMBabs , 24 June 2009 · 1,027 views

'Oh My Goodness' My first solo radio show, completely unscheduled -- the DJ broke down on the motorway and I was already there! It's true that I'd been training so I wasn't too overwhelmed by it all but none-the -less I was still nervous. The radio news came in and then I had to speak; my first words uttered from my lips and so began 3 hours of music and chat, totally unrehearsed and straight off the top of my head!

I had been sitting in co-presenting for about 1 month. I was no stranger to the microphone. The desk was a bit daunting at first but I soon got the hang of the playlist and then I was dragging tunes into the main index. My knowledge of the 80's music scene paid off because I played a couple of tunes from way back and the phone never stopped ringing. I was completely astounded by the response and really proud of myself by the end of the day!

The station manager called me to say that I'd done a magnificent job under the circumstances -- I didn't know how to take that because did it mean it was good, but....

Anyhow my first real day as a presenter went well and I'm looking forward to doing it on a regular basis. I'm known as Babs!

On the airwaves at last and not a single pot washed!



Posted by CFMBabs , 22 June 2009 · 962 views

Monday morning, so begins another week--- Let me see? Ah yes! Sore leg, hip and aching joints. I had to comprehend getting out of the bed this morning, firstly shuffling to the edge and then ... wait for it! One leg out and another still to go. I finally straightened up to every bone creaking like an old ship lost at sea.

I'm 49 in exactly one month's time. I feel 79. I have to accept that I can't rush around as I once did. Age related or not, I'm just not capable. My head tells me I'm 18 my body reminds me that I'm not!

I still have my holiday to look forward to and that thought will keep me going for the rest of the week, the promise of a pain free week in the sun, Raynaud's free and able to appear normal for a short while.

I have a busy week in store. My car goes to the garage tomorrow, then I have an appointment with some official about my dad. I'll be racing to the radio station afterwards so Tuesday is looking rather full. Thursday, I have an hair salon appointment. My hair needs attention; oh yes I could quite easily scare crows with my present style. Then it's off to the dentist and probably my purse will be much lighter by the end of the day! The evening will cost even more. My daughter won an award at college and whilst I'm very proud of her acheivememts, I can't help thinking that Thursday will make a great hole in our bank balance!

Friday is looking okay so far and by then I'll be grateful for the rest. I'm sure there's something I can't remember at the moment, hence the diary, another sign of getting old. If it's not in my diary you can bet on me forgetting to do it, go there, or keep it! My mind is so full, I'm out of memory! I need a card or something with another few gigabytes.
Wouldn't it be good if I could delete some of the rubbish I don't use anymore? I'm sure it's clogging my mind. I could make room for more useful stuff or at least remember basic things!

Birthdays don't stick in my brain these days and I'm almost paranoid about missing my relation's or friend's big days. I try and write them all down but usually lose the paper I wrote them on. I even lost a diary once and found it some years later. I was appalled when I read how many birthdays had passed by and I'd forgotten.

I guess it's all part of getting old. At this rate I'll be out of memory before 60. By the way, "Who are you?"


The Enema (Personal story of constipation)

Posted by CFMBabs , 17 June 2009 · 2,015 views

That rumbling ache gripes down below
A gentle reminder that I must soon go
So off to the bathroom I trot again
Trying to relieve myself of pain

It ain't no fun trying in vain
This awful gripe is driving me insane
Straining and pushing for all you're worth
My, It's almost like giving birth!
It really isn't funny although some would smile
When you haven't been to the toilet for a while

You don't need an audience, in fact that's what I got
Some awful cold liquid up there was shot
The nurse sat and told me to wait for a min
I was blue in the face trying to hold it all in
"It will make things easy don't worry" she said
I sucked in my cheeks and my face turned red
There was silence all round in my humble abode
Whilst I felt like I was about to explode

With pain almost unbearable I was off like a shot
I almost didn't make it up to the top
I raced for the toilet and sat with a shout
This unbearable mess was coming out
With a sigh of relief, in fact it was more
I slowly walked in through the living room door
The nurse and my family all looked with despair
Did you eventually manage to go up there?

The look of delight for all to see
Told everyone it had worked for me
All that straining was all in the past
For I had found success at last.


Thinking About Crete!

Posted by CFMBabs , 14 June 2009 · 921 views

Well, it didn't take long to see the return of blue fingers and aching limbs. I'm certain that my fingers sensed I was close to home 37 thousand feet above Sardinia. Out came my socks and cardigan whilst others on the flight sat with shining tans and strappy tee shirts! I sat for a while shivering before succumbing to the cold and placing my second layer over the top.

The flight attendant noticed my quick change and commented --- "Too much sun eh!"

"Not enough" I retorted

I was not looking forward to disembarking in England, especially as the pilot gave out weather updates throughout the flight. A very disappointing 66 degrees was on the cards and waiting for me to step off the plane and into the biggest refrigerator in the world.

I'd been basking in 88 - 97 degrees every day since leaving the shores of Blighty, although to be fair it was very warm here before we left. My daughter was very craggy as we landed in Crete to find heavy cloud cover but amazingly hot. My reassurances paid off the following day when we awoke to find wall to wall sunshine and temperatures way up the scale.

