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  • barefut

    Just for Today

    By barefut

    I'm tired. So tired. Tired of nausea,  of living in the bathroom,  of pain, of this dreary weather. Tired of being tired. Tired of scleroderma.    Today I gave up. I let scleroderma win. And it felt good. Sometimes I just don't have any fight in me. Some warrior I am. I don't even have the energy to be angry. And you know what? I don't care. At least for today, I don't care.    Sometimes we need a break and we never get one from Scleroderma but at least we can give ourselves
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  • barefut

    My Scleroderma Diagnosis Story

    By barefut

    Not long after my first son was born I started having a lot of unexplained muscle pain and fatigue. The year was 1997. Soon, my hair started falling out - by the hand fulls. Not in clumps but overall thinning, at an alarming rate. I went to a dermatologist and he said that since I was nursing it was probably a lack of vitamin K. So I took vitamin K. I was having lower back pain and since I had been diagnosed with a bulging disc from a work related injury when I was 5 months pregnant, I w
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Eyi Eyi Oh!

If I have to mention that I live on a farm once more I may explode into song such as Old McDonald! Whenever the need arises to give out my address, I am almost certainly asked for my house number firstly to which my reply is "It's a farm," and then the usual question is: "Yes but what's the house name?"   "It doesn't have a name as such, just the name of the farm". What usually follows is "Oooh, how lovely."   Now I can think of many lovely things but living on a farm isn't one of them. Inte

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Dreams and Envy

Reading Barefut's blog took me back to the days in Greece which I long for and upon getting my own way, I will be back there in a couple of weeks. I couldn't help but feel a tad jealous of my Sister-in-Arms Blogger as I read her recent contribution; -- couldn't imagine doing that over here! Hypothermia comes firmly to mind! The whole thing sounded quite idyllic and from my armchair by the fire, I drifted into her little world for five minutes.   With hubby's eyes fixed firmly upon the football

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A Day at the Lake, No Piece of Cake

I thought a day at the lake was in order since it was going to be a hot one. So trading in mountains of dirty laundry, dirty dishes and doggie mess for mountains of evergreens, I loaded up 'ol Betsy and headed out to pick up Ryan's friend and we were on our way. Right after we got the mail, finally returned All Star baseball uniforms, stopped at the grocery store for ice and water, and the deli mart for sandwiches. THEN we were on our way. Half-way there, another stop at the discount store for

barefut

barefut

Sour Grapes

My disappointment this afternoon was watching my football team lose, and being squashed into a corner of our local pub by a young man who would have been better suited to being at the zoo on the other side of the bars! I may be getting stuffy in my old age but I hate crowds, loud music and beer swilling males who call me darling, pet, or anything other than my proper name. To lose the match as well just confirmed my dismay with pretty much everything the day had to offer!   A bad loser I may b

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Cracked Up

In my daily routine, I try to do as much as I can. I visit my dad and I've helped him settle into his new home. It's not been an easy task because despite his years, he didn't have much of an idea about what he describes as woman things. Now by that he means housework, kitchen appliances and general household chores. Old-fashioned he may be, and certainly a male chauvenist by today's standards but that's just the way the elder generation are and I accept that he means no malice.   I arranged

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Expensive Time

My little rhyme told of my failed attempt to do the least bit of anything right. So, I buy a clock! Okay it's broken -- so what! Back it went to the antique fayre and a very disappointed man handed back my £120.00 pounds with a degree of reluctance and a solemn face.   I can't help feeling a little bit sick that the clock that took my interest, and excited me to the point of a child in a sweetshop, was no longer part of the family -- gone like the family heirloom I promised Steph who incident

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Silent Clock Tick Tock!

A little treat was given to me, a day around the fayre Myself, my daughter and my dad were with me there I suddenly stopped and gazed in awe A lovely old clock was what I saw Oh! wouldn't it look lovely on my wall As we stood and gazed at the stall   "Cheap at half the price he said!" I already had a price in my head "I'll do you a deal, it's Victorian Y'Know" My excitement began to grow My hubby will kill me I'm sure If this deal he makes secure   I thought a while and pictured it

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Household Servant

Ah! The sun. What is that big ball of light in the sky? I haven't seen that since.......er.....mmmm! Whatever! It feels like Autumn out there, damp, cold and not very August like. I have two layers of clothing on my back, and I can't help wondering why I should be walking around like this in so called summer?   My dad's got his worry head on this morning. I've just taken his 5th call in less than an hour. He's worried about his car tax because he couldn't find the registration documents. Turns

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Cunning Plan!

Oh yes I'm off to Greece again, I can hardly wait! I dangled a juicy carrot and my hubby took the bait I played Greek music loudly and out came the sun "Turn that din off," he said, though only said in fun I got out his fancy shorts and placed for him to see Do you like these my dear? the one's below the knee   I got out the photos saying do you remember when? I can picture myself back there, I looked so tanned then He began to take an interest when my daughter laughed out loud He was

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Sacrificial Rose

Weeds, disease and garden pests - AGH! I can't keep up with it! Watering my "gardens" (weed patches) tonight (a little late) I couldn't believe how fast and how many weeds popped up since I was in the garden last. How long ago was it? Seems like only last week but may well have been 2 or even 3 weeks ago - I don't know. All I know is I obviously can't keep up with it.   I have often wondered why I even keep the rosebush by the front door, which every year becomes ridden with disease and p

barefut

barefut

Writer's Constipation!

