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CFMBabs

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Everything posted by CFMBabs

  1. Sciatica Ecsatica

    Day 3 of this disabling pain the lower regions. I am now straighter then the proverbial Mountain Ape but still I let out a grimacing moan when sitting. No fun this new addition to the list. In fact the old car has less wrong with it than I do - I wish my condition was just an oil change and a new tyre - Fully curable! A ride out in the car yesterday did nothing for the pain. We stopped and I rolled out of the car like I was rolling into the sea from a boat, may as well have been. The weather was wild and very uninviting to someone with Raynauds. I watched as people clung onto umbrellas which dragged them along and occasionally turned inside out. We were at the seaside! The sea raged and whipped up froth and huge waves which leapt over the sea wall. The front was deserted and the hotel signs swung violently, I think you get the picture? Anyhow, I was out of the car in a force 10, being blown along to a shop which sells just about everything you never needed but buy anyway because it could be a good idea. I ask what is the point of a sweeping brush with no handle or a mop with no bucket a tin of biscuits you'll never eat and microwaveable dinners that the dog would heave at! Not to mention a collapsible stool and a spray that quite frankly stunk to freshen your home. My eyes were attracted to a stand which had hand warmers and a self adhesive heat pad for less than a pound (99 pence) "Get one for your back" My husband was already reaching for the packs. So in the basket it went. We stopped off at a warm and welcoming pub. By this time I was stiff and very unhappy. The fire was warm and very inviting and best of all the toilets were right next to the bar. I took my little 99 pence packet of heat into the cubicle and placed it on my back. It stuck firm and I was quite pleased that it wasn't going to fall out on the floor right in front of a party of people eating pudding but I held my hand on it just in case. It must have been 20 minutes or so before the heat began to filter through and the relief could be seen on my face. The pain diminished almost instantly. Outside the rain was smoking and crashing against the window. I could have stayed by the fire all day. Today the pain is minimal. I still feel bent and un-shapen but it's definitely on the retreat.
  2. Stumpy Fingers

    Did I ever mention how illiterate I am with computers? It's a surprise to all I imagine, that so much of my time is spent at a Radio Station which actually runs with nothing but computers! I am there at my desk looking all clever and like know what I'm doing -- It's a ruse! I have spent hours writing stuff, from reports to emails, only to press the wrong button and it all magically disappears - how frustrating. I haven't the will to sit down and begin again. My heart sinks. My stumpy fingers, clumsy and unwilling to hit the right key, thank goodness for the "Backspace" button. How many times have I attempted to write a word that just keeps coming up with the wrong thing altogether, and that brings me to my phone Oh! the dreaded texting exercise. I have sent many a text that makes no sense what-so-ever. "Hi Alan I gusse I wsont be in tofay, i hace too muvh to do"......Send!!! ........Ping! with a little mailbox sign "What? :/" I usually ring him instead it's easier. My texts have been known to crack a smile on the straightest face. I have sent messages that I couldn't possibly post on here for fear of deletion from the site. My daughter despairs. She got me one of those stylus things that you touch the letter with in the hope it solved my dyslexic messages so that people could understand without having to ring me back! It worked for a time but I lost it and now it's back to stumpy fingers and non decipherable messages I mentioned it in clinic that I am likely to get myself into trouble with my fingers and my somewhat rude or dysfunctional messages - they think I am in the wrong place, "The psychiatric Dept is that way my dear!" And yes I am such a fool, I make fun of myself to make light of a situation, that's me all over. I joke that my fingers are perfect for making pastry. In fact my pastry though I say it myself is by far my greatest achievement in the kitchen, although I am pretty good at baking! I used to be top of the class at school, it was almost embarrassing watching my cakes rise like I was inflating them with a bicycle pump. My friends, it's fair to say hated me, my teacher loved me. I was the model student from which she would take the credit and I would stand with a will to die of embarrassment at the final result. I took to cake decorating too. I went to college and I will always remember the Mothers Day Cake, beautifully decorated like a woven basket with flowers all made of sugar and the foolish trick of putting it on the roof of my car whilst I got in and then forgot about it. It fell off in the middle of the road about half a mile from the college to rapturous laughter from passers by. My work ruined and a flattened cake to boot. One of my many thousand disasters! My stumpy fingers ended my love of cake decorating. It does ruin most of my everyday chores in fact. I hate loose change, shoelaces, buttons, threading a needle-impossible! Opening jars, milk cartons, zips, clasps, packaging, and text messages to name but a few. And there goes my phone - text message. Let's see who I can upset today. My life is never dull?
  3. Ouch!

