I'm tired. So tired. Tired of nausea, of living in the bathroom, of pain, of this dreary weather. Tired of being tired. Tired of scleroderma.
Today I gave up. I let scleroderma win. And it felt good. Sometimes I just don't have any fight in me. Some warrior I am. I don't even have the energy to be angry. And you know what? I don't care. At least for today, I don't care.
Sometimes we need a break and we never get one from Scleroderma but at least we can give ourselves
Not long after my first son was born I started having a lot of unexplained muscle pain and fatigue. The year was 1997. Soon, my hair started falling out - by the hand fulls. Not in clumps but overall thinning, at an alarming rate. I went to a dermatologist and he said that since I was nursing it was probably a lack of vitamin K. So I took vitamin K.
I was having lower back pain and since I had been diagnosed with a bulging disc from a work related injury when I was 5 months pregnant, I w
If there was ever a snowman wishing and hoping to be built, his chance would come today. Several inches of snow fell overnight and I awoke to a winter wonderland. Pretty though it may seem, it's an accident waiting to happen. I cannot believe some folk! It would perhaps add a couple of minutes to their journey to take the long way around. Why do they take the chance of ending up in my wall or on the garden, field or ditch? It's senseless!
Thank goodness for my hubby's new truck. It was worth
Carefully walking back to my house -- note I said carefully because the whole yard is a slippery mess! I had a sense of pure enragement aimed at the little dog who trotted alongside, head in air and looking oh so pleased with itself. It's becoming an embarrassment and at the same time a nuisance beyond description.
My daughter waited for her driving instructor to arrive. The dog followed us to the gate and began barking almost immediately -- yap, yap,yap! all the time. You couldn't hear yo
I opened my mailbox and what did I see
A face I once knew - a friend of the family
It's been so long since we last met
Had such great times you never forget
Had such fun and our kids have grown
My how those years have simply flown
We travelled for miles each weekend free
Loaded cars with kids, daft were we
Pulling a trailer behind in which to live
Not a care in the world we would give
Come hail or shine on a muddy site
With boots and raincoats through rain we'd fight
My little stint on the radio waves has gained enough publicity for me to be recognised as a local celeb----- Me!--- a celeb, I ask you? It's a bit un-nerving being identified in a shop as "The dish of the week." I therefore wonder if they feel disappointed in my appearance being that all they know me by is voice alone!
It's not my intention to have attention, if you know what I mean, and now they're talking about me being poached by a larger commercial station. They, of course being the on
Woke up this morning to a blanket of snow -- a gentle reminder that winter is still with us! Huge flakes fell yesterday but melted as they hit the ground. January can be a hard month and I have a daft goose nesting on the wall. Still, pancakes on the menu or custard tarts are looking ever likely!
The goats stood in a group with sad expression. It was almost like they blaming me for the snow. I mumbled "What can I do about it?" before I went indoors to a nice warm fire made in the early hours
I truly believe that my life is an open book. Every day a page to be written. I can't imagine anyone's life to be dull or boring, yet people ask if I get bored or lonely living on a farm with just geese, goats and chickens to keep me company when my family are out about their business I'd say keep me on my toes actually because every day they keep me active with one thing or another. If it's not the local do-gooder or some frustrated motorist telling me that the goats have wandered by the ways
Lesson #1: Just because the phone rings doesn't mean you have to answer it.....especially when you are asleep on the couch and jumping up to answer it means that half way across the livng room, your knee will give out and send all 190 (okay 200!) pounds of you flying at top speed into the wall and when you reach out to catch yourself on the window sill, your elbow will buckle leaving the telephone stand to break the rest of your fall onto your ribcage.
Lesson #2: Just because the base of y
Waving with a huge lump in my throat as I watched my daughter disappear up the hill on her first driving lesson. I remembered with a sly smile, my first lesson oh so many years ago! I shared her nervousness as we stood anxiously waiting for the instructor to arrive. Her documents in hand and pacing up and down like it was her driving test never mind first lesson!
Finally, he arrived in a blaze of colour. The car plastered with "L"s with the name of the school painted down one side.
Huge sigh!---- This life can be the pits and there's me thinking that humour cures all. I guess I'm disillusioned with the world and the first week of the new year promises little hope of a bumper bright 12 months -- Why do I hate January?
It always seems that January has it in for me. Anything bad that ever happened to me has always been in the first month of the year! Pneumonia, gastric problems and pneumonia again, all happened at the beginning of the year! Deja - vu you could say becaus
My cat decided it was time to take down the holiday decorations - at 5am this morning. Then he serenaded me with my son's guitar. Why did I decide it was a good idea to get a cat?
We had a windstorm this week that blew my glass top patio table over and shattered it. I stood at the kitchen window and watched it happen. It was like slow motion. Nothing I could have done to stop it. Surprisingly, I wasn't all that upset about it. I'm sure I will be when summer comes and I'm eating out of
Yikes! Seventh of January already and not a pot washed, as my gran would say! The week's been pretty bad weather wise and I had a very sulky teenager at home yesterday on account of being ice bound and confined to barracks. For most of the day she sat at the computer scanning the chat service for friends online. Of course most of them were at college except for her and the number of text messages she received was mind numbing.
