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barefut

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Blog Entries posted by barefut

  1. barefut
    Just off work and finding myself again, sitting in Betsy Big Rig in the grocery store parking lot, not wanting to go in. My whole body is buzzing from the activity of the day - or is it from my head cold?
     
    There is a girl getting into her car who could be Epasen's twin.
     
    If I recline my seat I'll be asleep in under 30 seconds for sure and then I'd miss my oldest's baseball game here in town. Mom took Little One to T-ball practice in the opposite direction and Coach is giving Big One a ride to the game since I am already in town. What would I ever do without the help of friends and family? They are adding years to my life for sure.
     
    Need to go on another grocery shopping mission. Fruit, fruit, and fruit! Mom spoils the kids with sweets. I need to fill the house with FRUIT!
     
    My toe hurts. Don't want to walk. Don't want to use electric shopping cart either - stubborn pride. Shouldn't have worn these black leather work shoes. Should have worn my garden clogs again - even if they are neon green! The only way I can get away with that is to wear the sweater that matches them. Then it looks like I did it for fashion. Time to buy a black pair for work - SOON!
     
    Seeing doctor for the ole' toe on Friday. Hoping it's not the big "G". Nah. Probably just a fungal infection - "Just" Ha! Just a fungal infection with scleroderma and Raynaud's isn't just a "just".
     
    Rule of thumb (or should I say rule of toe): If it hurts and it's turning brown, see the doctor!
     
    *sigh*
     
    Better gear up for the battle in the grocery store, baseball game starts soon. That means I have to put my shoe back on.......... :( ouch.
  2. barefut
    There is a sweet little lady who lives on a farm.
    She has so many animals, some causing alarm.
     
    Some people say, just how does she do it?
    Some people say, I could never get through it!
     
    But this little lady is a nurturing momma.
    If her husband would let her, she'd add some llamas.
     
    Yes this little lady, though with scleroderma,
    Seizes the day on terra firma.
     
    Even when she's feeling less than spry,
    She'll make her family a berry pie.
     
    She cooks and she cleans and she tears down walls.
    She builds fences while freezing in her overalls.
     
    She keeps the fire burning in the old wood stove.
    She even has her own radio show!
     
    This little lady stands barely 5 feet,
    But as for stature she has most people beat.
     
    Yes, this little lady is not to be messed with.
    You give her a "look" and an ear full you're 'blessed' with.
     
    You may not think this story is true.
    But it is, just as sure as the sky is blue.
     
    This tough little lady is so funny and sweet.
    She is someone that everyone wants to meet.
  3. barefut
    Well there's no way I can top that Barb! Not that there's a competition or anything - just reminded me of "Dueling Banjos" for a minute there.
     
    I have to say I have never had anyone write about me, let alone write a poem about me! I feel imortalized. I kind of don't want to blog anything new for awhile because the blog page looks so cute with our title poems about each other posted one over the other.
     
    I am glad I was able to brighten your day. You certainly surprised and brightened mine! :D And by the way, you are no "ordinary" lady. You are EXTRAORDINARY!
     
    Keep on writing....
     
    Love you!
    Barefut
  4. barefut
    SNOW!!!
     
    April 20th and snowing in Western Washington. So much for planting the veggie garden or anything else for that matter. Seems like I was looking forward to this spring more than any other, wanting to get a jump on things around the yard, and it snows at sea level a full month into spring.
     
    I have felt like a puddle all weekend, wanting to do nothing but sleep. But sleeping only makes me sleepier. Can't seem to shake the fog out of my head.
     
    Mom has been here 2 full weeks and my house has never been cleaner. Or more organized. I can't find anything. :blink:
     
    I keep noticing more and more things she's done, like dust under the computer printer and the top of the refrigerator. She also nailed back up the pickets that were knocked off the fence in the last windstorm (or was it by soccer balls?) And the household trash cans seem to empty themselves.
     
    Trying to enjoy it without guilt. During the week mom cooks dinner and then won't let me help clean up. She says, "Sit. You've been on your feet all day." I say, "Ok!"
     
    Don't want to take too much advantage though - I could get too used to being pampered and become spoiled and lazy.
     
    Sleepy, foggy headed, no energy, short attention span and a bit bored today. Just want this day to be over.
  5. barefut
    AHHH yes, wonderful , beautiful, warm, bright, sunny, sun!!!
     
