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For My Mum


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14 replies to this topic

#1 CFMBabs

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 11:10 AM

Thank you so much for all your kind words, you don't know how much it means to me at his present moment.
I have never felt such an overwhelming sense of grief I guess it's normal. My mother's passing on monday was the worst day of my life and the impact on me has been devastating so far. She died after a long battle with Alzhiemers so the pain of witnessing a loved one go through such a mental change was the hardest thing to take or so I thought! She didn't know me or my dad but her lovely smile right to the end reminded me of the woman I'd loved all my life and I continued to love her till the end.
I went through the pain of hoping she would die with dignity and then almost wishing it upon her in the last few days. My head was all over the place -- how can a daughter wish this upon her mum but she was beginning to suffer. She lost her ability to speak, eat, drink and she had no control over her bodily functions.
I could see in her eyes the longing for peace and at one point she understood my asking if she was tired of life by nodding her head.
She slipped away on the 16th of july -- her heart gave out and stopped, mine lives but broken.
I realise how many friends I have. I'm so lucky to have you all, though not with me but right beside me. All your words and thoughts have given me the strength to type this post and with each passing day I feel more like myself not a heartless rag doll.
If there is a greater being out there and whatever awaits us beyond life, I hope my mum finds peace and a special place. She will always have a special place in my heart.
Goodnight Sweetheart!

Love and loving hugs to you all

Barbs xxx ( Barbara Lowe)

#2 Annie N

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 11:35 AM

I just want to send my heartfelt condolences to you. It sounds like you were a wonderful daughter who was lucky enough to have a loving mom who cared so much for you as well.
So sorry for your loss.
Annie N.

#3 jefa

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 11:38 AM

There is nothing like the sense of overwhelming grief you describe, coupled with the inevitable entanglement of opposing emotions. It is all normal. We feel loss, grief, guilt, relief, anxiety and peace, changing from one emotion to another. You will get stronger and be able to gain strength from the changing relationships with your father, your husband and your daughter. I wish I were close enough to give you a proper hug. Your mother raised a beautiful daughter. I for one am glad she did and will think of her when I think of you.
Warm wishes,
Jefa

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#4 Margaret

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 12:59 PM

Barbs ,

Your feelings and emotions will eventually subside but you will always remember the day she died and how it affected you. I don't know which is harder.....dealing with a loss over time due to Alzheimer or having a loved one die unexpectedly like my Dad did....getting that totally unexpected phone call at 3:30 am. I remember crying till the sun came up and, then, thinking to myself that 'another day came' even though I didn't think I could live through it. I had never experienced 'emotional heartache' like that........

You're in my thoughts,
Margaret

#5 Sam

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 01:18 PM

Barb, I'm so sorry to hear of your mums passing. I will keep you and your fmaily in my thoughts, Sam
Sam

#6 Sherion

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 02:10 PM

Barb, I am so sorry about your mom's passing. I can understand the "all over the place' feelings. My mother also has alzheimers and my mother-in-law is getting very feeble minded. The stress of watching our loved ones lose all the life they once enjoyed is very painful. I sometimes think they may be better off passing, then I get mad at myself for those thoughts. There is so little we can do for them while they are suffering is the hardest thing I think I've dealt with. You have my deepest sympathy.

Sherion

#7 nan

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 03:36 PM

Barbs,
My dad had dementia and he died last October. He hadn't recognized me for two years. He had sepsis and kept fighting until the end. My family was at the same point as you. We just wanted him to have peace. At one point I said to him that I knew I always told him I wanted him to live forever, but that now it was ok for him to die so he could be at peace.
Take care of yourself!
Nan

#8 bookworm

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 04:19 PM

Barbs,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my own mom a few years ago and I will miss her always. There just really isn't anyone like one's mom, is there?

Mary in Texas

#9 Donna

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 05:24 PM

Barbs,
Extending my 'Deepest Sympathy' to you !!!
I know the feeling all too well (My Mom passed in May 2005), she also had dementia and like it was stated - there's nothing like losing your Mom, no matter how old you may be.........

She is at peace now and free of pain & suffering........

Hugs, Donna

#10 WestCoast1

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 06:55 PM

My thoughts are with you and your family.
*WestCoast*

********

#11 kelowna52

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Posted 19 July 2007 - 05:25 AM

Hello Barbs, I am so sorry for your loss. It's very hard to loose a loved one, but like you say, she will be in peace now. Each day will get easier, but she will always be in your heart. My mom is still here with us and I know it will be very hard for me to go through what you are dealing with now, when she passes on. Please take care of yourself and you know we are here for you.

Love Jackie S.

#12 ShawMJ

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Posted 21 July 2007 - 06:35 PM

Barbs theres not much that I can say because everyone has already said what I would have.I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and yes finally your beloved mom is at peace.I lost my mom years ago to diabetes and the pain will always be there as theres no one like our mothers.Please take care of yourslef I know thats what your mom would have wanted although she couldn't tell you.Your daughter and hubby and all of you will stay in my thoughts.if you need to talk yu know where I am.Mary

#13 janeygirl

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Posted 22 July 2007 - 02:08 AM

Hello Barbs,
So sorry to hear about your mum. My thoughts are with you I went through the same thing with my nan for six years, but like my nan your mum is at peace.
takecare
atnaw

#14 Alexandra

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Posted 26 July 2007 - 03:22 PM

Hello to you!
We have not really met, but my thoughts are with you.Take care of your self in this difficult time.
with love and light
Alexandra (In the South East, Surrey)

#15 CFMBabs

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Posted 01 August 2007 - 08:52 AM

Thanks again for all your replies. I'm coming to terms albeit very slowly and I don't think it's really sunk in yet. In truth I lost my mum 5 years ago although I didn't know it then or perhaps I didn't want to know? I have moments of deep sadness and I feel so closed in it's sometimes when I see something of hers or something she bought me. I find it very hard to weep and all I seem to have is a huge lump in my throat.
Time is a great healer and I firmly believe that it's just the prospect of being an only daughter and the emptiness of having lost the one person who was dearest to my heart. I've done a lot of rushing around and my dad is still in hospital so no respite yet.
On the whole I suppose I'm doing okay but I wouldn't be human if I wasn't upset.
My heart goes out to all of you have lost loved ones in the past, I guess I just joined the club

Take care everyone
Barbs xxx