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CFM Babs from Chorley FM


Dec 7th

Posted by CFMBabs , 05 December 2006 · 892 views

Y'know the saying, if it can go wrong it will! I'll have that inscription on my headstone for sure, or "I told you I was ill!" That was of course a famous quote from one of our finest comedians, Spike Milligan!
My phone line has been off yet again. The storms brought havoc and my poor line has so many joints in it now it looks like a broken licorice stick! Of course my internet service was disrupted too, so for the last couple of days I've been twiddling my thumbs.
It's only 6 more days before the carpet gets laid -- are we ready? What do you think? The answer is a resounding No! I'm doing my best and working within my capabilities but with this condition not at it's best, I'm finding the going tough. My hubby works well into the night and I can hear the sound of banging and the whirring of power tools from my trailer.
The wind has been dreadful and I'm talking weather here in case you got the wrong end of the tale. Any leaves which were clinging on to the trees have now been swept away and I learned last night that we're in for snow, Yippee! Just what we need right now.
It was my support group's annual dinner last night. Of course I had the usual -- soup, but it was too ###### peppery. I think the chef had dropped the entire pot into the soup by mistake. Anyway I couldn't eat it. I ended up with a full plate of turkey and trimmings so I ate half a sprout and a morsel of stuffing to rapturous applause-- small things eh! Anyway I attempted the pudding but by then the sprout was playing yoyo in my throat so I gave it a miss.
It was rather noisy by the end of the evening. The wine had flowed quite liberally for those who were not driving home and of course since I don't drink and was one of the unfortunate drivers, I noticed the volume rise quite rapidly the sillier we got. It's strange how a cracker with little paper hats transforms usually well controlled adults into party freaks and useless plastic penny toys so useful.
I think one of the ladies totally lost the plot at one point, anyway it all turned out too rude for some although I found it quite amusing!
I drove home through a storm of wind and rain with my friends a bit worse for wear and I think they were thankful when I dropped them off. All in all it was a very entertaining evening minus the drink and food for me but that's my way of life from now on and has been for the last two years so, what the ****!
My quest for today is to buy a kitchen blind for my window, post several cards and do all my family clerical duties. I've said it before that I wouldn't have time to go to work in a proper job and I still stand by my statement. I sometimes wonder how anything ever got done when I was working for a living and then realise that some things probably didn't. So to cap it all I have my uses at home even if I'm useless in the workplace.
Dec 8th tomorrow -- give me strength!


Dec 3rd/4th

Posted by CFMBabs , 03 December 2006 · 959 views

Gee! What a busy weekend and so blustery weather-wise. It felt as though a typhoon had hit the trailer -- we were certainly rocking and rolling!
It's not right though, the weather I mean. 8 degrees this morning-- that's about 44 degrees to you and me. I've never got the hang of metric somehow, I prefer the good old system, Fahrenheit, Pounds, inches, etc., instead of Celsius, Grams and Centimeters. Europe, in it's vision of a united state, huh, it will never happen. We're still an island and too set in our ways. Bicycles will never be a popular mode of transport here, it's just too hilly unlike Holland which is flat. I mean it's okay zooming down a hill, it's the peddling up the other side that does me and if you go down once on your way there, you have to come back up on your return, to **** with that!
I'm off on a tangent. It's the wind-it drives me mad, it drives everyone mad! And it's the silly season too! I had festive songs playing in my car this morning but it didn't seem quite right. I was thinking back to when I was a kid, not concentrating on my driving. The winters were bitter and dark. I remember muffling up in layers of clothing and still feeling cold -- perhaps that was the start of things to come and I'm not talking Dickens here! It's not right that some trees still have leaves, it's December for goodness sake! And the birds are still happily twittering, shouldn't they be in foreign climes by now? I guess we have to blame global warming and it's a bit scary. I'd like to think it was some greater being cutting me some loose. "Finish that house, Barbara. I'm holding the weather back". Whatever it is, it's certainly doing me a favor. My raynauds has never been so stunted and that's got to be good.
Well getting back to the weather. We did have some damage although for me it was a favor granted. I hated the old front door. It was never really a front door at all, just one we stuck on to keep animals out. It was half glass and made of a very cheap wood. I've been hounding my hubby to change it all year but he just kept on saying "We have other priorities". Yeah, well the door sure is a priority now since the wind took hold of it last night. It shattered the glass and twisted the door scattering everything inside. My hubby's face this morning deserved painting and the realization that I was right all along had me gloating. The next job will be the door -- tonight!
As far as Sunday went, it was average! We never went out. Steph stayed in the trailer all day watching TV and for once we didn't nag her. She came home from school on Friday with news that she'd passed her practice exam in English with an "A" when she expected to flunk. I guess all our previous encouragement paid off in the end, now she can give me some tips on correct punctuation, coz I sure need it at times.
Today is the 4th, tomorrow is my support group's annual dinner. They'll be having turkey, me and a friend in the group will be having soup! At least I'm not the only one who can't eat.


