I'm tired. So tired. Tired of nausea, of living in the bathroom, of pain, of this dreary weather. Tired of being tired. Tired of scleroderma.
Today I gave up. I let scleroderma win. And it felt good. Sometimes I just don't have any fight in me. Some warrior I am. I don't even have the energy to be angry. And you know what? I don't care. At least for today, I don't care.
Sometimes we need a break and we never get one from Scleroderma but at least we can give ourselves
Not long after my first son was born I started having a lot of unexplained muscle pain and fatigue. The year was 1997. Soon, my hair started falling out - by the hand fulls. Not in clumps but overall thinning, at an alarming rate. I went to a dermatologist and he said that since I was nursing it was probably a lack of vitamin K. So I took vitamin K.
I was having lower back pain and since I had been diagnosed with a bulging disc from a work related injury when I was 5 months pregnant, I w
Can hardly focus, my eyes are sore
Another night, can't stand no more
I've got pain in my shoulder and in my tum
No sleep last night I simply had none
My hubby snored on every breath
And out of the covers, I'd catch my death
My pillows fluffed high I was almost upright
But it became clear I wasn't going to sleep tonight.
I watched the day break and heard the bird call
I hadn't slept a wink at all
And hubby snored on as he tossed and turned
Whilst the fire in my stomach constantly b
Wires everywhere, sticking plugs in and out of sockets, sore fingers from tapping the keyboard, inserting disks that no longer work -- yes! I've had computer trouble. My computer died last week right when you least expect it and right when you really didn't need the expense!
We're off to Crete on Tuesday and if that isn't expensive enough, a new computer has added to a huge amount of spending to our budget this summer. It's a tool that we've become reliant upon. I never thought I'd ever say
Just one more week to go until we board the plane for Crete! This will be our second trip this summer and I'm already planning our third. I guess I'm obsessed with the Greek isles but in reality I'm looking for respite. I feel much better in the sun and it's wonderful to be pain free even if it's only for one week!
I do it every time. "I won't take too many clothes" The truth is I always bring back a suitcase full of unworn items proving my husband was right once again! The sight of a small
'Oh My Goodness' My first solo radio show, completely unscheduled -- the DJ broke down on the motorway and I was already there! It's true that I'd been training so I wasn't too overwhelmed by it all but none-the -less I was still nervous. The radio news came in and then I had to speak; my first words uttered from my lips and so began 3 hours of music and chat, totally unrehearsed and straight off the top of my head!
I had been sitting in co-presenting for about 1 month. I was no stranger to
My Crete is a lake an hour and a half's drive from here. Just got back from 3 blissful sunny days and 2 sleep filled nights in 'my' time share cabin on the lake -- well it's sort of mine, although I have to share it with the rest of the world. Except instead of paying a big chunk of change for ownership or a monthly fee or mortgage, I just reserve it for whenever it's available and only pay for the nights that I stay there. I have a staff that keeps it clean and well maintained so it's all r
Monday morning, so begins another week--- Let me see? Ah yes! Sore leg, hip and aching joints. I had to comprehend getting out of the bed this morning, firstly shuffling to the edge and then ... wait for it! One leg out and another still to go. I finally straightened up to every bone creaking like an old ship lost at sea.
I'm 49 in exactly one month's time. I feel 79. I have to accept that I can't rush around as I once did. Age related or not, I'm just not capable. My head tells me I'm 18
Dear Friend ~
I forget that you're fragile
Cuz you're just so tough
Fearlessly taking on my boys
Proves you've got the right stuff
Now use that stuff right
To get yourself well
Cuz I know hospitals
Can be, uh, less than perfect.
The nurses (bless them) wake you every hour
And all you want is to take a shower
The food 'aint good and TV is bad
The boredom and restlessness can drive you mad
So enjoy this small care package
To help pass the time
And accept my apologies
That rumbling ache gripes down below
A gentle reminder that I must soon go
So off to the bathroom I trot again
Trying to relieve myself of pain
It ain't no fun trying in vain
This awful gripe is driving me insane
Straining and pushing for all you're worth
My, It's almost like giving birth!
It really isn't funny although some would smile
When you haven't been to the toilet for a while
You don't need an audience, in fact that's what I got
Some awful cold liquid up there was shot
Well, it didn't take long to see the return of blue fingers and aching limbs. I'm certain that my fingers sensed I was close to home 37 thousand feet above Sardinia. Out came my socks and cardigan whilst others on the flight sat with shining tans and strappy tee shirts! I sat for a while shivering before succumbing to the cold and placing my second layer over the top.
The flight attendant noticed my quick change and commented --- "Too much sun eh!"
"Not enough" I retorted
I was not
Came home tonight after the season ending baseball jamboree to news that our dear sweet friend is in the hospital fighting another infection and fighting for her life again. She has become part of our family this past year, caring for the boys, playing referee, chauffeur, chef, pet sitter, helping with homework, hurt feelings, little one's dramatic sports 'injuries' and generally being mom when I could not be there.
I am sick with worry and feeling a bit responsible for her condition sinc
Well, it's been such a hectic month -- where do I begin? Firstly I've been to Crete on a somewhat whirlwind trip, totally unprepared but extremely the right thing to have done in my present set of circumstances. My father's demands became far too much for me to cope with and I was literally running two families, running around like a headless chicken.
