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  • barefut

    Just for Today

    By barefut

    I'm tired. So tired. Tired of nausea,  of living in the bathroom,  of pain, of this dreary weather. Tired of being tired. Tired of scleroderma.    Today I gave up. I let scleroderma win. And it felt good. Sometimes I just don't have any fight in me. Some warrior I am. I don't even have the energy to be angry. And you know what? I don't care. At least for today, I don't care.    Sometimes we need a break and we never get one from Scleroderma but at least we can give ourselves
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  • barefut

    My Scleroderma Diagnosis Story

    By barefut

    Not long after my first son was born I started having a lot of unexplained muscle pain and fatigue. The year was 1997. Soon, my hair started falling out - by the hand fulls. Not in clumps but overall thinning, at an alarming rate. I went to a dermatologist and he said that since I was nursing it was probably a lack of vitamin K. So I took vitamin K. I was having lower back pain and since I had been diagnosed with a bulging disc from a work related injury when I was 5 months pregnant, I w
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The Beat Goes On!

We had a lovely day out yesterday. It was lovely because after the rain the sun shone and I picked my aunt up from her residential home, collected my dad from his and off we went for a drive in the countryside. I'd been cleaning bricks earlier until enough was enough and since I'd got my car back from the garage and the day was good, it was just too much of a temptation.   Up we went into the Pennine hills, called at a quaint little pub and had lunch at 2pm. My aunt had lemonade, I had coffee

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Dust, Rain and Greece!

7.30 am--rain stops play! The events over the last couple of days have seen us tear down a wall and clean over 1000 bricks. My job today was to clear the remaining rubble all set for weekend when we'll lay the foundations prior to rebuild. A very disappointing start to the day nevertheless!   I've just finished a telephone conversation with a lady who appeared to sympathise with my situation, as they all do! Then went on to tell me that she's been through the mill recently with a new kitchen,

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Building The Dream

After much deliberation as we met round the table The decision was made to take down the gable   The house had stood since old Cromwell was a lad And not a lick of paint since then it had, had! The walls were crumbling becoming a ruin And our friends said -"Do you know what you're doin?"   We took a hammer, a chisel and brute force We took each brick down course by course We cleaned off the mortar and chewed on the dust But the work was essential an absolute must   I have this huge

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Builder and Blogger

Sat staring through the huge hole in my wall, rather like a viewing platform on the world! It wouldn't be so bad, although how can you say that without sounding like I actually enjoy having a huge hole in my house? But the truth is, it wouldn't be so bad if the farmer who tends our fields hadn't decided to scatter 10 tons of muck about the place on a week when an easterly wind blows right in the direction of my home.   My hubby get's blamed for most of the awful smells around the home -- this

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Snow on the ground, Fog in my head

SNOW!!!   April 20th and snowing in Western Washington. So much for planting the veggie garden or anything else for that matter. Seems like I was looking forward to this spring more than any other, wanting to get a jump on things around the yard, and it snows at sea level a full month into spring.   I have felt like a puddle all weekend, wanting to do nothing but sleep. But sleeping only makes me sleepier. Can't seem to shake the fog out of my head.   Mom has been here 2 full weeks and

barefut

barefut

Blog Happy And Demolition

I have a huge lump in my throat and a tear in my eye as I write this blog. It's not for me, or anything which relates to my condition, family or situation. I feel kind of guilty writing this blog after the very kind words Barefut wrote in her last blog entry.   Yes, you are right! The blogs look cute and very touching --- a very fine tribute to each other, so before we skip off into the sunset hand in hand, I'd just like to say a personal thank you before I get on with business as usual!  

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Dueling Poetry?

Well there's no way I can top that Barb! Not that there's a competition or anything - just reminded me of "Dueling Banjos" for a minute there.   I have to say I have never had anyone write about me, let alone write a poem about me! I feel imortalized. I kind of don't want to blog anything new for awhile because the blog page looks so cute with our title poems about each other posted one over the other.   I am glad I was able to brighten your day. You certainly surprised and brightened mi

barefut

barefut

Ode To Barefut

Thank you to Barefut for the cutest little rhyme I thought I'd reply to you whilst I had a little time You really are remarkable, you make my day complete And doing all the things you do is certainly no mean feat   You run a home and family a great mum to your boys I bet you roll around the floor, and play with all their toys It's not just me that appears unique, but you my friend are too! We may be a small minority but we always get through   You seem to be the greatest mum, by far yo

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Lady of the farm

There is a sweet little lady who lives on a farm. She has so many animals, some causing alarm.   Some people say, just how does she do it? Some people say, I could never get through it!   But this little lady is a nurturing momma. If her husband would let her, she'd add some llamas.   Yes this little lady, though with scleroderma, Seizes the day on terra firma.   Even when she's feeling less than spry, She'll make her family a berry pie.   She cooks and she cleans and she tears d

barefut

barefut

After Work

Just off work and finding myself again, sitting in Betsy Big Rig in the grocery store parking lot, not wanting to go in. My whole body is buzzing from the activity of the day - or is it from my head cold?   There is a girl getting into her car who could be Epasen's twin.   If I recline my seat I'll be asleep in under 30 seconds for sure and then I'd miss my oldest's baseball game here in town. Mom took Little One to T-ball practice in the opposite direction and Coach is giving Big One a ri

barefut

barefut

Chicks!

