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CFM Babs from Chorley FM


I Wish It Was Summer!

Posted by CFMBabs , 27 October 2006 · 1,154 views

I heard that the summer is over, on the news today
I wish that spring was beginning and summer on it's way
No more sitting in the garden or wearing skimpy gear
The jumper's out of the cupboard, now the cold weather is here
The nights are slowly drawing in and the howling winds blow
I might as well just get undressed and go to bed like an Eskimo
My hot water bottle round my feet, my socks and a chocolate drink
I'll take a good book with me and under the covers I sink.

I hear a noise from the kitchen, it's hubby opening every door
He had a huge dinner tonight, but he's still looking for more
His stomach must be a bottomless pit as I hear a scream of delight
He'd found a piece of home made pie that was hidden out of sight
Every door was banging, the TV was playing top note
The geese were all squawking and so was the goat
He'd woken every animal and every living thing
And to make matters worse, the phone began to ring
"My Dear" he shouted up the stairs, "this phone call is for you"
So out I got of my nice warm bed, what else could I do?
I answered the phone with caution, I always do this time of night
Stood there in my pyjamas I looked a proper sight

When the phone call ended, I wandered back to bed
But my hubby had other ideas going round in his head
He was getting out the saucepan, with sausages and beans
He was having just a little snack by each and any means
"Please don't eat beans my dear, not before you retire
Your stomach will not stand it, your bowels will be on fire
And I'll be the one to suffer when you decide to blow
And out the bed I'll jump again and out the room I'll go"

I wish there was a cure for insomnia, it's the winter to blame
Because going to bed in the wintertime just isn't the same
Is it I go too early, well I can't stay up late
There's nothing on the TV except the soaps I hate
And then there's my hubby with his ice cold knobbly feet
Getting in beside me and taking all the heat
I wish it could be summer the whole year through
And savour every moment instead of feeling blue


Wet Wales

Posted by CFMBabs , 26 October 2006 · 887 views

A planned trip to Wales was fraught with bad weather and ill tempers to match.
Besides all the usual checks around the home before departing, we had the animals to sort out and the farm to secure, all this for just one night! To me it all seemed so not worth it, and I was almost having a nervous breakdown by the time I sat in the car.
We set off around lunchtime with enough baggage for a 7 night stay in Greece. My daughter squealed a cry of dissapointment as we drove past the airport on route, with dreams shattered of a Grecian destination. Anyway, the rain was swirling with a strong gale force wind as we traveled almost blind down the motorway with no break in the heavy clouds. "Have you ever felt less like going anywhere in this weather?", I asked my hubby who was driving. His primeval cinical grunt told me no.
We arrived in Wales after around two hours of bickering and a mountain of disposed chocolate wrappers covering the floor. ****! We'd only been out for a couple of hours. I shudder to think what the consumption would have been if we'd traveled any further.
The whole day was planned around my parents who were the sole purpose of the journey. They were staying in a hotel in Conway and we decided to join them. Our hotel was 3 miles away in Llandudno, a little Welsh town not far from Canearfon where Prince Charles was crowned the Prince of Wales in the 1960s. I know that because I was there, well not at the function itself, but in the crowd of thousands who'd come to see the event. I was eight years old. I was telling the story to Stephanie who was more interested in how many shops there were than any kind of history.
We checked into our hotel, windswept, sodden and in need of some quality pampering. I spent an hour in a large hot bath only to find that I couldn't get out when I was well and truly wrinkly. Several attempts later I got out with a little help from my hubby, is this what my life has come to?
We spent the rest of the day just chilling in the lounge and then moving over to my parents' hotel in the evening. My dad was well into the swing of things, my mum wasn't sure where she was only that her feet were cold.
"That's the Big Orme" my dad said pointing to a small mountain which overlooks the Bay. I smiled and corrected him that actually, it's the Great Orme!
" Whatever, it looks big to me" he said.
We had an entertaining evening of old folks dancing to a singer, who in my opinion wanted shooting, he was soooo bad. My daughter's face provided me with all the entertainment I needed. It was an absolute picture, coupled with " When are we going" almost every 5 minutes or so.
Anyway, we returned to the sanctuary of our hotel at around 11.30 and unceremoniously went to bed.
So that was my one and only 24 hours in Wales. A forgettable experience, not for Wales itself which is beautiful with it's many castles and scenery. But just for one day, it's a trek, a trial and not to be attempted when the weather's bad.
Home sweet home, they say! Then again who are they ?


