I'm tired. So tired. Tired of nausea, of living in the bathroom, of pain, of this dreary weather. Tired of being tired. Tired of scleroderma.
Today I gave up. I let scleroderma win. And it felt good. Sometimes I just don't have any fight in me. Some warrior I am. I don't even have the energy to be angry. And you know what? I don't care. At least for today, I don't care.
Sometimes we need a break and we never get one from Scleroderma but at least we can give ourselves
Not long after my first son was born I started having a lot of unexplained muscle pain and fatigue. The year was 1997. Soon, my hair started falling out - by the hand fulls. Not in clumps but overall thinning, at an alarming rate. I went to a dermatologist and he said that since I was nursing it was probably a lack of vitamin K. So I took vitamin K.
I was having lower back pain and since I had been diagnosed with a bulging disc from a work related injury when I was 5 months pregnant, I w
I'm having a bad day! You know it's gonna be bad when the blog I've been writing for half an hour, disappears in one click. Argghh, no! I can't be bothered writing it again!
I'm suffering from a cold --- sinusitis actually. I resemble a mucous projecting monster and speak like by dose has a clamp on id! But I saw Barefut's blog and her envy of my greenhouse and it sort of perked me up a bit knowing that I may have introduced a fellow blogger into a botanical and horticultural pastime --- yes
In reading Barb's blog, Green Fingers, I find myself suddenly experiencing greenhouse envy in sort of an "Ah Ha!" way. Greenhouse! Of course! I've got to get me one of those! Why, all these years, it has never occured to me that I could have one of those too? I do not know. Ten years ago, I started some flower seeds in the living room window, too poor to afford to buy plants. I loved the process but it was quite a pain not having the proper space or place to do the job. I ruined the woodw
If I had a magic wand I'd tap all the grumpy, uncaring, irresponsible, argumentative, disagreeable, negative people in the world and make them wear rose colored glasses. I have got to say that it boggles me how some people have made this their way of life. Might need a magic bat.
My son and I were crossing a parking lot in a cross walk when a car failed to stop and skidded on the wet pavement. (You might be thinking this is going to be about the driver - nope) I'm sure the driver saw us b
The sun shone and out came the masses. I've never seen so many folk wandering around in one day as I did yesterday. I think the bad winter drove everyone deep into their caves and the general feeling is one of hope and feeling the sun on your skin.
I was very much in the limelight yesterday; surprising how much attention one gets whilst in the garden. I wasn't exactly in the garden all day though; for most of it I was down the road with my spade and a bag full of bulbs to plant. My idea that
I was asked to do a radio stint -- me to do a show?
I'd been doing it some years now so I couldn't say no!
Me to sit in the hot seat broadcasting on the waves
Who knows what new horizons this little action paves?
Okay, I have scleroderma but no one will ever see
I'm just a voice on the airwaves, little ole me
So I place the headset over my ears and then begin to speak
The microphone quite close to me, I watch the needle peak
I hear the music playing, my voice is loud and clear
I'm gonna have to be careful with my lingo over the next few weeks. What can a person do when she can no longer eat, drink or make merry? -- swear; that's it that's my only vice!
Of course others would disagree but overall I don't think I'm that bad of a person. Okay, my accent may be a bit strange -- certainly strange if you're not from the UK! My "A's" sound much like "H's" No good when you're on the radio live on hair! I actually said this last week -- can you believe? I said "Beat some
The phone rang constantly yesterday, in fact I lost circulation in my arm just keeping the receiver raised to my ear. When my my mobile rang too I let out a small scream of desperation! luckily it was a number I recognised from the radio station and happened to be that of a DJ's private cell phone, so I knew it was a call I must take.
I wasn't prepared to hear that I'd been chosen to host my own show. There was some talk about it long ago but I either didn't fit the criteria or it had simply
My nearest neighbour is three fields away, lucky you I hear you say! I'd go as far as to say we have no neighbours and sometimes it's a good job that we don't -- imagine living next door to a menagerie and a self styled DIY-er; I shudder at the thought and we happen to be the perpetrators.
Well considering that our neighbours are three fields away due south it's not surprising that we hardly know anything about them. We've got as far as their name and would recognise them if we happened to m
My greenhouse is filling up with all manner of plants. I spend quite a lot of time in there with the excuse of warmth; in fact it's lovely to just potter around in a Raynaud's free environment for a couple of hours. My cucumbers are just peeping through but my tomato seeds are still sleeping -- I'd just love to dig one up and see if they've begun to split but that's my impatient side of nature and not my green-fingered one!
It's very blustery today and it rained earlier. The day looks more
"Lazy Sunday Afternoon!" except it's morning. Today is special, it's Mothers day in the UK! Of course it's not quite the same now that Steph has grown up -- I miss the morning awakening; her excitedly jumping on my bed with a huge box of choccies or a bunch of flowers. Nowadays it's more "Here, Mum" and a card with a smile. If I'm lucky, I'll receive a box of chocolates or a CD of an artist both my hubby and Steph like, ever heard of N Dubz? -- no, me neither, but I know who they are now and gue
"It's freezing mum!" My daughter walked into the room with a yawn and still in pyjamas. She shivered, rubbed her eyes and asked what we'd be doing today. There was only one thing on her mind and that was shopping. True there was a frost early dawn. My hubby moaned as he got out of bed, in fact he's moaned all week -- he has gout! I feel sorry for him as he limps around with a toe which is inflamed and swollen; it does look very sore!