Dec 2nd

Posted by CFMBabs , 02 December 2006 · 812 views

Well!. Turkey's ordered. I made a calculated guess this year going for a modest size bird instead of the Emu I normally buy. I thought it would be a good idea to put pork with the turkey instead of a mountain of the stuff on the plate and since the people coming to dinner don't eat much anyway, I reckon there will be more than enough as usual.
My hubby had a sulk when the mention of money came into the equation, questioning me in the shop as to whether we need all the paraphernalia of accessory meats such as sausage and bacon -- well, of course you do, who's he kidding! I may not be able to eat but I don't want the family coming out in sympathy of my pathetic small bowl of soup, at least give me the pleasure of cooking for my tribe on the most gluttonous day of the year.
I've been watching all those programmes on TV, Y'know the ones where they cook loads of different stuff and give you new ideas about how to cook the goose without setting fire to the oven and little hor d'oeuvres, Horses doofers, as we call them! Anyway, it's amazing what you can do with left overs. I made for the deli stall at the local supermarket after watching a chef make a soup with some smelly cheese. The outcome was watching my family walking away with the trolley, fact is the cheese was so strong it followed them up the isle. At the checkout we were the only ones checking out whilst all the other checkouts were buzzing. I still can't get the smell out of my car-- it has an aroma of foul smelling sweaty socks.
I might omit the stuff from an otherwise digestible sounding soup.
So turkey taken care of and carpet coming on the 13th, Wow! I just realised it's only 11 days away. Still no stairs, ceiling or front door. I think my priorities are elsewhere other than festive fare. Yikes! Roll on Dec 3rd


December Diary

Posted by CFMBabs , 01 December 2006 · 864 views

1st December.

