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It Never Rains But It Pours!



It never rains but pours! That was my Gran's favourite saying when things go wrong. I guess in my case it's considered torrential. My very good dietician pointed out that the end bit of my tube needed to be replaced, with very good reason in fact! She decided to mail some new parts to me and I duly recieved them on Saturday. By Saturday afternoon I was rather wishing I hadn't tried to fit them myself. I pulled at the end bringing some of the tube with it and soon realised I was in a storm without a jacket. "Oops," said I and Oops! it ###### well was! A frantic call on Tuesday (Monday was bank holiday) and I had my dietician running around like a headless chicken. "Don't use the tube," was her word of warning so I didn't. Today I received another call asking me tentatively to go to A & E (the equivelent of ER). They aproached the subject knowing full well that I would be less than happy to spend any time inside hospital grounds. They were right! I weaved my way out of making the trip by telling a little lie, no way did I want to go near anyone or any thing even slightly connected to the medical profession.


"I haven't got my car today and my hubby works inside the prison -- he's got the car and doesn't come home till after 5pm."

"Oh ****!" said my dietician. "I'll come for you"

I stuttered "B..but my hubby won't know where I am?"

"Then that's a problem then isn't it! Let me think."


I imediately began to put a plan into action and came up with a compromise. "I'll ring the GI speciaist nurse," knowing full well that she goes home at 4 pm. My plan worked but at a cost. She told me that she had a super dooper new turbo tube for me -- the latest model! "This one is more discreet and less trouble" she said!"


I'm booked in for a small surgical procedure on 12th June, hence it never rains but pours! So what is this new fangled piece of equipment? All I know is it's supposed to look like a valve on a beach ball and it's placed in the small bowel protruding out of my abdomen. Now! what do you make of that? What will happen if I accidently pull the cap off -- do I deflate like a balloon and fly around the room making flatulent noises -- or do I shrivel up like a prune? I'm not keen on this idea at all.


Still, I'll look much better in a swimsuit! Last year I had to hide it in a pouch which kept coming off in the pool and my tube floated to the surface like a submarine. Good job I didn't go in the sea or I may have caught some unsuspecting fish. Greece looks a better prospect next month! Yes! we're planning a trip some time soon and me with my new modern state of the art tube -- a new me. I can hardly wait. There's just the small matter of having it done, of course, and, well, let's just say I haven't been too lucky with hospital stays in the past! What started out as just a few days, turned into months and then a year. I'm not going to think about it and I'll just take it as it comes.


I think it's turning into a storm!


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