    Perfect weather for the T-ball Jamboree this morning which was very amusing to say the least. My face still hurts from laughing. Here are these 5 and 6 year olds in helmets that their little heads can barely hold up, swinging a bat nearly as long as they are tall, at a ball resting on a rubber tube, and then running the bases as fast as their little legs can carry them, with their little heads bobbling in those giant helmets. Now I know where the baseball bobble heads were inspired from. And me, without my video camera!
     
    At one point, the runner on first chased down the ball himself and proceeded to try and tag his team mate out. The catcher, in all his gear, was totally oblivious to where the ball went every time it was thrown to him and he spun around and around looking for it. Any ball that rolled past the pitching mound was chased by 1/2 the team and the kids fell all over each other and themselves scrambling for it. I am quite surprised that there wasn't any bloodshed. Looking forward to the the next game with a smile on my face and video camera in hand.
     
    Also perfect weather for that yard sale I've been preparing for. So hard to get rid of the preschool toys. I've had to prepare emotionally as well. Mom has been helping gather and organize stuff for the sale. Nope, I'm keeping the battered, little, multi-colored, rubber boots that were big one's and little one's. Keeping the little red sandals too. And the toy mailbox and the plastic alphabet blocks and the majority of the stuffed animals......Ok, just where am I going to store all that stuff then? Maybe I should store it in my mind and just put it all on the sale in the morning.....nah can't do it.
     
    Sis and her hubby are coming over tomorrow too. Can't wait to see them. It's been too long. She's going to take some unruly plants from my front flower beds and plant them on their (soon to be) farm near town. Then I can start working towards that English Cottage garden I've been longing for out front.
     
    In the early afternoon I'll wrap up the yard sale and pack up grandma, the boys and the dog and head out to the property to help sis plant. The boys will ride the 1940 tractor with their Uncle, the dog will run himself wild and jump in the pond and we'll all picnic by the water and eat cake and sing happy birthday to grandma.
  6. barefut
    One more rare sunny day and actually warm too! I promised to keep y'all updated on my progress in the yard and gardens so here is what I did yesterday...
     
    First I did some catching up on the dog messes in the backyard (Eeew) :P . Then I mowed and edgetrimmed front, back and side yards as well as beyond the back fence, around the campfire pit. I can't tell you how much better that alone made things look around here. It had been 2 weeks since I've been able to mow and it was getting pretty tall.
     
    Then mom and I partially disassembled the swingset and moved it out of the play ground area, which is full of wood chips, and out into the yard. Putting it back together was a bit of a feat but we did it. It is much less wobbily being on solid ground rather than the wood chips.
     
    Since my preschool is no more, I think I can put the playground area to better use as a dog kennel - a huge, super deluxe dog kennel! Next step is to move the sandbox out of the playground and then fence it in. Then the boys can reclaim the back yard as a play area and I can work on filling in the bare patches in the 'lawn'. With dog in kennel I can actually have my raised vegetable garden back again without him digging it up! AND I can have my precious, beloved hammock out without him chewing it up! I love my dog but I love my yard, gardens and hammock too.
     
    Progress is not without its price however....although I did really well pacing myself and having patience at my slow pace, I stepped in a hole coming down a small hill with an armload of stuff and wrenched my hip. It went pop, there was a shooting pain and now it aches like all get out.
     
    So since I can't sleep, I thought it a good time to bore you all with my yard work progress. Maybe if you can't sleep either, you will after reading this!
  7. barefut
    STRENGTH of body mind and spirit
     
    COURAGE of convictions
     
    FAITH that everything will be all right
     
    CONSISTENCY of actions
     
    MOTIVATION of body mind and spirit
     
    AMBITION to work towards goals
     
    GOALS to achieve fulfillment
     
    FULFILLMENT to achieve happiness
     
    HAPPINESS to achieve peace
     
    PEACE for body mind and spirit
  8. barefut
    Over, short, over, short, over, short.........I think I can make a case for disability since I haven't been able to balance for more than 3 days in a row at work. It is so frustrating! Like bowling - if I can get a strike once, then why shouldn't I be able to get a strike every time?
     
    Consistency. That's my problem. I don't have any. About the only thing I am consistent at, is being inconsistent.
     
    If I was consistent I would be thin and firm and fit. I would have perfectly behaved children, my house and yard and vehicle would be immaculate and my grandma would be as pleased punch to have at least one letter a month from me like I vowed that I would write to her when I was 10.
     
    But it's really more than that. Why am I inconsistent? Answer: Too many variables. What are the variables?
     
