Here it is, the eve of my 9th day as single working mom and I am up at 11pm baking cupcakes to take to my eldest's class for his birthday tomorrow and organizing arts and crafts supplies to help my youngest make the ornament for his class's tree in the morning. I PROMISED that we'd do it in the morning. My oldest says to my youngest, "Wow, mom never promises anything!"
It's true. I never make promises because I don't want to have to break them and more often than not I would have had to break them. Everything always depends on how mom feels at the moment. Makes it hard to plan anything too far in advance. "Maybe, we'll see...I'll think about it; It depends...Too early to tell, ask me tomorrow..." - my mantras.
As I was filling the last cupcake tin with batter, I started wondering if I would be making these from scratch if I was still a stay at home mom. If I was still a stay at home mom, I probably would have had more time to make them, but if I didn't, then I would have had no problem saying, "Wow, I think we're running out of time to make cupcakes; I don't want to be up all night. I think I'll get some store bought ones" And then I would have helped my youngest with his ornament tonight. I wouldn't have had a problem saying that because I wouldn't have had anything to feel guilty about because I would always be there for my kids. Now I can't always be there. So, I do think guilt factors in here somewhere. As well as the fact that I don't want my kids to think that, now that mom is working, they'll have to get the short end of the stick.
Time has really become an even more precious commodity than before. I have spent every lunch hour so far running errands. I look forward to a day when I can just sit down and read a tabloid with the girls and eat my lunch! And by the time we get home from after school care and basketball practices 3 days a week, it's already past their bedtime! Did we even eat dinner?
We have 1 day a week that we're home before 6pm. That was tonight and it was crazy with cupcake batter flying and dog underfoot and cartoons blaring and youngest playing football in the living room and oldest sorting candy for the goody bags and me trying to get the dishes washed and the kitchen cleaned up and dinner on, and the phone ringing...oh, to be soaking in a nice hot tub!
I wouldn't trade a single precious moment of any of it. And now, I need to go to sleep!
Good night :)
I still have my name tag on!