Watching The Postman!

Posted by CFMBabs , 22 October 2006 · 855 views

Another mad weekend. Am I the only person in the world with such a hectic family life? Answers on a postcard please!
My parent's have gone on holiday to Wales and my daughter's on holiday from school, are they ever at school these days? Anyway, my hubby's taken my car to work, ****! that's my freedom gone this week.
I have three Pygmy goats coming later this week, Boy! that will be fun. Firstly we have nowhere to put them, secondly I don't know how they're getting here, and on Saturday we had a huge delivery of building materials ever. I'm determined to push my hubby into finishing this ###### house for winter. I never thought that the heating system would cause such problems but it did! Anyway the short of it is that I'm not too impressed with the whole situation and cold feet's setting in, my little pun there!
I wish I had a magic wand or something! now, that would be neat. I'd have worn it out by now. My first wish would be to cure all of you and me of course! and my second would be to move into a beautiful new home without all the work. Well, that ain't 'gonna' happen is it? So dream on..... How much can a person take, but then I am very patient but it's wearing thin, I can tell you!
The highlight of the day is watching the postman run for his life down the pathway and then leap over the gate. I must be sick, but it's entertaining none the less. My daughter shakes her head in disgust and really feels for the man. Is this what being at home reduces you to, a sick sadistic woman who laughs at the unfortunate, or a righteous daughter who knows better than me. I don't know maybe it is me after all!
This place is fast becoming a sanctuary for unwanted animals. We already have 9 geese, 2 cats, a dog, and, soon 3 goats! We have another promised but no one dare get near it. My husband's talking sheep, I want a Llama! My daughter wants away, who can blame the kid? Two crazy parents and no proper home. I guess she's a case for the social services, but I'm sure she loves us deep down!
Time for some mother, daughter therapy I think! The first thing I'll do is get her up from her nice warm bed, that'll go down like a lead balloon, and than I'll take her into town on the bus if she can lower herself to stand at the bus stop without letting her hair blow all over the place, now that would be my fault as well! Perhaps I'll just leave her to rest, by all accounts it's the safest option today. I'll just keep myself busy doing what I do best. Watching the postman .......



Posted by CFMBabs , 22 October 2006 · 817 views

Thank goodness for the weekend, the family's all home
I'm sick of being stranded every day on my own
At least I'll have some company for a day or two
And find lots of little jobs that they can help me do
I want to choose a carpet, so off to the store in town
I had a colour in my mind, the price was knocked right down
I wanted a nice rich colour of red to match my warm decor
But my daughter wasn't that impressed and found it quite a bore

The salesman tried his level best to sell me his choice of style
But I was just as adamant, it had taken my eye for a while
I wanted stain resistant, my liquid food is just so runny
And trying to mop up the messy spills, really isn't that funny
My husband loses interest and begins to puff and moan
And hasn't the slightest interest in all he's being shown
So I choose the priciest carpet much to the salesman's glee
And watch my hubby's twisted face as he makes up the bill for me
My goodness! I hear my hubby cry although I tell a lie
He's really hopping up and down swearing not to buy

Going home there's silence, the shock has been too great
His wallet flat and deflated, struck dumb in such a state
I chose the nicest carpet the showroom had in stock
A busy little number with a beautiful red flock
It will suit all my decor, my curtains and the suite
And round the whole front room it will look kind of neat
I can picture my little dream home looking like a palace
My hubby J.R Ewing and me Sue Ellen in Dallas.

