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footprints

Entries in this blog

 

Womb For Rent

Actually, if I was a healthy person, I'd make the space available for free. I loved being pregnant - growing a little life inside of me - it is such a privilege. I wish all women could experience the elation of pregnancy.   When I hear of women having like their 10th kid, my first thought is, "Is she nuts?!" Two boys was definately enough for me. Then I get a little jealous of all that pregnancy time. I hear some of you saying, "Is she nuts?!" I know, pregnancy isn't so great for everyone; in

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With a little help from my friends...and family

Well I managed to scavenge rides from people to get to and from work on Saturday and Monday. When my sweet neighbors saw me getting dropped off Monday evening, I got a call as soon as I got in the door:   "Are you a single mom in need of a vehicle?"   "Yes..... Why? Do you happen to have an extra one lying around?"   "Yes, we'll bring the Bronco over - why didn't you just ask?"   Why didn't I just ask? I did think of asking but couldn't bring myself to. It felt like I would be asking

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Whose Hands Are These?

Hard dry skin that cracks and bleeds Sausage fingers do impede Whose hands are these That so betray me Stiff and clumsy Oh how they fray me And in the cold turn white then blue Not to mention painful too Whose hands are these I don't recognize Fingers swollen twice their size I lay them in my lap to rest Before I put them to another test

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When My Boys Have Left The Nest

When my boys have left the nest Am I going to miss their mess?   Will I be a sad mom lonely and old Sitting in a clean house missing the mold   The wet towels on the bathroom floor The toothpaste in the sink that makes me roar   Moldy dishes in their window sills Muddy footprints and sticky spills   Dirty socks behind the TV Suckers in the carpet and pee on the seat   Candy wrappers everywhere Bubble gum stuck in their hair   All these things that make me weary When I am old,

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When chickens fly

You know the weather is bad when chickens fly, because even though they have been equipped with wings and feathers, they were just not built for flying.   I SO love reading about Barb's life on the farm. I wish she would get more animals so I could hear more stories. But I guess that's kind of mean since they are so much work and the last thing I would wish upon Barbs is more work.   I thought we had it bad weather-wise up here in the "Great Northwest" or as I call it, the Great North Wet.

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What Matters?

Every time I pull into my driveway and see the over grown weeds, the lawn that needs mowing and all the unfinished chores and projects, I wonder what others think when they come over to drop off their kid or to pick up mine. I wonder what my neighbors think. What do strangers think? "Boy, there's a house that needs painting, a yard that needs mowing..."   Then I think, what does it matter? It only matters if it matters to me. I certainly care more about what I think than what others think

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What day IS it?

I knew I was in trouble for the week when I woke up Tuesday and it felt like it should have been Friday. But, here is where my summer kicks into high gear and I will wake up tomorrow and it will be August. Little one's last day of kindergarten is tomorrow. Big one's last day is Friday.   Today is Wednesday. Just got home from the last baseball game and an exciting one it was! The kids were actually swinging and hitting, and catching - unlike the past few yawners where no one swung the bat an

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Walk a mile in my shoes and you'll have sore feet!

I have a shameful secret. Sometimes I want certain others to experience my pain. The old "Walk a mile in my shoes" fantasy rears its ugly head. Not for sympathy. Though sympathy is a good thing, in moderation, it sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable - like I'm being a whiner.   When I'm short on patience with my kids, 9 times out of 10 it's because I'm in pain. Then I find myself wishing they could know how I feel so they would just please cooperate. When I start making mistakes at work, 9 t

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Wake up call

We attempted a day at the Lake yesterday but got rained out 1/2 way there so we went school shopping with grandpa's gift money instead. On the way home we were stopped on the highway for nearly 2 hours due to a terrible multi car accident. We counted 6 aid cars passing us to get to the scene. I was sick in my stomach. Had I not stopped to rummage for empty boxes on our way out of the warehouse store, we could have been part of that accident.   Driving by the wreckage, the worst of the cars

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Vacation Over

Well, back to work tomorrow or actually today as I have to catch up on laundry, grocery shopping, and housecleaning that fell by the wayside while dad, sis and brother-in-law were here.   Wednesday, dad and brother-in-law got the dog kennel fence and gate put up. What a relief, now my vegetable garden is safe from digging paws and the kids' toys safe from chewing teeth. That's right, I said vegetable garden! It's finally planted! Sis and I also planted the pumpkin patch and sweet corn. We had

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Vacation

I am on vacation (at home) and have had two, count them, TWO days of sun in a row! It must be some kind of record. I got out and got my hands dirty in the garden and it was very therapeutic for me as I have had a couple of setbacks lately. Mom has gone back to Montana. The kids and I miss her. Not only that but now I am stuck without childcare for the summer. Stressful trying to work out what I am going to do.   Another couple of personal disappointments and I am struggling to stay positive. T

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Update on me

Hey,Hi! Long time no blog. So, the latest on me is that I have been denied Supplimental Security Income and so have hired an attorney on contingency, to help me with the appeal process. Little did I know, the Department of Social and Health Services has a person designated to do just that. Wish I'd had known - could have saved myself a little money perhaps. But DSHS was pretty slow in letting me know that and I don't have time to dilly dally.   Our Governor cut Temporary Assistance to Need

