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December Holidays



December will be upon us and the festivities begin

The stores are full of glitter, every one you go in

I'm thinking about the turkey, I'll need a whopper this year

Coz, I've got the family coming, it's my turn here

I remember about the last time, what a disaster it turned out to be

Auntie Mary drunk as a lord and knocking over the tree

Then there was the pudding my mother took care of that

But left it on the stove too long, and in the front room sat

The kitchen was full of acrid smoke the pudding was on fire

And I was running up and down, the situation dire


Uncle John was red in face, jolly and quite merry

He's drunk a bottle of cheap red wine and now he's at the sherry

Singing songs from way back when, the party's in full swing

Whoever in their right minds told Auntie Mary to sing

The cat ran under the table, the dog chased it under the tree

There was string and paper everywhere, as far as you could see

Poor puss was spitting and hissing, the dog was having fun

That tree was sure to go over before the day was done


It's three o clock and now's the time, the Queen goes on TV

And all the family settle down, this woman they want to see

My Uncle sneers in a drunken state, bet she's not having sprouts

She'll be having caviar, someone from the back shouts

She spoke about world peace and other things as well

But missed the bit in the middle coz Uncle John fell

Yeah, she'll be having a grand affair with servants to serve her dish

And served upon a silver plate with her every need and wish

And I bet she talked about the starving, and all those in toil and need

And what she'll have this afternoon will be nothing but lavish greed


The paper hats from crackers are gracing every head

And every bad joke ever thought are drunkenly being read

They're all sat round the table waiting for the feast

And I can't get the turkey out, this year it's just a beast

The legs are stuck in the oven as I push and pull the bird

And finally at the table, the loudest cheer could be heard

And what about the pudding? You thought I'd forgot about that

Well it's gone to make a special treat for a daft dog and hissing cat

The festivities now over and everyone heads for home

And finally we're quiet by ourselves and drinks alone

It wasn't such a bad day, everything went just fine

But someone can do it next year, they aint coming to mine!


That was 4 years ago

Watch this space!


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