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barefut impressions



Posted by barefut , 28 April 2009 · 811 views

Today Little One woke up at 5:00am hungry but couldn't do much with his oatmeal yet. His fever is gone! And it's raining! Never thought I'd be glad to see the rain but if it washes some of the pollen out of the air for awhile, I'll take it. I woke up myself the other day with a swollen face and bloodshot eyes. Speaking of waking up, I have discovered that if I take 800mg ibuprofen at night, I wake up much better. I am down to 4mg prednisone, so up goes the ibuprofen.

So, what to do today, if Little One (and my wallet) is up to it, I guess I'd better hit the laundromat. And check the mail for my tax return. Maybe get some food in the house. I hate grocery shopping. Yes, hate. Strong word but that's how I feel. I wish food would replenish itself.

I remember a time when I actually looked forward to grocery shopping. Big One was little and not only was I a stay-at-home mom, I was an isolated, no friends mom. Grocery shopping was like going to a party. I actually planned menus, made lists and comparison shopped. Being around people was comforting even if they were strangers. If I was lucky, I'd run into someone I knew and get to talk their ear off about everything.

How things change! Now, being around people is starting to wear on my nerves. My solitude is precious. I'm lucky if I can get in and out of the grocery store without seeing anyone I know. I can't remember anything long enough to put it on a list, planning menus takes place in the frozen dinners aisle, and comparison shopping is limited to 'which store can I get in and out of quickest?'

Well, feels like one of my pills got stuck today, better go see if I can make it go down before my esophagus burns up.


Thankful, Lucky, Grateful, Hopeful & Blessed

Posted by barefut , 27 April 2009 · 797 views

Two sick kids again. ARGH! Can we ever get healthy? This past weekend Big One complained of a sore throat, headache, stiff neck, aching back, had a temp of 102.5 and was hunched over a bowl in anticipation of vomiting. Somewhere in the far reaches of my memory, those particular symptoms rang a bell. Something I read.....meningitis? A quick web search said yep, get him to the doctor. A visit to the Express Care at the hospital confirmed strep throat. Antibiotics on the menu and I am to keep a close eye on him for the M word. Thankfully, he feels much better today. Luckily Little One's earache is not an infection and is probably just allergy related. The pollen is really bad right now and his poor little eyes and nose are driving him crazy.

So, off to school they go Monday morning. 2:00pm I get a call from school, Little One has a tummy ache and has been sleeping in the nurse's office. I have missed so much work due to our illnesses, I have gotten a verbal warning. I called my precious friend/babysitter/neighbor who is battling some serious health issues of her own and isn't even supposed to be around any kind of possible infection. The school nurse said he didn't have a fever. My friend agreed to pick him up for me and take him home with her.

She tucked him in with blankies, gingerale and movies and he again fell asleep. About 45 minutes before I was able to pick him up, he woke up with a fever and vomited. Poor kid. My poor friend, too! Now I am sick with worry about her catching this 'whatever it is' bug. Little Ones bounce back. An infection could be life threatening for my friend. Now I will keep an eye on her too. Well, thankfully I was scheduled for my day off tomorrow so I can stay home and play nurse and hope I don't get this latest crud.

I have had one day off in the last 12. Yea, 2 of those were Saturdays and I was off at 1:30 but nevertheless, it wasn't a day off. Then I totally forgot the 8:00am staff meeting this morning! I have never forgotten a meeting! I am always the first one there! I may joke but I am seriously worried about my memory. I know employee evaluations are coming up soon, so I couldn't have better timing to start messing up at work. I am lucky to have a job.

Oh and my clothes washing machine broke. I have been anticipating that one. I wish it could have waited for me to have some clean clothes in the house. Nope. Everything we own is dirty. Now I get to spend $3.00/load at the laundromat, one load at a time, on my lunch hours. My refrigerator is next to go. Instead of getting to spend my tax return on a hot tub, or invest it or save it, I will be buying new appliances with it. Joy. But, I am grateful to have a tax return.

Some good news! When I got home from work today, another of my precious neighbors had mowed my lawn! Front, back and side. I can't tell you what a relief it was to see it all done. He also pulled some weeds in my front flower weed beds. I am blessed to have such great neighbors.


Funny Funny Ladies Penny & Barbs

Posted by barefut , 18 April 2009 · 756 views

Okay ladies, thanks for the belly laughs! No thanks for making me wet my pants. Dented bosoms and parking lot face plants?! The visuals you two have stirred up in my imagination will have me laughing for days. Bless you both for that. How I would love to share an evening and a bottle of wine with you two!

I have nothing to blog now. I just want to bask in the afterglow of endorphins and massage my cheeks back to their former selves. Oh, and change my pants.


A Thank You from a Writer

Posted by barefut , 10 April 2009 · 727 views

Wow, would you look at that -- I am a blogger. A blogger for the International Scleroderma Network! (International!) My blog even has its very own (witty-ish) title and everything -- I think I might capitalize Blogger.

