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Dreaded Endoscope



That letter finally dropped through the door, my endoscopy date

I dare not even open it, coz it's the one most thing I hate

Having a tube stuck down your throat is really quite an ordeal

And to say you can't eat beforehand you miss that little meal

First they get you to drink some stuff, I'm sure it's meant to calm

And the performance that goes before it assures you of no harm

They don't tell you half the story and that can make you suspicious

But you know that deep down inside the procedure's quite malicious


I remember from the last time how they tried to locate a vein

Then tried to make me have no sedation assuring of no pain

But I know which one I prefer and that's to take the shot

Coz ramming tubes down my throat really bothered me a lot

I'll stop if you say I'm hurting you! But how can you speak,

When you've got a plastic dummy thing stuck in your beak?

I remember grunting and groaning but the doctor carried on

I'd just been to the dentist, new teeth had cost me a bomb

I was afraid that they might break them and then I'd look a mess

So I grabbed for his jacket, I couldn't have cared less

The nurse quickly grabbed my hand and patronisingly said

Soon it will be all over, please lie still on the bed


I hate to say that I'm afraid and I don't really want it done

I've watched others enter that room and come out with run

The bravest ones who go in first vow never again

And opt to have sedation if they can get a vein

Oh yes, I'm sure of one thing and that's what I will do

I'm not going to be brave this time I've really thought it through

No sedation, no treatment they can postpone it if they like

And if they miss the vein this time I'll shout, On yer bike!

So here I go to make the call, an appointment I will book

I hope it's for someone else and for me they mistook

I've been messed with far too much and I'm overdue a rest

So they can hang on for me instead and keep their awful test.


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