    Well, let me list some just off the top of my head:
     
    1. Amount of sleep
    2. Weather
    3. Amount of nourishment
    4. Medications
    5. Degree of hydration
    6. People messing with me
    7. Amount of energy
    8. Degree of overall pain
    9. Type of hair day
    10. Time left until perimenopause
    11. People messing with me
    12. Grams of chocolate ingested
     
    How pathetic. Listing variables as to why I am inconsistent (and therefore coming off as a flake) sounds like a blame game. I really only have myself to blame except when it comes to the weather - or people messing with me. I don't like people messing with me.
     
    I guess perimenopause isn't my fault either. Or my bad haircut since I didn't do it (this time). BUT the amount of sleep I get is my responsibility and something I can control; so I suppose I'd better hit the proverbial hay and try to make tomorrow a better day.
     
    It's all about BALANCE!
  9. barefut
    3am. Aparently I am not responsible or in charge of how much sleep I get. Doesn't seem to matter when I go to bed, or which bed or couch or recliner or floor I sleep on. I said before, no use getting frustrated about it. Might as well use the precious time to my advantage and get some things done - except that mom has already done it all - bless her heart.
     
    I had high hopes for the memory foam matress I purchased. I fantasized about sleeping blissfully through the night and waking up feeling alive, energized and refreshed.
     
    Yea, not so much. Between scleroderma, allergy season, my sons' bad dreams, our new, crazy cat and this nagging cold, I'm up for hours in the night and after finally falling back to sleep at around 5:30 am I am awakened by the boys at 7am, with a bunchy, swollen face, a jaw that won't open, hands that won't close, arms I can't raise above my head and feet I can't walk on.
     
    Okay yea, I'm whining - WAH! :P Nothing else to do at 3:17 am :(
  10. barefut
    Bla Bla Bla..........
     
    That's about the best I can do right now - unless you want to hear about my adventures in hair removal - but I threw away my notes so you're out of luck.
    Incidentally, most of my cosmetic trials and tribulations have to do with hair. Lack of it here... too much of it there....
     
    Unfortunately, I inherited my grandfather's eyebrows. I remember my grandmother trimming his brows when she cut his hair. She would comb them out from his face and snip off about an inch and a half.
     
    It's bad enough to be a woman and have brows thick, dark and bushy but do they have to also grow together? Forget tweezing - I need to use a hedge trimmer! People try to make me feel better by saying, "Oh, no you have great eyebrows - that's the style" I didn't know wearing a wild animal on your face was in style.
     
    I've never been one to start the trendy fads, nor have I been one to follow them. Where am I going with this? I don't know!
     
    I titled this blog before I even started writing it. The well has been dry for weeks it seems. I had no idea what I was going to write when I sat down but I wanted to squeeze something out - anything - in the desperate hope that it might actually trigger an interesting thought and turn into something worth reading.
     
    Writer's block is aptly named, though sometimes I think it feels more like a clog than a block. But "writer's clog" doesn't sound near as sophisticated.
     
    Sometimes I feel as though I am ready to burst with artistic creativity. But I can't paint. Or draw. Or do anything else artistic. So there I sit, creatively constipated with no outlet.
     
    Punctuation seems to be a problem for me at times too as you may well have noticed. I tend to write like I talk and there is no punctuation for that. Using lots of ........dots .........and - dashes - for........dramatic pauses or........to lead you......somewhere....... Seems to be my forte.
     
    What I remember from high school English class about writing:
     
    1. Never start a sentence with "And" or "But"
    2. Never end a sentence with a preposition - or was it a proposition?
    3. Run-on sentences are bad
    4. Two words do not make a sentence (Wanna bet?)
    5. Slang is generally frowned upon (Wanna bet?)
     
    Rules are made to be broken and when it comes to writing, I've probably broken them all.
     
    G'night
  11. barefut
    Barb you make me feel like a slacker. If our blogs were books, yours would be thick as the dictionary and mine as thin as a comic book. Since I started blogging, yours out number mine 5 or 6 to 1. I can't even keep up reading your blogs. With all that you do, how do you keep up with writing them?!
     
    Mom's endless energy and motivation is also making me feel like a slacker. I SO want to go out and help her in the yard. I want to plant my vegetable garden and the pumpkin patch (yea, I haven't done it YET!) but when it comes to doing the enjoyable stuff I have already used up all of my spoons on the necessary stuff - like bathing.
     
    The miserable weather and insane gas prices are the topic of discussion wherever you go in town and with every customer at the bank. "Did you have a good 3 day weekend?" I asked one of my regulars. "Stayed home. Can't afford to go anywhere", was the reply. "Enjoy the sun," I said as he walked out the door into a downpour.
     
