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#1 Patty Arche-Hueck

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Posted 04 November 2010 - 07:30 AM

Posted Image Yes I have been away for a while. I have to tell you that I was incredibly close with my mother in law, and she died in Dec 2005. My father in law married another lady in 2006 and moved to her country, so the communication was minimal.

Anyways they came to the States last week to visit, shop, etc,and of course we (hubby and I) have to take then around. My hubby deserves a medal. I was just with them until my back when out, so I stayed home. I am feeling better now, and I have to tell you this lady is very nice and takes care of my father in law very well. But it was hard to see him with another woman after mama, they were married for 45 years,and he stayed by her till the last moment. But still hard for us, so everybody in my house was stressed up which translates in pain for me. I am getting better now, I need to. I am looking forward for a trip to see my kid on November 12, and for what I know is a great trip and she has planned it so I will feel like a Queen.



#2 debonair susie

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Posted 05 November 2010 - 04:51 AM

Hi Patty, We have missed you but hope your back begins to feel better.
Of course, when stressed, the first place stress seems to be felt is in the back and as you know, to keep stress to a minimum, is really important. Otherwise, it eventually makes its way to the rest of our bodies, causing a negative effect.

Please allow me the opportunity to speak on the subject of stepmoms...
I am a stepmom and it's a rough position to fill. My husband's oldest is only 6 years younger than I, then each is a year apart, except for the (fourth child) youngest son, who is one year older than my own daughter and then my youngest is 2 1/2 years younger than my daughter.
His youngest child was only 15 when we married, so he lived with us until he graduated from high school. He and I got along well, but it took much longer for the other adult children and me to "bond" also. Because his second youngest moved out of state, shortly after we married, it seemed to take even longer for him to get to know me, as he wasn't around me the way the others were.
I felt I had to bend over backwards, in order to be accepted. I was so fortunate, in that their mom was my ally and when they would "grouch" about me...to her, she would say, "Go talk to Susie"!
Because your mom has passed away (as theirs now also has...2 years ago) and you say that she has taken great care of your dad,I'm thinking your dad chose this lady because she really is great.

As you mentioned...your folks shared a wonderful long life together and he was there, with her, to the very end.
Intellectually, you are on board and your emotions will get there also...it will just take a bit of time. You aren't betraying your mom...you are honoring her memory.

You DO have a great kid! Enjoy your trip "Queen Patty"! :jump-for-joy:
We're looking forward to hearing all about it when you get around to it!
Special Hugs,

Susie Kraft
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#3 Patty Arche-Hueck

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Posted 06 November 2010 - 04:56 AM

Susie thanks for your reply, I am getting better from my back pain, it is my weak point since the surgery. I understand and know about good and bad step parents(had a good share of those myself)but when it comes to my in laws it's really hard,that was a wonderful marriage, the only example of true love and friendship I got, and even when they were my hubby parents it was like their were mine too. I am very happy my father in law is so happy and well take care but I miss Mama. I talk to you about this because I just can not do it with hubby it's harder for him and he relies on me so I have to be the "sane one" that helps him to go through this.
Anyways thanks and I will "talk" to you later..hugs Patty

#4 Amanda Thorpe

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Posted 06 November 2010 - 06:48 AM

Hello Patty

I'm glad you got to see your family again. Have a great trip and in the meantime try to de-stress, as Susie has said stress is no friend of the sclerodermian.

Take care.
Amanda Thorpe
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