We've got 24 days 5 hours and counting. The Turkey not ordered, the shopping not done, the family in high expectation, am I in trouble -- You Betcha! The house is standing still, work has stopped-- guess why? We began to put in the stairs then catastrophe struck! The ceilings are not high enough to take the rise as tested by myself with a very sore head afterwards. The events to follow are that we need to take out some of the floor upstairs to accommodate the steps. Now I'm not blessed with height, my hubby neither and luckily daughter too. In fact give us a fishing rod and we could stand in any garden as gnomes but although the stairs would be okay for us, it certainly wouldn't be okay for others.
I raise my arms to the sky, please not at this stage of the game. I have family coming over for the festive season and a multitude of friends all eager to see what we've been doing for the past four and a half years. What a nightmare scenario!
It doesn't end there! Last night the geese found a pipe! What they did next had us up for most of the night trying to cut off a water main in full flow. We had water squirting 50ft high, pitch dark outside and a river running through the yard. Thank goodness for unseasonal weather, it's far too warm for December -- who's complaining? Except my hubby who was knee deep to the shins in freezing cold wet. Who would have thought a goose could lift a water pipe from the ground and chew it till it burst? Well it did! And guess who's a favorite for the pot this year?
With most of last night spent impersonating scenes from 'Titanic', I'm in a pretty foul mood today.
At least the weather is okay. 56 degrees in December? Never heard of! I guess we'll pay for it somewhere along the line, but for now it's fine. I've even been outdoors today in just a woolly jumper but it's weird! I can see little birds twittering and flirting about the place with twigs and fluff in their beaks about to build a nest.
The trees are dropping leaves and producing buds at the same time. I have daffodils coming up in the garden and the geese, yeah them again! are getting quite nasty thinking it's spring. I guess it's global warming to blame. I feel kind of responsible but I have to give a sly grin at the same time, as I think the weather is just fine! Winter is at best the worst enemy as you know, and if I can get through the next few months without freezing my bottom off, I'll be a very happy lady.
My hubby came home for lunch and began to unwrap the festive lights. He's absolutely in awe with himself for having bought enough for the entire house. Tonight he will put them up. This kind of decoration has only just caught on in Britain. We never decorated the house outdoors. It's wonderful to see how many households have joined in the fun and it looks amazing. I'm sure there will be comments about our lights this year. I nearly bought a 12ft snowman, that would teach the geese to eat my water pipe! I'd stand him right over the ###### thing. We don't need reindeer -- we have the real thing and a one legged pheasant to boot. I don't know how he came to lose his leg but he hops around just fine. My garden is full of wonders and when the deer come to visit it's a sight worth witnessing.
I'll get back to my chores this afternoon, which happen to be making toffee. If nothing else I'm able to suck it and it keeps me warm too. I'll wait for the pantomime this evening.

December 2nd Bring it on!


Past Times

Posted by CFMBabs , 29 November 2006 · 722 views

I visit my parents regularly, every day in fact. They live in what we call sheltered accommodation for the elderly. It's a great little place. The heating, electricity, rates and rent are all taken care of by just a minimum payment each week. The cold winter months can be deadly for the old and infirm, but I'm pretty much satisfied that my parents at least will be nice, warm, and taken care of during that spell.
We sit in the apartment and talk about all the things we did in days gone by. They make me laugh and sometimes make me sad but talking about them makes me realize that no matter who or where we are in the world your life is a book waiting to be written and we all have a story to tell.
My dad was remembering the time he stuck my Auntie Mary in the trash can and no one could get her out, only her head and two legs were visible! And the time he bought a boat, yes a boat! We owned a small cruiser for the best part of a week, after that it went back. We have waterways here in England called canals which run the length and breadth of the country. It was kind of a new thing in the 70s to take to water, and British Waterways opened up the canals for leisure. My dad in his wisdom and being a sailor in his youth, decided it was the life for him.
The speed limit is 4 miles per hour, walking pace on the water. My dad opened up the boat on a stretch of water reserved for fishermen. The front of the boat lifted and we sped along the canal like a scene from James Bond. It was the first and last time we ever did that because he was banned from using the canal after fishermen complained of a maniac in a speedboat soaking them through and frightening the fish. Truth is, it wasn't just the fish who were frightened but my poor mother was traumatized and the trip was anything but pleasurable.
His next project was to build a workshop for his Dove Coat hobby. He used to make Dove coat's as big as mansions and I swear a Golden Eagle could have set up home in one of those. I still have visions of the day he began to erect the workshop. It was an extremely windy day but dad being dad decided to go ahead anyhow. He managed to secure the sides and he was about to fit the roof when a huge gust of wind got hold of the sides and with my dad clinging on he was left standing with the roof on his head in the middle of the garden not knowing which way to turn. Needless to say, myself and my Mum just stood at the window watching the whole episode. He wasn't known for having a short fuse but there was some colorful swearing from his mouth that day.
My earliest memory and one which I smile about to this day was when I was very young and yearned for a rabbit and a dog. I was staying with my grandmother at the time. He'd been to the pub with some of his friends and was a little drunk. I knew he would be coming home around 4pm and I remember standing at the window when suddenly, a rabbit skipped by the window and before I could speak, a dog as well. He'd been to the pet shop on the way home, bought me a rabbit and a dog but they got away and off they ran down the street. There were people running everywhere trying to catch the animals and thankfully they did! I got my rabbit and my dog eventually and my dad slept off the whole ordeal.
They don't make memories like that anymore. I'm so privileged to have a life that has always been full of eventualities and at least I have something to be thankful for.


