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Posted by CFMBabs , 21 May 2008 · 595 views

When I was first asked to write on the blog section of ISN Sclero Forums, I didn't know what a blog was? I asked my hubby if he knew, and of course being the clever so-and-so he makes out to be, went on to explain that it's something politicians and well known people do all the time! "Look online and you'll see what I mean."

That was quite a long time ago now and I remember to not admitting that I didn't know what I was doing, instead I replied with a resounding, "Sure -- No problem!"

Here I am some years down the line, still writing rubbish. Aren't you guys fed up with me yet? Some day's I have absolutely nothing to report, such is my uneventful life at the moment. Some days I'm bursting with things I need to say! And you must pardon my jargon on such a day as that.

I spent most of my 30s just hating myself. I was fat and frumpy and dealing with something no one knew much about! I guess my head was elsewhere rather than giving myself justice. I spent my 40th birthday in a thoroughly miserable state of emotion. I couldn't bear to look at photographs, I looked so old and done for! I felt like a nobody and I suppose I behaved like that too! And in amongst all that came my wilderness years.

Water under the bridge now! I quite like myself at last. I'm happy with the diagnosis, able to accept what I've become and most of all I look better, feel better and I can look at photographs without judgement. I have a figure I could never have imagined ever owning again. I was a slim girl in my teens and all of my twenties but when I hit my thirties, they were horrible.

I guess I ate because I was depressed with illness. I'd been through so much all at once and then was looked down upon by my family and health professionals who saw me as some kind of hypochondriac. I was never a complainer, even now. I get on with life and if you don't know me, you'd never know my secret! Every twinge of pain is irrelevant compared to other aliments I own. I never mention a headache or the fact I'm nausious most of the time, I just take it for granted, and if that's the model of a hypochondriac then hypochondriac I am!

Size 8 jeans (probably a zero in most parts of the world) and the only worry about food these days is the lack of it! My dietitian worries about my weight being on the borderline, such a far cry from obesity that I once fringed upon. Not so much now that I watch the pounds coming off for different reasons. Once I'd be over the moon with a couple of pounds shed. Now I'd be mighty worried and try to conceal the fact. Every weigh in at the clinic has me in a state of nervous disposition hoping that I'd be the same as last time, hopefully a little heavier!

The one huge plus is that I get to wear all of my daughter's cast offs, so now I'm not only slim, but trendy with it as well! I'll be wearing my bikinis this summer in Crete without feeling frumpy, and the only embarassment I'll feel is when I reveal my tummy tube, so it's a different kind of shyness and I've yet to experience someone asking me what exactly it is?

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