    "Good morning," I say as one of my old favorites comes through the door. "It's always a good morning when my feet hit the floor," he says. These old timers always make me smile. One gentleman calls me precious and one calls me kiddo. The one who calls me precious asked me out to lunch. They always make my day.
     
    I had to leave work early three days last week. Once for a doctor appointment and twice because my attempts to hack up a lung left me dizzy and lightheaded - not to mention that every time I coughed I wet my pants a little. <_< (That said, I'm still all for natural childbirth, ladies)
     
    When I left work Thursday afternoon it was raining and cold as usual. My head was heavy and I could barely keep my eyes open. All I could think about was putting on my jammies and curling up in bed with my favorite blankie and pillow and drifting off into hours and hours of blissful deep sleep. And I did! It was better than chocolate.
     
    By the way, I have to brag -- er -- mention that I actually got in and out of my doctor's office, in and out of the lab and in and out of radiology all in under an hour on Monday! 4:20pm Monday appointments rock! I guess you have to have your doctor's office in the same parking lot as the hospital and live in a small town though.
     
    Doc said I was wheezing and he could hear some crackling in my lungs but the x-rays showed nothing. Was put on antibiotics because white cell count was up, just in case. Feeling much better today (Saturday) and actually made it through all of Friday at work. Still trying to hack up the other lung though.
     
    I am enjoying the most delectable, crunchy, chewey, double chocolate, thin, brownie cookie I have ever had the pleasure of chewing and now I am going to guzzle a gallon of milk and then have some popcorn with my butter and salt. (Yea, okay it's that time of the month - sorry if that's too much information for you men. :blink: )
  12. barefut
    Well okay Barb, I won't be so hard on myself then. I forget that you don't work outside of your home so you do have more time during the day to fufill your blogging responsibilities. I should quit trying to "keep up with the Jonses" as well as comparing myself to others. I've always had a problem with that. I also need to remember to keep managable portions on my plate otherwise my time with the kids suffers.
     
    As far as the boys go, yes they do keep me hopping! I turn to blogging to have some me time. Although they are a hand full, my 10 year old already doesn't want to have much to do with me - too busy with all his friends and adventures. My 6 year old has promised me that he will hold my hand until he is 8. I asked him if I could get that in writing.
     
    It's hard for me to look at photos of when the boys were little. I get carried away back in time and end up missing their little-hood so much. That's why I wish I could time travel and go back and smell their bald little baby heads, squeeze their chubby little legs, rock them in my arms, watch them learn how to walk, hear their tiny little voices always asking questions.......
     
    Time flies. And the older you get, the faster it flies. BUT I have to live in the present so I'll SNAP OUT OF IT! I don't think I'll handle it so well when my boys go off to college. They will most likely go far away, but not too far I hope! And I know, that time will come sooner than I want it to.
     
    Barb, thank you for reminding me that time is precious. My time would be better spent right now, reading my boys to sleep. I can blog later.
     
    Well wouldn't you know it
    They were already asleep
    A missed oportunity
    I feel like a creep.
     
    Next time I'll have
    My priorities straight
    Using precious time wisely
    An admirable trait
     
    Because I had a late dinner
    and a soda with caffeine
    I'll be up anyway
    until eleven-seventeen
     
    So reading to my boys
    while it was before nine
    should have been my priority
    instead of blogging at that time
     
    So now here I am
    though tired as can be
    I can't yet lie down
    or my dinner comes back on me
     
    These days it comes back
    while still sitting up
    I sure hope I don't
    find myself spitting up!
     
    That might have been more
    than you wanted to know
    So rather than continue
    I'll spare you and go!
  13. barefut
    Ten years ago
    And it seems like yesterday
    Where does it all go?
     
    Yesterday
    Seems like ten years ago
    Time
     
    Like a freight train
    Goes rushing by
    Yes it does fly
     
    People and places come and go
    Only their faces
    Do we know?
     
    Another birthday
    And we think we're getting old
    Or so we're told
     
    Ten years ago
    And it seems like yesterday
    The way we laughed and played
     
    Makes us sad now
    And we wish we knew how
    To do it all again
  14. barefut
    I knew I was in trouble for the week when I woke up Tuesday and it felt like it should have been Friday. But, here is where my summer kicks into high gear and I will wake up tomorrow and it will be August. Little one's last day of kindergarten is tomorrow. Big one's last day is Friday.
     
