• entries
  • comments
  • views

Eyi Eyi Oh!

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0


If I have to mention that I live on a farm once more I may explode into song such as Old McDonald! Whenever the need arises to give out my address, I am almost certainly asked for my house number firstly to which my reply is "It's a farm," and then the usual question is: "Yes but what's the house name?"


"It doesn't have a name as such, just the name of the farm". What usually follows is "Oooh, how lovely."


Now I can think of many lovely things but living on a farm isn't one of them. Interesting it may be and sometimes even tolerable, but lovely -- No! Imagine leaving a trail of goose droppings in every shop you venture into and the unapproving looks you get from a staff cleaner who's just finished polishing the floor. The embarassment of someone vaccuming the entire area after you leave, I'm not surprised if they get out the air freshener as well just to add more indignity to the situation.


The novelty of 12 chickens following you out of the drive and the trail of cars that stop to take in the situation, is almost the highlight of the morning. There's the daft dog who intends to clear the area of anything that moves on two legs. Then in a frenzied moment, the one where it runs around in circles barking, follows me half way up the hill. I instinctively accelerate as fast as I can to avoid the thing, and it kind of gives up the chase as I hit 40mph! I'm not a cruel person, especially where animals are concerned but I sometimes wish they'd all do one!


The cockerel's daily 5 am crowing competition has me turning my face into my pillow and groaning. The geese begin honking in response, and then there's the usual yelp as the dog gets bitten on the backside as it tries to pass the gaggle. Not exactly the serene nature of a dawn chorus but we get our own version!


The postman leaves the mail at the gate in an old drainpipe, who could blame him after all the marathons he's had to run in the past. And if a stranger wanders into the yard, you can be sure he won't return, if he ever get's out that is. To make matters worse, a half-finished house does not help much in the way of comfort when you have a huge hole in your gable end. The wildlife simply comes indoors for shelter and it's a bit off putting when sitting on the toilet to be gazed at by a swallow perched on a beam. It puts a whole new meaning on bird watching -- are they now watching us? Even more so when you have a goose welcoming you down the stairs first thing in the morning! I have a vision of a goose paddling around in my bath if I happen to run one and then go downstairs. Why not? it's probably the only thing that hasn't happened yet!


I give out my address very cautiously! This idyllic picture that most people paint isn't all it's cracked up to be. Would I live anywhere else? MMmm!

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0