Then we arrive at our abode, my dream ends right there
The driveway full of goose poo, I can smell it in the air
Piles of buliders rubbish, bricks and beams on the floor
No proper wooden windows and ****! not even a door
My hubby frowns at all the work, he'll have to work real quick
My carpet comes in two more weeks, he looks quite pale and sick
This renovation nightmare has gone on way too long
And I'm sick of listening to the same old whining song
I want to live in a real home instead of a tin can
It's more than I can take, enough for any man
Four long years of making do, living day to day
And I'm not doing it anymore, no Sir, no way!

I'm thinking of the winter holidays, a log fire and a tree
And 10 of my old relatives all coming over to me
I can picture all the oldies, the atmosphere get's madder
I should like to see them tipsy and try to climb the ladder!
Coz that's all we have at the moment to get us to the loo
And if there's an emergency, what else can you do!
But at least I'll have a carpet for all who come to admire
And in the corner a 4 piece suite and a real open log fire
And this will be the winter that we finally move in
Out of that trailer and it's walls of wood and tin
So that's why I bought a carpet, it's not such a crazy thought
It will be the greatest thing that we have ever bought

I hope so any way!



Posted by Heidi , 21 October 2006 · 830 views

Oh! I shouldn't of eaten that, I knew that from the start
This pain that burns inside my chest closest to my heart
But this isn't heartburn, it's just a common name
It's sometimes called dysphasia but it hurts all the same
I need some kind of medicine to put this fire out
But I can't find the tablets, there's none of them about

I climb high upon my pillows and gaze up at the moon
I'll stay like that for hours, it'll be the morning soon
That horrible tasting acid, that nasty bitter taste
I ate a piece of forbidden fruit in total careless haste
And now I'm paying a pretty price for being a silly fool
But that piece of chocolate candy was making me kind of drool

It's 3am in the morning and I'm still wide awake
My judgement on the chocolate bar was such a huge mistake
I can taste the bitter sweet acid and the burning rages on
And I won't sleep till daylight, until the burning's gone
I breathe in deeply to try and cool the fire
But nothing seems to work for me, I put the pillows higher
Soon I'll be sat upright, I might as well get up and read
I really want to go to sleep, this problem I do not need

The sound of the dawn chorus tells me that it's morn
I feel like I've been up all night tattered and feeling torn
The only good thing about it is, the burning's finally gone
But I'm so tired physically and a wink of sleep not one
My family dash around the room to go about their day
I haven't even got the strength to wave them on their way
That piece of chocolate gave me grief and I guess I'm sorry now
And in the bin the rest goes in, a relief to throw it somehow

Tonight I'll be a good girl and I'll finally get some sleep
As I collapse into a comfy chair and stay there in a heap
Boy I feel so tired and I ain't doing the round
This little piece of silence is the best that I have found
Please keep me away from the chocolate and from the biscuits too
I do not want another night that keeps me awake straight through



Posted by CFMBabs , 19 October 2006 · 824 views

How did you feel when you were diagnosed with scleroderma or some other connective tissue disorder?

I've heard this question so many times, on the messageboard and at my monthly support meeting. I guess we all react differently but what is common to us all is the lack of support on offer. How many times has a doctor raised his arms, shrugged his shoulders or shook his head when faced with what seems like a perfectly reasonable question?! How many times have you been faced with " What?" at the mere mention of the word?! I guess the list is endless and then there's you, right in the middle of the wilderness with so many paths to choose -- the right doctor, the right hospital, occupational decisions, family issues. I'm giving myslf a headache just thinking about it!

So how did I feel, how do I cope, what path did I choose? Well, wilderness describes my feelings quite well. That's how I first felt. I had no one to turn to, no one had ever heard of the condition so that must mean it's not life threatening, Ugh!

No one gave me any moral support. Fact is, it can be life threatening and it's not as uncommon as I thought. I spent days dwelling on the subject, wondering what would happen to me, would I get really sick, deteriorate over a period of time, would I be disabled, a burden on my family! What? And y'know, no one could tell me. I was banging my head against a brick wall for years.

