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That Old Goat!



My husband's bright idea came from hating to mow the lawn

He'd ponder on it for hours and then decide to do it next morn

Of course that morning never came and it was always another day

He never intended doing it, the long grass was there to stay.

Then one day he was thinking, a rare thing for me to note

That if he used his head a little bit he was sure to get a goat

Now, no one told my hubby that goats can be awful mean

And that they stink like an old pole cat who's smell can turn you green

So decision made and off he went to buy himself a Billy

Came home with one behind him on a rope he looked so silly

My how that goat pushed me, I had it's horns up my back all the way

I think it kinda likes me and the farmer took no pay

He seemed pretty relieved to see the back of it somehow

I think it's settling in quite nice, it's in the orchard now

What! I shouted with some distress, me apples it will take

What ever made you want a ###### goat for goodness sake

It was eating all the apples, the fence and wire too

My hubby was getting frantic and didn't know what to do

Oh ****, it's got the washing line and it's eating all me socks

The prop, the pegs and all the clothes and even the old mail box

He ran to tether up the goat and coaxed it with some bread

But as he walked ever closer the goat lowered it's head

It's eyes were red as thunder, steam came out it's nose

It set off with a mighty charge and poor old hubby froze

He dropped his rope and ran so fast his feet hardly touching the floor

And catapulted inside the house as the goat rammed into the door

I don't think it likes to be tied up I could tell that from it's action

I think if it had caught you up you'd have been 6 weeks in traction

Whatever made you get a goat all you had to do was ask

I would have helped you mow the lawn. It's not such a daunting task

But hubby thought it better to let an animal eat for free

And now he's peering out the door, that old goat is tupping the tree

I think he's a little mad, and perhaps it's a big mistake

My backside feels a little raw and both my cheeks ache

We spent the day at the window occasionally giving a yell

It ate my best conifer and all the flowers as well

The telephone wire and gatepost, the Gnome that belonged to mother

It was going in at one end and coming out the other

It was bleating, and chewing everything in sight

And didn't stop it's feasting until the day came night

You'll have to take it back I scorned at my stupid spouse

If it carries on tomorrow he'll eat us and the house

He finally agreed to return it, though to catch it was a feat

I'll get up early tomorrow and my worst enemy I'll meet

I'll creep on up behind it and casually slip on the rope

And return it to the farmer before it gets settled here I hope

So morning came and off he went with little time to spare

Behind a bush he tip toed and saw it resting there

He gently stretched the collar for it's neck to follow through

But that old goat was cunning he knew just what to do

He turned upon my hubby then through the air he flew

He must have lifted 6 ft high and he screamed with every butt

He ran towards the shed at speed then behind him the door he shut

That goat stayed there for most of the day and my hubby wouldn't come out

I'll stay in here forever if that goats still wandering about

But I had other ideas and I phoned the farmer to plead

It's not just eating our long grass, but any kind of feed

I won't have a place to live and with that the farmer laughed

I knew he wouldn't keep it, your hubby seemed so daft

A goat isn't just a lawnmower it needs love and care

But how can you love an animal when near it you cannot dare

I'll come around right away and take old Billy back

You have to treat him nicely there is a cetain knack

I've never felt so grateful I shouted over to the shed

It's okay you can come out soon as away the farmer led

I'm sure that goat winked at me with as much as to say

I did the job for you just see as he went on his way

My hubby popped his head out and looked to see if clear

Then routed about the cabin, "What are you doing dear"

I'm getting out the mower, and I'm going to mow the lawn

And that was the last I saw of him until the following dawn

That goat now gone, and good riddance said my hubby to it

Then screamed as he sat on the chair "Oh it hurts when I sit"

No more bright ideas then, I asked with a smirk

And no more trying to get out of a little bit of work

He smiled and admitted that he was wrong for once it's true

It was the worst mistake I ever made to name but just a few

The moral of the story is, never shirk out of a chore

Or I'll be sending Billy round to play his game once more.


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