He won't tolerate pity, won't ask for help and will not g
"Are those big white ducks yours?" asked a lady this morning as I posted a letter at the local post office.
"No, I don't have ducks," I answered.
"Yes you do, you live in the bottoms don't you -- have goats as well."
"Erm, yes I do live in the bottoms but those ducks you're on about are geese!"
"Thought so -- Are you rebuilding that place?"
I was in a hurry to get Steph to college, the last thing I needed was to prove justification to a complete stranger but of course not be
One of my pet hates is surely a trip the the bank! I can't stand being told where to put my money -- our money I should say! How is it that when you have a deposit over a certain amount, you suddenly need a financial advisor? The very fact you have an amount to invest, surely proves that you don't need someone to tell you how to do it! So when I went to the bank this morning, the last thing I wanted to do was wait in a small room until someone I didn't really want to have a conversation with bur
If you dream about exercise, does that count? I woke up this morning thinking I was all firm and fit and healthy. What a rude awakening! Then I noticed the headache. And its raining. Silver lining: It's not snowing!
My cat is trying to pet himself with the vacuum cleaner. My youngest is staring at me. "Why don't you pet your poor cat?"
"Nope, I'm busy."
Big One streaks through the house looking for clothes. He can't find any because they are all folded up in his dresser dr
Took Little One to the urgent care at the hospital tonight upon his second, "My ear hurts". This is the kid who holds the record for most ear infections as an infant. This is the kid whos ER doctor told me when he was 2 years old, "You know, ear infections will clear up on their own - you don't have to have antibiotics every time." Okay doctor, tell that to this screaming kid at 3 am! Anyway, I wasn't going to wait another day this time.
I'm still feeling guilty for not taking Big One in
April 10th, screening appointment for the study. I need to score less than 60% on my PFT for diffusion in order to qualify. My PFT a month ago was 58% so, we'll see.......
Been home all week with sick kid(s). Big One has a double ear infection and a sinus infection! I feel SO bad because in hindsight I should have taken him to the doctor sooner and I could have saved him at least a day or two of agony as well as maybe saved myself some time off work. I have no sick, or float days left
Sunday Morning, perfect day for doing whatever you wish and might I add it's the perfect weather to do it also! Spring has certainly hit town this morning and I feel light as a feather -- who said that? Ah yes, Mr Scrooge! Well I share that feeling with him. Blue sky, sun shining, birds singing, are you getting the picture? I've been waiting for the daffodils to burst open, to me that's the first sign of Spring. It makes me want to get out there, roam the fields like in the Sound of Music, only
Sitting here reminiscing makes me feel quite ancient actually! My daughter was asking me about my grandparents for a project at college. Suddenly all those lovely memories came flooding back and I remember asking my mum exactly the same question when I was young. My grandmother on my mother's side came from Ireland, my grandfather from a place near Liverpool -- they met at the docks. My grandmother was on her way back to Ireland -- funny, I can't remember her having an Irish accent. She was a ti
Must get a wall for that hole! The whole situation has gone way beyond a joke. It's mid March and I'm still waiting. This never ending house renovation is finally telling on my nerves. An adventure it is not, a pain in the backside is surely is! If I hear one more goose honk at he bottom of my stairs -- I'll shoot the thing! Being close to nature is one thing -- nature being close to us is quite another.
I have little birds fluttering around like I'm living in some kind of aviary. They bui
I'm turning into quite a fidget
Trying to get blood to my digit
My finger's gone white
My hand looks a sight
I think I might need a widget
My toes are feeling quite numb
I can't even feel my thumb
I moan quite a lot
They're the only ones I've got
No wonder I'm looking so glum
I look so silly in clothes
All you can see is my nose
With one woollen hat
What do you think about that?
And thick socks to warm up my toes
At night I sit by the fire
The flames jump higher and high
Several cups of coffee later, seems to be doing the trick! I feel almost human, perhaps a little hyper but I've made it through the first half of the day with limited energy and blank expression. I never made it to the radio station, I had other pressing business to attend to. With panic over and a minor problem sorted I can now sit down and reflect upon the day.
It never occurred to me that it is in fact Friday 13th! Perhaps this may have something to do with my inability to run my life to
Skip the coffee, sit down, yawn, stretch -- "Ouch" What a night! Tossing and turning one way then the other, hubby snoring --"Urggh!" -- Need the toilet, feezing floor, freezing toilet seat! I climb back into bed shivering and tug the cover back over to my side which leads to a huge groan from hubby!
One of those horrible nights that never end and every hour marked with a "Dong" from the old clock downstairs. The geese kick off and I pull the cover over my head. My neck is hurting, my shoul
Yuck! Just made myself a rotten horrible coffee, or is it my taste buds that are not up to it this morning. I really should get out of the habit -- get up, kettle on, coffee!
I'm sat here in dressing gown and slippers waiting fer her majesty to rise, for she has spoken! "Mum will you take me to the shops?" The shops being of the clothing type, in the next town and accessible only by car.
Oh how I wish she was more advanced with her driving; truth is and she'd kill me for sure if I told y