One might even go so far as to say that, I am a 'writer'. I write; therefore I am a writer. That is bold for me to say. I have always felt inhibited from actually referring to myself as'a writer. That term is reserved for published people who make a living from their work. People who have struggled for years, emotionally and financially, to earn that title. People who have gone to school to learn the finer art of writing and/or who have spent countless hours working to become published in addition to the countless hours of writing and/or agonizing over what to write about.

But tonight, with my glass of red wine warming my sore throat, I am uninhibited enough to say that, "I am a writer." That feels kinda cool. I couldn't pretend to be a writer without the privilege of being a Blogger for the International Scleroderma Network! (International - that's world-wide!) And I couldn't be a Blogger without the blessing of Shelley Ensz and the wisdom and support of my editor and mentor Carrie (Jefa) Maddoux. (That's cool - I have an editor -- I must be a writer!)

Without knowing it, Jefa has taught me a lot about writing and even more about myself. She has given me one of the greatest personal gifts I could ever ask for -- confidence. And without ever having met her in person, I can feel her confidence in me. She has made me think. Hard. About a lot of things. Carrie is on the top of my list of cyberfriends I would really love to meet in person, if only to give her a big hug and say thank you. Thank you for your confidence in me and thank you for giving me confidence in myself.

Thank you, Carrie.
You will always be in my heart.


Two Sick Bloggers

Posted by barefut , 07 April 2009 · 747 views

There once were two bloggers with colds in their heads
People kept telling them that they should be in bed
"Whatever will my family do then?" they said
Whatever will your family do when you're dead?

For that's surely their fate if they kept running 'round
They were driving themselves right into the ground
That is not where their families want them to be found!
They need those bloggers with a body that's sound

So off to bed they did go that day
And in their beds they loved to stay
What bliss it was for them to lay
And have things brought to them on tray

Their families worked just like a team
They even cleaned the carpets with steam
And brought their sick bloggers warm cocoa with cream
POOF! It was only just a dream


Can I Pour You Some Whine?

Posted by barefut , 03 April 2009 · 683 views

There goes the cork! I feel lousy. No, lousy would feel good. On the lousy scale of 1 - 10, I'm at about a 20. On top of the normal everyday lousy, I have been trying to hack up a lung for 2 weeks all the while trying to keep from peeing my pants with every cough. I also think my head might explode. After staying home with the boys for a week when they had the crud, now I have to continue on to work with my crud. I'm sure my fellow employees appreciate that. Oh, and it's that time of the month. That time of the month always has perfect timing.

As sclerodermians, or fibromyalgians or any kind of chronic pain sufferers, think for a minute about how much constant pain and discomfort we ignore every minute of every day. Once in awhile, in a quiet moment I will close my eyes and take inventory of what hurts and I have to laugh. Because, what a joke! Really. And it's either laugh or cry and crying never really does much good.

And then there are the body parts that, if not actually painful, they just refuse to function. Take my brain for example. As I mentioned before, part of my job as a personal banker is to remember people's names, and use them. Thus the term personal banker. I have a couple of problems with that. First of all, I have to remember a face. Then I have to remember a name and match it to the face. It doesn't do any good to remember names if I'm not using the right name with the right face. If only I could just call everyone sweetie or honey or pumpkin. I think that might be frowned upon in personal banking.

Well, I'll put the cork back in it and spare you my inventory of pain and go for another dose of cold medicine. I have to get ready for work in about 3 hours maybe I can catch a few zzzz's before then.


Greenhouse Envy

Posted by barefut , 31 March 2009 · 770 views

In reading Barb's blog, Green Fingers, I find myself suddenly experiencing greenhouse envy in sort of an "Ah Ha!" way. Greenhouse! Of course! I've got to get me one of those! Why, all these years, it has never occured to me that I could have one of those too? I do not know. Ten years ago, I started some flower seeds in the living room window, too poor to afford to buy plants. I loved the process but it was quite a pain not having the proper space or place to do the job. I ruined the woodwork on the window sill and I have never started seeds indoors since.

Barb's description of a Raynaud's free environment to "potter around" in sounds like a retreat for the soul. How I would love to spend hours babying little seeds into something beautiful for my yard or something healthy to eat. I can feel the warmth and smell the soil already.

So, why not a greenhouse for me? Where there's a will there's a way. (Or where there's a dad there's a way... :rolleyes: ) So dad, I guess you know what your next project will be on your next visit, as if you haven't already done enough for me! But you knew I couldn't let you get away without putting you to work on some kind of summer project right? ;)


If I Had A Magic Wand...

Posted by barefut , 30 March 2009 · 871 views

If I had a magic wand I'd tap all the grumpy, uncaring, irresponsible, argumentative, disagreeable, negative people in the world and make them wear rose colored glasses. I have got to say that it boggles me how some people have made this their way of life. Might need a magic bat.

