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barefut impressions



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After Work

Posted by barefut , 16 April 2008 · 821 views

Just off work and finding myself again, sitting in Betsy Big Rig in the grocery store parking lot, not wanting to go in. My whole body is buzzing from the activity of the day - or is it from my head cold?

There is a girl getting into her car who could be Epasen's twin.

If I recline my seat I'll be asleep in under 30 seconds for sure and then I'd miss my oldest's baseball game here in town. Mom took Little One to T-ball practice in the opposite direction and Coach is giving Big One a ride to the game since I am already in town. What would I ever do without the help of friends and family? They are adding years to my life for sure.

Need to go on another grocery shopping mission. Fruit, fruit, and fruit! Mom spoils the kids with sweets. I need to fill the house with FRUIT!

My toe hurts. Don't want to walk. Don't want to use electric shopping cart either - stubborn pride. Shouldn't have worn these black leather work shoes. Should have worn my garden clogs again - even if they are neon green! The only way I can get away with that is to wear the sweater that matches them. Then it looks like I did it for fashion. Time to buy a black pair for work - SOON!

Seeing doctor for the ole' toe on Friday. Hoping it's not the big "G". Nah. Probably just a fungal infection - "Just" Ha! Just a fungal infection with scleroderma and Raynaud's isn't just a "just".

Rule of thumb (or should I say rule of toe): If it hurts and it's turning brown, see the doctor!

*sigh*

Better gear up for the battle in the grocery store, baseball game starts soon. That means I have to put my shoe back on.......... :( ouch.


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In Boys' Hearts

Posted by barefut , 07 April 2008 · 877 views

My 5 year old still thinks I'm the greatest and I'm savoring that like melt in your mouth chocolate. He still draws me pictures with "I love you mom" written on them. He still crawls up in my lap and snuggles, gives me hugs that last all day and doesn't mind my smoochy kisses. I know he still thinks I'm the greatest because he tells me so.

He also writes me poetry. Here's his latest:

Rosis ar red, the skii is blluu but most ov ol I love you!

My 10 year old doesn't want to be hugged in front of his friends, won't let me hug him for more than 5 seconds and hates my smoochy kisses. Most of the time he's mad at me for having rules and actually enforcing them now and then. Therein lies my problem - "now and then". I have to admit that I have broken the rules myself - the number one rule of parenthood: Be Consistent!

I have a good friend who reminds me when I am feeling less than adequate parentally, that, as parents, we are all just flying by the seat of our pants, making it up as we go along, playing it by ear and hoping for the best, and if anyone tries to tell me differently, they're lying! She's a good friend. And by the way, she has awesome kids.

My kids are awesome too. Each in their own separate ways. I do miss my big one being little, crawling up on my lap, snuggling, writing me little love notes. But he's on to big boy things now and it's just not cool to have your mom hugging and kissing you at the bus stop. I'm just going to have to be happy with a shoulder squeeze and know that in his heart he still needs my momma bear hugs and smoochy kisses.


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Going it alone

Posted by barefut , 31 March 2008 · 757 views

There's something to be said for going it alone - no compromising. As the only adult in the household, I can make dinner time whenever I want it to be, and I can make whatever I want for dinner. I can plant that tree anywhere I want to in the yard because I don't have to consider anyone else's opinion. I don't have to cater to or consider a partner's mood, schedule, likes or dislikes. I am my own boss. I set the rules and I can break the rules if I want to, without any backlash.

There's also something to be said for partnership: Being part of a team, working together towards a common goal; sharing joys and sorrows; knowing that someone is always there for you, willing to back you up, to put themselves out there for you; having someone's shoulder to cry on and being able to be the shoulder for them.

In the long run, I'm pretty sure that compromising isn't such a bad compromise for all that the right partnership would have to offer.


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Peace

Posted by barefut , 30 March 2008 · 860 views

My oldest left for a sleepover at a friend's house this afternoon. It has been a long time since he has been invited to anyone else's house for an overnighter. I must say it has been rather peaceful in the house without anyone for my little one to fight with. Boys and their noise and their toys....I tell you, sometimes I just need a break!