    Today is Wednesday. Just got home from the last baseball game and an exciting one it was! The kids were actually swinging and hitting, and catching - unlike the past few yawners where no one swung the bat and both teams walked all the bases for 5 innings.
     
    It was nice to end the season on a good note even though we lost by one run. A boy who never pitched before amazed us all with strike after strike in the last 2 innings. And a boy who hadn't had a hit all season popped one up into right field - it was caught but no one cared. All the parents came to their feet for this kid's hit. It was beautiful.
     
    Finally home after being away for 12 hours and wanted nothing more than 10 minutes of solitude to put down my things, change into my jammies and check phone messages and emails.
     
    Not gonna happen..... "Mom, look at this.......mom, I need this......mom we have to do that......." "Boys, hit the showers. I'll see and do all your stuff when you get out and jammied up."
     
    2 showers, 6 painted and planted little clay pots with Jade for teachers, secretaries and principal, 2 emptied backpacks full of school work and artwork and 2 snacks later.... 2 boys are snoring softly while dreams of summer fill their heads.
     
    And 1 tired mom struggles to stay awake long enough to finish her blog, tie up some loose ends and get ready for another tomorrow. Only 2 more days until the weekend. I hope tomorrow feels like Thursday.
  15. barefut
    I am on vacation (at home) and have had two, count them, TWO days of sun in a row! It must be some kind of record. I got out and got my hands dirty in the garden and it was very therapeutic for me as I have had a couple of setbacks lately. Mom has gone back to Montana. The kids and I miss her. Not only that but now I am stuck without childcare for the summer. Stressful trying to work out what I am going to do.
     
    Another couple of personal disappointments and I am struggling to stay positive. The weather today isn't helping as now it is dark and gloomy and of course cold and wet. I guess I'll try to get some chores done in the house today, that always cheers me up. I need to finish painting my bedroom. It's been 1/2 painted for 6 months. Nice way to spend a vacation huh?
     
    I'm just happy to have the time off work as things haven't been going so well there lately either. Friday I had an ATM nightmare, which is fitting since it was the 13th. And since I had a bad dream about the ATM Thursday night. I dreampt that the machine kept taking and destroying people's cards. I went in to get them and try to make it stop but when I opened the door, more and more cards kept flying in at me, all in little bitty pieces. Friday's real life nightmare wasn't about cards but a nightmare nontheless.
     
    On the positive side, my dad came out from Indiana to visit! He's been at my sister and brother-in-law's, 2 hours away, since Friday and they are all coming over here tonight and staying at a bed and breakfast. Tomorrow, Wednesday, they will come over to my house and we're going to put up the dog kennel fence. Nothing fancy, just wire fencing and a gate. Then we're gong to celebrate Father's Day (a little late) with steaks on the grill. For the rest of their time here we will be working out on sister's (soon to be) farm, planting and putting up fence.
     
    I can't wait to see dad. The boys and I miss him so much. Sis is taking dad house hunting while he is here, as he is also going to move to my town. Within the next few years my boys will have their grandpa and their aunt and uncle living only 15 minutes away. I can't wait. Sometimes it seems like just a dream and that it will never really happen.
     
    My family is so important to me. My parents divorced when I was 20 and after I moved out, we have been separated by 2 1/2 hours in travel time. Then mom moved to Montana and Dad retired and moved back home to Indiana. That left just me and sis out here and I never got to see her much as she is the city mouse and I am the country mouse. I can't wait for that to change! We were both born in rural Indiana. Though sis was only 4 when we moved out here, I guess you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl.
     
    Well now I have to brag about my oldest being chosen for the All Star baseball team. I am happy to have an extended baseball season even if it means driving to practices every evening for the next week. I SO love watching the boys play and was sad to see the regular season end.
     
    Guess I'd better start my day. Getting pretty stiff sitting here - time to hit the shower.
  16. barefut
    Well, back to work tomorrow or actually today as I have to catch up on laundry, grocery shopping, and housecleaning that fell by the wayside while dad, sis and brother-in-law were here.
     
    Wednesday, dad and brother-in-law got the dog kennel fence and gate put up. What a relief, now my vegetable garden is safe from digging paws and the kids' toys safe from chewing teeth. That's right, I said vegetable garden! It's finally planted! Sis and I also planted the pumpkin patch and sweet corn. We had an early BBQ dinner and then we all went to watch Big One's All Star baseball practice. After practice we loaded up Betsy and went to the drive in.
     
