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So Depressed Today


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16 replies to this topic

#1 Peggy

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Posted 14 February 2008 - 11:59 AM

Need to vent a little. I should be happier as can be being I had my endoscopy and got good news. But for some reason I am so depressed. I can't get over how my life has changed. Before this diesease I was the leading sales agent in my office and such an energizer bunny. Now I can't work and I can barely make it down the stairs to do the laundry. Boy how life changes on you. I hope this is just a momentary emotional "bump". If not, I will be honest with myself and ask for some depression medicine as I know sometimes you can't fight it yourself. I just hate to add another pill to the many I take already.

Sorry but I just needed to talk to people who I know can probably relate to how I am feeling. Maybe being Spring is around the corner I'll start to feeling better too.

Thanks for listening.

Warm hugs and blessings.

Peggy

#2 Sherion

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Posted 14 February 2008 - 02:51 PM

Peggy,
I know exactly how you feel!!! There are days that all I want or can do is have a big pity party for myself and cry till there's nothing left. I tell my husband to ignore me because there's nothing he can do to help me. Other days I'm fairly good and can cope with almost anything. I take anitdepressants also but sometimes they just don't work. My thoughts are with you and I hope tomorrow is a brighter day. By the way, congrats on your endoscopy.

Sherion

#3 Cheri

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Posted 14 February 2008 - 04:53 PM

Hi Peggy,

I'm so sorry you are feeling depressed. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I know it's no fun and when you are feeling that way, it feels like you will never come out of it. I've been there. Just know a lot of people care and understand.

Lots of warm hugs,

Cheri

#4 truman

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Posted 14 February 2008 - 08:00 PM

I'm fortunate in that I have a lot less to deal with than most who have this disease. Presently, no matter what course we go, this toe thing (actually no toe left), is just not cooperating. I'm smoke free going on one month now, and that combined with taking Zyvox for so long, makes everything smell and taste horrible. I had one bite of a baked potato the other night, and just barely made it to the bathroom to vomit. Today was a real test, as I asked my friend to get me cigarettes; just to get that awful Zyvox taste and smell out of my system. I know it's the pills now, as I go to take them, the disgusting smell emanates from them. I guess it's noticeable now without nicotine.

I'm extremely depressed myself at this point, and if the doctor won't change or reduce the Zyvox tomorrow, I will go and get that pack of cigarettes. I believe in cooperation, but I also believe it works both ways. I haven't been able to barely keep anything down for several days now, and I'm not going to make myself sick on top of everything else.
Tru

It is what it is...........

#5 Sheryl

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Posted 15 February 2008 - 03:46 AM

Tru, please don't give up on yourself. You have gone this far and once you get past those few minutes of desperately wanting that cigarette the mental desire goes away. You can do this. Don't think about missing the cigarettes. Think about not cleaning out ashtrays and areas around where you smoke the ash that settles and the smell that was in you clothes and house and in your hair when you take showers. You can be stronger than the manufactures of the cigarettes who what you to give them your hard earned money. Buy yourself things with the money you have saved. Plan that trip or short vacation. You can save up over 6 hundred dollars in less than 3 months. Think of ways you want to spend that money instead of giving it away. New rugs, or bedspreads. Something!
Brush your teeth or gargle after taking that medication. Chew sugarless gum. Find another medication. Tell your doctor to change it because you don't want to backslide in your achievement of being a non-smoker. I am cheering for you girlfriend. Don't destroy all your hard work thus far. Sheryl
Strength and Warmth,
Sheryl

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#6 janey

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Posted 15 February 2008 - 04:54 AM

Peggy,
Your feeling is quite normal Darlin'. There are so many things that we can't do anymore but there are still lots of things we can do, just less physical things. So try to find those things. I was always the front runner in my job (team leader, lead instructor, industry liaison - all that stuff). Now I work behind the scenes supporting the front runners and I love it! A lot less responsibility and less physical and tiring. I'm still in control - He He - but they just don't know it. :D I hope you can find that work that is satisfying and fits your new lifestyle.

Sherion mentioned that it's time for a pity party. Well, here you go. Please join the ISN virtual pity party. Lots of entertaining things that make you smile. Have fun!

Big Hugs,
Janey Willis
ISN Support Specialist
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(Retired) ISN News Director
(Retired) ISN Technical Writer for Training Manuals
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

#7 truman

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Posted 15 February 2008 - 05:59 AM

Sheryl:

It's not the need for a cigarette, I have no desire for one. It's that disgusting odor and taste of the medicine since the nicotine is out of my system. I spoke to the doctor's office today, and they said to stop the medicine until I see them on Monday. I worry, because I went through a period years ago, where I just stopped eating (back then, it wasn't classified as a disorder as it is these days), and I went into a mental breakdown. I just am trying to head that off as I know the consequences of not getting nourishment.