Looking out of my window as I very often do Looking round the farmyard to see if anything new When walking by a little hen and I gasped at what I saw Five little fluffy chicks all following their maw Where have you been hiding, we knew we were minus one But now we had quite a few more as her back they climbed on   I felt a certain sense of pride as they walked around the yard It was like a perfect photo on a springtime greetings card Fluffy, small and yellow it really made you awww! I'

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Self Worth!

I'm full of dust! I look like an accident in a flour factory. I'm stiff just about all over -- but at least I'm warm. I'm red hot, hotter than I've been all year. This demolition work sure is good for the circulation.   I've been bolstering down walls with my little chisel. I took out one brick, my hubby took down a full wall. Still my contribution however small will all help in the great scheme of things.   The final phase of our renovation is taking place. It's been a humungous task, much

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Ashamed Of What I've Become

Dismal Saturday morning! The sky is grey, it's raining. I'm here on my own. Husband at work, daughter on a sleepover and just the animals to keep me company. The chickens became agitated an hour ago wanting to come out of their shed but it was raining so hard that neither myself nor the chickens would have ventured any further than the step.   The house felt cold. We'd let the fire go out overnight, so I planned my attack on the day by first lighting the fire with new logs and coal from the b

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Insomnia!

Ever had one of those nights? I think last night was pretty close to being just that, no matter how I tried, I could not get to sleep! I tossed and turned, my neck hurt as usual and I arranged my pillows so many times that I ended up with 5 on my side of the bed -- hubby lay flat out and when that happens I may as well forget falling into slumber. He snores so loudly that my daughter shouts from the other room. So in between the snorts I turned over and tried to clear my mind.   The birds beg

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Joys of Spring!

Oh! The joys of spring, and I'm not about to burst into rhyme here, but it conjures up sweet little images of fluffy yellow chicks, buds bursting into life, birds singing merrily in the trees, well at least that's how spring should be.   I woke this morning to the manic barking of a Jack Russell Terrier, Geese honking and flapping, goats bleating so loudly, I thought they were in my bedroom, and the sound of heavy trucks, pneumatic drills and voices shouting up the hill -- If this is spring I

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What's Really Important!

Having a chronic illness means you come to expect very little, least way's thats my opinion. Endless hospital appointments and the total misconception of a disease that no one has ever heard of, except the ones closest to you, it kind of makes you feel unwanted or just plain neglected.   It's no surprise that depression goes hand in hand with scleroderma or other related illnesses. The truth is that we've all had a life before the disease struck, it's not something we were actually born with,

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In Boys' Hearts

My 5 year old still thinks I'm the greatest and I'm savoring that like melt in your mouth chocolate. He still draws me pictures with "I love you mom" written on them. He still crawls up in my lap and snuggles, gives me hugs that last all day and doesn't mind my smoochy kisses. I know he still thinks I'm the greatest because he tells me so.   He also writes me poetry. Here's his latest:   Rosis ar red, the skii is blluu but most ov ol I love you!   My 10 year old doesn't want to be hugge

barefut

barefut

Week Of Woe!

Frustration! That's what it is? The whole world is out to get me! Of couse if that were true I'd be in a state of paranoia, which hopefully I am not. I would have just cause to feel that way, since my car was taken off the road by an un-attentive driver and since then much has happened to complicate my situation.   I have the grace of a courtesy car at hand. I have to say now that there's nothing like your own choice of vehicle, one which is chosen for you simply doesn't match up to the criter

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Sometimes!

It's lonely out here in blog land! Sometimes I can hear the wind howl Sometimes I'm just by myself a place to moan and scowl Am I just a lonely housewife, or a lazy idle mum I've been at home so long now, that credit I have none   It's lonely here on the farm with no one to listen or chat My life has been so wonderful doing this and doing that I can testify to enjoyment for that I've had my share And if you've been most places, well I'd surely have been there   And now I'm sick and lon

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So Much To Do, So Little Time

I think I may be entering a certain phase in my life where everything is a task. Just climbing out of bed in the morning is becoming more difficult as I battle to keep my nauseousness under control.   My car is due to be fixed after a collision dented my beautiful mode of transport, which even now my hubby suspects was my fault. I was up and about at 7am knowing that I had plenty to do. Living on a farm, especially in winter makes a **** of a mess inside your vehicle as you drag in most of wha

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Stereotypical Middle Aged Woman

I've just been given the biggest humiliation ever. I can't talk about it as it's too crude, but here I am splitting my sides -- it could only ever happen to me!   I've never had a life less ordinary. I consider myself fortunate enough to be touched by a sense of humour, but is it a curse? Wherever I go I find trouble -- doesn't matter where I go, or in what context it may be! My whole day is a battle, my life an open problem page to solve. I can't do anything right, I can't do anything wrong -

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Men vs Woman Drivers?

All is calm -- but wait, it's only 8am! After the tribulations of yesterday my expectations for today are more hopeful. I hope it doesn't "come in three's" as they say! By that very reckoning I still have two more to go!   My car is sitting looking like a scrap yard challenge in the drive. And somehow, though I don't know why, this whole thing seems to reflect my driving as a woman as seen through the eyes of a man.   The assumption that if involved in an accident, no matter who the party

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Bang! Goes My Day

I can see this is going to be "One of those day's" It all started with a bang! -- literally. I simply hate taking my daughter to college, not because it's inconvenient or anything, just that it's a rat run and pandemonium! Cars strewn everywhere, parking a nightmare, frustrated drivers and gungho teenagers zooming around in souped up rust buckets. No wonder there are accidents on a regular basis and the road is purely trecherous!   I dropped my daughter off in the usual manner, finding a safe

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