    The next morning, we all met at the farm to work on the fence and do some planting. The weather cooperated beautifully - not too hot , not too cold and with sun breaks! The men and sis made good headway on the fence while I made good headway on my tan. I feel kind of useless out there as far as physical laboring goes. So I make it my job to make the laborers comfy by providing water breaks and lawn chairs and blankets for lounging on. I am also the 'gofer' -- I go for the sandwiches at the deli and bring them back for a picnic lunch.
     
    The boys and the dog had fun playing in the tall grass at the end of the field and we all played baseball in the mowed end of the field while a bald eagle soared overhead, hunting chickens at the neighbor's farm (and yes, caught one).
     
    I got to take a long walk alone, just me and my camera. Something I haven't done in well over 10 years. The farm has 11 acres of trails full of wildflowers and wildlife. It was so peaceful and relaxing to be able to enjoy that solitude.
     
    Three blissful days of perfect weather out on the farm - the frontage fence is done and the farm gate in place, as well as an antique potato harvester we found buried in the brush on the back side of the property. It makes great 'yard art' at the entrance to the farm. This fall the barn will be built. I am as excited as if it were my own place. It's starting to feel more and more real that my sister, BIL and dad will soon be living out here close to me and the boys.
     
    It was a wonderful, peaceful, relaxing, vacation. Now back to the laundry.
  17. barefut
    What a crazy past few weeks! Gone from 8am to 8pm, 5 days a week with Ryan's baseball practices every week night 5:30 - 7:30. It's not time, or fuel efficient to be driving back and forth from home all the time, so Jeffery and I hang out at the baseball field during practice and have some quality time together. We talk about his day, pass the football, play baseball, or just snuggle in the suburban. Sometimes he plays on the playground with the other little brothers and sisters and I get to balance the checkbook or close my eyes.
     
    I've been feeling pretty guilty about our eating habits lately as we've been having to hit the drive thru and deli mart a lot. Haven't had time to grocery shop let alone cook. There's things I need to be doing besides blogging right now but I need this time for me and I've felt out of touch here. I'm actually grateful for the rain this morning so I don't have to spend precious time watering or watch my plants die.
     
    I put an ad in the paper for childcare and fell in love with the very first caller I got. A single school teacher, new to our area, with two older boys of her own. We talked for an hour and by the end of our conversation I was asking her to move in with me! Crazy, I know, but I bonded with her right away. I am just worried that my Childcare Assistance won't be enough income for her to take the job. I could use everyone's best wishes on that one.
     
    Jeffery is struggling with his seasonal allergies. Poor kid. About a week ago he said he couldn't breathe after playing out on the farm so I am now worried about him having asthma. He needs an appointment to renew his Rx. Gotta try and squeeze that in somewhere, hopefully today.
     
    My house - oh my house....Ryan stayed home from YMCA yesterday so his team mate's mom could pick him up and he could hang out with his buddy for the day and then go to practice with them. Well while he was helping me out by washing some dishes, the pull-out kitchen sink faucett broke off in his hand, shooting water all over. The ad says "buy it for life" so I hope that means they will replace it for life. I'll spare you my laundry nightmare.
     
    Well I can get in a power nap before I have to get up and make lunches and get ready for work. So I'm gonna do it, since my head is spinning, my ears are ringing and my eyes are burning.
     
    Be back when I can...
  18. barefut
    Well I couldn't do it today. I just could not make it into work. Fatigue and exhaustion won. Haven't been sleeping much all week. Burning flank pain came back too so I saw my urologist on a moment's notice (he's a gem). No blood in urine. doctor says burning pain is nerve related. He asked what's up? I told him just more of the same - and not sleeping. He suggested a sleep aid for a limited time, so I said I'd try it. I'll start it tomorrow.
     
    Hopefully, catching up on some good deep sleep will bring me back to life. I have felt like an absent-minded idiot. In fact, I didn't remember doctor giving me the Rx. I remember seeing him writing it but did not remember taking it from him and putting it in my purse, which is where I found it after I stupidly asked him if he gave it to me. :blink: Imagine if I had gone to work today and tried to handle other people's money! :o
     
    Must go now - in search of REM........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
  19. barefut
    The sweet, sweet smell of my fresh cut sweet pea flowers fills my kitchen :D (nice change from the litterbox smell :P ) It took me all day but I managed to get all the grass mowed, all my plants watered and had spoons left over for some planting, pruning and picking. The boys helped me mow the backyard and the oldest did a little weed whacking. My little men.
     