I've had my problems just like everyone else, like pneumonia, eating problems, circulatory, breathing, need I go on? But y'know what? I'm still here and at the moment my condition is stable. Sure I have my problems but I came through them all and when the next wave of problems come home, I'll greet them at the front door and kick 'em out the back. My life has changed, there's no doubt about that, but dwelling on the past won't move me forward and I believe I still have a future worth living, for my family and for myself.

As for the doctors, well, some treat me and some don't. My own general practitioner shrinks into her very large chair whenever I enter the room, shakes her head and exclaims that my problems are chiefly down to sclero and the hospital can deal with that, so yeah, I know, I need to go back to them. Can I ask if the menopause is anything to do with sclero because if so, there must be an epidemic of it in the world?

I guess the bottom line is, don't go to the general practitioner in the first place so that narrows my options a bit. How can you complain of hot flashes and night time sweats when all you've ever complained about before is the cold. Weird, isn't it?

My next appointment with Doctor, Give Us A Clue is next year, March. I go to satisfy my belief in the fact I've still got it rather than news of a complete cure.

What else can they tell me, the good news is always followed by, "But!"
Then there's you guys, awwww, you know exactly what I'm talking about don't you? It's a good job too, I think I might have turned to drink, what a pleasent thought, and it rhymes too!


Calendar Girl!

Posted by CFMBabs , 18 October 2006 · 641 views

I feel like a spinning top today. My daughter's at college and caused mayhem this morning when she emptied the entire cupboard to find a plastic shopping bag, y'know the type you get from the supermarket.

Well, she wasn't having any old plastic bag, oh no, it had to be a designer bag with Nike, Goldigger, or Reebok pasted all over it. I keep a small stock of carrier bags for me to use again and they do make great household bags as well. My bit for the environment you see.

Anyway her little scream of delight told me that she'd found one and back into her room she went. Please tell me that this isn't going to be, 'One of those day's' again!

I'm going to another craft lesson at my parent's residence. Every other Thursday, someone from the charity, Age Concern, gives a demonstration of various arts and crafts. I had the fortunate meeting last week of a lady most will know from the film Calendar Girls.

I'll have to have another word with her this afternoon, as I didn't quite get the whole conversation. Apparently she's part of the Women's Institute and was some way involved with the group of ladies who produced the famous calendar. I asked her jokingly during her card making demo, if she was a calendar girl, upon learning that she was part of the W.I. Me and my big mouth. She blushed and candidly said yes!

I got the feeling she wasn't happy to talk about it, but someone told me that she was Miss April. Detective Barbara Lowe into action this afternoon and reporting for the ISN, he, he!

My sister in law rang yesterday from Australia, she's the one who you can hear without the phone. "Where have you been" she asked.

"Been?" I said, "Nowhere."

"You're never in when I call you."

The fact is my phone is no longer in my tin can (Trailer). The geese made off with the line and since it's happened too many times recently to the expense of 3 previous lines, I ain't replacing it again. So until we finally move into the house, the phone is not being replaced in the trailer. It's a trial, keep returning calls that I've missed, and a real cut off for me.

The trouble it caused yesterday was ridiculous. I spent the entire day going backwards and forwards with pieces of paper, who to call, who to return calls to, Oh man, this stay-at-home thing is driving me mad. Give me a job any day. I keep wondering if I'll ever return to work. It would be really hard to work for someone else since having a business of my own and there's no way I could go back to that again. I was a bookbinder/print finisher and used my hands a lot. Now I can't even turn the pages of a book, so some use I'd be.

