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Give Me A Break!



Saturday morning already -- the weeks are just flying by. Soon it will be the end of the year and what do I have to show for it? We never did anything constructive this year, it hasn't been memorable in any way what-so-ever. In fact it's probably just an extension of last year and the year before that without any defining break.


The weather has been awful, my house is, well, still not a house, rather 4 rooms in a field, and there I go complaining again! I wonder how others would cope? If I base my assumption on my sister-in-law then I suppose I must be the most patient and uncomplaining person on the planet. She complains to me from Australia, it seems that she can never be too far away!


I hear, "You never complain about your illness!" from my friends. In actual fact I have much more to complain about than that, maybe that's the reason I don't. This will be the third year in our 3 walled humble abode. I've adapted so well that having 4 walls, a stair rail, doors which close properly in a monsoon, and a proper central heating system will be luxurious and overwhelming! It will seem strange to get up in the morning without a goose on the first step of the stairs, or a goat sticking it's head through my kitchen door. If you think that's a terrible scenario ---- for me it's normal.


Of course no one understands that but if they'd lived in a tin can for 4 years in cramped conditions and through one of the worst periods of their life, then moving into a half finished house was sanctuary at the time. Putting that time into perspective I don't know how I coped with being so ill, on a feeding tube with nurses attending most days. To have pancreatitis so bad that I collapsed, when the gastro consultant told me it was just surgery pain -- well! how do you cope?


I dreaded the nurses calling and worst still the dietician who was scared stiff of dogs and other animals. I had to escort her from the gate to my trailer and then back again to her car, no matter how I felt! The day I collapsed in agony, the ambulance arrived. They coudn't get a stretcher in or out of the door and the poor paramedic had to carry me. The drive was overgrown on the wayside, the ambulance was wider than the drive! We arrived at the hospital with half a field of weeds wrapped around the wheels. My hubby followed on and remarked that he just needed to follow the trail of greenery strewn all over the road to find me -- how embarrassing is that?


We felt like the Clampetts, Steve in rubber boots and the most awful jumper used only for outdoor building work. I'd been so cold that I had on more layers than an onion -- then there was the goose poo all over the hospital floor, not from us but the paramedics who'd stood in most of it. My blood pressure soared from the embarrasment of it all; I just wanted to leave!


We had a nice life once, so where did it all go wrong?. A lovely cozy house in town. Friends who popped in and out for a chat -- no animals except Tropical fish and I had my business. We all left at the same time each morning, and all returned together. I had my young daughter in a local school and life was just rosy except for a minor problem with scleroderma. I'd had my ups and downs with it for sure but nothing like the problems I was about to face in the future.


So it's almost the end of November! And here we are stuck in a rut, in fact a bit worse off than last year since we took the wall down. We keep hoping for better weather; all we have to hope for now is just a dry spell but nearly every day it rains. I can't even say "Roll on summer!" I said that last year and we're still waiting for it!


Please give me a break someone!


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