    Woke up this morning - Ouch!! My back was staying put - I wanted to get up! Sciatica struck at 08.15 on Tuesday 29th January. So my day begun like a Neanderthal, my knuckles almost dragging the floor. I needed to straighten up, least ways to make coffee which I desperately needed, my mouth like the inside of a Rabbit hutch. Reaching for the jar of coffee with a little Argh! Just lifting the kettle for water did nothing to help my posture. Cats gathered around my ankles assuming to be fed and I was having trouble making a drink never mind preparing breakfast for the felines. With drink in hand and stacked up cushions on the sofa a sat in agony until my husband showed up in dressing gown and slippers; yes, it is his day off, of all days. "Shall we go out today?" he said. Quite unaware that I was hunched and in pain. "Can we just take it easy" I said "My Back's out" "Oh Okay, I'll just have a coffee then" Looking at me to provide his cup. I think at that point he realised that I wasn't moving so with an about turn he went off to make his own. I am assuming it's Sciatica and not something I have pulled. My self diagnosis saves me a trip to my general practitioner and I'm afraid that's another story!
  4. Momma Used To Say

    My Momma used to say, "just wait until you're old" When your back goes out more than you do and begin to feel the cold Back then her words were unheeded I was young, why should I care? I'm too far away from fifties, it was a lifetime till I was there. I'd go outside in winter, build a snowman, cold hands would warm by the fire With feet so cold inside my boots and skimpy outdoor attire "You'll get chilblains" my mum used to cry, and then you'll get what for But those words meant nothing as I ran out of the door I'd walk around in Tee shirts when woollens I should have worn "You'll get pneumonia one day" and then you will mourn But life in the 80's was fun, why should I take her heed? A Mum who told me what to do was something I didn't need. So the years went by as they do and I got married did all that But something wasn't right you know, I began to eat my hat My fingers dead and painful, Pneumonia came and went And off to see the specialist, I was duly sent They said I had Scleroderma, surely it wasn't bad I'd never even heard of it. something I never knew I had My Mother's words rang through and through And now I was feeling the cold too Chilblains, illness, I had the lot And other things that I've forgot I guess my Mother was always right but I never saw this day And now I wish she was here, she was right I would say
  5. Snow-Ma-Geddon

    Snow they say! Well it's certainly cold enough. The mere mention of the word and everyone buys bread- Why? I'd wrestled with a wonky wheeled trolley all round the supermarket. I'd bumped. bruised, and bore the brunt of many a screwed up face and said "Sorry" more times than a child with a broken piece of China! I was worn out when I reached Checkout. In front of me was a lady, you know the type. A busy little bee type who was keeping up with the cashier, throwing things into bags, but the mound of Bread? 10 loaves - I counted. I looked at my measly shop with just a pack of fresh meat, a bag of peppers. cheese, tinned tomatoes,beans. Yeah! I'm making Chilli. The lady announced with a rather worrying expression. "It's going to snow really bad, thought I'd better stock up" I smiled and looked down into my trolley and said "It's terrible when you shop for a month isn't it?" Meaning the stuff I had was for a whole month. Some people don't get humour. "You don't eat much then do you?" She said "I don't eat at all" I said! She hurried off balancing loaves on top of the bags of shopping. I said to the cashier. "A few more loaves and she could build an extension" At least someone had a sense of humour - she laughed out loud. She went on to tell me that they had been really busy since the weather men announced there would be snow. I had noticed some shelves were unusually bare and the fact I had the wonky wheeled trolley was because it was on it's own in the far corner of the car park, No one else wanted it! "I hate the cold, do you?" She asked I think she sort of guessed that due to the heavy layers of clothing I had on, boots, gloves, scarf the whole lot. I actually looked like I had robbed a snowman On the way home it started and I was very glad to get indoors to my warm fire. Looking in the fridge, I wondered if we would survive this snow-ma-geddon? If we get snowed in my family will starve. Huh! welcome to my world. They can share my Osmalite!
  6. Cats Everywhere.

    Heating on! Now where are my boots? Those flakes were growing in size, Mmmm! it may be sticking. The cats certainly thought so. Note I say cats yes I now have a menagerie! One Meowing, one stretched in front of the fire and one sat on the work top -- Sat on the worktop? "Hey Geroff" Meeeoww! Beastly thing, I've just spent ages cleaning the worktops and trying to get rid of the smell of curry from last night. The containers are in the bin and I'm not going out - not yet to put them in the dustbin outside. I can't find me boots! "Oy Get off me table" I despair! The door is opened but the cats just look at me as if to say "Are you crazy - We ain't going out in that" Sigh!! Clean the table again and then I see paw marks on my cooker "Oh No!" Clean the cooker. The black cat rubs my leg and then around around my feet I cannot walk. I know what they want -- food! 20 tins of cat food later, half a leftover Chicken and the Turkey from the festivities, no wonder they think I'm a push over! I'm a vending machine for food - they Meeoww and I dispense. Better still let it snow and we can stay indoors all day. It's getting so dark now - looks like thunder. I don't like thunder it scares me, ever since my grandma told me of ball lightning and how one chased her through the house. She even turned all the mirrors round. No wonder I have a phobia? I have visions of a ball of fire raging through the house but I can't turn our mirrors round unless I move the wall as well, like something out of Harry Potter. CRACCK! Whoooo there it goes! I'll stand here away from the door. Hailstone, it's like the end of the world - I'm so dramatic aren't I? Another rumble - how many seconds are you meant to count to judge the distance of the storm? It looks really bad out there. "Hey, get your head out of that bin!" There's the back end of a cat with no visible head in the bin licking the curry containers..... I give up! Meeow! I'm pulling its back end out of the bin and when finally out, it's tongue is swishing from side to side and sneezing. I reckon it's eaten the Vindaloo....... that'll serve you right! I grab a tin of cat food from the shelf and I have a following. "No Squabbling and no stealing from each other." I can't get the stuff out of the tin and with the cat's head so large there's not enough bowl to put it in, so I scoop it out and it lands right between it's ears and what fun as the others fight to eat it off the cat's head. Phew! I may get some peace now. The thunder has stopped, Cats fed and I'm having a coffee.
  7. CFMBabs' blog: Here Kitty.

