Jump to content


Do you want up to date information about Scleroderma? Check out our Medical pages at www.sclero.org for all your Scleroderma questions!


Photo

Fatigued And Feeling Overwhelmed


  • Please log in to reply
19 replies to this topic

#1 barefut

barefut

    Platinum Member

  • Bloggers
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,159 posts
  • Location:NW Washington

Posted 06 September 2007 - 06:23 AM

Just gotta gripe a bit today.

In looking at my house and yard I am feeling so overwhelmed with chores and underwhelmed with energy. So then there's the shame and guilt for all that goes undone. And that doesn't help the depression.

Am I really just lazy? Is it the sclero or the meds?

Where is my energy?! I am pacing myself. I am eating right. I am getting plenty of sleep. I am taking my vitamins. I take the med that has the "drowsy" side effect at night.

I just want to cry and crawl into a hole but have responsibilities that won't let me do that.

Follow up doctor appt to check on my antidepressant is next week. PFT, rheumatologist and Pulm doctor the week after that. Hope they can help. I hate this feeling. This is going to be another non productive day and I am on a timeline.

Thanks for listening,
barefut

#2 Sweet

Sweet

    Platinum Member

  • ISN Support Specialists
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,890 posts

Posted 06 September 2007 - 07:34 AM

Hey Love,

My heart goes out to you. I know that feeling all too well. I deal with the guilt quite often. I worry that others in my life are tired of me not pulling my weight. Chronic illness really is a life changer isn't it? Even when trying to look on the positive side - which does help - it's still a daily battle.

Hope it helps to know that most of us feel the same way. You are doing the best you can each and everyday - the rest you have no control over.
Warm and gentle hugs,

Pamela
ISN Support Specialist
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

#3 jaxs

jaxs

    Silver Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 112 posts

Posted 06 September 2007 - 07:45 AM

I know that feeling exactly ...but if one day (and I go for weeks) I can't tidy up or do the garden because I feel so bad and tired, I leave it yea I feel guilty and lazy but so what ,,,when I wake up its still there I set my self little goals but not to many like I have a relaxing bubble bath , or I read a magazine, if I do the dishes, I eat a huge muffin (heehee) if I hoover, try not to be so hard on yourself as your health is more important than any tidying up,,,,,I suffer depression and at times I get bad and retire to bed hmmmm most of my days are spent in bed haha!! and if you need to take time away from housework or garden work that dont mean you are lazy or a bad person I'm sending you a huge hug and hope you are feeling a bit better keep smileing hugs jaxsxx
live life for today and not for tomorrow

#4 TJ903

TJ903

    Silver Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 109 posts
  • Location:Merritt Island, Florida

Posted 06 September 2007 - 07:50 AM

I know that feeling too and am sending you a spoon!!! I've been gone awhile, being the only participant in my ongoing pity party and just got tired of it. I don't know who it was or on what thread that told someone about the spoons, but it is great. Can't remember... maybe someone can help out with this. Really hit home.

I've also been on an alternative therapy, and reading some positive books. Don't let the doldrums keep you down, we enjoy your company!!!

Hugs comin' at ya -- TJ

#5 Shelley Ensz

Shelley Ensz

    Root Administrator

  • ISN Root Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,261 posts
  • Location:Minnesota

Posted 06 September 2007 - 08:00 AM

Hi TJ,

Thanks for mentioning the Spoon Theory. It is listed on our main site at:

Support Resources: Coping

The direct link to the article is:

But You Don't Look Sick: The Spoon Theory. I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of "spoons". But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. Butyoudontlooksick.com.
Warm Hugs,

Shelley Ensz
Founder and President
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)
Hotline and Donations: 1-800-564-7099

The most important thing in the world to know about scleroderma is sclero.org.

#6 barefut

barefut

    Platinum Member

  • Topic Starter
  • Bloggers
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,159 posts
  • Location:NW Washington

Posted 06 September 2007 - 08:33 AM

Thanks guys,

All my spoons are dirty!

I wouldn't worry so much about my house and yard if I didn't use my home for preschool and childcare.

Right now I don't have any kids enrolled for my preschool and am wanting to make a good impression on those who may want to come visit. I've had a handfull of inquiries and am hoping someone may want to at least visit soon!

Am starting to worry I may have to give up my dream job for lack of students. :( Don't know what else I could do...

I am hanging in there though. Thanks for your kind words and support. Don't know what I'd do without you all.

