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The Telephone Man!

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My telephone infuriated me so I thought I'd write a rhyme

The problem was it's ringing and couldn't get there in time

I had to do a marathon to answer an important call

But it just rang 5 times and that was it! --- that's all!

I complained to the company who gave a silly excuse

I told them 5 short rings for me were simply just no use

So they told me there was a charge, one I thought was free

My telephone bill is enormous without another fee!


For seven rings it will cost me ---- just two more rings I ask?

Well it's £7,50 per quarter, Ugh! even Dick Turpin wore a mask!

It's the rate my dear and if you don't want to pay

I cannot help you further so have a nice day!


Well, I gritted my teeth and grew ever mad

This was the worst excuse I've ever had

It's my own phone and I own the bell

What kind of service are they trying to sell?

My phone can ring just seven times and then that's my lot

For every ring thereafter the bill will start to tot

I rang the head office to explain my little plight

And spoke to a gentleman to put things right


You say you are disabled and the phone is far away?

Well move it closer to you and then went on to say

I wear spectacles because of my failing sight

And my optician charges me extra--- allright!

So why should you be different just because it's you

It's not my fault your telephone get's you off the loo


I could not believe his attitude, this guy was mocking me

If not enough to be disabled, he tells me he can't see

To mention his predicument, and to mine he compares

I think he needs binoculars and a few more extra pairs

He said the phone is a luxury, and I should be in awe

That 7 rings are chargeable and that is the law!


So I reported him imediately for his arrogant attitude

I was greeted with apologies for him being so rude

He really shouldn't have said those things

But all I'm left with is five short rings


The gist of it all is evidently clear

It kicks in when I'm not here

And if I can't make it to the phone

People think that I'm not home

My husband is sure I'm having an affair

Each time he rings I'm just not there!


Better get a mobile phone!

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