    Tortoises bring back painful memories for me, in fact I think I could still receive counselling in the matter. My Dad bought me my Tortoise after a few drinks in the pub along with a lovely white Rabbit. We knew he was on his way back from his Sunday afternoon treat as looking through the window at my Grandma's House I saw a white Rabbit hopping like crazy down the road with my Dad in tow and a Tortoise cradled in his arms. The Tortoise and the Hare come to mind bit this was the old story in reality. I was about 6 years old and screaming at the bemused public to grab it before it ran off never to be found. A kindly man Rugby tackled it to the floor and I had my Rabbit. The Tortoise however, lasted a few months and was kept at my Grandparents until one day she announced it had died and Granddad had disposed of it in the bin. It was some years later that I realised the poor thing would have been hibernating and it's probably still alive on a tip somewhere in Lancashire.
  8. Shocked

    There's absolutely nothing remotely humorous about a Hospital or doctor's appointment. It's just something you get very used to and - yes we do need them. I've been to-ing and fro-ing for much of the 13 years since diagnosis. Monthly appointments and stabbed so frequently for blood that my body is a not a temple but a colander. I've driven home with arms aching and bruised and the last time I was there - electrocuted! Yes, I testify, I was actually shocked, not in a surprised sense but physically, and yes, I was shocked as well. I'm an old sucker for clinical trials, I just can't say no. Part of me wishes I could! They see me coming. I'm convinced there is a huge arrow over my head as I sit blatantly reading some old discarded magazine about the next doors wife's husband's fetish for sniffing woman's shoes. I can feel the approach is directed at me and I try to bury my head deeper into the story but usually to no avail. That gentle tap on the shoulder and the clipboard under your nose and you are there! It's another Trial and here I go again - Yeah I'll do it! So you spend far more time that you ought to, filling in forms and agreeing to be poked, prodded, and scrutinised all in the name of science. Nothing new for me last time. I'd promised myself a fast appointment. Ask no questions, don't complain, nothing new, nothing changed, still the same - there you go, I'm outa here! But as usual I gave in to yet another Trial about body mass or something like that! See that's me all over, never really ask what I'm getting into. I signed the sheets, agreed to spend half an hour in a room at the far end of the corridor - where nobody goes!I Had the grace of my appointment with the doctor first and then when she'd given me a dose of hypothermia and a severe Raynauds attack in a room you could refrigerate wet fish in, I reluctantly went for the usual blood tests. I watched in envy as people went in and out like a cuckoo on a chiming clock. You could tell the one's with Sclero, reinforcements were always called to the room, the expert Vein Hunters, surprising isn't it? Where do they come from, are they hiding?My turn next and as I nestle into the chair, so high my feet never touch the floor. I feel I am going to be ejected through the roof but that comes later. I always get the intolerant sort, the one who has had a bad day and everyone knows about it! My confidence and bravery are dumped on the floor at that point. "I haven't had much luck today, everyone is vein-less and I've run out of small needles." "WHAT! You have no small one's??" My toes curl as she rummages through the drawers of the trolley and out comes a needle so big if I had another I could knit a jumper! The next bit is by far the most painful. The tourniquet. They wrap it so tight around your arm that the blood hits a dam. So with my arm about to drop off and a lovely shade of blue, she smacks my arm with a flick so hard her false nails almost fly off and in goes the needle. There is a "bwop, bwop" sound as she pulls hard back and forth to draw out the blood but the carriage shoots backwards with nothing but fresh air. "Elsie, I have another vein-less wonder" By this time I'm traumatised, in pain and gesturing that my arm is about to drop off through lack of circulation and excruciating pain from the band around my arm. In walks the chief blood sucker with a confident smile and at least a small needle."Have we tried your feet?" "Oh please, not the feet!" "Okay, we'll persevere with the arm then" After about 5 more insertions there is blood. It's dark, thick and unforgiving. It slowly gloops into the tube before finally giving up but they reckon they have enough."Phew, no really Phew!" My arm is aching and I feel abused and my reaction as I leave the room puts everyone in the waiting area on edge. I'm called to the room that nobody ever goes. Following on behind a 2nd year Medic with a clipboard and brand new stethoscope. I'm asked to lie on a couch crisply decorated with a new piece of paper roll and of course with shoes and trousers removed. She places electrodes on my feet and legs and warns me of a small charge."It really won't hurt, we are just measuring fat." The hum of the machine grows louder and louder until she pushes the button and Zap! I jump uncontrollably as the charge resonates through my body and my hair stands on end! "Oops perhaps a little too much that time!" she says "What do you mean that time - do you mean you are going to do it again?" "Yes but I'll do it right this time" I wondered frantically if doing it right meant total electrocution or just a little tingle but she threw the switch and nothing happened so she'd either blown the machine up or she'd done it correctly. I was extremely happy to learn she had indeed done it correctly."See you next time" Not jolly likely, I thought? So fully charged, bruised and aching minus two phials of my precious blood I leave the hospital thoroughly trialled and released on bail till next time! My life with Sclero is never dull!
  9. Here Kitty!

