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Wednesday's Operation


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#1 truman

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Posted 25 November 2007 - 08:34 PM

Wednesday is fast approaching. It couldn't come any sooner. It's 2:07 AM Monday and I'm up and wide awake with pain. The prescription painkiller does nothing. Advil seems to work better. I can't even take those after today as a bleeding precaution for the operation. I've had pain since March, and I don't think I can stand much more. Wednesday's operation will no doubt cause pain, but a different kind, a pain of healing.

I think the most painful of all is not the pain I've been suffering, but the pain of asking my boys to take me for my operation and never receiving a response. I have left voice and emails, with no response.

I am fortunate that my friend throughout the years will take me and be with me during a very scary event. I'm grateful that my friends have scheduled themselves to bring me to follow ups.

As frightening as a parent's operation might be, to ignore the entire event and a parents' request is the most disappointing and painful event a parent can experience; more painful than the disease itself.

As I write this, I am trying to control a flood of tears from bursting from the dam. I remember the days and nights of being by their side through pains, disappointments, operations and sicknesses. I remember being by their sides constantly reassuring things will be alright, while trying to control the fear in myself that they wouldn't.

I only hope in my heart, that they can't sleep at night.

I'm sorry to run on, but needed to express my feelings before all of this, so that I can get through Wednesday and on with my life. I just don't know that I will or can ever forgive them for this.
Tru

It is what it is...........

#2 Sheryl

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 02:21 AM

Ahh Tru, I wish I lived near you. I would gladly help you out and whip those boys into shape for you. They are thinking of the things that are important to them. Like the lose of a days pay or losing their job if they miss to often. Maybe they just aren't thinking. They may be saying to themselves it's just a toe. She doesn't need us for that. Not realizing it may be just a toe but toes help you walk and it is part of your body being removed. They have no clue the importance or responsibility you want them to have. They are all you have and they are trying to break away to be whom they want to be and do as they want to do. Not realizing that they would still need you if something were ever to happen to one of them. They are young. They think nothing can go wrong with them. Seems like there should be a lesson here. I can't seem to get across what I want to say. I think deep down they care but they are also afraid of being to comitted as a fear of being swallowed up and not getting the chance to enjoy their own lives. They want to let life happen. They will come home as mature men one day with girls in their lives and responsibilities. It is a vicious circle isn't it. I will be thinking of you often while you are healing. Wishing you the best. Sheryl
Strength and Warmth,
Sheryl

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#3 Buttons

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 03:20 AM

Tru
It sounds as if you are going through a really difficult period & if you need to complain about worries & feelings then do so. I think it would be safe to say that we all go through issues which cause us to be upset about our families or concerns about a forthcoiming treatment. I know I wouldn't be sleeping to well if I had to go in hospital for an operation so do try to rest a little. Know that we are thinking about you & at least it will be over fairly soon & as you say then healing can start.

Take care & sending gentle hugs

Jensue

#4 Shelley Ensz

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 03:45 AM

Hi Tru,

I'm sending good thoughts your way for your operation on Wednesday, and I hope it goes well for you!

I think it's a relief that your boys aren't still home, expecting you to still take care of them while you are so sick! You might want to consider the idea of rejoicing that they are grown and able to fend for themselves now. After all, it could be worse, they could be little tykes and you'd have to fend for finding caregivers for them, as well.

Whether or not parents are sick, children still grow up and leave home. That is the success in parenting, when they are able to take care of themselves. From my (probably warped) perspective, they really don't owe any taking care of us, since we've already had the thrill of knowing them and raising them. Any more than we "owe" taking care of them their entire life, which can keep them stuck in a child role rather than functioning as an adult.

Some children do take care of their parents for their entire life; but that is actually pretty rare and certainly an enormous sacrifice on their part. Cab drivers, home health care workers, delivery services, friends and neighbors can fill the gaps quite nicely. And letting go of expectations (and thus disappointments) will help healing occur at a faster pace.

Anger literally makes physical wounds last longer, so, hard as it is, it behooves us to try to figure out responses and attitudes that defeat anger and other negative emotions at every turn. See our main site:  Causes of Scleroderma: Stress

I hope you can have a less-stressful operation and as smooth a recovery as possible, under the circumstances.


Warm Hugs,

Shelley Ensz
Founder and President
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)
Hotline and Donations: 1-800-564-7099

The most important thing in the world to know about scleroderma is sclero.org.

#5 jefa

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 04:00 AM

Hi, Tru. Everyone has given you good advice. Keep warm thoughts. Now why don't you find something nice to do with your friend in thanks for the support - lunch, a movie, maybe?
Warm wishes,
Jefa

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#6 janey

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 04:37 AM

Tru,
I have no additional advice, but lots and lots of warm, tender hugs.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Please be thankful for your wonderful friends and forget about the other for now. You certainly don't need to stress. My thoughts will be with you this week.