    During the hottest part of the day we went to a Hawaiian themed birthday party for a little friend of ours who turned 7. How nice it was to sit in the shade with cold drink in hand and watch the kids play in the kiddie pool. And then to get fed too! Skewers of teriaki chicken, pineapple and red peppers hot off the grill and on a bed of rice - YUM!
     
    I had the birthday girl's little sister in my preschool last year. It was so good to see them again. Getting to spend time around all the little ones was good for me. I can see myself nagging my grown boys for grandchildren.
     
    Back at home around 5pm and no need to make dinner as we were so full from the party. Big one went to his buddy's house down the road for a sleepover and the little guy hung out with me while I played around in the yard until dark. Then we snuggled in the hammock with pillows and blankies and watched the stars come out.
     
    I woke to mosquitos buzzing my face and a dampness that chilled me to the bone. I pulled my son's legs over my lap, swung my own legs over the edge and in one smooth motion rolled us both out of the hammock without waking him. Hammocks are much easier to get out of with a 50 pound, sleeping kid on your lap than a recliner! Sleeping in our nests on the couch tonight.
     
    I am surprised by all I got done today in the yard. I paced myself very well, if I do say so myself (pat on back). I'm sure it helped that I slept in until 9am (without sleep aid) and I only worked in the shade. I'm getting the hang of it!
     
    Now, to tackle the inside tomorrow....
  20. barefut
    The boys and I went to the beach late this afternoon with a picnic dinner and ran into our little birthday girl and her family. They are such great, fun people. Awesome parents, loving, protcective and kind. My little preschool alumni girl snuggled up to me on the driftwood log and asked me if she could sit on my lap. Oh my heart! :D
     
    I'm not sure if I believe in coincidences or not. I'm one of those who tends to believe that almost everything happens for a reason; we just have to be paying attention. Seeing the girls reminded me of my preschool and of the in-home daycare I had planned on starting but never did. I'm wondering if recent events and seeing the girls two weekends in a row might be signs that I should reconsider the in-home daycare.
     
    Self-employment is hard. Self-employment in childcare is even harder and self-employment in childcare, out of your own home is even harder still. Not to mention trying to get affordable health insurance coverage - and doing it all while battling scleroderma and trying to get divorced. Not looking for sympathy (this time) just thinking 'out loud' and wondering if I could really do it. I'd probably have to beef-up the Cellcept and the Prednisone .
     
    My heart really is in childcare. Too bad my muscles, connective tissues, lungs, my entire gastrointestinal system and my stamina isn't on board too.
  21. barefut
    My 10 year old came to me the other day, stuck his armpit up to my face and said, "Look mom! Pit hair!" It was a hair alright. But it wasn't his. Turns out he was teasing me.
     
    We were watching a funny video show on TV where a goose was attacking people. My son's friend said, "Man, geese are mean!" to which my son replied without batting an eye, "That's how you get goosebumps."
     
    Yes, I have a little comedian in my home. He has been a clown since he was able to walk and talk. He made a name for himself in Playschool when he was only 18 months old. Parents I didn't even know, knew my little clown and I would hear, "Oh, you're Ryan's mom..." and then, "Good luck with that." as they watched him dance on the tables.
     
    I have hours and hours of video that would take days to watch. Some of it worthy of television video show awards. (Hmmm....I could use $10,000) I also have a little journal stashed away with all the funny things he's said and done over the years. It's priceless. So is he. :D
  22. barefut
    I am finding that I am starting to use blogging as a procrastination exercise when I should be doing something else. Just like in college when I suddenly decided it was crucial that I do the laundry or clean my room when I really should have been studying. I got a lot of organizing done that way.
     
    I sit here bleary eyed and heavy headed with the clock pushing midnight and the acid pushing up my throat. I haven't even laid down yet and I ate an early dinner. I am going to blame this on my meds that I just took 20 minutes ago. Seems I can drink a gallon of water with them and still sometimes the acid flows. I don't know what's worse, the acid or the hung-over feeling I'll have tomorrow from the lack of sleep tonight.
     
    AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    Anyway, what I should be doing instead of procrastablogging is filing my giant piles of paper stuff. Where does all that stuff come from anyway?! Everyday on my To-Do list is "File the Pile" but it only seems to grow bigger and bigger like a science experiment gone bad.
     
    But now my hip is cramping so I'd better just ease gently into my poor old broken down recliner -or what's left of it (we have a lot in common, my recliner and I; partly why I can't get rid of it I guess) and try some biofeedback on this reflux. Maybe it will work; it never hurts to try...
     
