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CFM Babs from Chorley FM



Posted by CFMBabs , 29 April 2009 · 985 views

Wiping the sleep from my bleary eyes, today is Thursday and my very first day of radio training! I've just got up, looked in the mirror and, Yikes! My hair has taken on a new style. I look petrified, oh no, not today of all days!
Not that anyone will see me, that's the beauty of radio but for my own vanity something must be done! You see we went out last night with Steph and her new boyfriend. There was I trying to make an impression, hubby was already making one and Steph sat nervously as she hoped for Dad's approval!

I like the boy very much, a bit shy, very courteous, what more can be said? But she's Daddy's little girl and the poor lad was under scrutiny. After two pints of beer, my hubby rocked and couldn't have cared less, by the time the third went down, they were best pals!

"Do you like geese?" My hubby asked.

"Don't mind them actually" he said.

"Good then you can feed 'em tomorrow -- and the goats"

I interrupted with that tone only a woman can do when keeping her man under control "Steve, behave."

The night went pretty well in fact. He's the new addition to our ever growing party of friends going to Crete in summer. I never mentioned before but it's my daughter's 18th birthday present -- a whole week in Crete! It's cost a fortune but we reckoned it would work out cheaper than hiring a venue. So there's 10 on the list and I'm quite looking forward to spending time with a party of people. The young ones have never been to Greece, one of them has never been further than the local seaside, so it's a whole new experience for him. They're good kids though, in case you wondered.

When she asked to make the list, she invited more mature people than mates. The parents of her best friend who we have known for years, and my best friend also. She was quite content with just a small party of best friends and ones she could trust.

I really must do something with my hair...


Up In The Hair!

Posted by CFMBabs , 28 April 2009 · 1,160 views

Pondering a visit to our local Tuesday market, then deciding not to go -- it's one of those kind of days. I was at the hairdressing salon earlier to get my untidy locks trimmed and into shape. I commented that even when wet after the initial cut, it would do, never mind the drying bit! Anyhow I'd paid for a cut and blow dry so whether I wanted it or not I was having it!

"Your hubby might treat you this evening," she said (she being the hairdresser).

I smiled and left the salon. Why do people assume that if you have a new hairstyle, your hubby will suddenly take interest and take you out! It's not that it's such a dramatic change, not like a face lift or breast augmentation. In fact if I had any of those, he wouldn't notice except for the breast bit and then it would only be because there'd be less room in bed! If I ran through the house naked he wouldn't even pass comment, not that I'm ever likely to do that with the risk posed by hypothermia and a severe Raynaud's attack.

I came home smelling of conditioner and hair glue. My hair looks great for now and worthy of a night out on the town, not for pottering around in Wellington Boots and body warmer. Still I look better when I deal with the general public instead of resembling a cave woman. Did I mention the general public at large? Oh, I have plenty dealings with them of late on account of performing goats. Last week they got under the fence, this week they're getting over it! And then there's the entourage of geese and goslings and a mass break out is underway!

It was the talk of the hairdressers in fact. I was introduced to a group of people who I've never met before as the goat woman of the bottoms. I thought they were all about to stand and applaud so much was the interest! One lady with a head full of curlers spun round on her chair to ask of their names and another remarked upon how fast they run. Yes! I agree on that one! Now they can jump as high as the fence -- goat Olympics are going on in the bottoms, they said! It was all too much in the end and I was glad to get out, blow dried or not!

My daughter rang from college to say she'd be finishing early. My dad rang to ask if I was going to see him today. My hubby comes home for lunch, and now you know why I'm not going to the market. I'm so confused, I'm here and there and with a new hairstyle to boot! Radio training on Thursday and with that I realise that my headphones will ruin my style -- It will flatten! Still, I can always wear a hat.


Farm Life And Coffee!