    I've never been the brightest button in the box, according to some. I was never top of the class in high school except one subject where I excelled my own expectations and probably that of the teacher too, Biology. Yes I could sex a Frog, knew the gestation period of a Newt and claimed top marks for drawing an Amoeba - it was rather good, I had all the shading in the right places. I was good at drawing too but I was ridiculed in Maths, numbers never added up for me. I never seemed to have enough fingers! Thinking back and I am thinking back so many years ago, I have done better than most with very few qualifications. Anyway I digress. I want to talk about our new arrival, a cat! Yes he arrived over the holidays, hungry, homeless and searching for pity; he came to the right place it would seem. My house cat was none too impressed by the new cat in Da House so much so that we have a chorus of strange noises emulating from behind the sofa until there is a screech and one shoots at speed into the kitchen, usually my house cat Smudge! She's such a scaredy cat. Anyhow this stranger needed a name but not before I searched the newspapers for Lost Pets and the local shops to see if anyone was missing him but to no avail so we named him Sammy after numerous attempts of Hugo, Dougie, Hector, and he was almost Fred. but Sammy it was. That was 3 weeks ago now and he's still with us. "Stop giving him too much food" my daughter said as she sat stroking him. He has the most gorgeous shiny coat and very affectionate too. Someone must be missing him I thought! I wondered if he had been, well you know, Done! I reckoned if he had then he must belong to someone. I spent many a moment with a crick neck chasing him until finally announcing that his bits had been removed, much to the amazement and extreme dislike of the cat; well, it's not nice someone chasing you to get a view of your bits and bobs, is it? He continued to put on weight and was looking more and more like a well cared for member of the family. He was answering to his name and showing affection towards us. Smudge however, was not impressed and the groaning continued. "He looks like a Leopard" my husband announced! "How much food are you giving him?" Fact is just the normal although he had gorged himself on left over turkey - he must have thought he was well in here if this is the quality of food. I was making dinner for the family when Sammy came in purring and rubbing his head against my leg. He then flopped on the floor with such a bump due to his size that I turned around. It was then I realised. He had pairs of teats down each side of his large belly, Sammy was pregnant. "Oh my, Oh My" I muttered, "He's a She!" How could I have been so silly to think he was a boy with no bits. Of course he didn't, well he wouldn't. So now it's Samantha not Sammy. So now we are about to have Kittens much to the delight of my daughter who is already volunteering to be Midwife. My Husband is less impressed though at the thought of a houseful of cats and I can't imagine what Smudge will think. She was a solitary feline and now she was going to be an Aunt of sorts. I somehow think she won't be happy I have no idea when the event will happen? We wait and hope that there are just a few. We are fast becoming a Cat Sanctuary and a feline maternity unit. I have noticed another cat hanging around in a similar condition. "It's not coming in" was the warning from my husband but my daughter has other ideas I'm sure. I caught her with a bowl of food trying to entice the cat closer to the house. I am feeding the entire population of my village here. So it's official. I can sex a Frog and a Newt but not a Cat. Bottom of the class in Biology. I really am losing my touch!
  10. Sorry for the short re introduction earlier today, my life really is run at 100 mph.(I chug along like a snail though.) Back home, light up the tree, put the fire on and then wonder what time the family will be home for dinner. I've had just one Raynaud's attack today, getting into my car, so I spent the majority of the journey shaking my hand and heater on full blast. The winter so far has been very kind much to my content and the radio station is mega hot in Winter and unbearable for mere mortals in Summer, for me it's sanctuary and a double dose of pleasure in that the young guys all walk around in shorts - how lucky am I? For my sins and for those that don't know me, I began to volunteer at our local radio station 5 whole years ago. Since then I moved through the ranks to the role of director of Community. The job is unpaid but worth a fortune in the confidence and warmth it has given me. I'd really recommend it to anyone but of course it's just that taking the plunge! If you are an incessant talker of the old trash like me you'd be well suited. Not only do I think I'm mad, the whole of the town and several thousand people do as well! I can live with that. If you have Sclero you can live with anything. "The system has crashed again Babs" was the cry as I barely walked through the door and several people were rushing around in blind panic. "How long has it been off" I enquired. "Just now and we don't know why?" Why panic ensues I really don't know. It's a radio station and it's run by computers and Geeks who think they are computers and so on. The show must go on! I casually unpacked my headphones and whilst I'm writing this line my phone is ringing - Hang on ....... Ah yes now where was I, oh yes pandemonium. My headphones unpacked and oblivious to the expletives around me. All of a sudden "Ureka Yeay! - we have Airplay" Was the cry. I didn't doubt it for one second. The computer had crashed and a bit like me took it's time to get up and running. It's small wonder that it crashes. 50,000 songs plus on the database from Dolly Parton, Black Sabbath to Lady Gaga and perhaps a bit of jibberish as well. "It's all yours Babs" The studio was warm and cosy and the hot seat really was hot. With headphones plugged in and my log in front of me (Log is my show) I opened the Mic to the weather bed playing out " Misty Fog Patches with some drizzle and feeling quite mild for the time of year, temperatures in or around 12 degrees that's 54 degrees Fahrenheit and you are bang up to date with your local weather" My first song - Dandy Warhols Bohemian like you! I was away and on air. My fingers had warmed up, my feet snug as a bug in a rug and nobody knows the personal horrors I have seen and lived through in my recent past. I never give a thought to the two years on and off that I lay in a hospital bed almost fighting for life nor would I wish to. I never talk about it for fear of retuning to that hospital smell and being unable to do what I love doing now. To be quite honest it scares me to death to even think about it so I'd rather not. Back home now and I'm still working. That phone call was from a Community Group wishing to join me on my show. I never say no so next week I will have a studio full with Guide Dogs for the Blind, a charity here in England. Dogs as well. More the merrier I say! I hope everyone is keeping as well as they possibly can. I'm doing great, well you know my secret!
  11. Respite or Frostbite

