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What do you do to lift your spirits?


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#1 barefut

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Posted 29 March 2008 - 03:05 PM

I've been feeling kind of trapped and lonely as well as worried and stressed about divorce and financial problems. The cold gloomy weather does not help.

I know we've talked about this before but I need to hear again what people do to lift their spirits.

Thanks,
Barefut

#2 Helen

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Posted 29 March 2008 - 08:13 PM

Hi Barefut
I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling down. You are one of the people I most admire on this site. Being on your own with 2 kids, running a household and working. I love reading your blogs...where do you get the time and energy? If I am feeling sorry for myself I think of you feel ashamed. I am unable to work as I have Diffuse and I live with my best friend/carer. I am divorced...which I count as a blessing as I don't a man to look after etc. My kids are all married and I have 5 grandkids to spoil. My biggest problem is getting my friend to let me do some housework as she is always worried I will hurt myself...she remembers when I first got sick and was a wreck, pre drugs.

You should be proud of yourself and your achievements. Now you are coming out of winter (we are just starting here) :( hopefully you will start to feel better. :D
Take care and think positive thoughts
Helen

#3 CFMBabs

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Posted 30 March 2008 - 02:29 AM

I guess we all get kind of gloomy at times and you have more cause than most to be so!
There's nothing like a good cry and nothing like a good laugh to bring yourself round but of course it's not that easy when you have so much to deal with.

I think we're all pretty special -- super mum's, brilliant resilience, experts in hiding emotions and above all, brave beyond all comprehension! You should think of yourself on a plinth with laurel leaves around your head and a huge medal around your neck! because, my dear that's how special we really are!

Keep going with your head down is a great expression but try holding it high. Tomorrow is another day and then after that will be another and if I sound like I'm not making sense then join the club -- I'm weird!

My heart goes out to you, and if I could drink alcohol I'd come around and share a huge bottle of plonk -- wine with you and have a chuckle.

Keep well my friend and keep that sweet little head high.

Best wishes

Barbara xxx

#4 barefut

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Posted 30 March 2008 - 05:28 AM

Well thanks Helen and Barb. :)

I was fishing for things like: shave your legs, watch a comedy, paint your nails...
Your flattering replies have lifted my spirits.

I have been a bit concerned about some of this stress and worry regarding my still pending divorce, sending me back into a depression. I know I just need to have faith that things will work out okay and push ahead. Sometimes it's hard to push ahead when all I want to do is crawl into a hole.

Thanks again for your ecouraging words which I will read over and over I'm sure.

Love yous!
Barefut

#5 debonair susie

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Posted 30 March 2008 - 07:21 AM

OK, barefut....
Shave your legs, watch a comedy, paint your nails.... sounds like you need a slumber party, whether it be with your kids and/or a couple of close friends... you be the one who decides!

My stepson just went through a difficult time... 1 1/2 years... divorce final mid-February. From where he was... to where he is now, the difference is astounding! He too, was concerned about the financial issues, but he's working on those things and getting through this. Faith is so very important and it sounds as though you know what it's going to take.
Just put one foot in front of the other, taking one day at a time, conserving as much energy as you can along the way... You need it to take care of yourself.

This tie of year is tough for the very reasons you named... the advantage is... the weather will be changing and for the better, so that is one of so many things to look forward to :rolleyes:

All of what Barbara posted is so very true.... we tend to forget how strong we really are ;)
Be good to yourself and think of setting up something special for yourself!

Big, soft Hugs coming your way....CATCH! {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Love, Susie
Special Hugs,

Susie Kraft
ISN Support Specialist
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International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

#6 Karenlee

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Posted 30 March 2008 - 08:03 AM

Hi barefut,
Like everyone here, I'm sorry you are feeling down, but this is a great idea for a thread, For us to share things that perk us up. For me a nice pedicure helps. Also petting and cuddling with my mushy furball cat named Shelly.
Music is good too. I crank my favorite music and just groove a bit.

Hope it helps.

Hugs to you!!!

Karen

#7 Peggy

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Posted 30 March 2008 - 08:19 AM

I am so so, so sorry to hear you are down. My thoughts are with you. I too have been feeling depressed and my daughter treated me last Thursday to a pedicure and manicure and a little shopping. It lifted my spirits and ended up being such a nice day.

I hope you are feeling better soon. Blessings to you.

