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That pain in my stomach ached for me to go

I'd put it off for so long, but I just had to blow

I nervously sat on the toilet but nothing to report

So this little toilet trip was another to abort

I went to my doctor, she sighed and almost broke with a smile

But I'll tell you something honey, It hurts when you ain't been for a while

How come you're quite happy to prescribe something for any situation

But laugh at the prospect of a script for constipation

She gave me some bullets and a bottle of of something sweet

I wasn't sure what to do with them, do I insert them or eat!


I sat alone on the toilet, everyone was out

I strained with all my might and even gave a shout

But nothing was appearing the pain was getting worse

And soon I'll need an enema from the district nurse

I sat and watched the TV and all of a sudden came the pain

I knew I had to move quite fast, I needed to go again

The traumatic events that followed were worth it I confess

Out came the little blighter what a wonderful success!


The smile upon my face told of the extreme delight

I felt so relieved and happy and about a stone light

It's funny how such a natural thing can make you feel so ill

When straining won't relieve it without the aid of a pill

I skipped around the housework, I felt as light as a feather

And I felt as fresh as a daisy in the glorious sunny weather

I guess the moral of the story is, keep yourself fit and eat yourself well

Or you too will be in the bathroom with a tin of lubricant gel!


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