My Life

Posted by CFMBabs , 28 November 2006 · 793 views

I love reminiscing, I have many happy memories to share
Like when I met my hubby, in a pub with all my friends there
He was kind of popular, I was just shy and coy
We were such an odd couple, he was just a boy
My friends all dared me to speak to him and make the very first move
But I was slowly diminishing, my bravery I had none to prove
So I stood on my lonesome and looked around the room
Just waiting to be whisked away or face my pending doom
Then a solitary figure stood right beside my glass
Said, I haven't seen you here before, on your own lass?
I turned right round to face him and it was the very same lad
Those friends of mine in the corner had told him I was mad

I was pretty shell-shocked and didn't know what to say
So I began about the weather and what I'd done today
But he just kept on staring and looking in my eyes
And from that very moment I knew that he was nice
Well we talked until closing and then I took him home
He didn't have a car back then and I wasn't leaving alone
I'll see you tomorrow he said with a smile if that's okay with you
I nodded with a heart that was racing what else could I do
I traveled home that night shocked and in a daze
I hoped that this little meeting wasn't just a phase

Well, we met each night after work and at weekend too
This was just the real thing I guess right then I knew
He had a black mustache; it was the eighties he was cool
His hair was long and flowing and always played the fool
He had a silver jacket the butt of many joke
And always made me laugh every time he spoke
Our life was an adventure the things we used do
Go away on holidays and in the winter too
We were young and careless and still quite wild
Never thought of marriage or having a child
Then he just proposed my heart went in a flutter
Those words rang in my ears although just a mutter

It was Autumn 1989 when we walked down the isle
You couldn't see my face for the huge smile
We went to Cyprus on honeymoon and went to Egypt too
Took in a trip to Israel, what a life before us if only we knew
Our little girl was born in February ninety one
That little precious baby and our freedom gone
But it wasn't such a price to pay for a little ray of light
She's filled our world with happiness we did everything right
To make a special person, you need a good mum and dad
And she tells us every day we're the best she's ever had
Of course she's only joking she knows there's only us
And we're her loving parents whom over her we fuss
We've created a little gemstone, between us we did fine
Her eyes and nose belong to him the mouth is definitely mine

Oh it's so good to reminisce and lovely memories not bad
How a young lad in the eighties became my hubby and dad
And I thank my lucky stars today, even though this life is cruel
Even though I'm not the girl he married he still thinks I am cool
So go away scleroderma, you won't change my life
I'll always be a loving mum and equally loving wife


Therapeutic Shopping

Posted by CFMBabs , 28 November 2006 · 824 views

This week has got to be amongst my seven least favorite days of the year so far.
Apart from finding an appointment for an endoscopy, I've also suffered at the hands of the dentist.
I made my way, rather reluctantly, to see my dentist for the 3rd time this month. I had a tooth extracted that in truth was less painful than the hole it left behind and for some strange reason, my lower set began to ache as well. Now I'm not the suspicious type but it got me thinking whether my dentist had purposely done something to another tooth in order to sting me for more cash! Mmm. Anyway, I had my suspicions erased when he admitted that the temporary bridge he'd put in was grinding on one tooth in particular and it had moved. He ground my tooth down a little in the hope it would no longer give me a problem, well we'll see?
I thought my days of dental problems were over! I'm 46 for goodness sake! There's him trying to convince me to have cosmetic work done, after all I've been through in the last two years, I'm lucky to have any teeth at all! He certainly can't accuse me of eating the wrong stuff although he did mention that I should still brush regularly even if I don't eat orally. Huh, what a cheek! does he really think I'm that un-hygienic? Well I got news for you boy, I do brush regularly and it ain't my fault if my teeth are suffering. My money lies on poor nutrition and several bouts of surgery. Who knows what they do to you when you're out for the count?

