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  • barefut

    Just for Today

    By barefut

    I'm tired. So tired. Tired of nausea,  of living in the bathroom,  of pain, of this dreary weather. Tired of being tired. Tired of scleroderma.    Today I gave up. I let scleroderma win. And it felt good. Sometimes I just don't have any fight in me. Some warrior I am. I don't even have the energy to be angry. And you know what? I don't care. At least for today, I don't care.    Sometimes we need a break and we never get one from Scleroderma but at least we can give ourselves
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  • barefut

    My Scleroderma Diagnosis Story

    By barefut

    Not long after my first son was born I started having a lot of unexplained muscle pain and fatigue. The year was 1997. Soon, my hair started falling out - by the hand fulls. Not in clumps but overall thinning, at an alarming rate. I went to a dermatologist and he said that since I was nursing it was probably a lack of vitamin K. So I took vitamin K. I was having lower back pain and since I had been diagnosed with a bulging disc from a work related injury when I was 5 months pregnant, I w
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Going it alone

There's something to be said for going it alone - no compromising. As the only adult in the household, I can make dinner time whenever I want it to be, and I can make whatever I want for dinner. I can plant that tree anywhere I want to in the yard because I don't have to consider anyone else's opinion. I don't have to cater to or consider a partner's mood, schedule, likes or dislikes. I am my own boss. I set the rules and I can break the rules if I want to, without any backlash.   There's also

barefut

barefut

Barbara The Great (why not?)

Y'Know whenever I'm feeling down, There's one thing I recall My life has been full of battles and I've kept up with them all I ran a fruitful business and stood my ground most times I never reached the dizzy heights but I almost made the climbs And when I think about all I've done, about all the worry and all the fun I'd never swap my life, no sir! For every trial I have won.   They said I couldn't do it! Build a house, why not! I might be a bit decrepit but I can keep up with you lot W

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Peace

My oldest left for a sleepover at a friend's house this afternoon. It has been a long time since he has been invited to anyone else's house for an overnighter. I must say it has been rather peaceful in the house without anyone for my little one to fight with. Boys and their noise and their toys....I tell you, sometimes I just need a break!   I had to stay home from work on Friday with them. Big one had sore throat and pinkeye and little one a sore throat. Between their pestering and bickering

barefut

barefut

Dawn Chorus

All is quiet down on the farm Animals tucked in, safe from harm Another day gone, dawn chorus will begin No chance of sleeping, or a little lie in   The geese begin honking at dawn's early light Flapping and scrapping, out breaks a fight And I'm trying to sleep, I turn to the wall If they don't move in a minute I'll neck them all   The goats begin bleating, the cockerel crows Out through the window my hubby's slipper goes The dog runs riot and makes off with the shoe At least she'll

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The Great Escape!

Okay! Looking after my menagerie of animals can be quite a task, particulary when they tend to roam exactly where you don't want them to.   Our land expansion is fairly vast so who would think that a small area to the front of our home which lies beside the road, would be an ideal congregating place for a flock of geese, herd of goats, 8 chickens, 1 cat and a stupid dog? Well let me tell you that's just what happens!   My hubby could sleep through a nuclear explosion, not that I would wish

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Life's too short

Life's too short not to get in the game To sit on the sidelines is a cryin' shame   But pay attention or pay the price You don't want to make the same mistakes twice   Take it from me because this I know Life's too short not to go with the flow   Listen to signals all around you Soon you'll wonder how fulfillment found you   Life's too short not to take a leap You never know what joy you'll reap

barefut

barefut

Multi-tasking Momma

I found myself putting on my makeup this morning while sitting on the bathroom throne - a first for me. Can't waste a precious minute when you wake up at 7am and have to get yourself and 2 lollygagging boys in and out of the shower on one tank of hot water, and then get dried, dressed, fluffed, fed and out the door in under 50 minutes.   Getting breakfast and lunches made in the morning is another multi-tasking feat worthy of some kind of award: Get coffee brewing first, put waffles in the t

barefut

barefut

Gluttons for punishment

I have always wanted a little pygmy goat or two. They are the most precious little things! And now here's Barbs with not one, not two, but five! I can just imagine....it's not hard to with Barb's vivid descriptions. When she told of putting up the sheet metal fencing at 4:30 in the morning in like what.....40 degrees below zero?! My hands went blue! Oh Barbs, what are you doing to yourself?   I must admit though, I sometimes do it too - carry on - "getting on with it" even when I know I

barefut

barefut

Just Getting On With It!

I can't remember ever writing two blogs in one day. You may think I'm bored or have nothing better to do, you could not be further from the truth! Truth is I have far too much to do but I have neither the interest nor strength to do even the slightest chore.   I fed the animals, then found a sick chicken which now resides by my fire. Warmth sometimes is all they need -- I know exactly how they feel! I feel like a sick chicken myself. I was up too early this morning, got cold and it pretty much

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Menagerie Of Animals

By all accounts, yesterday was anything but normal. I arose from slumber with a sickly feeling that was to last for most of the day. We were expecting new arrivals but my hubby was at work leaving me to cope with anything that might happen in between. Goats were on my mind -- where to put them if they arrived unexpectedly? I was on tenterhooks. Finally my hubby rang to say he was on his way home to pick up the trailer, at least now the situation was partly under control.   I couldn't help thi