    It was meant to be a quiet day. I hadn't reckoned on my daughter having the day off from work and I found myself rolling out of bed to the sound of a 7am alarm and wondering why she was still in bed?"You don't listen Mum. I told you last night it's my day off. Now I'm never going to get back to sleep" Well, since I was already up, I might as well stay up and Steve was already heading for the bathroom, so the next question would be:"Make us a coffee" It wasn't long before Steph joined us enquiring where her coffee was too. I could tell she was about to ask what I had planned for the day by the way she waited for her Dad to leave the room. Guess what was coming next? "Can we go into Town later?" I found myself without hesitation saying yes and with that she went back upstairs with coffee in hand, no doubt counting her money. I love my days off, in fact I only go to the radio station once a week now. I do miss the company and most of all the warmth, but I found doing more days was just wearing me out and in the end something had to give. I'd been involved with the radio station in the Holiday Celebrations in Town last year. Of all things I get myself into, and I do! I ended up dressed as an Elf; Yes an Elf in full regalia. I was a fat Elf no other way to explain it. The suit was rather big but a welcome size for me because it meant I could wear several layers underneath. Forget the pointy toes on the shoes I was given, it was fur lined boots all the way for me! I thought the effect was rather good until a child asked me if I was Robin Hood? - it somewhat blew me down. "No I'm an Elf" I was glad that we weren't involved this year. I almost got Frostbite in my fingers and toes and I claimed the heater that was backstage of all the fun, even the TV Celebrity from a well know Soap opera couldn't get near. Famous or not, I was there first and it was all mine. "Clear off" The whole event led up to a crescendo of explosive fireworks and the crowd "Oooed and Ahhh'd" By this time though I was aching so much and I looked about as green as the suit itself, not to mention fingers and toes that no longer belonged to me. No, as I reflect I'm so glad we weren't asked this year. So with the holidays over and things just about getting back to normal I now have a trip into the next town to deliver and a Daughter yearning to spend some cash and spend she certainly did. A designer bag that looked like the sort you got as a kid and cost a whole month's wages and a silver safety chain for her bracelet. I marvel at the young and not a single regret of cost. My shopping list consisted of Cat food, and Milk and I splashed out on some Ham steak for Steve's evening dinner. A whole gallon of fuel for a trip that lasted a couple of hours. So respite for me this afternoon with Steph having gone out with Boyfriend. feet up and a warm computer on my lap. The day is grey but I'm quite content!
  12. "Stop Touching Me!"

    Reminds me of day's gone by with my Daughter and her giggly enterage of friends. Why on earth er got a large car I do not know? I was their personal chauffeur until the age of .. well actually it hasn't stopped! She's learning to drive so maybe I will get some respite. Great blog I could picture the whole thing Much love to you Babs xx
  13. Just call Me Babs

    Here's my first attempt at a blog for almost 3 years. I'm a bit rusty and corroded around the edges but none the less here goes! I live on a farm of sorts. I have a house that is begging to be finished, a Husband with gout, a 22 year old Daughter with boyfriend in tow, one house cat, one visiting cat and one Goat. I have 3 walls, one conservatory with no doors and our 6th December Holiday under renovation but we are getting there. I have Raynauds, Scleroderma, Cervical Spondylosis, Arthritis, Fybromyalgia and a broken nail. Besides that I'm fighting fit? I'm also known as Babs. I was sat here in front of the TV when I decided to write this blog, watching in awe as a guy shovelled copious amounts of food into his mouth for entertainment thinking how much I would be choking if I swallowed a pea. Mealtimes are a nightmare, My Daughter is Lactose intolerant, My Husband's Gout causes havoc with meal plans and I don't eat and there's this guy eating mounds for a TV programme and we're all feeling nauseous. "Turn it off" I asked but the options were a film we have seen so many times that I know the script, a game show and I gave up flicking through the channels when a programme about nurses flashed across the screen. Not that I have anything against those Angels, I just don't want to watch! Things have really changed in the household over the last few years, in fact the only thing that's the same is the hole in my wall although it's slightly smaller of late on account of a glass building intended for Summer evenings being constructed and for a brief time had doors, so I guess we didn't have a hole then.We have a hole now because my husband took them off again and never got round to putting them back! It's only draughty when the wind blows so then we just turn the heating up! There was a time when it was normal to meet a Goose on the bottom step of the staircase but they have now long gone on account of the complaints received by dog walkers. It was fun! I had Chickens also. Those went too when I was tired of answering the door to strangers who didn't understand the term "Free Range" I once called them to the yard when an guy started having a go at me on a really bad day and told them off for going on the road. I couldn't quite understand his anger, I did ask the Chickens to comply and they did understand - I think? Anyhow he just thought I had lost my marbles. My dietician stayed away as long as she could and couldn't help showing her relief when I informed her that the Geese had gone. She's been back and forth more frequently since. My husband dreams of more Goats, a Ferret and a new set of Chickens. I say nothing and hope it's a passing whim and nothing more. He hasn't mentioned it for a while. My voluntary job keeps me sane, warm and occupied. I've had days, you know the one's. The one's that anchor you to the bed and no amount of attempts to get up. I have sicky days and achey days and days where I don't quite know where it hurts most only that it does. "Don't touch me, don't ask me to do anything, it's an off day" My Daughter bids me Goodnight and I'm contemplating the same. The bed is beckoning me and I have an overwhelming urge to climb into it. I reckon it's sanctuary!
  14. Hey Up Its Me!