Posted by CFMBabs , 27 April 2009 · 1,149 views

Today looks pretty grim. The pitter patter of rain woke me from my sleep in the early hours and since we haven't seen much of the wet stuff this spring, I suppose it's welcome for some farmers. The only problem is when it starts, it doesn't know when to stop! For the time being my potatoes will appreciate some untreated wetness as will my peas and beetroot no doubt.

Hubby has dreamt up another hobby-- Bee keeping! And I've been on the net looking for hives and equipment, something tells me that I'll end up tending to them; I can see myself in a suit with a smoking can--not! It has long amazed me how bee keepers gather the honey from the hive without the bees swarming, hence the smoking can!
It's all rather interesting but it's just another addition to our land that will harm you if you get too close. I have enough trouble with the geese and goats chasing me without a swarm of bees.

My training on the radio continues on Thursday. My hubby thinks it's easy to sit and blag for two hours and the music just plays by itself -- yeah! When you are faced with a desk full of buttons to push, four computer screens and a phone that never stops ringing and trying to talk about rubbish at the same time, sure it's easy, but then women can multitask, can't we? I suppose if blagging was an art, I'd be the master. Most of the time I utter pure rubbish but then isn't that what radio is all about?

Miserable wet Monday. My usual trip to the college with my silent daughter. It's like interrogation: "What did you get up to this weekend then?"


"Did you go out or stay in at your friends?"

"Went out"

"Where did you go?"

"Nowhere much"

"Did you have a good time?"

"It was okay"

Arghhh, I give up! I hate to be nosey but I'm interested. When my daughter isn't home I worry and I like to know where she is and with whom. I think it's only natural but my daughter thinks I'm interfering with her life. I know she's eighteen and quite capable of looking after herself, all the same I still worry for her. It's a big bad world out there, I only hope she knows that.

Well she got out of the car, moaned at the rain and dashed inside the college closing the car door on my goodbyes. I guess she's grown up but do you ever get the feeling of being used?

I got home around nine, still raining! All was quiet and I contemplated making coffee. The cat rubbed herself against my leg -- well at least the cat needed me! Then I sat wondering if I should light the fire? I realise my life is much different to the one I had before illness struck. I never saw myself as a stay at home wife, far from it! My life was hectic and I was my own boss. The stress was overpowering at times and that's what gave me the buzz! Now all I have to talk about is college runs, farm life and coffee.

Still, the holidays are ever nearing and it's something for me to look forward to. Just get me in that sun and away from dampness and honking geese. Get me away from a building site and daily runs in my car. With all that to look forward to I'll sink down in my sofa with the coffee I promised myself half an hour ago!


Penny For Your Thoughts (Hospital food)

Posted by CFMBabs , 27 April 2009 · 1,037 views

My thanks are to Penny for the time she has spent
For every last word, I knew what she meant
Hospital food leaves a lot to be desired
If I had my way the chef would be fired
For I've spent some time in a bed on a ward
And mealtimes came round at times it was hard
I can no longer eat and although it's a shame
I had a lucky escape all the same

You don't have to eat this muck one said
As she pushed it away from her bed
I thought I was hungry but boy when it came
I think it was some animal they shot when lame
It resembled some dish I threw in the bin
And if I had one here this would go in

The smell wafted ominously down the hall
It stunk like something I'd never smelled at all
Wasn't vegetable or mineral in fact is was rank
And all the day after the smell still stank
Like over cooked cabbage and burned greasy fat
Who in their right minds would want to eat that?
We're in hospital for treatment or because we're not well
If we were alright before, we'd be ill with the smell

So I know what you mean, fellow blogger, my friend
I've seen patient's faces as the meal back they send
And all they can muster is a blob of ice cream
Instead of a meal, "Oh no!" they scream
For the ice cream had melted and gone all funny
No need for a spoon for it was so runny
So I guess it don't matter which hospital you go
Take your own lunch, it's safer you know!


Typical Saturday Morning

Posted by CFMBabs , 25 April 2009 · 1,091 views

The goats are chewing happily in the field. The geese in similar mood are preening themselves in the yard and the cat rubs herself against the kitchen table with a loud purr. All seems sublimely peaceful in the country until the situation changes with a scream from upstairs.