My son and I were crossing a parking lot in a cross walk when a car failed to stop and skidded on the wet pavement. (You might be thinking this is going to be about the driver - nope) I'm sure the driver saw us but expected us to stop for him. Since we were already 3 steps into the the crosswalk, we continued walking expecting the driver to stop for us. After the close call, I looked back and realized that the white lines on the pavement were so worn away they were barely visible. Being that we live in a tourist town, I figured the driver might not be from around here and therefore not aware that there was a crosswalk there.

Once inside the store, I met a clerk and told her of our close call and politely asked if she might pass along to management that it is time to re paint the lines in the parking lot. I guess that responsibility was too much for her and she told me to talk to somebody else. 'Luckily' the store manager happened to be walking by so she flagged him down. Once again, I explained our close call and mentioned that for safety's sake, its probably time to have the lines re painted in the parking lot.

I was floored when the manager became defensive, (as if he were the driver!) and tried to argue with me about there being a crosswalk in the parking lot and beckoned me to come outside with him and show him where this incident took place. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I figured he must not be from around here, and can't see the lines either. When he saw where I was talking about, all he had to say was, "Well, the parking lot is not our responsibility, it's the building owner's."

It would have been easier for me to go buy paint and a brush and paint the lines on the pavement myself! What is wrong with people? If I was that clerk and someone told me that story and asked me to pass along a safety hazard to management I would have said, "Oh my goodness, I am sorry that happened to you. What a scary thing. I will definitely let the let my manager know." If I was the manager and I heard that story and even if I didn't know there was a crosswalk in the parking lot, I would have said the same thing, and if I felt the need to defend the store from some kind of liability, I would have simply said, "I will let the building owner know."

There went fifteen minutes of wasted time I'll never get back.


Random Stuff

Posted by barefut , 16 March 2009 · 782 views

If you dream about exercise, does that count? I woke up this morning thinking I was all firm and fit and healthy. What a rude awakening! Then I noticed the headache. And its raining. Silver lining: It's not snowing!

My cat is trying to pet himself with the vacuum cleaner. My youngest is staring at me. "Why don't you pet your poor cat?"

"Nope, I'm busy."

Big One streaks through the house looking for clothes. He can't find any because they are all folded up in his dresser drawers.

Little One discovers my grandpa's harmonicas. Yay. Could be worse; grandpa could have played drums.
Cat sings along - or is he telling him to stop it? OOPS! He's telling him to stop it.

Big one says, "What do you play if you can't play an instrument? Drums."

Okay, so I actually went to an online match making service last night and filled out a questionnaire. With every group of questions I found myself criticizing the survey: "They just asked me the same thing in slightly different words in the last group of questions! How did I answer that one?" By the time I was done they said I was schizophrenic. Don't tell anybody.

Silver lining turned to lead: It's snowing.

45 minutes later -- It's a whiteout with the most gigantic flakes I have ever seen! How can something so beautiful be so much of a pain?! There'd better be school tomorrow - I'm going to work if I have to harness up the neighborhood dogs and mush into town.


Guilty, Lucky, Lonely, Jealous, Economical Mom

Posted by barefut , 16 March 2009 · 757 views

Took Little One to the urgent care at the hospital tonight upon his second, "My ear hurts". This is the kid who holds the record for most ear infections as an infant. This is the kid whos ER doctor told me when he was 2 years old, "You know, ear infections will clear up on their own - you don't have to have antibiotics every time." Okay doctor, tell that to this screaming kid at 3 am! Anyway, I wasn't going to wait another day this time.

I'm still feeling guilty for not taking Big One in sooner. Poor kid. I feel awful about that. He has not had the history with ear infections like my youngest and so I let it go until he had a sinus infection too! What kind of mom am I? That borders on neglect! Handcuff me and take me away. If there is a silver lining (and I am always looking for one) I got to spend some much needed quality time with my oldest this week. We worked on his homework together. He gave me refresher courses in American colonization and plane geometry. I learned a lot! We also had some good talks, played board games and laughed a lot. That kid cracks me up. I am a very lucky mom.

I'm kind of a lonely mom too. I've been single for 3 years now. It is really hard for me to see all the happily married couples of my sons' team mates at practices, games and the award dinners. I feel like an outsider. I will admit, I am jealous. You can tell these couples are truly soul mates and completely devoted to each other and their kids. I want that. But I am so far from that. I haven't even been asked on a date - or asked anyone myself. This small town does not help.

I am about ready to go online in search of someone. That's economical. I figure life is too short you know? I don't want to spend what little time I have left on this planet wishing I had someone else's relationship; waiting and looking for someone in this small town who might be compatible. And I don't want to play games either. I want to lay all my cards on the table, cut to the chase and get to the good stuff. I've always been a no nonsense kind of girl. Wow, this is starting to sound like a profile.....maybe I'll work on that.

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