    Acid go back~Acid go back~Acid go back..........
  23. barefut
    Weeds, disease and garden pests - AGH! I can't keep up with it! Watering my "gardens" (weed patches) tonight (a little late) I couldn't believe how fast and how many weeds popped up since I was in the garden last. How long ago was it? Seems like only last week but may well have been 2 or even 3 weeks ago - I don't know. All I know is I obviously can't keep up with it.
     
    I have often wondered why I even keep the rosebush by the front door, which every year becomes ridden with disease and pests. Tonight it came to me that, that's why. It's a sacrificial rosebush, meant to be dinner for garden pests so that my other plants may live.
     
    Kinda sad really but I hate using chemicals in my gardens. So my pathetic little martyr of a rosebush does its best every year until disease takes it over and I prune it to the ground. Now each spring it comes back with more and more buds than the year before, as if trying to prove something. You have to admire that.
  24. barefut
    I thought a day at the lake was in order since it was going to be a hot one. So trading in mountains of dirty laundry, dirty dishes and doggie mess for mountains of evergreens, I loaded up 'ol Betsy and headed out to pick up Ryan's friend and we were on our way. Right after we got the mail, finally returned All Star baseball uniforms, stopped at the grocery store for ice and water, and the deli mart for sandwiches. THEN we were on our way. Half-way there, another stop at the discount store for $3 floatie toys and vitamins then it was next stop, THE LAKE!!!
     
    Finally there, all 3 boys took off like rockets towards the water, leaving me in a cloud of dust and juggling dog on a leash, beach bag, towels, life jacket and cooler. It was easily 95 degrees in the shade and I was sweating buckets. At least there was a breeze.......blowing my hair in my face and I didn't see the tree stump and stubbed my big toe, with the ingrown toenail. Yea, "ouch" but that's not what I said.
     
    Okay, so found a nice spot beside the dock where I could put cooler and dog in the shade and keep an eye on the big boys jumping off the end of the dock - if it weren't for the 2 speed boats tied up out there and the dozen or so people camped out with beers in hand. After about a half hour, I spied an empty spot near some wooden lounge chairs and a driftwood log. Sun, shade, close to the parking lot, bathrooms and out of the line of sight of the strange woman who kept staring at me.
     
    Ahhh, all settled - again. "Mom will you blow this up?" "What?!" Oh well, what's another PFT? I huffed and puffed until I saw stars and decided I was going to reap some of the rewards of this floatie if I was doing all the work. Little one donned his life jacket and we launched ourselves out into the crystal clear, sparkling blue water, but not without a bit of squealing on my part as the cold water flowed over my back.
     
    Floating on an air matress on a beautiful lake surrounded by mountains of trees.....this is the life. I could have just fallen asleep out there - if it weren't for the speed boats making wake and my 6 year old splashing me. Well, maybe some other time. What did I expect on the hottest day of summer on the 2nd to last Saturday before school starts when I didn't even get to the lake until after noon - the place to be empty? All those people are just lucky that I share my special spot with them ;)
  25. barefut
    We attempted a day at the Lake yesterday but got rained out 1/2 way there so we went school shopping with grandpa's gift money instead. On the way home we were stopped on the highway for nearly 2 hours due to a terrible multi car accident. We counted 6 aid cars passing us to get to the scene. I was sick in my stomach. Had I not stopped to rummage for empty boxes on our way out of the warehouse store, we could have been part of that accident.
     
    Driving by the wreckage, the worst of the cars was unrecognizable. My stomach churned. If anyone survived that, it would be unbelievable. I couldn't help but to imagine what the victims and their families were feeling. One minute they are on their way to somewhere, with a plan for the day and the next minute their whole life is changed.
     
    How would I handle it? What would I do? In my imagination, I never handle it well. Don't ask me why I let myself think things like that. Maybe to prepare myself should anything terrible ever really happen to me or my family. Or maybe I'm just warped.
     
    It was a wake up call for all. Pay attention when driving! We've been driving for so long and so often, it becomes mundane, like brushing our teeth. We let our minds wander and even our eyes wander and it only takes a split second to kill or be killed in an automobile. I know I will lose some of my bad driving habits after seeing that wreck.
     
    I didn't intend for this blog to sound like a public service announcement. Just want you all to be careful out there and don't forget that what you are driving can kill in an instant.
     
    PS
    The newspaper this morning said there were no fatalities in the accident - thank goodness!
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