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Guilty, Lucky, Lonely, Jealous, Economical Mom

Posted by barefut , 16 March 2009 · 781 views

Took Little One to the urgent care at the hospital tonight upon his second, "My ear hurts". This is the kid who holds the record for most ear infections as an infant. This is the kid whos ER doctor told me when he was 2 years old, "You know, ear infections will clear up on their own - you don't have to have antibiotics every time." Okay doctor, tell that to this screaming kid at 3 am! Anyway, I wasn't going to wait another day this time.

I'm still feeling guilty for not taking Big One in sooner. Poor kid. I feel awful about that. He has not had the history with ear infections like my youngest and so I let it go until he had a sinus infection too! What kind of mom am I? That borders on neglect! Handcuff me and take me away. If there is a silver lining (and I am always looking for one) I got to spend some much needed quality time with my oldest this week. We worked on his homework together. He gave me refresher courses in American colonization and plane geometry. I learned a lot! We also had some good talks, played board games and laughed a lot. That kid cracks me up. I am a very lucky mom.

I'm kind of a lonely mom too. I've been single for 3 years now. It is really hard for me to see all the happily married couples of my sons' team mates at practices, games and the award dinners. I feel like an outsider. I will admit, I am jealous. You can tell these couples are truly soul mates and completely devoted to each other and their kids. I want that. But I am so far from that. I haven't even been asked on a date - or asked anyone myself. This small town does not help.

I am about ready to go online in search of someone. That's economical. I figure life is too short you know? I don't want to spend what little time I have left on this planet wishing I had someone else's relationship; waiting and looking for someone in this small town who might be compatible. And I don't want to play games either. I want to lay all my cards on the table, cut to the chase and get to the good stuff. I've always been a no nonsense kind of girl. Wow, this is starting to sound like a profile.....maybe I'll work on that.




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