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Update on Me

Well I've been on Azathioprine (Imuran) for at least 2 months and I have noticed a slight improvement in my muscle pain and stiffness, although I am still weaning off of the prednisone (again) only this time more s l o w l y! I am at 4mg as of now.   I enjoy being able to stay at home and take proper care of myself and my boys. I have been eating better, napping and going for short walks. I have even spent some time pulling weeds! I want to start swimming and join a yoga class.   I am receiv

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Update on Me

After 4 1/2 years on it, I took my last dose of Cellcept this morning. I started Azathioprine (Imuran) a few months ago and doctor said it's time now to quit the Cellcept since my lungs have remained stable and my skin "looks good". Its nice to be eliminating a med for a change.   The Azathioprine is supposed to be able to do a better job at handling my myositis - or at least that's what the plan is. Hard to tell any difference yet since I am still (again) tapering off of Prednisone and am c

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Update on Me

Well Helloooooo My Sclerodermian Peeps! :)   I've got to say that even though I am not blogging much lately, I am still always thinking of my friends here. I've been feeling writer's block. Not sure what anyone wants to listen to from me - ha! Anyway, I figured I'd at least check in and fill you in on what I've been up to lately.   I have put 2 of my passions to good use in a new home business which I launched last October. I am using my nature photography to make greeting cards and my lov

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Two Sick Bloggers

There once were two bloggers with colds in their heads People kept telling them that they should be in bed "Whatever will my family do then?" they said Whatever will your family do when you're dead?   For that's surely their fate if they kept running 'round They were driving themselves right into the ground That is not where their families want them to be found! They need those bloggers with a body that's sound   So off to bed they did go that day And in their beds they loved to stay

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Today

Today Little One woke up at 5:00am hungry but couldn't do much with his oatmeal yet. His fever is gone! And it's raining! Never thought I'd be glad to see the rain but if it washes some of the pollen out of the air for awhile, I'll take it. I woke up myself the other day with a swollen face and bloodshot eyes. Speaking of waking up, I have discovered that if I take 800mg ibuprofen at night, I wake up much better. I am down to 4mg prednisone, so up goes the ibuprofen.   So, what to do tod

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Tired

Running the gamut of emotions is tiring. Everything hurts and yet how can I complain?   Today I chose despair instead of hope, Then shame and more despair.   Everything hurts. I am so tired of hurting.   I am angry. It's not fair.   I dare not ask, "Why me?" Why not me?   I miss my old body, The one I took for granted, And now it's gone.   And this mess that I am left with Demands compromises Every minute of every day.   I am tired of compromising.   I am tired of hur

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Time

Little One is right. I work too much. Either that or there aren't enough hours in the days. I am constantly playing catch up, at home and at work and with sleep. How nice it would be to be able to stop the clock while I caught up on everything. But if I could do that, then why don't I just materialize a clone?   Why not for every hour we work, we get an hour of free time? Bliss time - time to do whatever we want to do, not what we need to do. In a perfect world... With my hours I would

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This week

My cat decided it was time to take down the holiday decorations - at 5am this morning. Then he serenaded me with my son's guitar. Why did I decide it was a good idea to get a cat?   We had a windstorm this week that blew my glass top patio table over and shattered it. I stood at the kitchen window and watched it happen. It was like slow motion. Nothing I could have done to stop it. Surprisingly, I wasn't all that upset about it. I'm sure I will be when summer comes and I'm eating out of

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The Grass is Always Greener....

April 10th, screening appointment for the study. I need to score less than 60% on my PFT for diffusion in order to qualify. My PFT a month ago was 58% so, we'll see.......   Been home all week with sick kid(s). Big One has a double ear infection and a sinus infection! I feel SO bad because in hindsight I should have taken him to the doctor sooner and I could have saved him at least a day or two of agony as well as maybe saved myself some time off work. I have no sick, or float days left

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The Eyeliner Rule

My sister shared with me The Eyeliner Rule. Back when they were in college she and her friend made the rule that, no matter how lazy they were or how bad they felt, they are to never ever go a day without at least applying eyeliner. I must have been letting myself go.   "If you look good you feel good" she said. Well.....okay...? She obviously has never walked a day in my shoes. I could look like Farrah Fawcet and still feel terrible. But I tried The Eyeliner Rule anyway. It took little e

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Thankful, Lucky, Grateful, Hopeful & Blessed

Two sick kids again. ARGH! Can we ever get healthy? This past weekend Big One complained of a sore throat, headache, stiff neck, aching back, had a temp of 102.5 and was hunched over a bowl in anticipation of vomiting. Somewhere in the far reaches of my memory, those particular symptoms rang a bell. Something I read.....meningitis? A quick web search said yep, get him to the doctor. A visit to the Express Care at the hospital confirmed strep throat. Antibiotics on the menu and I am to keep

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Symptoms/Study

Been having some gastrointestinal and pulmonary issues that have been bothering me more in the head than in the lungs or gut. Makes me wonder what is going on in there. Of course I just had my 6 month check up and failed to mention the gut stuff. The shortness of breath which I did mention to my pulmonologist, didn't seem to phase him. It bothers me however, since I haven't had to deal with it for such a long time. Maybe it is just a flare? Maybe it is to do with my fall upon my ribs? The f

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