    Whos you? I hear you say! Actually I don't blame you, I hardly recognise myself these days. Most people thought I had met my demise, but here I am alive and kicking still with Sclero and Raynauds but alive anyhow. I'd forgotten my log in details, not surprising since I have so many different accounts for different stuff, I do tend to keep the same but due to a security issue changed them all and now I can't remember. I'm still volunteering at the radio station, still wearing my feeding tube, still wearing the British emblem on each finger and toe (Red, White and Blue) and still living on a farm with hardly any animals except a cat, one Goat and a still un-finished house. Quite apart from that, I'm now in my 50's. I don't know which is worse the fact that I am 52 or the fact that I made it. I will leave my short re introduction for another time as the clock beckons me to get changed from my night attire into something more alluring like 4 layers of clothing, heavy boots, woolly hat, etc and off to the radio station I go for my once weekly romp on the mic. It's good to be back if only for a fleeting moment. Warm tight hugs and a sense of relief, Barbs or Babs even Barbara - I don't mind XX
  15. You can tell it's March -- Things flying about the yard, yep! there goes a Chicken, not entirely the direction it was heading but when the wind took hold it ended up right in the middle of the field. Today has got to be compared to a mild hurricane. It almost blew me over and the gust took me up the yard the fastest I'd gone for years! I was glad to be home and watch stuff through the window. Stuff like twigs, chickens, an old plastic bag and the old gander trying to stand proud and looking like a fool next to the nest where his missus is sitting on a nest being battered by a force 10. Raynauds in full bloom I see, time for a hot drink! Wondering what to make the tribe for dinner? We had pancakes yesterday, an age old tradition. It was like a scene from "Oliver", both my hubby and daughter standing by he stove waiting for the next cake. Trouble is, I'd no sooner flipped the last pancake when the next plate was shoved under my nose to fill. Production line or fast food take away comes to mind. Also it's official my hubby has gout! No more beer or foods which aggravate the condition. I could hardly tolerate the sulk last night. No Beans, Brocolli, Cauliflower, Lentils, nothing that's bad for you, and he sulks! I could understand if it was chocolate. No it's the beer bit that's got him sulking. He's not a heavy drinker, far from that in fact! But he likes a tipple when we go out, now he'll get to sample my life without alcohol. I would love to be able to hand the car keys to him in an inebriated condition but that ain't ever going to happen! I went to the hairdressers last week. My hair was everywhere but in place. It had grown so much since December. I decided in order to keep the style longer I'd have a good old crop. I was taken back though when in the mirror I saw my ears being revealed for the first time in years. I asked the stylist a question which made her walk away laughing and in need of a steady hand. "Wow, look at the size of my ears -- Is it true they grow much bigger as you get older --- they're not ears they're flaps" I finally left with my huge ears and that pretty much dominated the rest of the day. It was certainly the topic of conversation in our home for the rest of the evening until my hubby came in with a wooly bob hat. "Here wear that then!" My daughter thought it was hilarious and before you get to wonder if I've actually worn it, well, I haven't and I'm not going to! I've got used to my ears now and perhaps they are in proportion after all. I've lost so much weight in recent years that my head has probably shrunk. Well you can't have everything can you?
  16. Taste Of Spring

    Today is what I call one of the first days of Spring! Glorious sunshine from a big round thing that is quite a stranger to these lands of late. It was a pleasure to come home and enjoy a degree of warmth on my starved skin. I pulled up to the gate to a welcome party of feathered friends who crowed,squalked and flapped at my arrival and then out of nowhere the Gander came charging down the drive with neck outstretched and hissing! I was just about to kick out my leg when a guy stopped me to ask if there were any goose eggs for sale? "Ask him?" I said "if you can get near the nest, I'll give them to you!" No surprise then when he declined, mounted his cycle and went merrily on his way. I'd been out of the house since eight thirty ths morning, doing my little show on the radio. I'd had my flll of Lady Ga Ga, Tinie Tempah, and Dizzy Rascal -- if yo don't know the artists, join the club, neither did I until 12 months ago. My era has to be the eighties and I like to sneak one or two of them in here and there to the disapproving glare of the boss. I recall and cringe at one incident not long ago when a drink of extremely fizzy soda produced an extraordinary loud belch on air in the middle of a sentence -- I've never quite got over that and never has it been forgotten! It's had more plays than the Beatles -- now there's something that we might all agree was music, or perhaps not if you are under 50? Three things you must not keep repeating on radio -- Yeah! Okay! and Mmmmm! I'm guilty of all 3 and more besides. It's a far cry from the world of hospitals where all you get to say is "What, Why, and When?" We have to keep the TV on in the studio - "Why?" I hear you ask? In case the queen dies of course! I remember asking that question myself when the boss came in and scorned me for not switching it on --"The queen might die?" he said and I replied "What! just because I haven't put the TV on?" It's true that we'd probably be the last to know and at the risk of playing something unsuitable, we have to keep up with the news! I could hardly play out "killer Queen, by Queen could I if the unthinkable happened! So much protocol and things you would never give a second thought about! Back to reality and the nesting geese, ever hungry chickens and the great hole in the wall! I'm so used to that now, it's like having a live mural on the wall, it seems such a shame to brick it up now! So a taste of Spring -- thank goodness. I hope winter has finally left the shores?
  17. Filling In The Gaps