The pool glistened against a backdrop of mountains and palm trees. A slight warm breeze whirled around and the sound of crickets was music to my ears. I lay down on a sun lounger close to the edge of the pool and with a cold drink in hand -- yes! I was in paradise. The sun warmed my skin, not a sign of Raynaud's and the only time I moved was when someone jumped into the pool and even then it was only one eye.

The evenings were sublime. The smell of food, the amazing sunsets and a million stars shone over the sea. The tavernas strummed out bouzouki music and the whole place was alive with golden faces of every nationality strolling arm in arm down the rocky roads which lined the sea front.

With tired eyes all round we wandered back to the hotel. I'd tried a little Greek food, just enough to taste without hurting. A last drink before bed time sat on a high stool at the bar overlooking the pool rounded the day off in great style.

Back home sat by the fire reminiscing. Holidays don't last forever but memories last a lifetime and whenever I feel down I just think about those days by the pool and the knowledge that it's only 4 hours away and I'd soon be returning!


Bunged Up!

Posted by CFMBabs , 11 June 2009 · 996 views

Well, it's been such a hectic month -- where do I begin? Firstly I've been to Crete on a somewhat whirlwind trip, totally unprepared but extremely the right thing to have done in my present set of circumstances. My father's demands became far too much for me to cope with and I was literally running two families, running around like a headless chicken.

My weight plummeted and I was beginning to look rather skeletal. My clothes were hanging off my hips and half of the clothes in my suitcase no longer fitted as I rummaged through last year's perfect shorts and flimsy tops. A mad shopping spree was not on my packed agenda but I found myself tirelessly trudging the shops for a smaller size.

Finally on holiday in Crete, I settled down on a lounger in the warm sun. The sun felt so good on my aching limbs and I could feel my fingertips and toes just as they should be. I slapped on the sun lotion in copious amounts and turned a nice golden colour.

Three days into the holiday I hit my usual problem -- constipation! It's one of those issues best left to personal experience and certainly not the topic of conversation over an Ouzo or evening meal. Like it or not it's a real thorn in my side and it's difficult to think about anything else but relief in the bathroom and the total dread of the toilet that beckoned me every time I felt a griping pain which in the end produced nothing but a whole lot of pushing and shoving, rather like labour and giving birth, for what in the end amounted to haemorrhoids and the fear of sitting down on anything other than a lavatory seat!

I endured 4 more days of mental and physical torture and I never thought I'd be glad to get home to do my business in the privacy of my own home. By this time I was feeling quite ill and I reluctantly paid a visit to my general practitioner who took me quite seriously for once and actually had some sympathy for my embarrassing position. What followed was a home visit by the local district nurse and the very undignified enema which she inserted and then decided to wait until I went and was happy for her to leave. Truth is I'd have been happy if she'd fired it from a gun in the next village, it's bad enough not being able to go never mind having an audience. I thought the whole family were about to give a round of applause and me a medal as I came downstairs in agony to report success, relief all round I suppose!

I needed Greece -- fact is I needed grease, too. as a lubricant. My sitting position is slightly to one side and I'm using cream to lessen the pain. One thing I must say is, never chop chilli peppers without washing your hands 40 times before applying cream to tender parts -- my screams could be heard across the pond, but hey, what a rude awakening. There should be a health warning on the tube. I did wash my hands, honestly. but obviously not as thoroughly as I'd thought. More agony inflicted on my poor rear. How much more pain can I take. Still, I have a sun tan.

My closing remark is about the entire mosquito population of Crete who gave me 10.001 bites and took a shine to my blood, whom I must congratulate on being the only blood sucking critter to ever get my blood without any problem. My only hope is that they are now flying around with Raynaud's in their wings and having a taste of scleroderma. Serves them right!



Posted by CFMBabs , 17 May 2009 · 921 views

Ha,ha, ha, hee, hee, hee.
The sound of laughter directed at me
In a daft hat and sensible shoes
And my fingertips have got the blues
Yes, I was nineteen a tender age
And had just begun to earn a wage

Look at that, what could it be?
I didn't understand then, you see
It seemed the perfect party trick
Didn't know it would make me sick
First it was one, then two and three
First on one hand, what was happening to me?
Then it was both, something not right
So I went to the doctor that very night

Don't worry, my dear, coz I've seen loads
Woman of your age, you've got Raynaud's
It's really nothing of great concern
Go away, there's nothing to learn
You won't die and you're not the first
So please don't worry or fear the worst

So home I went without a care
This loss of touch I'll grin and bear
It only happens when I'm cold
So down the river I was sold
How ignorance can be so cruel
A clever doctor sure ain't no fool
If he says don't worry it's okay
Then why not go on my merry way

The years went by and how I regret
Not questioning things I'd rather forget
If only I'd known what lay ahead
I'd have never listened to what he said
For Raynaud's wasn't no party piece
In fact the problem would never cease

Thirty years went quickly by
In my forties now am I
Can't eat, have a limp, in fact I'm a mess
Not the woman I'd hoped to be, I guess
Now I'll be lucky to get through the day
Without any pain along the way
This Raynaud's thing is not much fun
In a country that barely sees the sun!



