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Depression


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#1 Leslie R.

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 03:32 PM

Good Night Everyone,

I know I have been missing in action for awhile and not posting any topics or responding. You see I have been experiencing some type of depression for the past few weeks. Although I have been trying to deal with my chronic illness on my own, I guess I did a bang up job in taking care of my mental health. Just recently I had some issues with my weight, since after my prednisone medication was push up from 5 mg to 20mg now back down to 10 mg, my weight became increase from 140 to 150 pounds. What that entails is that the fact that I have to buy more new clothes to fit my new body. So I felt upset and disappointed. Now that is summer it is very difficult to buy clothes to cover my skin, to keep me comfortable and warm, I just went to clothing store this weekend to buy a outfit to go to a wedding, and it could not fit, it was to noticeable meaning exposing my neck with the Vitiligo. I became upset, self conscious and angry.

I thought I was handling things well especially during the winter season, was not prepared for any of this, so it all came crashing down. Now I realize I cannot control certain things, and isn't it enough already that this disease, has already taken my physical self, now it's playing on the mental side of me. When you think that something like this you can overcome its challenge to beat it and survive, it can really get to you mentally and emotionally.

I am going to be getting therapy treatment to help me out soon. But I just wanted to share with you my personal experience on what is going on with myself, and to reach out to people who is going through the same thing too. I wish everyone all the best on whatever you dealing with.

Sincerely,
Leslie R

#2 Shelley Ensz

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 04:19 PM

Hi Leslie R.,

I'm glad you are back in action again and posting on the forums. I'm sorry that you've gone through a difficult time...but congratulations on realizing it and seeking therapy! That is a tremendously positive step, and a good example to set for all of us, too.
Warm Hugs,

Shelley Ensz
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International Scleroderma Network (ISN)
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The most important thing in the world to know about scleroderma is sclero.org.

#3 Leslie R.

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 04:29 PM

Thank you Shelly I hope this can help everyone.


Sincerely,

Leslie R

#4 Sweet

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 04:42 PM

Hi Leslie,



My heart goes out to you. I too have had a difficult time dealing with the body changes that have accompanied this illness. I used to be 125 pounds and I am now 160. I was up to 172 and have lost a little bit, but have so much more to try and lose. I tried the "I'm OK at this weight" thoughts, but it didn't work for me. I need to try and lose it. Don't give up, keep trying and I think therapy is a terrific avenue.



Hang in there!
Warm and gentle hugs,

Pamela
ISN Support Specialist
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

#5 truman

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 05:28 PM

Doesn't matter Sweet; You still look like a model ! :)
Tru

It is what it is...........

#6 smurfette

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 06:04 PM

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down. Clothes shopping can really be difficult when you are not feeling good about yourself. I ave a vacation requiring a bathing suit coming up and I am simply beside myself about shopping for it!
I keep saying that it is bad enough that this disease takes its toll of us and does a number on our insides, but if it has to attach our outsides I don't understand why it couldn't just make our butt skin look bad, not the face and other parts that show! It really is an evil little disease! And the weight gain - it should maybe just give us great hourglass figures and stop there. We deserve some fairness here! If we are going to have firm skin - firm us where it can help, but noooooo, I get all the problems of my age and of the disease and no benefits of skin firmness.
I am glad that you are going to see someone to help you deal with things - every one of us has to deal with this stuff in our own way and if you find someone who ca help you deal with it, you are by far one of the lucky ones. Going it alone is just too hard for anyone. Having the board is great, but it does not take the place of one on one support.
I wish you well. Take care. Do things you need to heal your soul. Meds and talking can help some people and I hope you get whatever you need to feel better. You deserve to feel better.
Smurfette

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#7 Sweet

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 06:08 PM

Tru, you are too sweet, buy really I don't.



*kisses*
Warm and gentle hugs,

Pamela
ISN Support Specialist
International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

#8 truman

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 12:34 AM

smurfette:

Why drive yourself crazy? I don't stand on principal anymore; never really did. Get yourself some nice dressy shorts and a tank top and everybody in the pool :) ! My entire adult life I abhorred swimsuits and did just that and believe me no one batted an eye. It's your vacation and enjoy however it makes you happy :lol: .
Tru

It is what it is...........

#9 Karenlee

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 01:03 AM

Hi Leslie,

Glad to see you came back and started posting again. I did the exact same thing you did. Dissapeared off the forum for a while, as I was going thru a bout of depression. I think it's a great idea to talk to someone about how you're feeling.

Keep on keepin' on. We're all here for you.

PS: I think bathingsuit season was just invented to torture females. :P

Karen

#10 Margaret

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 04:19 AM

Hi Leslie ,

Tru is right on track about swimming attire. We came back from Florida last month and I was amazed at the number of young girls/women walking around with tank tops and BOYS swimming trunks......the long, bagging type. Dress in what makes YOU feel comfortable.