    I'd completely forgotten what it was like to have a whole week away from work -- well if you can call it that! Since taking a voluntary role at the Radio station my life has gone from four walls, well three actually. Did I mention we never did complete the gable end and we still have panoramic views from my stairway? Yes it's true that we survived two of the worst winter's on British record with a hole as big as a tunnel entrance, facing North too I might add! The geese walk in and out, so do the chickens and until recently the goats loved to make an appearance too. My hubby has gout and my daughter is 20 years of age. We have a cat, 17 geese 12 chickens and just 2 goats. There were originally 5 but one was stolen and 2 unfortunately died of old age. My poor hubby then had the unfortunate job of disposing of the bodies and I drew the line at putting them in the trash can! It's amazing but when one of the geese died, he stuffed it in the bin with legs straight up lifting the lid. I was horrified when the Refuse Wagon came and refused to take it because it wasn't in the recycling bin -- How on earth do you recycle a goose? Life is pretty much the same as except I'm a bit of a local celeb. My voice on the radio every weekday morning and now Marketing Director. I don't know quite how I got there but I did and that is that! I still suffer badly with Raynaud's and haven't ate a proper meal in 7 years. The odd piece of chocolate, perhaps a solitary biscuit and that's me sorted for a whole day. Still it has it's rewards. I've never had such trendy clothes, it's like being the younger sister who receives hand-me-downs from big sis! Although in this instance it's my daughter who goes through fashion faster than corn through the goose! I turned 50 in July, a milestone for most -- an absolute miracle for me! There were times when I thought I'd never see another birthday let alone reach 50! and now it seems like I'm talking about another person, was I really that ill? Certainly no one knew the extent of my demise from a well rounded individual to an almost anorexic wreck who couldn't swallow a grain of rice.... Can I just say at this point "Thank goodness I still have my own teeth!" I guess I've brought you up to date with circumstance but not up to speed with my very full and eventful life -- it will take some time to go through it and if you bear with me I'll try and write as often as I can to bring you somewhere up to date. Since I last wrote - computers have moved on so much. Smaller keys and stumpy awkward fingers don't match. I may have the odd missing word and I apologise in advance but just fill in the gaps won't you ...
  18. New Woman -- New Name

    Okay! Stop scratching your head, I can see you look puzzled. "It's me"! Barbs Y'know the one who wrote blogs, Radio Presenter, Sclero Sufferer extraordinaire, lives on a farm with a menagerie of animals that love to attack the postman! Do I hear you say "Ah Yes"! Well maybe you don't already know me but if you do -- I'm back! It's been a while - sure has! I've been out there doing my stuff and strutting my toosh. I guess by now you either like me or hate me but that's just me. I haven't changed, neither has my condition but hey, I'm still here making a nuisance of myself (my computer keys are sticking so I may write something that gets banned by the board?) Yes I'm still a Radio Presenter, just the right job for someone who can talk the hind legs off a donkey! Still, my hubby gets some peace, I do my nagging on the airwaves. I reckon must be up there with the hippest Mums on the planet? This according to my 20 year old daughter's friends. I know all the top tunes, latest hits and nearly all the groups, singers, rappers and genre of music there is. I've never been considered "cool" except for my fingers and toes and that a great accolade at 50 years of age! Anyhow! I now have a new name. Gone has the old Barbs and in with CFMBabs, my call name on the radio. Please let me come back to the blogs and I can tell you all that you've missed. I sure have missed you guys! Babs
  19. New Woman -- New Name

    Oh Yes! and it's still as draughty as ever .... Lol! Best wishes Babs x
  20. Absent Minded Me

    Y'Know I haven't been back 5 mins and I'm already causing problems! How do I post a blog? I guess I've been away so long I need re-training in the old brain box area. I've got so much to share with you that writers cramp will be the bain of my life. I'm bursting with excitement on being back with REAL people and not the heady world of talking to myself which I have perfected to an art. My life is spent in front of a microphone going crosseyed at the studio clock and pretending that every rap, rock, spoiled, outrageous pop artist is the next best thing to sliced bread! My cheery attitude as the red light illuminates and suddenly I'm in a world far from hospital beds, feeding tubes, blue fingers, dead toes and plastic features. I always said I had a face for radio and then the little tinkers installed a Web Cam! I have a stalker, a loyal fan and a following amongst all the 50 year old wannabees that listen to my show each weekday morning and yes, those mornings are hard to contemplate for someone who throws up religiously several times before 8am. Anyway back to the job in hamd. Can I please unlock the door to the blog bit so I can share my fanciful life with people who know me better than "This is 102.8 Chorley FM with me Babs" Corr! I don't know? Love N hugs an all that! Babs,... err! Barbs !
  21. Another new hobby you say!, goodness gracious me My time is all but taken I guess I'm never free What with chasing after Goats and Geese and trying to make the tea There's never any time left to concentrate on me Presenting shows on the radio, is quite a novelty See I really don't have time to concentrate on me! My life is kind of hectic who knows where I will be Playing songs upon the radio then coming at Three Feeding hungry animals, life really is a spree -- and There's never any time left to concentrate on me! I guess my perfect hobby or where I'd like to be Sitting at home in quiet with the cat upon my knee Then I would have plenty of time to concentrate on me! The cat would be happy too but that didn't rhyme! He. He
  22. Six Jobs!

