When I retired from work through illness, I thought that my life would change in that the rat race only ran around me and I not around in it! Memories of the past two and a half years are by no means sweet and I'm at pain to remember just how bad things got -- did I really go through so much? Here I am down the line and I should be enjoying relaxation and peaceful days - not so!
Living on a farm has visions of fairytale proportions " Ooh aren't you lucky" some say imagining me in boots, tweed and deerstalker hat. The reality is me in rubber boots, body warmer, gloves, scarf hat etc.....and up to the knees in goose poo!
That mean old gander is getting meaner by the day and it's operation dodge the goose every time I go outdoors for fuel! The ###### gander ended up wearing the bucket I was carrying after he lowered his neck and made a 20yd sprint across the yard. There were feathers everywhere as I wrestled with a manic bird. The postman arrived during the fracas and duly leaped back over the gate to avoid the confrontation -- the result, no mail for 4 days, still the winter bill's won't come in at this rate and we live to breathe a sigh of relief for a few more days to come.
My husband fancies keeping chickens again. I say again because the last attempt ended up being Mr Fox's supermarket list as one by one they disappeared. It was horrible finding a cloud of feathers on the garden and realising it was your best bird. I vowed never to keep them again unless he built a proper chicken house for them -- **** he's not finished the family house yet so no chance is the probability.
My daily list grows. Take my hubby to work, my daughter to school, to my dad's in the mid morning, home for hubby's lunch, back to hubby's work, pick up,bring home, feed then back to work again. My daughter arrives home at quarter to four and I pick her up from the next village, my hubby finishes work at half past four so round to collect him, need I go on! Then they ask me " What have you done today"? Well I suppose after all the driving and ferrying to and fro, I have loads of time left to do the chores and where do I come into all of this? I'm on enteral feeding and haven't the time most days to connect to my pump -- then it's all my fault if I lose weight , Arrggghh! I sometimes wonder if going back to work would make my family appreciate all that I manage to do, things I'm not supposed to be doing at all. So many possibilities but who would employ me? A 5ft gnome with no circulation to pick anything up who is strapped to a machine housed on her back and who would need to sit beside a radiator if the room was less than 100 degrees. I can't picture any line of work that would suit me -- there's the health and safety law in the workplace that would surely stop me from doing anything.
The government would love to get disabled people back to work and on paper it looks great -- in practice it stinks! I can picture a job chosen by some government office that puts me in a freezer center stocking the cabinets such is the mentality.
For now I'll just take being at home. The personal family taxi service is about as much as I'm worth but at least I can do it!