"Muuumm! There's a bird in my bedroom come and get it out!"

This little frightened bird clung to the curtain rail not knowing what to do as I entered the room. It had flown in through an open window and it succeeded in doing something that I find almost impossible so early in the morning -- getting a teenager out of bed without excuse.

I decided to open the bedroom door wide and usher the little thing towards it in the hope it would fly towards the great hole in the wall. Of course by then, the cat had become involved and was smacking her lips in anticipation of a tasty snack courtesy of a stray flappy thing that had ventured into her pad. Her eyes were like saucers, tail flipping side to side and intent upon having breakfast on the stairway.

Finally, after much shooing and arm waving, the little bird found its way outside and the cat sloped away in disappointment. My daughter returned to her room but not back to bed and I didn't hear the last of it until well after lunch.

Hubby was in the yard moving stuff about and not really making any progress in the building saga. Typical Saturday morning. The family all home - no work, no college. What were we doing up and about at 8.30 am? You'd expect a bit of a lie in at least.


Radio Ga Ga!

Posted by CFMBabs , 25 April 2009 · 1,107 views

Ahh! the end of the week and my one and only purpose of getting myself ready to go out and into town is the fact that it's the day I present my little slot on the radio. Things are about to change with the little slot becoming an extended show and me, yes me, a presenting DJ-ess.

Today I sat with my most favourite presenter at the station. He's my favourite because he makes me laugh and makes me go all unnecessarily unprofessional as he pulls faces as I try to describe my Dish Of The Week. Today was no exception and I found myself giggling live on air as I did something with a vegetable that he found highly amusing. I do not need to paint the picture, I think you can visualise the innuendo? To make matters worse, a guest sat doubled up with laughter and then mayhem ensued. Well, the switchboard lit up and the station manager burst in dragging his finger across his throat without actually saying "Cut!"but we knew what he meant simply by his actions. If I was under any disillusions of becoming the third female presenter, my time was about to be cut short before I'd even played my first jingle.

My headphones cradled around my neck as I walked into his office trying to keep a straight face. It's difficult to remember what you've said since you've already said it! I was hoping it was nothing too insulting or offensive and my head was full of "I really wish I hadn't taken this recipe in today -- the cucumber was a bad idea." I tapped on the door and a voice shouted "Yeah!" which in radio terms means "come in!" The station manager swivelled in his leather look chair chewing the end off a pencil. I cleared my throat and began to apologise although I wasn't sure what for.

"Don't apologise, it wasn't your fault. Fact is it was quite funny and actually you handled it really well. I need to ask you what days you're available?

Phew! I was off the hook and not about to be shown the door in disgrace. We worked out a schedule, my training and co-presenting would be carried out over the space of a week and when I feel more confident and ready to host the show when the reins will be handed over.

I got home just in time to apprehend one of the goats who had found a new pastime -- the limbo under the fence game! We've just paid a fortune to keep them in and the little critters have worked out how to escape without jumping the fence. Apple was the culprit and was enjoying dandelions whilst the road was stopped with a line of traffic and well meaning busy body motorists telling me that I had a goat on the wayside. I spent the next 10 minutes trying to shove its head under the bottom plank followed by its rear end! It was pretty pointless in the end because once she'd tasted the lovely yellow flowers, there was no stopping her. I endured the next few hours on goat watch smiling and waving at passing motorists.

Worse was to come as the geese spotted me from the yard and decided to come down and keep me company so now I was stuck between herding the geese back and shepherding a determined goat. Of course the goose brought the goslings to see me as well so the Awww factor was very much reverberating through the traffic. I really should charge for the entertainment because I'm sure that car went by twice?

Hubby came home to my nagging and I sent him down to the fence where it was quite obvious how she'd managed to get out at will. The hammer and nails went from the shed along with several lengths of wood, well at least I'll sleep better tonight!