I had to stay home from work on Friday with them. Big one had sore throat and pinkeye and little one a sore throat. Between their pestering and bickering and whining and tattling and the tantrums, I just wanted to be at work. I thought I'd try to make the day at least a little bit productive and get some grocery shopping done. I needed to go out and get something for the sore throats anyway. By the time we got home I felt like my head had been through the blender.

Little one got the pinkeye today. The pharmacist was right, I do have enough eye drops left over for him. Big one's eyes looked good today so I let him go. What a blessing for us all. He needed to get out and I needed the break.

Big one is invited to another friend's house for another sleepover tomorrow night. I'll let him go. It's Spring Break next week, I have to work and mom is not here yet due to snow in the passes. Thank goodness for good neighbors who have agreed to babysit next week. I have 2 days covered so far. With big one at friend's house on Monday, I'll save a bit on childcare expenses.

It should be a peaceful day today with only one kid in the house. Maybe I can get something productive done if I can muster the energy. If the weather wasn't frigid and wet I would like to get out in the yard - maybe someday....Where is Spring? It actually snowed here Friday!!!

Going to try for my second round of sleep now. Wish me luck.


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Life's too short

Posted by barefut , 22 March 2008 · 779 views

Life's too short not to get in the game
To sit on the sidelines is a cryin' shame

But pay attention or pay the price
You don't want to make the same mistakes twice

Take it from me because this I know
Life's too short not to go with the flow

Listen to signals all around you
Soon you'll wonder how fulfillment found you

Life's too short not to take a leap
You never know what joy you'll reap


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Multi-tasking Momma

Posted by barefut , 19 March 2008 · 788 views

I found myself putting on my makeup this morning while sitting on the bathroom throne - a first for me. Can't waste a precious minute when you wake up at 7am and have to get yourself and 2 lollygagging boys in and out of the shower on one tank of hot water, and then get dried, dressed, fluffed, fed and out the door in under 50 minutes.

Getting breakfast and lunches made in the morning is another multi-tasking feat worthy of some kind of award: Get coffee brewing first, put waffles in the toaster. While the coffee is brewing and the waffles are toasting, warm the butter to spreadable in the microwave while you get out the bread, mayo and ham for making lunches. Run and get a towel for little one in the bathroom who is screaming because he's cold. Run back to microwave and clean up puddle of butter. Pour what was left on butter dish onto very, very, crispy, cold, waffles. Throw waffles in the garbage can and start over.

Make sandwiches while second batch of waffles are toasting. Run outside to defrost Betsy Big Rig. Come back in and break up a fight between boys in the bathroom. Help little one find clothes. Finish packing lunches. Help big one find socks. Is my coffee done brewing? Warm another stick of butter. Take cold hard waffles out of toaster and throw them away. Unknot and re tie 4 tennis shoes. Give each kid one of my breakfast drinks and a kiss on the cheek. Race out the door to the bus stop. Wave.

Get in Betsy, buckle up and follow the bus out to the highway. At stop sign, curse for forgetting all about my coffee and for also forgetting to take the garbage out for pick up.

At least I have my makeup on. :D


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Gluttons for punishment

Posted by barefut , 19 March 2008 · 821 views

I have always wanted a little pygmy goat or two. They are the most precious little things! And now here's Barbs with not one, not two, but five! I can just imagine....it's not hard to with Barb's vivid descriptions. When she told of putting up the sheet metal fencing at 4:30 in the morning in like what.....40 degrees below zero?! My hands went blue! Oh Barbs, what are you doing to yourself?

I must admit though, I sometimes do it too - carry on - "getting on with it" even when I know I shouldn't. Glutton for punishment I guess? :( Or maybe stubborn pride? <_< Sometimes I don't want to be thought of as lazy or not pulling my weight. Sometimes I still like to pretend I can do it all. Denial is fun to visit now and then. But then I always pay the price. One way or another my body will tell me what an idiot I was and warn me not to do it again - or else. :angry:

So, dear Barbs, now that you have granted my wish of getting more animals I am looking forward to hearing more stories of life on the farm with those cute little goats but please don't sacrifice your limbs!