Her mobile vibrated like a demented bee in a tin can. It drove me
So, into the new year! Hard to tell where it ended and where it began really, except for the midnight chime and a sky full of fireworks, you'd have hardly noticed the difference in our household. We stayed up -- for what? Twelve o'clock came and went and then shortly after we went to bed. I'd decided early on that I wasn't for partying neither at home or elsewhere, after all what's to celebrate? Another year of much the same or worse and although I sound like a messenger of doom, it's hard not t
Family made it here for the holiday and we had a great time. One of my gifts to the boys was a bedroom makeover. I wrapped a paint tray and paint samples along with a note. Turned out that it ended up being a gift from my sister and dad. While I was at work Monday they did the whole thing for me. The boys had a great time. They ended up trading rooms and ever since they have kept their rooms immaculate!
Spent New Year's Eve at my sister's house. It was nice to get out of town for a cha
Much has happened in the past week. Festivities, family gatherings, and yet so little to write about! It's all been the usual traditional event and quite honestly I'm glad it's all over because at least now we can move on and look forward to spring, although looking out of my window this morning it still looks like mid winter! The old shippon is white over and the yard is rock solid, I can even see the gander's breath each time he honks -- so I'm staying indoors today.
It will be the usual a
Today was doomed from the get go. Yet with each little, (medium and big) setback, I kept a positive attitude and kept telling myself, "It's just a bump in the road. Fix it, learn from it and don't let it ruin the whole day." Like water rolls off a duck's back, I let the day's mishaps and frustrations roll off of my back until the day was done. And then I took 10 minutes before I picked up the kids and sat in Betsy Big Rig and cried.
Okay, good to go for another round of life. Today was re
I have what's left of tonight and what little time I will have after work tomorrow to clean the house for dad's visit. There is a list as long as my arm of stuff to do. I will have to shave it down and prioritize it into a list as long as my pinky for the amount of time and energy I actually have to get anything done.
1. unclog master bathroom sink
2. clean master bathroom
3. reclean boys' bathroom
4. wash dishes
5. mop kitchen floor
6. clean out Betsy
7. make up bed for dad
I was born in the Midwest and I have seen their snowstorms and this is definitely one of them. How it got itself way over here, I do not know. I think it's lost.
The forecast calls for 70 - 90 mph winds in some places (one of those places just 15 minutes from me) and power outages to go with it. Right now it is snowing hard and blowing. We haven't seen this much snow around here in about 20 years. And the cold! 14 degrees the other day -- who knows what with the wind chill. My Raynaud
I was lying in bed with what seemed like a million thoughts and feeling terrible with acid reflux. The clock downstairs chimed one, two and then three and at that point I got up rather quickly as the nauseous feeling got too much for me to bear. I was lovely and warm and going into a cold bathroom at three in the morning, my thoughts were: "Better get this over quickly.''
I hate this feeling when you feel all alone, like no one cares. I was ill without a stir and although I was trying to he
It's true to say that I hate hospital appointments! The long drive to Manchester and at this particular time of year is bound to be fraught with seasonal shoppers and crazy office party folk. I know I'm beginning to sound an awful lot like Scrooge and believe me I'm far from that Dickensian character, but I sometimes know where he was coming from.
All ready. I've made the fire, fed the goats and done the washing and it's only 7.30 in the morning! I never got as far as the gable when Max t
I cannot run, it's hard to walk but yet the need is must
Chasing goats all over the place you couldn't see em' for dust
They ate the pen and all the fence and off they went together
Despite my frugal attempts my efforts failed to tether
They ran up the road like they were in a race
Determination upon their face
They'd seen some ivy at the top of the hill
So they chewed on it and had their fill
Many folk came to my aid
Most of em' were quite afraid
A herd of goats with horns to ma
If there was ever a painted winter scene -- I'm looking at it through my window right now! Lovely as it looks, it's an absolute no,no and one only to be admired through glass and in front of a roaring fire!
I flatly refused to take my daughter to college this morning as there was simply no need, in view of my hubby having the day off. I stayed in bed, nice and warm, listening to my hubby scrape the ice off the car -- what a thought! My hands almost went into spasm just thinking about it. I
Don't you just hate the word scleroderma. You'd think that over time it would become less troublesome or by now we would have a cure! Reading Barefut's recent blog and some of the posts on the forum makes me realise how this disease affects us personally, whether we are a carer, loved one or sufferer.
In my personal condition, I think I don't do too badly -- I could be much worse! I actually said that last week to a doctor, the one who was stabbing my arm for veins. He agreed but then said
After reading Lori's post on losing her husband to scleroderma I had to take timeout again for a good long cry. Every time I hear of this disease taking someone's life I feel like I have lost a member of my family even though we have never met.
My heart aches for the families who have lost their loved ones to this ugly, unpredictable, disease. Families whose only consolation is that now their loved ones are no longer suffering.
And then I get angry because its not fair. And then I want