Warm hugs.
Peggy

#8 Karenlee

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Posted 01 April 2008 - 11:27 AM

I'd like to add something else to the mix here. Laughter. A good comedy, no matter what makes you laugh. For example, I had been pretty down and scared for the last couple of weeks since this is all new to me and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around everything.
So, I'm shuffling around my bedroom feeling sorry for myself and being mopey. I had the TV on in the background and Fraiser was on. I overheard a line that had me laughing until I had tears running down my face. When I finally composed myself I felt so much better inside and out. I think laughing has a physiological affect on the body so try to watch something that makes you laugh. :P

#9 Sweet

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Posted 06 April 2008 - 12:42 PM

Hi Barefut,

Sorry you have the blues. I find myself with them quite often lately, with the upcoming departure of my son and his family.
For me, I talk it out with my husband, friend. Make sure I get out of the house, put on loud dancing music and let the groove take over, get a pedicure, or even take a small walk.
Warm and gentle hugs,

Pamela
ISN Support Specialist
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

#10 Cheri

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Posted 06 April 2008 - 04:09 PM

Hi Barefut,

I'm sorry you're feeling gloomy. You have a lot going on. I've had the gloomies all day because my granddaughter is moving back with her mom. It's good for both of them, sad and happy for me. She is my little buddy. When I'm feeling gloomy I like to read. It helps me get lost in somebody elses life. I don't know if you like to read or not, but I've always loved it. Sometimes I just get on here and read everything because everybody seems so friendly and that helps too when I'm feeling down.

We don't live that far from each other and I'd still love to meet you. You can also call me anytime - my granddaughter will be going with her mom tomorrow. I'll send you a PM incase you lost my number.

Just consider yourself hugged! You are very special.

Love,

Cheri

#11 barefut

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Posted 07 April 2008 - 06:16 PM

Cheri,

I'm sorry you're going to miss your little buddy. You and Sweet - I don't envy your positions at all!

To Everyone -

Thanks for all your support and good ideas. I was just thinking I need to lose myself in a novel. Anybody have any good book recommendations please PM me!

Laughter IS the best medicine. That, I have always agreed with. Where to find laughter is another matter. My kids provide it for me regularly. So does Vee with her quality-only funny emails which I always look forward to and am grateful for!

#12 omaeva

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 06:26 AM

I like to shop, particularly for make up. Always makes me feel soo much better.

#13 smac0719

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Posted 08 April 2008 - 01:46 PM

Barefut, you are not alone. I am a single mom of 2 teenage boys who want to be men so bad it's killing ME! To top it off my mother moved in with us after retirement 2 years ago and that has been a challenge on top of everything else. 2 grown women in a house is a reality show waiting to happen! I am a reader and do like to read to take my mind off of my life and strife; if only for a moment. Do you ever go to your local book store and camp out for a few hours? I also try to find a comedy on TV or put in one of my favorite DVD or CD's. I too love pampering with mani's and pedi's, but I can only do pedi's now because my nailbeds on my fingers are so sensitive. Anyhoo, take a long bubble bath, call a girlfriend you haven't spoken to in a while, go people watching in a public place, write down all the things in life you are grateful for. No matter what you decide, know you are loved! (and send some cool weather to Florida!!)
I may have Scleroderma, but Scleroderma doesn't have me!

#14 Karenlee

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Posted 09 April 2008 - 02:27 AM

Hi smac0719...funny you mention the manicures. I go for regular pedicures and refuse to get a manicure for the same reason you stated. My fingers are way too sore and my cuticles infect very easily so I wouldn't let anyone near my hands. Everytime I go in though, they tell me my hands look terrible and that I need a manicure. They just don't get it I suppose.

#15 janey

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Posted 09 April 2008 - 04:02 AM

Hey Darlin'
I did something the other that snapped me out of my slump. I called up 4 of my old friends that I haven't seen in quite a while, but who I used to hang out with A LOT. We met at our old hangout, drank a few beers, munched on chips and salsa and laughed, laughed, laughed. It was a blast! (In truth, I only had 2 beers in 3 hours. I can't drink like I use to plus I have to wait until the beer warms up a little. If it's too cold, it closes my throat and I start coughing. Still didn't stop me from having a marvelous time!)

Sending a big smile your way, :)
Janey Willis
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#16 Clementine

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Posted 09 April 2008 - 05:09 AM

Barefut,

It is easy for me to get in a funk, especially if the weather is gloomy. I snuggle with my baby dogs for comfort. I'll take a walk in the park on a sunny day and make small talk with others...that really helps.
Sometimes I will go to my favorite restaurant alone, and have a little dinner and a glass of red wine. I enjoy being alone, so going out alone is good for me. Of course, if my husband were here I'd be in 7th heaven.
Just getting out of the house helps me a lot. Mostly though, I find comfort in my dogs. The way they look at me melts my heart and nothing seems to matter. Also, if I have something planned for the future (like seeing my husband) it helps. I have definitely noticed that on the days that I decide to stay in sweats and not shower or put on makeup, are the days I stay in my funk.
Hang in there sweetie. You make me smile with your blogs!
xo,
Tangie

#17 relicmom1

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Posted 09 April 2008 - 05:33 AM

I , too find great comfort in my doggies. I am home by myself during the day, it's just me and the pups. My family says it's the dogs job to take care of me while they aren't here :P and they do a fine job!! I can't even go potty without them with me :blink: And like mentioned, if there's something planned to look forward to helps as well. I have reconnected with a friend from High school. She and I meet regularly on the second Thursday of the month for lunch. It gives me a reason to get up, get showered , dress in something other than a night gown :rolleyes: and go out into the real world. I haven't had to stop the manicures yet, I really enjoy them. Now that the weather is turning warmer, I hope to be ale to take the doggies out to the park to play.
Peace :)
Barbara aka relicmom1

#18 Shelley Ensz

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Posted 09 April 2008 - 10:06 AM

Hi Barefut,

This is going to sound unbelievably trite, I know. But I'm going to spill the beans, anyway.