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Mini Zoo

Your wish, barefut, is my command! I read your blog and thought, Would an extension to my mini zoo really be that difficult? True my condition is such that I can no longer run faster than an irate gander, or jump on a goose so as to clip it's wings but I like to think that my youthful looks (er! what do you mean, "Who are you kidding?") and athletic figure could cope with perhaps a couple of cute little pygmy goats.   I set about my quest after numerous attempts by my gormless hubby to obtain

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When chickens fly

You know the weather is bad when chickens fly, because even though they have been equipped with wings and feathers, they were just not built for flying.   I SO love reading about Barb's life on the farm. I wish she would get more animals so I could hear more stories. But I guess that's kind of mean since they are so much work and the last thing I would wish upon Barbs is more work.   I thought we had it bad weather-wise up here in the "Great Northwest" or as I call it, the Great North Wet.

barefut

barefut

Tea Break

The weather they say is all wrong! Earthquakes, Hurricanes and Twisters are all from lands much further afield from ours. They may be common place for some but please, ENGLAND! It barely breaks with sunshine, is very friendlly with the rain and the cold just loves to reside here long into summer.   Tonight we are bracing for one of the worst storms ever predicted. 80 miles per hour winds, hail and rain -- batten down the hatches and tie the chickens down if all comes to fruition. Of course ne

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New way of life

I used to get so frustrated waking up at 1:30 am every single night (morning!) and not being able to get back to sleep, but now it has just become a new way of life.   Getting frustrated about it isn't going to help me get back to sleep so I might as well use the precious time to my advantage and do some laundry, balance the checkbook, finish my applications for financial assistance for my medical bills, pick up the house, pay some bills and write a blog.   The only problem is, I'm still so

barefut

barefut

Macho Males

So much can happen in the space of one week! The weather can go from pleasantly mild to arctic conditions overnight, and we've even had an earthquake to boot. Thankfully the quake did nothing but wake a few folk and yes! the earth moved for me.   The background noise is one of crowing chickens and honking geese, the black cockerel may well have cause to crow in fact! The truth is if I hadn't got home when I did yesterday, my white cockerel would have been in a much worse state than he was. Som

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I want my mommy

Ever had one of those I want my mommy days? Remember when you were a little kid and everything was unfair and no matter what you did it seemed things only got worse as the day went on until finally there was a straw that broke the camel's back and you just couldn't take it anymore and you cried out loud, "I want my mommy!" because a mommy's job is to make everything all better.   At 42, crying I want my mommy seems kind of pathetic but nevertheless, I want my mommy! I look around at my neglec

barefut

barefut

All out of Spoons - and knives and forks...

Saturday - I had big plans for the day but I used up all my spoons taking a shower and getting dressed. My boys are using up my knives and forks as I type, fighting with each other and the dog whines at the back door, starved for attention.   I don't suppose I 'll get anything done on my list today and they are things that have to be done - or else...Oh well, I guess I can take solace in the fact that I showered and dressed today. Now I can pour myself on the couch, in my messy house and amon

barefut

barefut

Spring Fever

Spring is in the air and I feel myself getting antsy to make some progress in the yard and flower beds, however; my body groans at the mere mention of it. If I get around to Fall cleanup, it's usually sometime in mid Spring when my hands are less likely to fall off from the cold - yea, it's not called fall just because the leaves are falling off the trees.   I am ashamed and embarrassed of my landscape. I still have hanging baskets up out front with dead twigs in them from last Spring. The dog

barefut

barefut

Walk a mile in my shoes and you'll have sore feet!

I have a shameful secret. Sometimes I want certain others to experience my pain. The old "Walk a mile in my shoes" fantasy rears its ugly head. Not for sympathy. Though sympathy is a good thing, in moderation, it sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable - like I'm being a whiner.   When I'm short on patience with my kids, 9 times out of 10 it's because I'm in pain. Then I find myself wishing they could know how I feel so they would just please cooperate. When I start making mistakes at work, 9 t

barefut

barefut

Vegetarian Chicken?

It's 7am Saturday morning -- why am I up so early then? Well it's not your usual sclero problems, more the necessity to commandeer the computer before my daughter wakes from slumber. Yes! She's found a whole new world out there in the form of friends on the net on a site geered up for instant messaging and all her friends from college are signed up to it.   I don't mind the fact that she spends endless hours tapping away on my keyboard. Who am I to complain when I do exactly the same thing mys

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Tired

Running the gamut of emotions is tiring. Everything hurts and yet how can I complain?   Today I chose despair instead of hope, Then shame and more despair.   Everything hurts. I am so tired of hurting.   I am angry. It's not fair.   I dare not ask, "Why me?" Why not me?   I miss my old body, The one I took for granted, And now it's gone.   And this mess that I am left with Demands compromises Every minute of every day.   I am tired of compromising.   I am tired of hur

barefut

barefut

Something For Nothing -- No Way!

It's that time of year again! -- Oh, I'm not complaining because when the geese get the hots for each other, I know that spring is just around the corner. Problem is that they become so vicious, and a nasty nip from that huge gander is the last thing I need right now.   Yesterday I was outdoors when the phone rang, typical huh!. My dad flustered and began shouting for me to come indoors as there was someone wishing to talk to me. I dashed across the lawn in my own style -- more a fast walk rea

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Memories That Make Me Smile

My decision to reinstate the family business has given me new hope that I have something to focus on and make myself useful. I only wish my family had the same view. The negative response from my daughter and also my hubby to a degree, has given me a little self doubt overnight. Will I be able to keep up, will I be able to work long hours and run a household, am I being completely stupid or just simply adventurous?   I found it difficult to even get out of bed this morning, another "I told you

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