I've ingested 4 packs of fizzy paracetomol to date with this ###### pain, caused by him, of course! I nearly swallowed the cat's worming tablets in mistake for the pack of pills I should have taken, but then it was 2.30 am. The cat would have been most pleased since he hates taking any pill of any sort, preferring to have worms instead, poor puss -- but then I know how he feels.
My week may improve with a visit to the town. Shopping always fills the drudgery gap, therapeutic I'd say! And with the unmentionable season just around the corner, I might just do some festive shopping. Same stuff every year, socks, scarves, gloves, chocolates and diaries. I have stuff to pack and send to Australia. My husband's side of the family emigrated there three years ago. They put in an order of things they liked when they lived here. If they miss these things so much, why stay out there, I mean they didn't just move locally, oh no! The other side of the world, are we really that obnoxious? Anyway, it's soccer stuff for my nephew and probably money for my niece!
There, I've cheered myself up no end by the mere mention of shopping. Small things amuse small minds. Yep! I think they got that one just right.


Just A Moan

Posted by CFMBabs , 27 November 2006 · 927 views

My outlook on life is simply this-- those who have and those who have not.
Those who have have everything, whilst the misfortunate one's are forgot
I consider myself fortunate for all I seem to suffer
Is just neither one thing or the other
Sure I have my bad days and sometimes more often than fair
But I have plenty to feel good about, these day's I'd love to share

I have a sense of humor, that one thing keeps me sane
And I'm sorry if I sound like I'm being a frightful pain
The laughter I have within me is bursting at the seams
To be a sickly person was never in my dreams
And because I'm never serious it's hard to tell the pain
I'm sure the ache I'm feeling will go away again

No use troubling the doctor, she hasn't got a clue
I'm the only patient in surgery whose hands are turning blue
And when she sees my fingers she sees me as a condition
And sends me to the chemist with a script for a prescription
There isn't any wonder pill, so is it any news
They can only treat the wrong type of blues
What use is paracetomol or anti depressive drugs
When all they do is try them out on us mugs

At the appointment with the rheumatologist it's always the ###### same
I'm standing up and sitting down playing a Simon Says game
Then I'm placed on a monitor to see if I am worse
Then it's off for a blood test with a trainee nurse
You'd think I was an alien the way she treats my veins
Then shouts for another nurse to come and take the reigns
My arm is sore with pin ******, my veins won't come out to play
And I think they'll have to leave me alone today
Have you been drinking coffee or had a cup of tea?
That stuff dilates the vessels, are they accusing me?
It wasn't long ago they were complaining I wasn't drinking enough
Now they're trying to stop me from drinking any of the stuff

I'm in between appointments and I'm just enjoying the rest
I'll have to wait till next year and then they'll repeat the test
My life is so entertaining when all I have to endure
A simple little blood test to help to find a cure


A Year To Er! --forget?