My weight plummeted and I was beginning to look rather skeletal. My clothes were hanging off my hips and half of the clothes in my suitcase no
I hate people games. If you wanted to torture me, just make me watch any one of the reality TV shows that are so popular these days. What a monumental waste of time and energy and life itself to participate in and perpetuate trivial, foolish, petty, insolent, tattling, back stabbing, behavior which results in everybody's emotional angst. It is scary to me that this has become entertainment. Don't people get enough of this stuff in their own personal everyday lives? Does it make people feel
Leave me alone. I can do it. I don't need any help.
Don't you tell me I can't do it or that I am not doing it or that you think I need help.
I will tell you that I can do it and I am doing it and that I am dong just fine without anyone's help.
(And I will be lying.)
But you can't tell me I need help. I will tell you, when I am ready, that I need help, and with what.
And it will once again kill off a little piece of me. Like a cancer eating away my dignity
Well, okay there's nothing (seriously) wrong with my brain and I have the MRI, and vascular studies to prove it now. So why the vertigo, dizziness, sudden extreme sleepiness and memory and concentration problems? And what was up with that throbbing pulsation in my neck and the pricklies in my left arm last Tuesday at work which sent me to a Seattle hospital for more testing all day Wednesday when I really wanted to be at my friend's Celebration of Life service? (How's that for a run-on sentence
Ha,ha, ha, hee, hee, hee.
The sound of laughter directed at me
In a daft hat and sensible shoes
And my fingertips have got the blues
Yes, I was nineteen a tender age
And had just begun to earn a wage
Look at that, what could it be?
I didn't understand then, you see
It seemed the perfect party trick
Didn't know it would make me sick
First it was one, then two and three
First on one hand, what was happening to me?
Then it was both, something not right
So I went to the doctor that
With all this talk of swine flu and other threatening diseases, is it any wonder why people are hypochondriacs?
We've all heard of man flu, bird flu, swine flu, whatever next I wonder? It makes you want to stay indoors and avoid contact with anyone.
I sat uninvitingly close, next to a lady in the hospital waiting room, her nose red from blowing her hooter into a pocket full of tissues which were full of holes. An occasional smile my way from her white complexion said it all really: I ought
Yawn! Here goes another week. My daughter will shout from the top of the stairs "Mum have you made my sandwiches?"
Hubby will scurry around for his car keys and then ask me for his clean uniform. The TV is on for no other reason than the morning news, which does not concern me. It plays to itself in the corner. The day looks fine, I'm in my pyjamas, but wait -- not for long, I'm off to the hospital for an appointment with my GI man.
I hate the long drive through endless road works and t
What a week! I'm quite pleased with myself and with good reason to be so. I've done the first week of training at the radio station so forgive me if I sound a tad boastful. I was extremely nervous when faced with an open microphone and the whole world hanging on my every word. Sorry to sound so dramatic, there may have only been several listeners but to me it was preaching to the masses!
I stumbled a little at first, my nerves got the better of me. It took a further few minutes to calm down
I live in a semi-rural setting, it used to be very rural until a few years ago when all of a sudden new housing developments started popping up like jack-in-the-boxes left and right, and there have always been a few feral cats running around.
There is one female in particular that always seems to somehow find a place to use as a nursery somewhere in my yard and not a year goes by that I am not trying to catch kittens, tame them, vaccinate them and find good homes for. Last year she chose a
Wiping the sleep from my bleary eyes, today is Thursday and my very first day of radio training! I've just got up, looked in the mirror and, Yikes! My hair has taken on a new style. I look petrified, oh no, not today of all days!
Not that anyone will see me, that's the beauty of radio but for my own vanity something must be done! You see we went out last night with Steph and her new boyfriend. There was I trying to make an impression, hubby was already making one and Steph sat nervously as she
Today Little One woke up at 5:00am hungry but couldn't do much with his oatmeal yet. His fever is gone! And it's raining! Never thought I'd be glad to see the rain but if it washes some of the pollen out of the air for awhile, I'll take it. I woke up myself the other day with a swollen face and bloodshot eyes. Speaking of waking up, I have discovered that if I take 800mg ibuprofen at night, I wake up much better. I am down to 4mg prednisone, so up goes the ibuprofen.
So, what to do tod
Pondering a visit to our local Tuesday market, then deciding not to go -- it's one of those kind of days. I was at the hairdressing salon earlier to get my untidy locks trimmed and into shape. I commented that even when wet after the initial cut, it would do, never mind the drying bit! Anyhow I'd paid for a cut and blow dry so whether I wanted it or not I was having it!
"Your hubby might treat you this evening," she said (she being the hairdresser).
I smiled and left the salon. Why do pe
Two sick kids again. ARGH! Can we ever get healthy? This past weekend Big One complained of a sore throat, headache, stiff neck, aching back, had a temp of 102.5 and was hunched over a bowl in anticipation of vomiting. Somewhere in the far reaches of my memory, those particular symptoms rang a bell. Something I read.....meningitis? A quick web search said yep, get him to the doctor. A visit to the Express Care at the hospital confirmed strep throat. Antibiotics on the menu and I am to keep