Perhaps I could be a calendar girl, not the stripper kind, but a genuine member of the Woman's Institute. Mmmm perhaps not! I'd cause too much mayhem for sure and I'd have to be Miss July wouldn't I? Miss December/ January would be far too cold for me. No! I don't think Ill go down that road at all, I mean, they wouldn't be able to tell if I was a woman or a man! The top half anyway. If it wasn't for my head being stuck on facing front, they wouldn't know my front from back. I've lost so much weight with this condition that my little breasts look like little mud splats. At least that is what my hubby says. So, I guess beiing a calendar girls is definately out.

I guess I'm destined to stay at home, writing silly blogs and living on a farm where all the animals are crazy just like their owners. My life is sometimes boring but, boy, it's never dull!


Doctors Waiting Room

Posted by CFMBabs , 17 October 2006 · 799 views

If you've ever been in a doctor's waiting room when there's a mini epidemic of colds, read on you'll know what I mean!

I sat in a corner, I always do. I'm not in the crowd of young mums any more with their snotty offspring in arms. I did plenty of that when my daughter was young. I see elderly people with handkerchiefs permanently glued to their noses and the occasional sneeze that makes everyone raise their heads from the boring DIY magazines that doctor's waiting rooms all contain for some reason. Then there's the contagious coughing episode, how is it one will start and then the whole room vibrates with others joining the chorus. If you weren't ill to begin with, you sure as **** would be by the time you left. Doctor's waiting rooms should carry a health warning.

The conversations intrigue me every time, not that I'm nosey, just curious. Why is it the chat always involves either death, bowels, or the menopause, not in that order of course. Just listening to one particular conversation had me wondering why I had gone to the doctor's in the first place, my ailment seemed so trivial.

You wait as one by one, each sniffler walks into the room, then 5 minutes later emerges with a green prescription. I bet she's got antibiotics, I thought. What a job that doctor has. I could do that! I thought. Then another one and another one, in and out with the same script, just one more and it's my turn. I'm going through my symptoms in my head, wondering how to start when I sit in that little wooden chair. I'm sure they find the most rickety chair in the surgery, probably a reject from the local school. Are they really that concerned that you might get comfy and stay the whole day! No way.

I go to her office as my name is called, through the snifflers, coughers and crying babies, trying not to inhale as I go past. I knock and a voice within the room tells me to enter. There's the chair waiting for me and the doctor with her stethoscope loosely dangling from her neck. "What can I do for you today?"

"Well" I begin. "You changed my script and asked me to come in". With not a word she turned to her computer and scrolled down my entire history on a screen.

"Mmmm, You've been on anti emetics for quite some time and I thought we'd try something else," She said, twiddling a well bitten pencil.

"Well, I've had all kinds of meds in the past and none of them worked," I said trying to defend the need for the drug. She paused and then asked about me generally. Where do I start, I mean which part of my life does she want to know about, the last six months, the last 12, the last 2 years, what? "I just want to know how you feel generally."

I paused as well. How could I tell her how I felt, it's not easy to describe, is it! Besides my feet feeling like they're in blocks of ice all the time and my fingers dead like wet fish, my feeding tube sticking out of my stomach, the sickness, constipation, painful neck, shoulders, knees, I could go on all day! So I just said I feel like someone with scleroderma! She smiled, which means what exactly!

"I think we'll leave you to get on with things just the way they are, you obviously feel you can manage and since I know very little about your condition, there's not an awful lot I can do for you." Well that's a surprise! She actually admits she knows nothing and I can cope, Ugh!

I left with no more than wasted time, back into the room full of the plague and past the guard dogs on reception. Yes guard dogs, have you ever tried to get past a doctor's receptionist?!

My hubby arrives home. "How did you go on today, Spud?"

"Spud" he calls me!" Oh y'know, the usual -- Spud." Where in the name of billy, did you get that name!

Now I'm not only a wife, I'm a spud, potato to you and me! And so it goes till next time.....