Posted by CFMBabs , 27 November 2006 · 798 views

Just when you thought it safe to boast about life in general and how it's been treating you lately -- Whoosh! A bolt from the blue--you're hit with a problem.
Not only has my poor 'achin' jaw given me grief since the extraction of a fractured nasher two weeks ago, but I've also got a cricked neck and the telephone man cut through my phone cable. So not only do my geese run off with my phone cable, the engineer snips it whilst up a pole and ran off with it too! Here I am, toothache, stiff neck, no phone and feeling generally hard done by! That was weekend pretty much summed up. Today, life is hunky dory again. I have an appointment with the dentist tomorrow morning, my neck moves enough to gesture No! and the nice telephone engineer fixed my line. So back to the beginning.
This weekend was supposed to be a crowning glory for the house. If you thought The Amytiville Horror was scary, you might like to sample a taste of living here with us. Okay, I'm not talking ghosties or things that go bump in the night, although I will confide to having doubts that we do in fact have something creeping around but it's just the horror of everything going wrong on a regular basis. Someone or something, doesn't want us in that house. I'm sure! It's become one long saga which is never ending. I'm tired of people asking "When will you be moving in?" My answer always begins with " Er, maybe next month". That's been the consensus since 2004 and now we're entering 2007. No wonder the ghosts are fidgety, it's a wonder they haven't got fed up and gone. We can shift folk! Pretty soon we'll have been here in a tin can for five years and I'm placing myself for an endurance award, quite rightly and justly deserved in my opinion. Oh! To wash, cook, and clean without checking the weather. Yes, the weather plays it's role too. In winter the pipes freeze, off goes my washing machine, shower and running water, then I'm running backwards and forwards to the house for supplies. The geese play their part too, running off with every wire that protrudes over the land, I'm just waiting for the big bang when all that is left are two webbed feet and a pile of feathers on account of the electricity cable being chewed. I guess it will be roast goose for dinner that evening!
Fact is, we've been here way too long living like hermits. The trailer is modern although you wouldn't think it from my description. But it's just not meant to be stuck in a field for four or more years with only the basic facilities and if we'd known what we know now, we'd have done things much different believe me.

2006 will be remembered as the year I stayed well, survived a tiresome year in a tin can and grew yet another year older. 2007 is yet to unfold and with bated breath and crossed fingers, if they will allow, should see us finally in a home built literally from blood sweat and tears, the latter being more fitting with memories of previous years best forgotten. Stand by your ghosts!


House Is A Home

Posted by CFMBabs , 25 November 2006 · 847 views

The countdown to you know what has begun. My carpet arrives on the 13th and, are we ready? Well, are you ever ready for the festive season?
My husband stands ceremoniously in front of me with a bucket of plaster in hand looking at a job begun last year and pondering if it's a go-er today. I'm talking about the ceiling. We can't put a carpet down on a floor that's about to be covered with plaster,--fact is, he gets more on the floor than the wall and short of me getting up there and doing it myself, I can't see it being completed today.
I managed to clean some bricks yesterday, then swept the floor, my contribution to the cause. The whole family is expecting a slap up feast on the 25th and I, for one, don't want to disappoint. I've waited four long years for the moment when I can sit around my large dining table, family present and a huge roaring log fire to boot.
Two years ago things were much different. The 24th had us running around like headless chickens when the water pipe burst inside my trailer. 4.30am and I had what looked like the Panama canal gushing through my abode and only armed with towels and a complete inability to find the stop tap, what was we to do? Anyhow, my hubby in his wisdom grabbed the pipe and bent it through the window till daylight saw us mopping out a sodden floor. What a start to the festivities and it never really got much better than that. I was ill, in fact I was home from hospital after spending much of the last 12 months in there. They'd very kindly allowed me home for the festive season and this was not quite the outcome I expected but one which I will remember if not for the forgettable events which followed.
The whole week was fraught with mishaps. The turkey wouldn't fit in the oven and had to be cooked without legs and in a very peculiar position. The tree was too large and had to be cropped down so we could watch TV. I'm talking cramped spaces here--after all, have you tried partying in a tin can? Then the finale. The New Year brought storms to the UK which played havoc with utility services. Carlisle was flooded and just about every town was effected, lack of power and raging wind storms saw us without power for 5 days in a field with only candles and games of charades for company. Thank goodness for gas or we'd have froze to death. To say I was glad to go back into hospital was an understatement. Yes! 2004/2005 was an era to forget or remember depending on how you judge life.

I hope 2007 will prosper for all and I hope this ###### house will finally be a home to some very weary dwellers.

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