Nothing much to report but such a drab week with nothing worth the effort of writing. I hate to mention the summer, you'd hardly know that it was! I have deepening sense of hatred for the lovely girl who delivers the weather report each morning, who always forcasts the rain with a sickly smile and a promise of 5 minutes of sunshine. No fun and no surprise then that things are pretty much the same with my gaping hole in the side of my house. How can you build a home in such conditions -- a prett

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Open Book!

My ambition to write a book may not be the best idea I've ever had. For one my spelling at times, is nothing short of atrocious! Not to mention punctuation! Even if I managed to compile a book, where do you begin?   I'm no JK Rowling and I don't have the likes of Harry Potter up my sleeve and anyhow, that's been done! I do have lot's of silly stories some I've shared with you and most are based upon true life, my life in fact! Of course there are things I could write that wouldn't be suitable

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Fascination!

I remember the first time I set up an aquarium. I was very much a novice then and to be truthful I probably lost more fish than evaporation. I learned quite a lot in my time although I never told anyone that my hobby was keeping tropical fish -- that particular pastime was either "naff" or for the geeky members of the population.   It was only when a work friend came round that my secret was out and, boy! I took some ribbing over that. They thought I was lacking in either male company or was s

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Fishy Tales!

Okay! I may have lost the plot a little but, did I ever mention that I used to keep tropical fish? I say "used to" because my aquarium has been redundant for the last 5 years. My daughter will also correct me in saying that the aquarium atually belongs to her. In fact it was a present for my daughter some years ago when she fell in love with the little fishes dsplayed in a restaurant and never stopped talking about them. They made a lovely centre of attention everytime we had visitors, and the c

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Procrastination and Reflux

I am finding that I am starting to use blogging as a procrastination exercise when I should be doing something else. Just like in college when I suddenly decided it was crucial that I do the laundry or clean my room when I really should have been studying. I got a lot of organizing done that way.   I sit here bleary eyed and heavy headed with the clock pushing midnight and the acid pushing up my throat. I haven't even laid down yet and I ate an early dinner. I am going to blame this on my

barefut

barefut

Awful Day!

There were plenty more places I'd rather have been yesterday. Instead I attended my Father-in-law's funeral. How can you put over in words, the minutes of the day! You can't for instance say it was a really good experience, in fact how do you describe a funeral. I found myself using the term 'dignified' as it seemed most appropriate. In fact the whole day could not have gone better. The weather behaved and gave us some warm sun. The floral tributes were breathtaking and it was good to meet up wi

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Goosebumps

My 10 year old came to me the other day, stuck his armpit up to my face and said, "Look mom! Pit hair!" It was a hair alright. But it wasn't his. Turns out he was teasing me.   We were watching a funny video show on TV where a goose was attacking people. My son's friend said, "Man, geese are mean!" to which my son replied without batting an eye, "That's how you get goosebumps."   Yes, I have a little comedian in my home. He has been a clown since he was able to walk and talk. He made a name

barefut

barefut

Soul Searching

The boys and I went to the beach late this afternoon with a picnic dinner and ran into our little birthday girl and her family. They are such great, fun people. Awesome parents, loving, protcective and kind. My little preschool alumni girl snuggled up to me on the driftwood log and asked me if she could sit on my lap. Oh my heart! :D   I'm not sure if I believe in coincidences or not. I'm one of those who tends to believe that almost everything happens for a reason; we just have to be paying

barefut

barefut

Rubbing two sticks together

This month I'm in a situation, right where I don't want to be! It's my birthday on tuesday and over the last two years it's been common for me to receive both a birthday card and sympathy card in the same envelope! It's a scary fact of life and one I have to face.   My Father-in-law's funeral will be held on Friday. My own Father, screaming for attention, is moving home in the same week and apart from being superwoman -- Oh sorry, did I forget to mention that? I'm in the thick of it.   My hu

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Blame it on the weatherman

This is ridiculous, rain like it was the remnants of a monsoon. I can barely hear myself think such is the force of the storm against the window. You could hardly credit it! Take down my gable end in summer and all it does is permenently throw it down!   Ironic though it may seem, who would believe that we could have yet another summer like the last. We really thought that this year would be different and our home would be completed after almost five years of renovation. If luck played a part,

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Sense of dread!

To wake up to a power failure is one thing, but to awake to the realisation that you have a bereavement in the family is quite another, especially when it's a new day and the outlook looks pretty much the same as you left it.   The situation remained the same as yesterday when we recieved the dreadful news of my father-in law's sudden passing, a very solemn subject for which I apologise for in advance.   The first thing I reached for this morning was the electric kettle -- I badly needed a

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Summer day

The sweet, sweet smell of my fresh cut sweet pea flowers fills my kitchen :D (nice change from the litterbox smell :P ) It took me all day but I managed to get all the grass mowed, all my plants watered and had spoons left over for some planting, pruning and picking. The boys helped me mow the backyard and the oldest did a little weed whacking. My little men.   During the hottest part of the day we went to a Hawaiian themed birthday party for a little friend of ours who turned 7. How nice it

barefut

barefut

I Want To Go Back!

With a deepening sense of reluctance, I write this blog from my living room with a log fire roaring and winter like conditions raging outdoors. Yes, I'm back home in Blighty far from the warm sun of Crete and the respite of constant raynaud's attacks.   Oh, we all long for a relaxing vacation and that's understandable but for me it's sanctuary. To be free from pain and feel the freedom of loose clothing, to walk without two blocks of ice, and to stay up late without having to pile on the layer

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