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All That I Am - Part 4

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(cont. from Part 3)


Challenges! Well, if there's ever one day without one it would be a miracle. Today, I can't bend nor straighten my finger and whilst some may think that is such a trivial matter, let me tell you that in the grand scheme of things every little fault with my being adds another chapter to this open ended book!


Of course throughout my time of suffering, and I don't want to sound self sympathising here, there have been days when I just wanted to get off the merry-go-round, when days became weeks and weeks became months of going through stages that I really didn't like. The never ending hospital appointments, facing my general practitioner who has more interest in sniffles than anything that can't be cured by the pharmacist!


Yes, it's fair to say that my general practitioner hates me, I'm sure of that. I never worked out the reason for her not liking me and the only shoe that fits in this case is the fact that I cause her more work than she's prepared to do in one day! Take one instance! Her dragonistic stance and a whole sentence that may as well have been fire from her very breath. "I have 4,000 other patients as well as you!" That was in reply to my asking for a referral back to my consultant, Fact is, it's hospital policy that you go through your general practitioner. It wasn't that I was being too hasty. I was losing so much weight, dehydrating and was in excrutiating pain! I was finally admitted and I was. by the time I got there, seriously ill!


With that little episode behind me, I still feel a sense of dread just sitting in the general practitioner's waiting room and when I finally come face to face with her, I can barely look straight into her eyes -- she scares me! So, why not change my doctor then, I hear you say? Well, we live in a rural area, there is only one surgery in the vicinity and that just happens to be her. The rules of the NHS state that there is a 4 mile permitted area in which a general practitioner can work, outside of this you enter another domain. I'm smack bang on the border and with GPs arguing that I'm not theirs, what other choice do I have?


Constipation. A subject so taboo that most people hide away the fact that they suffer with this very painful condition. Truth is, if you've never suffered from this, the very thought of it is one of amusement! Let me tell you there is nothing amusing about constipation. The pain it causes and the misery it can inflict upon a person's day to day living can be unbearable. I've pondered a full day avoiding the trip to the lavatory. I know that once I'm sat there the pain will come and then probably amount to nothing. Without sounding digusting, there is only so much a person can take. My doctor gave me bullets, not the kind to shoot one self with but to insert into a very painful area after a week of trying to rid the you know what! Sometimes it can be as painful as childbirth!


And then there's the other side of the coin -- Diarrhoea. These are times when the old plumbing goes into overdrive. You've done a week of straining and now there's no time to get to the lavatory. If I had to chose between the two, my vote would be the latter, although, in reality, I don't know which is worse. These are problems I hoped I'd never face. In my teens I thought they belonged to old folk. Now I am not old, but still those days are here.

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