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The Greatest Escape!

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The Great Escape! How much can one person take when all the animals decide to break out and make a run for it?


This morning I knew I was in for a day of trouble! The goats had been mischievous in the early hours, locking horns, banging heads, that sort of thing. I could hear them from my bedroom, upsetting the geese at 4am and waking me from an already interrupted night of sleep due to an aching neck and stiff shoulder.


It was no surprise to me when we got up and they weren't there. I shouted, walked the fields and even drove the car around the roadside but they where nowhere in sight. The geese were quiet for a change but ate the food intended for the goats --- not a good thing since the goats are extremely hungry animals and half a trough won't do! I came back indoors to make a well earned drink, then a voice shouted in the yard.


"Have you lost some goats?" An oldish guy, out of puff and with reddened face stood with hands on hips and barely able to speak. The embarrassment flushed over my body like a wave.


"Where are they?" I asked, barely daring to enquire!


"They were in my garden, eating all my plants -- are they yours?"


Well who else would have lost their goats at the same time but us. I Thanked him and apologised for any damage they may have caused but now I was stuck in a quandary. They may have returned but goats have an uncanny memory for new growth and will stop at nothing to munch upon it. I knew from that moment on how the rest of my day would go.


Sure enough, I've been down the road so many times this morning, sick of people shouting "GOATS" at the gate and 5 little naughty critters running around. With hubby at work and a broken pen -- what am I to do? I can't go to the bathroom, even though I'm constipated, well is it any wonder? I can't spend any time in the kitchen, I have one eye on the front window and the other on the keypad trying to write this, they move so fast!


It was an overall bad idea to get goats in the first place. I understand the reasons, and there were many, to keep the overgrowth of weeds down. They sure have taken care of that, and the apple trees, fruit bushes, and my conifers. But I'm not bothered about that, it saves my energy from having to mow all the areas they've devoured.

What I can't cope with is the constant watchful eye they need in order to keep them where they live, which these days is half of Lancashire.


All is quiet at the moment. I fed them a huge amount of food in a last ditch attempt to fill them up and keep away from that poor man's garden. I bet he had prize daffodils -- he seemed the type! and I have visions of a devastated flower bed with my goats stood in the middle of it!


My twisted fingers flicked the yellow pages for a fencing contractor. Nothing we ever put up was ever going to keep them in. I've watched tirelessly as hubby braved the elements trying to fix broken fences. He'd hardly finished the last post when Max, the male goat, leapt over it like a gazelle, rendering the whole job useless, and my hubby dropping a huge lump hammer on his toe in rage!


So much time has been wasted in doing the impossible. My hubby is not superman, although I rather wish he was. Not only has the house been neglected but the entire boundary fences too. The terrible weather has taken its toll over the past couple of years and some heavy maintenance is way overdue. I don't expect my hubby to go to work, tend the farm, build the house, mend the fences and care for goats, geese or whatever else turns up on my farm, all I ask is that when the need arises I'm able to call someone to do it, which unfortunately is against the rule book according to hubby! This morning however, I'm taking matters into my own hands -- superwoman I am not!


All this activity is well and good if you're a fit as a fiddle. I'm actually knackered beyond repair. My neck is hurting so bad that I'm walking around like a robot. The biggest problem for me is looking left, so much for driving, I'll be going round in circles all day! My shoulder feels as if it needs a good squirt of oil -- I need a good squirt of oil never mind! So much for my feeding pack. I hardly have the time to sit and tend my needs for fear of on the run goats. I can't stand another person telling me that my animals are on safari or another car sounding it's horn at the gate.


I'm out of goat food. They've eaten so much it's a wonder they can walk. I praise my geese for being so good and the dog for keeping patience with the numerous head butts its received this morning. I'm all out of energy. It's barely afternoon. My 339th blog is one of utter desperation and I ache from top to bottom -- literally!



They're off again -- time for my sprint down the road.

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