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The Great Escape!

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Okay! Looking after my menagerie of animals can be quite a task, particulary when they tend to roam exactly where you don't want them to.


Our land expansion is fairly vast so who would think that a small area to the front of our home which lies beside the road, would be an ideal congregating place for a flock of geese, herd of goats, 8 chickens, 1 cat and a stupid dog? Well let me tell you that's just what happens!


My hubby could sleep through a nuclear explosion, not that I would wish that to happen! but you get the picture. Myself, on the other hand, would wake to a tiptoeing mouse with slippers on. No surprise then that I'm awake most of the night whilst my nocturnal geese honk, fight, and flap right under my bedroom window.


My worst nightmare came to fruition the other day when my flock of animals decided to go walkabout up the lane. 5 goats followed by 9 geese, 7 chickens -- one was sitting on her nest, closely followed by the dog and cat, which was precariously sniggering at the daft dog who was being pecked half to death as it continued to stagger alongside the geese.


To my horror I watched them climb the steep hill after they squeezed throough the main gate at the end of the drive. What could I do? I couldn't chase them, they'd simply run faster, and I couldn't coax them back with my impressionable cry of "C'mon!" They ignored my desperate pleas. To my absolute relief, a van came down the hill which startled the goats to retreat -- now I had a stampede! With arms outstretched to make myself appear much bigger than I am, I darted from side to side like I was doing some kind of manic greek dance in the middle of the road, trying to direct the herd into the farmyard. They ran up the banking, flapped, bleated, honked, clucked -- all manner of noises. The dog barked relentlessly which added to the confusion because the goats and geese hate the dog and avoid it like the plague. There were feathers flying and an enormous amount of dung being spread across the road. The dog barked on!


Finally one of the goats decided that playime was over and he trotted back into the yard with the enterage behind him. I was in a state of a dithering wreck as the last animal -- the dog ran up the drive, still barking as the cat was cleaning itself on the wall as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.


I waved a gesture of thanks to the van driver who was beaming with delight in my feat. He would have plenty to talk about over lunch today I thought as he drove off down the lane. Of course there was a stream of traffic behind him all wondering what had happened as they slowly passed by my gate.


My thoughts turned to a well earned cup of tea and a much needed chill before I took on the rest of the day. All animals present and correct and life was as normal. The geese happily honked, the goats grazed in the field, the chickens scratched around the yard and the dog who was quite hoarse, lay under the tree with a watchful eye. The cat was sleeping curled around a bush in the garden with one paw on a mouse which she caught earlier and I was cradling a warm cup of tea and thinking life was grand -- then hubby came home for lunch!


"What have you done today" Looking at the cold cup of coffee he'd left this morning, and Ijust knew he was being flippant.


"If you really want to know. I've been chasing the escape committee up the hill and back into the yard."


"Oh," He said like it was no big deal.


Oh! I give up! Why do I bother? I'm just a stay at home wife who just drinks tea, plays on the computer and watches TV all day. Why would I want to do that when my life is much more interesting than I'm given credit for -- well at least you know that, it's just a pity that my family don't!


Time to make evening meal, then collect my daughter from college. I won't even mention my day to her because the reaction would be the same. The only topic of conversation will be -- "Have you washed my clothes, made an appointment with the hairdresser and, oh! did you book that holiday to Greece?" -- Oh ****! That's just reminded me.


Yehah! Greece, well that's brightened my day. Excuse me, guys, warm climes beckon!

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