My exciting day at the station and my news of becoming a DJ took a back seat and I didn't bother mentioning it until later in the evening, by then it wasn't exciting at all. I watered my plants and tended the weeds. I smiled at the cucumber plants and said under my breath, "You caused me some problems today!"


Everything's Coming Up Roses!

Posted by CFMBabs , 22 April 2009 · 1,058 views

Everything's coming up roses -- well peas, potatoes and carrots, that is. I've achieved a successful veg patch without the pitfalls of a novice. Why, I was even called an expert by a passing friend who called in to say hello! She went away with a box full of the fruits of my labour, tomatoes, cucumbers and some little chilli plants from my greenhouse. She was amazed by my achievement, none more than myself because all I've ever managed to grow in the past is cress.

"What's your secret?" she asked, hoping I had an exclusive method.

"Too much time and a dose of boredom," I said!

"You know. you could sell your plants, make a business out of it," was her reply

Fact is, I've thought about that very thing myself. I've enjoyed pottering around the greenhouse. A huge plus has to be the warmth and it's not that we don't have the space. I even discussed it with my hubby who nodded his head and then asked what was for dinner, much to his interest in the matter. My daughter groaned thinking that she would be involved somewhere along the line.

"I'm not selling plants to strangers," she said. "No way!"

"You know it could pay for our annual holiday in Crete without you having to save for it!" I said with a persuasive tone

"I'll do it!" was the response, "When do we start?"

Ah, Crete! Not long now before we set off on our annual mission to the islands. This year though I'm more hopeful that the house will be finished and we won't be sacrificing the hole in the wall for a hole in the pocket trip this year.
It's been home to the sparrows, geese and even goats during winter. Didn't they used to live like that in medieval times? Well it happens to be my dining room or at least it will be. It's all cleared and ready to go and I must be the most patient woman in the entire universe. For every job that ever got finished, we never got anywhere near that hole. The weather played it's part entirely, from the day we took it down it never stopped raining and when it did, my hubby wasn't home (Work). Now I'm determined, come hail or shine, to get the wall put back and have a home without a patio indoors.

So everything is about to come up roses but roses round the door is still a way off!


The Perils Of Being Thin!

Posted by CFMBabs , 21 April 2009 · 1,120 views

Things were so different when I used to be fat
Oh, by the way I didn't mind being called that!
All the jolly woman don't have issues with their weight
That explains a lot then, now I'm a sickly size eight

Once my rounded figure was one for those to mock
Could never find an outfit or a suitable frock
I always felt discomfort in jeans that were to tight
And had to battle each morning, the zip was a fight
Lay on top of the bed in an uncompromising position
Daren't breathe out for fear of an exploding disposition

Still, I was happy in my own little way
And didn't worry about what people say
Calories were for dieters for me they posed no worry
I'd still shovel in an ice cream, a biscuit and a curry!
Though nights were never peaceful that burning I would hate
Just waiting for the lump to simply regurgitate

I can't be more disgusting well you know me for sure
This old model that I traded in for something a little newer
Now with my jeans I wear a belt, and clothes were made to fit
I don't have to be careful of popping out when I sit
Those muffin top love handles that used to overflow
Have gone along with my bosom, it didn't take long to go
My hubby jokes about them says he's seen bigger on a gnat
They were much larger when I was happy and fat
Now they look like two tablets on a flat piece of board
I'd have them enlarged you know if I could afford!

My cheekbones have become more prominent hollow and thin
Like I'm permanently sucking a lemon, and trying to keep it in
As shadow of my former self and I did it without a plan
If I could market this weight loss I'd put it in a can
But I wouldn't wish scleroderma on any woman or man


Half a Century Spouse!

Posted by CFMBabs , 21 April 2009 · 1,070 views

Well, my hubby hit five-0 over the weekend and I couldn't help but tease him a little. A gentle reminder told him that I was still in my forties, albeit just 18 months behind him! Of course he stood some very snide remarks from his friends who labelled him as officially an "Owd Chap". Fifty is surely a milestone and one you never think will happen to you.