Love,
Barefut

#7 jefa

jefa

    Platinum Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,325 posts
  • Location:Scotland

Posted 06 September 2007 - 08:41 AM

If this is your business, you may be able to hire someone for yard work and general maintenance. It should be an allowable expense for tax purposes.It's rough trying to do all this on your own, but your spirit is commendable.
Warm wishes,
Jefa

Carrie Maddoux
(Retired)ISN Sclero Forums Support Specialist
(Retired)ISN Sclero Forums UK Chat Host

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

#8 yogabear

yogabear

    Bronze Member

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 27 posts
  • Location:pacific northwest

Posted 06 September 2007 - 08:53 AM

hey barefut. just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel. sometimes I get so mad that I want to bend all my spoons til they break. don't care. it gets so doggoned frustrating to not have the energy or motivation to do what you need and want to do. a big hug is going out to you.

i got fed up and fired my doctor. I'm tired of my voice being unheard. so if you need to gripe, please feel welcome to do it. we're all listening and we're all on your side.

the way I manage is to be selective about what I REALLY need to tackle. I don't sweat the small stuff as much, cause I know that I'll eventually have a pretty good day. when I do, then I take full advantage of it and take care of business.

hang in there!!
sharon

#9 Margaret

Margaret

    Senior Gold Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 996 posts
  • Location:Pennsylvania

Posted 06 September 2007 - 09:06 AM

Hi Barefut ,

I can't begin to imagine how you all feel. I wish you lived closer...any of you...because I would be there to help you.

Take care, Everyone.
Margaret

#10 miocean

miocean

    Senior Gold Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 925 posts
  • Location:NJ

Posted 06 September 2007 - 09:54 AM

You sound like I feel. I can't motivate myself to do anything, especially household chores. I wonder if I am depressed, if it is the disease, or meds. Or if I am just plain lazy. I also seem to have a lack of concentration, have difficulty reading for example, and I used to be an avid reader.

I feel like I put a lot of responsibility on my husband, who is so helpful and understanding. We are having company next weekend and I feel pressure to do things around the house but can't motivate myself to do them. All I want to do is sleep and even that does not come easily.

My sclero specialist took me off Zoloft and put me on Prosac because of Raynaud's. I seem to be worse since the change. When I asked my dr. what causes the lack of motiviation she said it was a combination of all of it. I know I should probably see a psychiatrist for proper meds but can't seem to get myself to do that either. I also have kidney failure and dialysis takes a lot out of me. I am wiped out after treatments.

I try to get the most out of each day but it is hard. Knowing that there are others in the same boat helps but I wish none of us were experiencing this. Thanks for being there. I don't often write but I read the board every day.
ISN Artist

#11 eah

eah

    Senior Bronze Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts

Posted 06 September 2007 - 03:49 PM

Barefut,

Please try not to get discouraged. Many of us, myself included feel the same. It is not easy. I try not to get discouraged and do what I can. I find if I push myself too hard, I pay for it physically. In the big picture, it is not worth it. Your not alone. Hope you feel better soon.

EH
ANN

#12 WestCoast1

WestCoast1

    Gold Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 554 posts

Posted 06 September 2007 - 04:57 PM

Hi Barefut,
I often say that my "get up and go"...got up and LEFT! So all I can offer you is my support, understanding and a BIG hug!

Hang in there, tomorrow will be a better day!
*WestCoast*

********

#13 Kamlesh

Kamlesh

    Senior Silver Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 315 posts
  • Location:Dublin, CA

Posted 06 September 2007 - 05:36 PM

Hi Barefut,

Sorry to hear about it and my heart goes to you.

Have you considered depression?

If you do internet search, there are several documents on depression including one in a well known magazine on Feb 26, 2007.

What you are describing are typical symptoms of depression. Sometimes, finding right anti-depressant is a very challenging process. I have changed about six anti-depressants and every time, I have reacted very negatively. I have to go back to Paxil every time as it is working little bit.

Unfortunately, very few people understand how terrible depression can be.

Please take care of yourself.
Kind regards,

Kamlesh


#14 peanut

peanut

    Gold Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 738 posts

Posted 06 September 2007 - 09:34 PM

miocean,
have you tried lexapro? it's an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant my rheumatologist put me on that's also supposed to help with raynauds.

barefut,
first of all big hug. second, I totally understand. one week I'm on the couch everyday with just enuf energy to make an easy dinner for my hubby. the next week I'm running errands, visiting friends and wondering where this energy came from. Bizarre.