Take care, Everyone.
Margaret

#11 KarenL

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 04:39 AM

Hi Leslie,

Welcome back. What you describe is so normal. I can totally relate to your depression and anger over your body's betrayal. I too get frustrated with the weight issues, the having to be warm, to body consciousness, etc. It's a daily battle sometimes. You are not alone. And it's perfectly normal to feel this way. My doctor calls it "reactive depression". I am on just a 10 mg. dose of prosac, it's supposed to help with the raynaud's but I think it's also helping with the depression. I have always been against anti-depressants, but in our case I think they may be warrented. B)

Also, a therapist can be helpful. You will come to some sort of acceptance about this disease and all of the lifestyle changes it entails. It stinks--I know, but we are better off than many. We have a lot lot lot of symptoms to manage and it's rough! Give yourself some slack and set your mind and day to taking good care of YOU. Rest when you have to, exercise gently, eat healthy. And meditate. Find little 10 minute segments of the day to concentrate on healing thoughts. All of these things help me get through and sometimes I cry, but mainly I keep on keeping on as best I can. :lol:

Try not to look back at what may have been and try to live the best way you can NOW. That's my best advice to you, and to myself. It's an ongoing battle sweetie, welcome and keep reading on here, everyone is on your side and understands what you have to live with. We all have our ups and downs and help each other through it.
Peace,
Karen

#12 Peggy

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 04:39 AM

Glad to see you are back. I know what you mean when you go clothes shopping and sometimes it is an awful experience. I applaud you for seeing that you need to talk to somone. This disease really wrecks havoc on us and to know when you need a little extra help is great. Just know we are here for you. Keep your chin up and try to do things that make you feel good and try to pamper yourself too.

Warm hugs,

Peggy

#13 debonair susie

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 07:29 AM

Hi Leslie and Sweet,

I'm in the same boat...5'8", 127# for years and for the last 8 years, I've lost 2" in height and "found 35#, holding pretty steady at 160-162, no matter WHAT I do :huh:

Thank goodness we can vent here, huh?!

Hugs,

Susie
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Susie Kraft
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#14 Leslie R.

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 12:45 PM

Hi Sweet,

Thank for your support I am trying not to let this get to me. Hopefully I will not have to take anymore Prednisone and weight will balance itself out.


Sincerely,
Leslie R

#15 Leslie R.

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 12:47 PM

Hi Smuff,

Thank you I plan on finding away to deal with this, not letting it get to me. Hopefully this disease will make some type of positive sense and we all can rise above it.


Sincerely,
Leslie R

#16 Leslie R.

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 12:53 PM

Hi Karenlee,

Thank you hope you back for good too, it is just not the bathing suit, but Summer itself is playing a bad joke on me. During winter season it was not difficult to cover up my discoloration (Vitiligo), on my neck, hands and chest. Although I have to deal with staying warm and flare ups, I did not think about wearing clothes during summer season. Hope to find some type of solution, maybe a clothing line for people with skin discoloration and Scleroderma (raynaud's phenominum) coldness.


Sincerely,
Leslie R

#17 smurfette

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 12:53 PM

Tank top and shorts! That sounds like a plan. Thank you everyone for that idea - it will also reduce sun exposure and we all know what that can do to our sensitive skin. This Board is amazing. I am a newbie. I came on to help someone else and wound up getting some help for myself. I thank you all!
Smurfette

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#18 Leslie R.

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 12:57 PM

Hi Karen,

Thank you for the wonderful words of inspiration, I will use each and everyone advice to help with my healing. I hope that you have some comfort and support during your time of need. Everyone on this forum is very uplifting and blessings you and your family.


Sincerely,

Leslie R

#19 Snowbird

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Posted 26 June 2008 - 01:44 PM

Hi Leslie

Welcome back, we've missed you! I'm a little late chiming in and it seems you have gotten great advice, not much I can think of to add to it. Sometimes, we just need a little extra help to keep our feet on the ground and the good news is that you recognized it. You're right, this disease is just downright cruel on us as a whole. It sure gave me an insight as to why people need anti-depressants.
Sending good wishes your way!

#20 razz

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Posted 27 June 2008 - 04:45 AM

Hi Leslie!

I have problems finding clothes that look good on me too. Since I'm at 90 pds right now most tops hang on me like they do on the hanger. I also have vitiligo around my neck and upper chest, which I usually cover during the winter months but in the summer I want to stay cool. My arms are so thin (they look like tree branches) I keep them covered when I go out.

I was thinking wouldn't it be nice if there was a make-over show that dealt with our challenges? I would love a make-over! I even sent one of the talk shows a suggestion about doing make-overs for us! Haven't heard back!



Razz
:)
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