Posted by CFMBabs , 13 May 2009 · 976 views

With all this talk of swine flu and other threatening diseases, is it any wonder why people are hypochondriacs?
We've all heard of man flu, bird flu, swine flu, whatever next I wonder? It makes you want to stay indoors and avoid contact with anyone.

I sat uninvitingly close, next to a lady in the hospital waiting room, her nose red from blowing her hooter into a pocket full of tissues which were full of holes. An occasional smile my way from her white complexion said it all really: I ought to be in bed.

Yep, I agreed quietly. Instead of spreading her germs. I could hardly wait for my name to be called and I fixed my eyes upon the door to the consulting room, hoping and almost willing it to open and for me to be the next person in. Or indeed the lady, either scenario would do before I caught the plague and my stay at the hospital more permanent.

The relief on my face as the nurse called me in. I felt an uncontrollable urge to stick my head under the hand wash dispenser and have a bath in it. I felt unclean, that lady should have had more sense or at least a bell! I'd held my breath in spurts for almost 20 minutes, every time she sneezed or blew into the rags. I stopped breathing for fear of inhaling her germs. I was so glad to be sat in a little room away from the virus monster.

My doctor walked in the room followed by another doctor and another and began unfolding my life story with a huge paper file to boot. It's the thickest file of all and one to be ashamed of. All that paperwork about me and I'm sitting there being discussed as a condition not a patient. Finally they got round to saying hello and the usual stuff, Y' know! -- How have you been etc., etc.? I'd rehearsed my script beforehand but forgot the entire content so, Okay! was my answer.

"How on earth am I okay?" said a little voice in the back of my mind. I have a 12 inch tube embedded in my stomach, have scleroderma, haemorrhoids, hot flashes and Raynaud's, and a dodgy hip ... and I'm OK?
How can that be when I have so much to offer in medical terms yet so little to complain about in respect of others. That kind of sums up the whole picture. If I look back I've earned the right to use the word, Okay! because compared to how I once was -- I am!

The consultation ended and as the doctor left the room he turned and "Atchoooo!" My goodness he's at it as well. I'm in a germ infested pit full of sickly folk, even the doctors have succumbed to the dreaded lurgie!

I'm outa 'ere!


Wish It Was Tomorrow!

Posted by CFMBabs , 10 May 2009 · 904 views

Yawn! Here goes another week. My daughter will shout from the top of the stairs "Mum have you made my sandwiches?"

Hubby will scurry around for his car keys and then ask me for his clean uniform. The TV is on for no other reason than the morning news, which does not concern me. It plays to itself in the corner. The day looks fine, I'm in my pyjamas, but wait -- not for long, I'm off to the hospital for an appointment with my GI man.

I hate the long drive through endless road works and then there's the parking! Oh it's a nightmare. I'll be with the doctor for 5 minutes, even though it's taken more than an hour to get there and then I have to get home and repeat the journey.

I don't know what I expect from the consultation. What more can this man do? Nothing has changed and I don't suppose he's found a cure since my last visit so what's the point of going then?

My first Raynaud's attack happened at 7.10am when I delved into the fridge for butter. My daughter's ham sandwich comes with a cost. I place the ham on the bread like it's burning my fingers, but in truth it's so cold that I drop it with an "Ouch!" It's 7.30am and my fingers are in spasm. Still the sandwiches are done and now it's me time!

What shall I wear? The day looks fine, dare I venture outdoors without a jacket? Should I wear a vest? Perhaps not, the doctor already thinks I'm weird (my assumption not his) it's half the consultation gone just peeling off the layers; in fact these days he merely enquires about my health rather than having a prod. I think he's given up or he's just too over familiar with my abdomen.

So here goes a not so typical Monday! This is one day I'm wishing to be over!


Gift Of The Gab

Posted by CFMBabs , 07 May 2009 · 907 views

What a week! I'm quite pleased with myself and with good reason to be so. I've done the first week of training at the radio station so forgive me if I sound a tad boastful. I was extremely nervous when faced with an open microphone and the whole world hanging on my every word. Sorry to sound so dramatic, there may have only been several listeners but to me it was preaching to the masses!

I stumbled a little at first, my nerves got the better of me. It took a further few minutes to calm down but when I did I was my normal chatter box self and I don't think the station manager could shut me up. Any fear of drying up was diminished as I plodded on talking about everything and nothing. The time flew by and before I could play another tune, it was time for my farewells. I have to say I really enjoyed it and I'm still buzzing. My hubby is sick of hearing about how I did "this 'n' that!" but like it or not he's having it just the same.

My daughter thinks it's pretty cool to have a DJ mum, better still I'm on the radio -- how many parents can boast about being a small time celeb, especially as I've never done anything like it before.

I'm kind of winding down over a coffee, looking forward to next week -- I'm bursting with gossip!

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