Stay Wa-a-a-a-r-r-r-r-m-m-m-m


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When chickens fly

Posted by barefut , 12 March 2008 · 797 views

You know the weather is bad when chickens fly, because even though they have been equipped with wings and feathers, they were just not built for flying.

I SO love reading about Barb's life on the farm. I wish she would get more animals so I could hear more stories. But I guess that's kind of mean since they are so much work and the last thing I would wish upon Barbs is more work.

I thought we had it bad weather-wise up here in the "Great Northwest" or as I call it, the Great North Wet. I live in Northwest Washington USA and sometimes it feels like it will never dry out. Some of us have adapted with webbed feet; some of us just have moss between our toes. But it sounds like Barbs has it much worse off in her neck of the woods.

March has so far been windy and wet as usual. By April I will give my right arm for a ray of sunshine. The most depressing days though are the ones where the fog never lifts all day.

Weather can have a profound effect on our moods not to mention our physical well being as I'm sure most of you have experienced. Makes me wonder too, how much of my physical woes are weather/mood related. I know when the sun does finally shine down on me, I am elated and I feel like I can tackle the world. I usually don't know what to do first and run around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to tackle all my yard chores at once.

Then there's the sunny days where I just don't want to do anything but sit on the beach, listen to the waves and watch the kids play. I think I'll leave you with that warm thought for now.


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New way of life

Posted by barefut , 07 March 2008 · 796 views

I used to get so frustrated waking up at 1:30 am every single night (morning!) and not being able to get back to sleep, but now it has just become a new way of life.

Getting frustrated about it isn't going to help me get back to sleep so I might as well use the precious time to my advantage and do some laundry, balance the checkbook, finish my applications for financial assistance for my medical bills, pick up the house, pay some bills and write a blog.

The only problem is, I'm still so foggy headed that my clothes are all pink, I'm overdrawn in my checking account, I can't remember where I put any of my assistance forms, I put tinker toys in the refrigerator, I sent the water payment to the power company and I'm boring you all to death with my endless drivel.

At work I keep trying to give people more money than they are entitled. Thank goodness for the honest man who returned the extra $100 I gave him 2 weeks ago! (for those of you who don't know me, I'm a bank teller) Yesterday I tried to give the same man an extra $20! My boss asked me what's up with that ..."Is he cute or something? Does he have you flustered?"

I think it's the time of day he always comes - right before closing when I'm pretty well brain fried. Maybe banking isn't such a good idea for me? :blink:

Well, better go check on my laundry and look for those application forms.....

I'd say good night but it's 2:35 in the MORNING! So, good DAY! :( :P


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I want my mommy

Posted by barefut , 02 March 2008 · 818 views

Ever had one of those I want my mommy days? Remember when you were a little kid and everything was unfair and no matter what you did it seemed things only got worse as the day went on until finally there was a straw that broke the camel's back and you just couldn't take it anymore and you cried out loud, "I want my mommy!" because a mommy's job is to make everything all better.

At 42, crying I want my mommy seems kind of pathetic but nevertheless, I want my mommy! I look around at my neglected house and yard and feel so overwhelmed. Just letting one day go by without keeping up on picking up, and doing the dishes is enough to send me into a depression. It's like not being able to pay a bill one month; next month it's going to be double - with interest and late charges! :(

Where am I supposed to find the energy to do it all? I am constantly prioritzing every move I make so as not to be wasting spoons on things that can wait. You should see how thick the dust and cobwebs are on the shelves above my living room windows. Dust and cobwebs are not a priority. I tell people it's an experiment.

Even for those of us who grew up without mommies, or mommies who were less than mothering, I'll bet you can think of someone in your life, a grandmother, aunt, sister or friend who has been there for you on your I want my mommy days even if it was only to listen to you while you unloaded.

I want my mommy to come help me with my house, yard and kids. Oh to come home from work and smell dinner waiting for me....to have this place dusted, to have my garden weeded, to have my little projects completed....all the things my mom likes to do for me and does so well.

Mom is not here yet but she still plans to come and I am finding that I am needing her help more everyday. Admitting that I need help is still hard for me but I guess I just need to get over it. Most healthy single, working moms can't do it all alone so I suppose I need to give myself a break.






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