    Another day at the Radio Station, my these weeks are flying by! It was kind of a hard day today since I got up too quickly this morning, treading on the cat downstairs, then stubbing my toe on the table leg. My hubby was dishing out daily instructions but to be honest it went in one ear and out the next! My daughter emerged from the dark room where no one ever goes, looking somewhat similar to how I felt and the first word from her lips was "Mum can you make me a drink?" The second sentence went something like this "Can you pick me up tonight?" I pulled on my Chorley FM T Shirt just as hubby sped off to work but by this time I was feeling nauseous which is an irritating side affect of jumping out of bed with all systems 'Go' My second job of Wife, Mother and Head Cook and Bottle Washer was the personal chauffeur service for my daughter -- and I make that 6 jobs in total. She did begin to take driving lessons but decided she didn't like it, or more to the truth it was cheaper by far to ask Mum and Dad to provide a suitable mode of transport. Finally sitting in the presenter's chair at 9am, I quickly looked through the log and first song on the list was "Get me Outa Here" I felt more like playing a relaxing mellow tune to ease me into the day but it played and I scribbled requests from listeners on my little note pad. Red light on and away I went, can't remember my first words this morning - it's a bit of a blur. I watched the hours fly by until it was time for me to sign off. I headed home to find my hubby eating french fries on the lawn wrapped in newspaper, and trying to hide them from the chickens, which were all gathered hoping for at least one chip! "Good Day??" He asked "Naahh!" I replied. "felt a bit rough around the edges today." "Oh very good" He said not really listening. I was so glad to be home. I just needed 5 minutes to myself to recuperate. Life can be a bit hectic sometimes? Just call me Six Jobs!
  23. New Blog from Barbara Lowe is up!

    Hi Jeannie I still don't think they are working -- the blogs I mean. I can see them but they appear as draft entries? Maybe still some gremlins eh! Barbara Lowe xxxx
  24. Locked Out

    Is it something I've said? LOL! Yes LOL what a stupid use of English language and I'm so familliar with text messaging now that it's like learning a whole new dictionary -- Bi Lingual in speech and cyber rubbish! I'm really missing you guys, please can I come back? I have soooo much to tell you. I've been on TV, Radio and I'm doing so much that my head will burst! I'm locked out somewhere in cyber space and I don't know if this will get through. I've blamed my service provider, computer and even my own incompetance but I've had self proclaimed experts take a look with no success! If you get this I'll jump for joy, well not literally, my daughter would think I'd finally gone round the pipe but you get the gist. Hello, big hugs and huge kisses if you are reading this. Lot's of love Barbara Lowe xxxx
  25. Seems so strange finally being here and able to type into the forum. I've been a stranger in these parts for far too long and I've dearly missed having a moan or a titter to those who share a common bond, although Scleroderma has become somewhat of a stranger to me these past months and I guess that's something to be glad about. I no longer have the time to think about what the future holds. My day at the radio station is full of current news and interesting folk passing through. Sound checks, music logs and mixing are a huge part of my life at the moment and pressing 50 years of age next month! Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks? My morning coffee interview which I conduct always at 11 has made me realise that there are other people out there with huge problems. Being part of a Community Station I brush with charitable organisations and wonderfully brave individuals who all come into the studio and have a chat about their life with me. You sometimes forget that other people suffer too and my own illness is really quite trivial compared to the poor person sat in front of me! The music plays and I relax into my big presenter chair. "It's really hot in here Babs" Say's the following presenter! "How can you sit there in a jumper without breaking sweat" It's true that whilst I'm just alright, other's are wilting and opening windows for air which I instantly close just as soon as they leave. My winter of discontent was held in that very room. I've never been so comfortably warm, yet feeling so mixed up. My Father had just passed away and I had to speak into a microphone like I'd won the lottery, nothing felt the same I was feeling alone and so lost in fact it seemed like nothing mattered anymore -- was I doing this job for myself or trying to impress. My own health faltered a little. I'd suddenly lost interest in being ill and with it several missed appointments at the hospital, always with an excuse and not having the will to look after myself. The long hard winter of 2009 further depressed me but I kept plodding on and arriving at the radio station every day. Slowly I began to dig myself out of a rut and after a little dusting down my spirit returned, only much stronger than before and I rose up above all the blackness that seemed to surround me after Dad's funeral. Suddenly I had a family again, my life had also turned around -- hello to the world! Radio Star, TV Star it all makes sense now, my destiny was probably just waiting round the corner and when I turned it, it hit me full throttle! Glad to be back, twice the woman I was but only half the size.
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