Here's the gist of it. Our minds are only capable of thinking one thought at a time. We have the option of changing our thoughts at any moment. We can stay on the same topic but deliberately change our attitude about it, or we can even switch channels entirely. Think of it like a tv station, which can only play one channel and one program at a time.

So, what I try to do is either stay on the same topic but actively think, how can I look at this another way, a better way, on the brighter side or with an entirely different attitude? One trick is to take someone or something troublesome and create a picture of them as being huge (a cartoonish character)...and then start visually shrinking it down, making it smaller and smaller and smaller. Then look down on that teensy little thing and realize you are so much bigger and more powerful than that situation. Why, if you wanted to, you could even squish it under your foot or flush it down the toilet, couldn't you?

If you were a cartoonist, or a comedian, how could you make the situation funny? Usually simply by exaggerating the truth, we can create humor. People have made entire careers out of a terrible ex or a fraughtful in law. I haven't yet met a situation I couldn't find humor in, if I tried hard enough. Laughing at ourselves is good, as you know, and a real balm to the spirit.

If I'm not in the mood to make it funny, then I just try to change the station by finding another topic to pursue. Bear in mind we are naturally attracted to the worst of everything (a human condition) and that it takes effort and determination to see the best instead.

An example of a practical application of this, is that the day my second husband moved out, he totally trashed the whole house in the process. He even stole my coffee pot! He also put all the bills in my name, and wiped out our checking, savings, and even an extra $2,000 (of our checking account overdraft protection).

So I went to the store and bought a new coffee pot, a warm robe, slippers, and a small bunch of fresh flowers and put it on the only credit card I had. I wasn't up to even trying to cope with the housekeeping disasters he created, and what's more debt when you're already destitute? So I put one flower in every room of the house and promised myself that I would only focus on the lovely flower in each room.

Then, focusing on the flowers and thus shaking off the gloom, I took myself out for dinner...where I met hubby #3!!! The most absolute charming love of my life, and we've shared 27 delightful years together. All thanks to those lovely flowers that helped me shrink down my "problems" (which were actually "opportunities", weren't they?) to manageable proportions and focus on the positive "anyway" with a truly joyful sparkle in my eye. After all, there's not many days when life totally whacks you upside the head, all at once, so what can you do except go with the flow and wonder where it will lead?

After all, one door had closed -- so surely, another one would open, sooner or later! What an exciting adventure that would be! So I try not to look at the doors that have slammed shut and instead use my imagination to conjure up delightful things that could be beyond that next door, that I have yet to open up.

But I have to say, I haven't always thought this way and I still fail to rise to the challenge of thinking the best all the time. I can really grovel and complain with the best of them. And I remember when my first boyfriend (read, total love of my life) broke up with me to go with my best girlfriend. I was totally devastated. My mom tried to cheer me up in my hysterics by saying, "Oh there's plenty of other fish in the sea!"

And I just wailed, "But Mom, I don't WANT a fish!"

So, Barefut, if you don't WANT a fish and life totally stinks. Oh well. There's plenty of other beans in the pot...corn in the field...pigeons in the park...
Warm Hugs,

Shelley Ensz
Founder and President
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)
Hotline and Donations: 1-800-564-7099

The most important thing in the world to know about scleroderma is sclero.org.

#19 Kaycee

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Posted 12 April 2008 - 08:42 AM

I'm gonna jump in here with my cure for the blues. Now that I am no longer employed outside the home, I get depressed quite frequently. But I have a wonderful group of freidns who continue to include me in almost every outing they take. So usually once a month, we get together for a "girls day or night out". Sometimes, it is an entire weekend where we go shopping, have dinner and drinks, go to the spa, or just chill at someone's house. It gives us a chance to laugh, catch up with each others' lives and unwind without children or spouses to worry about. Our own little slice of "paradise". For those times when I can't get together with them, I make it a point to have my hair done and get a manicure and pedicure every two weeks like clock-work. Looking good always picks me up and makes me feel better.

Hope that helps.

Much love,


Kim

Much love,

Kim


Be yourself...everyone else is taken.

#20 barefut

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Posted 13 April 2008 - 07:05 PM

More Replies - Wow!

Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to give little ole' me ideas to crush my blues. They are all very good and now that they are all here in black and white I can come and read them again and again whenever I need to be reminded of not only your great ideas but of how much you all really care.

I feel hugged :D

Love you all!