Well, he was given quite a few bottles of whiskey and he sat for most of the weekend with a cross eyed look and permanent grin on his face. Far from drowning his sorrows, I think he actually found a plausible excuse to have a good tipple. Not so good when he fell outside the door banging his head on some bricks though and I ended up with frozen fingers holding a bag of ice cubes on his brow to take down a rather huge lump. As a sufferer of gout and sporting a limp, he now had a bruised head and darkening eye. It was a bit shameful because it looked as though I'd given him a hiding or he'd gone the whole hog with Mike Tyson. So much for a joyous fiftieth event!

The weather is so good that I'm saying it quietly. Dare I mention the "S" word, Sun? Dare I even mention that I have a tan on account of being outdoors in the fresh air doing my gardening bit? Well there you are I just mentioned it! April in England has never been known to feel like summer. With temperatures in the high 16 -18's( 62 - 66 F) it was almost 40 in my greenhouse and that's a whopping 104 degrees! No one told me that you could get sunburn in a greenhouse, so it was quite a surprise to have strap marks and a big red face when I looked in the mirror. My hubby burned his head, now he looks like a matchstick. With the evenings still chilly, it's weird sitting by the fire with a tan and rubbing aftersun on my hubby's bonce.

The house is looking much better though. Finally I can report movement on the hole in the wall saga. The whole area has been cleared ready for building and hopefully, weather permitting, we'll make a start this weekend.

Back on track as they say! Please, Mr Weatherman, will you be kind this year?


Slim But Not Shady!

Posted by CFMBabs , 16 April 2009 · 964 views

If I have to blow my nose one more time.... The dreaded cold is back! I'm tired of sniffling and wiping my conk until it's red and sore, lovely subject by the way! My daughter even gave me a pack of her tissues which are mentholated -- imagine carrying those around with you all day? Everyone close by was breathing pure fresh air on account of my sneezing episode which brought out at least 4 handkerchiefs in one go!

Serious issue now: I've lost more weight -- a full 7 pounds. That may not sound very drastic but for me it means trouble with the dietician who just about tolerates my antics with a light-hearted warning. The threat of hospitalisation makes me hit the fridge for chocolate and milk and then I half choke just trying to shovel it all in. I then have to walk round with my head tilted backwards and hold my breath. It's a technique I've mastered for holding the food in -- and here I go again -- can I not be more disgustingly open?

Okay, so I have my problems. Another happens to be my bra -- oh yes, I still wear one, although I can't remember what for. I now wear a padded effort on account of only having two little excuses for a bust. My latest sexy pink one wasn't so sexy when I accidentally walked into someone in front and it made a ding on my left bosom. It was pointed out to me by my very observant daughter who immediately escorted me to the bathroom to push it back into shape.

On a plus side, I don't have to hold back in the clothing department. Usually the very small sizes are the ones left on the shelf and mostly on the sale rail which means I only take half the time to choose an outfit and I don't have to make excuses about the sizes being wrong which was always the case many years ago. I've been slim for almost 5 years now, but the holidays are fast approaching and I may just need a size smaller!

So I weighed myself this morning, not something I usually do! I felt thin if you know what I mean? My hips felt like I was stroking a starving cow and my shoulder blades look a bit like the shoulder pads on Dallas! (Remember that series?) I feel very slender and it's confirmed when I put on my jeans. I'm constantly pulling them up and they never used to be like that. Even my collarbone is beginning to look more like an Egyptian necklace! I may mock my figure but it's certainly no laughing matter to me.

Feet up, coffee in hand. I watch my mother goose, yes she is finally parading the goslings, 5 of them! A smile stretches across my face, you can't help but smile at the sight of 10 little orange legs topped with explosions of yellow fluff and cute little orange beaks -- five miniature Big Birds -- well at least she's happy. I'm just glad they're out at last, at least now we'll have the yard back instead of being hissed at every time we walk towards the gate.

Isn't nature wonderful?

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