Thank you for caring, and I know I'll get through this, it's just wearing me down.
Tru

It is what it is...........

#8 Peggy

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Posted 15 February 2008 - 07:09 AM

Thanks for all the messages and thoughts. I know I need to address the fact that I have a lot to be thankful for and deal with my new life as it is now it's just so hard being in pain all the time and I am so sick of popping pills and then I wonder if they are making me depressed. But the pain is worse so I relented and put the 2nd pain patch on that they told me to. I just hate to get used to that strength of pain medicine and then what. Maybe it's good to cry, I don't know, but I'm sure doing my share of it lately.

Thanks for listening.

Warm hugs.

Peggy

#9 Michelle2

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Posted 15 February 2008 - 09:10 AM

HI TRU!

I wanted to say Hi and how proud I am of you to have been able to got without cigarettes. I hope the medicine get's straighten out and you'll be able to eat normally very soon.
Take care and stay warm,

Michelle

#10 Snowbird

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Posted 15 February 2008 - 11:25 AM

Hey

I send lots of hugs to both of you!

Hang in there....give yourselves time to work it out and do what you need to do in the meantime (but not the smoking Tru, you are doing so well, try not to ruin your good record!)....and, yes, Peggy the pain patch for you...maybe it is a cycle and will settle once some of your stress leaves...and hopefully when some time passes, you might be able to bring the patches back down?
Sending good wishes your way!

#11 Kamlesh

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Posted 15 February 2008 - 01:35 PM

Hi Peggy,
It is not uncommon to have few days of depression for Scleroderma patients. We are all overwhelmed by the disease at times. Just keep your spirit high and look for tomorrow for a better day.

Take care!
Kamlesh
Kind regards,

Kamlesh


#12 Denelle

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Posted 15 February 2008 - 05:57 PM

Everyone is right - sometimes this disease is just overwhelming. Give yourself a chance to be sad for lets say 20 minutes and then brush your hands of it. Accept, deal with it and then dismiss it. I once heard of someone who gave herself 20 minutes everyday to have a pity party and feel sorry for herself, but that's it. I don't know if this will work, but it's worth a shot.

One thing that caused emotional upheaval for me was steroids. Everytime I hear the doctors mention steroids I practically - shout "NO". I won't take them - I had real mood swings and issues with them.

I'm thinking of you and I hope things get better. :P

Denelle, transplanted to Chicago for a stem cell transplant

#13 Annie N

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Posted 16 February 2008 - 02:40 AM

Thinking of you & sending virtual flowers and hugs!
Hang in there because what else can you do and remember you have alot of people who care how you feel.
Kind thoughts,
Annie N.

#14 barefut

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Posted 16 February 2008 - 07:40 AM

Peggy,

You are not alone. Been there too. My thoughts are with you. Try to find some humor in your days. Rent a video of your favorite comedian. Read a favorite novel again. It's just a way to temporarily escape "stuff".

Take Care,
Love,
barefut

#15 Sweet

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Posted 16 February 2008 - 08:49 AM

Hi Peggy,

I hope by now you are finding a little light in your day. We all have these times when things just don't seem worth it. We wonder "why me". I too used to be the corporate leader. It's very hard to realize how much our lives have changed, and frankly I can get very bitter about it at times. It's always so great when you can throw out a feeling here in the forums and we get an overwhelming amount of support from those that understand. I had no idea we had a pity party link. I checked out what Janie posted for you and have some good laughs. Thanks for that Janey.

Much love and warm to you Peggy!
Warm and gentle hugs,

Pamela
ISN Support Specialist
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

#16 debonair susie

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Posted 17 February 2008 - 11:07 AM

Dear Peggy, Tru and all others go through especially tough times.

Peggy, you're absolutely right, in that there are things we can all be grateful for.
Yet, there are those times when it's really hard to pull one's self up by the bootstraps,
due to health reasons we deal with, personal things going on in our lives or other things
That have an impact on us. Those roller coaster rides can get the better of us. My dr...
YEARS ago, felt I should be on antidepressants, but I wasn't depressed... I was frustrated!
However, 1 1/2 years ago, I asked for an anti-anxiety med and it has helped quite abit.

A person seems to know if/when it's time to do something.
I wish each of you the best and am sending HUGE HUGS for you!

Susie
Special Hugs,

Susie Kraft
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#17 MicheleM

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Posted 17 February 2008 - 02:06 PM

:D I hope by now everyone is seeing the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel (and it isn't a train!) We all have our down times and hopefully it makes the up times more poingnet (French anyone?) Smile cause frowning takes too many muscles!!! That's my new motto - "SMILE" :P
Soft hugs your way,

Michele