Many
of you may know the moment. That first time that
your loved one says, "I had a strange cough.
I feel a bit different today." I can vividly
recall the moment when my wife Kathleen said those
words to me just four years ago. It was the first
cough that was not "right". The first time
that she knew something was wrong. Little did we
know how wrong.
We learned that there would many "firsts".
The first doctors visit. The first biopsy. The first
difficult treatment choice. the first time we knew
what we faced. The first of many firsts.
Fortunately, Kathleen was able to get a quick and
accurate diagnosis of diffuse
scleroderma. Unfortunately, despite the best
medical care, despite our best personal efforts to
learn about this condition and to make all of the
right choices, Kathy lost her battle this summer.
Fours years to the day that she had that first cough.
Kathy never asked why this terrible disease happened
to her, nor was she ever bitter about it. Rather,
she asked what she could learn. She learned how to
make the most of every day. She and I also learned
that we live in a mortal, frail and imperfect world
which is not fair. Knowing that helped us to move
forward during the past four years. We loved each
other and made the most of everything we did together.
We had few regrets.
But I have also learned many things over the past
four years from Kathleen. How to be kinder, gentler,
a better father and husband, more faithful and a
better human being. And most importantly, it is to
make each day as if it is your last and to think
carefully about your words and deeds.
As we think about how this happened, I encourage
you to talk about life and death issues with your
spouse, your family and your doctors. If you have
specific wishes about your life, you need to have
these legally documented, and made known to those
who can help you and ensure that those around you
can be strong enough to see it through. Trust me,
this is not easy.
So how do we move on? With a whole lot of more firsts
in our lives. We have also moved on by establishing
the The
Kathleen M. Mansfield Foundation: Building a Better
Community Through Knowledge, Leadership and Service. This
is a foundation to promote Kathleen's love of community
service. It gives us great comfort to continue her
work.
We also created a web site, The
Kathy Report, that allows us to share more
information about scleroderma and its many complications. |