I dread the very mention of the 'E' word as it brings back two years of hospital stays and illness and I thought I was through with all that!
I can't think of a worse procedure, I'm sure there are plenty and I'm sure that in my last 10 years there have been far worse situations but, an endoscope is my worst phobia and we all have one, don't we?
It's not that I'm frightened or the fact that I might throw up all over the doctor, not that he doesn't deserve that for putting me through it, it's the awareness of the whole thing. I don't know what's wrong with our hospitals these days? They prefer you to have no sedation and be totally awake during the whole thing. Well, pardon me, but I'm the one who's on the bed having a thing the size of a garden hose pipe shoved down my throat, not them! I can't find a single reason to be totally aware of my situtation during the whole episode! Sure you can go straight home afterwards instead of hanging around for the mercy of a ride home, but I'd rather my hubby drive me than drive back home myself after what I feel has been a traumatic ordeal. You may agree with me, you may not, but I know which decision I'd make and that's sedation.
Going back to the hospital thing, Yes, I was in hospital for the best part of two years, incredibly for the same thing. I lost count of how many times I was asked to swallow that tube and believe me I went through some very tough times. I'm sure the procedure was used in the medievel ages-- I mean sticking something down your food pipe and blowing up a balloon which someone forgot to take the protective wrapper off, is nothing short of a nightmare in itself. Then to have had three bouts of surgery on top of that and then a feeding tube inserted four separate times on different occasions, I think I have just cause to moan.
I've just recieved my letter, you may have guessed, for yet another to be performed on the 27th Dec. They sent me a letter requesting me to make my own appointment with them, mutually convenient I think it said, Huh! do you call an endoscopy convenient whenever it may be, next week, next year, it's never convenient, what a laugh!
So what is it for this time? Well, I may have some surgery residue, answers on a postcard please! What on earth is that? Anyhow at a guess it could be that he's left his wedding ring in there or his wristwatch but speaking from experience, it's probably just another mess up and another chance to have a fiddle. I'm a laboratory specimen I'm sure! Anyhow, grin and bear it as my Mother always said
Grin, yes! bear, well we'll see?
Here's to life with scleroderma, and another dabble with the hospital.