I can relax now if only for a short time! I had my endoscopy -- un-sedated but thankfully all over in a matter of 15 minutes or so. Thankfully too that he found nothing to alarm him although it would have been to my horror if he had. I kind of like my GI, he's young and quite funny! I get along just fine with him and he's not one bit snooty quite unlike some doctors I come across.
I was waiting patiently beforehand in a room full of other patients when I began making conversation with a lady in the next cubicle. She was shaking from head to toe, dreading the endoscopy. It wasn't her first time and judging by her condition, it wouldn't be her last. "I'd simply die if they couldn't give me sedation" she said and then glared at a nurse nearby making absolutely certain she'd heard.
"I have no choice" making it sound as if I was a martyr to the cause.
"You brave thing" she said and with that the nurse sidled over. "You can have sedation if you want, or do you prefer not to" she asked rather sarcastically.
I didn't feel like explaining myself so I just said I'd rather not! I felt a bit awkward at that point. I wasn't being brave at all--in fact, I was trembling not because I thought it might hurt but more the thoughts of two years of endless messing with my stomach. I didn't want to start all over again and that's what scared me most.
My name was called and a nurse escorted me into the the treatment room. She gripped my arm for grim death. Did she think I was about to do a runner? My GI greeted me with a handshake then began to explain my condition to the nurse.
"That's why you don't want sedation -- you are brave indeed" she said.
She's extremely brave" said my GI " This lady went through the mill and came out with a smile" he boasted. "And I put her where she is today -- I wish I could have done more."
Please! I thought, this is all too much!. I don't want praise just stick the tube down and get on with it! I lay on my side and then the rest, well! Y'know.
One thing about being totally aware is you can hear all that is going on -- no hidden cliche's. What he said was exactly to the point. I knew I was okay before he even told me and in my book my braveness paid off.
On the way home I was thinking -- what is life really like for those who share my condition -- are we all the same? Do we take each day as it comes and do we feel as though no one understands what it's really like?. I looked at my husband driving. It was like any other ordinary day, like we'd been out shopping. ****! I'd just had a tube the size of a garden hose shoved down my throat and in a traumatic way. But for my hubby it was just another day! I got home. My daughter was waiting -- no mention of "Are you ok", just " What's for dinner?"
I guess the only people who really know what it's like are the one's who share your condition and you don't want to keep going on about it do you? Your friends don't want to hear of your life for the risk of being a moaner and a moaner you are if they seem disinterested. Your head tells you to get on with it and get on with it we do!
I'm here today, making the most of a bad day. Nauseous this morning and completely tired out. " Don't forget to put out the rubbish" my hubby's last words before entering work. I might jump in the trash myself. Yeah! what a way to start the day!