Lancashire Dialect

Posted by CFMBabs , 17 October 2006 · 835 views

Oh me bones are achin, me dry eyes itchin too
I'm achin so many places. it's like having flu
Me red spots are bloomin, I look like I've got pox
I think I'm about ready for that long oak box
But, eee I'm not talkin bout that, It'll come soon as think
So I'll put on't kettle and make me'sel a drink

Outside it's bloomin rainin, n, fairly cowd as well
It's gettin toward winter me bones can alus tell
I'll be rubbin on potions and stink like th'owd pole cat
And hubby won't come near me, I'm not bothered bout that
I'll soon be out in't scarf an gloves, n, boots up to me knees
And out will come, t, whiskey bottle if I so much as sneeze

I am a Lancashire lass, I was born to take the rough
Me Grandma brought me up when times were really rough
She taught me how to be a cook, n, how to make me bread
She alus kept me nice, n, clean, n, alus kept me fed
She'd do her nut if she were here, n, see me in this state
For she was my second mum, my best friend my mate.

Me fingers are goin numb and sore, n, I'm findin it hard to write
I'm countin all me fingers and the sixth one's just gone white
Me back's beginin to make me wince, n, soon I'll be stretchin
And soon me daughter will make a brew and to me she'll be fetchin
I made em hot pot for their dinner,n, washin up's bin left to me
I'm not doin any more tonight I deserve me cup o tea

I think I'd better end it here, me fingers I cannot feel
It's takin all me energy after making such a meal
So I'll end it with a very gud night and I wish the best for you
There's alus a welcome at my house and in me heart too
So if your'e ever passing don't go without a chat
I might not be able to type no more, but I can surely manage that



Posted by CFMBabs , 17 October 2006 · 799 views

Excuse me one moment whilst I scream and bang my head against the wall, here goes....... Arrrgh -- Ouch! That's better.

Yes, I'm having one of those days, not one of your average scleroderma days but one of those ###### days when nothing goes right.

The day began slowly as usual and then gathered speed at frightning levels. Firstly I got into a who can shout loudest match with a fellow disabled driver. I'm at best the most placid person by my own admission, at worst I'm a grouch when vexed. What gives another human, precedent over the next, I ask you!

This man was a total lunatic and if it hadn't been for his gimply leg, I'd have knocked that stick from under him. He approached me in such a manner that I was instantly on the defensive, calling me a typical woman driver who looked perfectly able to him. Well, besides wanting to whip my tube out and smack him in the kisser with it, I succumbed to retaliating in the only way I know how, remarking that I'd rather have a gimpy leg and a stick than a pipe stuck in my tum, and be able to eat the ###### stuff I'd gone to the supermarket for. See how ya like that I thought! I'm sure the lady beside me applauded but he sure blushed and walked away.

The next trial was when I got home. The geese had been on the road and a concerned motorist was waiting for me at the gate. The poor guy was puffed out after chasing the geese all over the village, when all he had to do was shout "C'mon" and they'd come running towards you. Anyway I thanked him profusely as he drove off like a caped crusader.

I thought I'd relax the only way I know how, at my computer. I logged on and the phone rang at the same time, it was a very tearful call from my daughter at school. "Someone's stolen my phone mum" Great! This is all I need. "Phone the police, the teacher told me to tell you, oh! and is it insured?" Yes and Yes, is the answer. I phoned the local station and was greeted with a moan. " Oh no, not another mobile phone!" the officer said. "I'll send one of our PC's down to the school and she can make a statement."

That phone is exactly 2 weeks old, cost more than a week in Greece and has the latest technology, some use that is now. The chances of getting it back .... no chance. Anyhow, then went an afternoon of phone calls to and from the cell phone company, the insurance, my bank, school and the police, all for a stupid phone.

She'll be home soon, distraut and in a real strop, is it worth it! Nope. I'll be there telling her how much it doesn't matter when in fact it does. It's only a phone but the trouble it will cause to replace will cost more than money in trips and phone calls, not to mention an insurance company that will try every trick in the book not to replace it. Just let them try that one!

So, pardon me for screaming, tonight will be interesting and spent consoling a very upset daughter . I mean, take a cell phone away from a teenager is like taking a soother from a baby isn't it!

Life goes on .....

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