Warm and tender hugs,
Janey Willis
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#7 Sweet

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 07:19 AM

Hi Tru,

You are going through such a difficult time. Both physically and emotionally, I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you on Wednesday. I was going to give you a couple of links to help, but I see that Shelley beat me. Try to obtain as much inner peace as you can prior to surgery.

Love you my dear friend.
Warm and gentle hugs,

Pamela
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#8 sophie

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 07:37 AM

Hi Tru,

I am sending good thoughts your way. We will all be thinking about you on Wednesday. Your kids will grow up someday, and until then, lean on all of your caring friends. All the best!

Spanky

#9 truman

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 10:07 AM

Dear Friends:

In each and every reply post, you have all given pieces of valuable advice. I thank you all and am truly grateful for your support.

I'm looking forward to the "twilight" sleep come Wednesday.
Tru

It is what it is...........

#10 jaxs

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 11:15 AM

i read your post with tears in my eyes, im a single parent with 5 kids and no one I feel gives me a thought at times , I wish u all the very best on wedensday, and I too wish I lived near u then I would of helped without adout, u take care and look after urself my thoughts are with you warm hugs and a lot of love jaxsx
live life for today and not for tomorrow

#11 Shelley Ensz

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 11:28 AM

Jaxs, a single parent with five kids?! You deserve like, an award, a trophy...and a fabulous all expenses paid Hawaian vacation with maid service and nannies at your beck and call!

At least, we can dream, eh?
Warm Hugs,

Shelley Ensz
Founder and President
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)
Hotline and Donations: 1-800-564-7099

The most important thing in the world to know about scleroderma is sclero.org.

#12 Kamlesh

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Posted 26 November 2007 - 06:46 PM

Hi Tru,

Sorry to hear about lack of support from your immediate family. I wish I can come over and help you out. Tonight my thoughts are directed to give you strength to face the situation. Do not be discouraged, very soon there will be a light at the end of tunnel.

Please take care of yourself.
Kind regards,

Kamlesh


#13 LisaBulman

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Posted 27 November 2007 - 02:54 AM

Hi Tru,
Wishing you a fast and speedy recovery! I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.
HHHUUUGGGSSSS,
Lisa
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#14 Clementine

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Posted 27 November 2007 - 02:22 PM

Tru,
Tomorrow's the day! I hope it all goes well and you are home with your dog babies soon. Please try to post or email and let us (me) know how you are doing.
Your sons may not be there physically but I am certain you will be first on their mind.
Love,
Tangelo

#15 Snowbird

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Posted 27 November 2007 - 03:08 PM

Hi Tru

Wishing you good luck with your surgery and a speedy recovery too!! I would help you too if I was anywhere near you....looking forward to hearing from you soon when you are well enough to chat with us again! Hugs, Ramona
Sending good wishes your way!

#16 truman

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Posted 27 November 2007 - 06:13 PM

Jen:

Thank you.....you see things that those too close can't. Truman and Mia send thanks and kisses.
Tru

It is what it is...........

#17 Sheryl

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Posted 28 November 2007 - 12:49 AM

Tru, you are probably on your way to the hospital for surgery. I sure hope your recovery is quick. This has been a long painful time of waiting for it to heal. I sure hope the doctors treat you with kid gloves and bandage you well to keep out infection. Keep in touch and let us know how you slept. That time peroid is often quite short though. Good thoughts and well wishes sent your way. Sheryl
Strength and Warmth,
Sheryl

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#18 jaxs

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Posted 28 November 2007 - 01:38 AM

hope all goes well for u today I send u lots of love and support, thinking of you jaxsxx
live life for today and not for tomorrow

#19 Michelle2

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Posted 28 November 2007 - 05:15 AM

Hi Tru~

I'm thinking of you this morning and hoping everything goes very well for you. I know that this has been a long and painful road. I wishing you a speedy and pain free recovery.

sending lots of hugs!!! ;)
Take care and stay warm,

Michelle

#20 debonair susie

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Posted 28 November 2007 - 08:10 AM

Hi Tru,

Oh Girlfriend... my thoughts are on you today, as you are in surgery and begin the healing process thereafter.

As for your boys... there WILL come a time. Until then, rather than using up your energy in that area, use it for the wonderful friends who surround you and the family members who do support you emotionally.

As for children who do behave less than admirably... I've had "one" of those for 22 years, only a daughter. I have a 14 year old granddaughter too. She hasn't seen me since she was 4 (when my dad passed away). For a reason unbeknownst to me, my hubby and I aren't "allowed" to come visit. For years, I tried to break through this wall, but without success... so, I've turned my energy to positve things, as well as those many people who ARE positve forces in my life.
I hope that one day, the children of those of us... who are really missing out on time with us... will come around.

I wish you full healing, both physically and emotionally.
Big, Big Hugs, Susie
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