Today was a perfect example of weird energy. I spent two hours waiting to get my tire fixed. I felt like I had energy. So afterward my plan was to have lunch with a friend, visit another friend, go to the vet and exercise. Lunch fell thru so I went home and fell asleep for 4 hours and was late to the vet. Apparently I really didn't have any energy.

Energy wishes to you,
peanut

You can deprive the body but the soul needs chocolate
my HMO makes me wear a helmet...

#15 barefut

barefut

    Platinum Member

  • Topic Starter
  • Bloggers
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,159 posts
  • Location:NW Washington

Posted 07 September 2007 - 03:01 AM

Thanks again everyone,

Kamlesh, Yes, I just started on Prozac about a month and a half ago. Depression stinks.

Barefut

#16 nan

nan

    Gold Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 649 posts

Posted 07 September 2007 - 07:19 AM

Barefut,
My house is in turmoil. My son is about ready to turn 15 and he is an awesome kid, but he's a teenager! My poor husband is worried about me and my son. I am just overwhelmed and feel guilty for not being able to do more than I can do. I try to stay positive, but sometimes it's really hard. I loved the spoon story. I am going to see a psychiatrist on September 21st. Please take care of yourself! I send a huge hug your way!!!!!!!!! :D
Nan

#17 Kamlesh

Kamlesh

    Senior Silver Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 315 posts
  • Location:Dublin, CA

Posted 07 September 2007 - 03:18 PM

Hi Barefut,

It is not unusual to take 8-12 weeks for medications to help. If you don’t find relief ask your doctor to try something else. Don’t be discouraged, if medication does not help.

I have not tried Prozac, but I have tried Lexapro, Welbutrin, Seroquel, Remiran, and Effexor. I have found some relief from Paxil, so right now I am on max dose of Paxil (60 mg).

My nervous system is very sensitive to any external chemicals. Lexapro used to make me so drowsy, that I will sleep for 18-20 hours. Seroquel and Welbutrin affected my nervous system so much that I won’t be able to speak or write. Remiran gave me severe hiccups for 36 hours straight. With Effexor, I had severe dry mouth and difficulty in urination. So all these chemicals have major impacts on brain and it impacts everyone differently.

I will be glad to try something else to overcome my depression, but I am so scared to try anything new. One of the major causes of my depression was lack of sleep. I tried over half a dozen different medications and nothing worked except max dose of Restoril. Now I am able to get decent sleep, so one major cause is eliminated. Still I have too many more reasons for depression and I am working on eliminating one at a time.

Take care of yourself and don’t be discouraged by any setbacks.
Kind regards,

Kamlesh


#18 barefut

barefut

    Platinum Member

  • Topic Starter
  • Bloggers
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,159 posts
  • Location:NW Washington

Posted 08 September 2007 - 11:57 PM

Kamlesh,

Thanks for telling of your experiences with antidepressants/depression. I too have battled depression most of my life. I have been on and off Prozac 3 or 4 times since it was new in 1988. The only other drug I have tried was Paxil and it gave me anxiety attacks.

I know what you mean about the many reasons for depression. I too am working on eliminating them one at a time. It is a long slow process. In the mean time antidepressants help to get us through.

However, I do believe that our depression can also be tied to this disease on a biological level as well as an emotional level. Life is hard no matter how you slice it. My kids help me through and keeping a grateful attitude helps as well.

Thank you and good luck to you too in your fight against depression.

Sincerely,
barefut

#19 Alexandra

Alexandra

    Senior Bronze Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 46 posts
  • Location:Surrey UK

Posted 09 September 2007 - 01:56 AM

Hello you
All I can say to you is I really do understand.I'm sure each one of us feels or has felt that indescribable exhaustion.
It's not normally about sleep or lack of it.Sometimes I feel it is like my inner flame is literally just a small flicker and that a gentle breeze might extinguish it.
Inside you is a strong beautiful,brave and spirited woman.And soon you will feel that energy and spirit.
Rest well dear friend,and know that you are a perfect human being just as you are.You have coped for so long with this disease,so a pat on the back is due rather than guilt for not cleaning!
Chocolate helps too ;)
much love to every single person who is reading this.We are all doing so well!
Alexandra (uk)

#20 barefut

barefut

    Platinum Member

  • Topic Starter
  • Bloggers
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,159 posts
  • Location:NW Washington

Posted 09 September 2007 - 03:54 AM

Thank you Alexandra,

You just made me cry. :)

I sure don't feel strong, beautiful, brave or spirited. More like weak, ugly, scared and defeated.

I appreciate your kind words and support more than I can tell you. They are good for my soul.

Right back atcha!

Love,
Barefut