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#1 jaxs


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Posted 12 January 2008 - 06:31 AM

hi , im felling a little low at the moment, I went to my pals funeral what a beautiful service it was, the chapel was packed to bursting, afterwards everyone met at viewing of the flowers ,of course I didn't cause it was so cold and windy and pouring with rain even tho I was dressed like an eskimo , I was still freezing ,i sat in my car and just watched ,i cried a little ,which is good for me as I have no tears ,buti also felt I was grieving for my own mum and dad , as they too were cremated there ,my dad last year died of a of a heart attack and my mum 10 years ago died of cancer,,,,,im normally a very strong person and I get on with things ,but my grief has hit me bad , I can't say nowt to no one coz all I have is my kids , and they have enuff to worry about with me being poorly.my fingers are sore as I think I'm getting a ulcer on my right index finger as its very painful, I feel very drained, im in hospital in 9 days for my treatment iv epoprostenol,then in for another appointment for a colonoscopy, and im not looking forward to non of it ..........i feel like my whole life has changed since being dignosed wth scleroderma, but everyone around me is the same , no one understands no matter how I put it even if its as little as helping round the house ,my boyfriend of 3 years(we live apart) is driving me nuts and I feel as I can't give him wot he needs so we have seperated, my son is also getting tests for this condition he's got special needs and at the min in a special unit to be assessed , he's had alopicia since he was 7,he's now 13, that worries me , losing a close friend to me has made me face a few realitys,,,,is that why I feel as I do ?
well thanks my friends for reading im sorry so its so long and depressing, I need to get it out where I know someone out there will understand as I feel lost in a bubble things dont seem real at the moment with no where to turn.....
warm hugs jaxsxxxx
live life for today and not for tomorrow

#2 epasen


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Posted 12 January 2008 - 10:17 AM

Jaxs darling,

we understand you here.

Grieving is a very filling feeling, and when you grieve it's like you can do nothing else, in my case it's like that at least. It just fills your soul, mind and toughts and doesn't let go easily. The only way to get over it is just grieving.. it's painful, and we're always here for you.

I would give you a big warm hug if I was there. I hope I could do that.

Hang in there.

#3 debonair susie

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Posted 12 January 2008 - 01:22 PM

Dearest jaxs,

I've not had all that you have had go on... but my heart feels for you. I am so, so sorry and like emmi, I would give anything if we could put our arms around and just hold you until you were feeling better.

The friendship you had to have shared with your dear friend must have been so very special. The grieving process is all so different for each and every one of us.
The wonderful thing about such friendships... is that the memories are so precious...priceless.

I hope that all that is troubling you now, comes together, taking away the pain and bringing peace to you... and yours.

Big Soft Hugs,
Special Hugs,

Susie Kraft
ISN Support Specialist
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International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

#4 janey


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Posted 12 January 2008 - 01:47 PM

OH Jaxs,
Lots and lots of hugs to you Darlin'. You have more than your share going on right now. I'm so sorry for your friend and all the others things you are having to deal with. You are certainly in our thoughts.

Big warm and gentle hugs,
Janey Willis
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#5 emmie


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Posted 12 January 2008 - 06:47 PM


I'm really glad that you could come here and share with us. I hope expressing your feelings and troubles has eased your burdens just a little bit.

Keep writing be it here or just for yourself. Know that we do understand and will be here to "listen" and understand in all ways.

Thinking of you and will keep you in my thoughts.

xoxo emmie

#6 Snowbird


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Posted 13 January 2008 - 03:12 PM

Oh Jaxs

It sounds to me like you did everything you could possibly do during such a hard time. I think you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for just now...and yes, I think that when we lose someone so very close to us that we do question things in our lives in our own way. I guess sometimes we think a little too deep when that happens......so, again yes, I think possibly you could be doing just that. I hope you get some much needed rest, I'm sure you have not been getting much of that with so much on your mind. I would give you a big hug too if I could.
Sending good wishes your way!

#7 Sweet


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Posted 13 January 2008 - 04:01 PM

Hey Love,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is a strange thing and everyone deals with it a bit differently. However, there are certain things everyone goes through when grieving and I thought this article may help you.

I've lost, my mom, dad, and older brother. My mom died of cancer when she was only 59, my dad died of cancer when he was only 49 and my older brother died at age 47 from pneumonia. I do understand what you are going through and how hard it is to get through this at times. What I can tell you is it does take time, and that varies from person to person. My mom (whom I was very close to) died 13 years ago and still to this day I will cry for her from time to time.

Much love to you.
Warm and gentle hugs,

ISN Support Specialist
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

#8 LisaBulman


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Posted 14 January 2008 - 04:21 AM

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Gentle hugs to you.... Losing a loved one is never easy, so please remember to take care of yourself during this stressful time.

Lisa Bulman
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#9 jaxs


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Posted 14 January 2008 - 10:28 PM

thank u all for all your kind words and thoughts, I know I will get to where I want to be but its very frustrateing but I take one day at a time thanks again for takeing your time and energy to read
hugs jaxsxx
live life for today and not for tomorrow