My telephone infuriated me so I thought I'd write a rhyme
The problem was it's ringing and couldn't get there in time
I had to do a marathon to answer an important call
But it just rang 5 times and that was it! --- that's all!
I complained to the company who gave a silly excuse
I told them 5 short rings for me were simply just no use
So they told me there was a charge, one I thought was free
My telephone bill is enormous without another fee!
For seven rings it will cost me ---- just two more rings I ask?
Well it's Â£7,50 per quarter, Ugh! even Dick Turpin wore a mask!
It's the rate my dear and if you don't want to pay
I cannot help you further so have a nice day!
Well, I gritted my teeth and grew ever mad
This was the worst excuse I've ever had
It's my own phone and I own the bell
What kind of service are they trying to sell?
My phone can ring just seven times and then that's my lot
For every ring thereafter the bill will start to tot
I rang the head office to explain my little plight
And spoke to a gentleman to put things right
You say you are disabled and the phone is far away?
Well move it closer to you and then went on to say
I wear spectacles because of my failing sight
And my optician charges me extra--- allright!
So why should you be different just because it's you
It's not my fault your telephone get's you off the loo
I could not believe his attitude, this guy was mocking me
If not enough to be disabled, he tells me he can't see
To mention his predicument, and to mine he compares
I think he needs binoculars and a few more extra pairs
He said the phone is a luxury, and I should be in awe
That 7 rings are chargeable and that is the law!
So I reported him imediately for his arrogant attitude
I was greeted with apologies for him being so rude
He really shouldn't have said those things
But all I'm left with is five short rings
The gist of it all is evidently clear
It kicks in when I'm not here
And if I can't make it to the phone
People think that I'm not home
My husband is sure I'm having an affair
Each time he rings I'm just not there!
Better get a mobile phone!