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barefut

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Blog Entries posted by barefut

  1. barefut
    Well okay Barb, I won't be so hard on myself then. I forget that you don't work outside of your home so you do have more time during the day to fufill your blogging responsibilities. I should quit trying to "keep up with the Jonses" as well as comparing myself to others. I've always had a problem with that. I also need to remember to keep managable portions on my plate otherwise my time with the kids suffers.
     
    As far as the boys go, yes they do keep me hopping! I turn to blogging to have some me time. Although they are a hand full, my 10 year old already doesn't want to have much to do with me - too busy with all his friends and adventures. My 6 year old has promised me that he will hold my hand until he is 8. I asked him if I could get that in writing.
     
    It's hard for me to look at photos of when the boys were little. I get carried away back in time and end up missing their little-hood so much. That's why I wish I could time travel and go back and smell their bald little baby heads, squeeze their chubby little legs, rock them in my arms, watch them learn how to walk, hear their tiny little voices always asking questions.......
     
    Time flies. And the older you get, the faster it flies. BUT I have to live in the present so I'll SNAP OUT OF IT! I don't think I'll handle it so well when my boys go off to college. They will most likely go far away, but not too far I hope! And I know, that time will come sooner than I want it to.
     
    Barb, thank you for reminding me that time is precious. My time would be better spent right now, reading my boys to sleep. I can blog later.
     
    Well wouldn't you know it
    They were already asleep
    A missed oportunity
    I feel like a creep.
     
    Next time I'll have
    My priorities straight
    Using precious time wisely
    An admirable trait
     
    Because I had a late dinner
    and a soda with caffeine
    I'll be up anyway
    until eleven-seventeen
     
    So reading to my boys
    while it was before nine
    should have been my priority
    instead of blogging at that time
     
    So now here I am
    though tired as can be
    I can't yet lie down
    or my dinner comes back on me
     
    These days it comes back
    while still sitting up
    I sure hope I don't
    find myself spitting up!
     
    That might have been more
    than you wanted to know
    So rather than continue
    I'll spare you and go!
  2. barefut
    I found myself putting on my makeup this morning while sitting on the bathroom throne - a first for me. Can't waste a precious minute when you wake up at 7am and have to get yourself and 2 lollygagging boys in and out of the shower on one tank of hot water, and then get dried, dressed, fluffed, fed and out the door in under 50 minutes.
     
    Getting breakfast and lunches made in the morning is another multi-tasking feat worthy of some kind of award: Get coffee brewing first, put waffles in the toaster. While the coffee is brewing and the waffles are toasting, warm the butter to spreadable in the microwave while you get out the bread, mayo and ham for making lunches. Run and get a towel for little one in the bathroom who is screaming because he's cold. Run back to microwave and clean up puddle of butter. Pour what was left on butter dish onto very, very, crispy, cold, waffles. Throw waffles in the garbage can and start over.
     
    Make sandwiches while second batch of waffles are toasting. Run outside to defrost Betsy Big Rig. Come back in and break up a fight between boys in the bathroom. Help little one find clothes. Finish packing lunches. Help big one find socks. Is my coffee done brewing? Warm another stick of butter. Take cold hard waffles out of toaster and throw them away. Unknot and re tie 4 tennis shoes. Give each kid one of my breakfast drinks and a kiss on the cheek. Race out the door to the bus stop. Wave.
     
    Get in Betsy, buckle up and follow the bus out to the highway. At stop sign, curse for forgetting all about my coffee and for also forgetting to take the garbage out for pick up.
     
    At least I have my makeup on. :D
  3. barefut
    My Crete is a lake an hour and a half's drive from here. Just got back from 3 blissful sunny days and 2 sleep filled nights in 'my' time share cabin on the lake -- well it's sort of mine, although I have to share it with the rest of the world. Except instead of paying a big chunk of change for ownership or a monthly fee or mortgage, I just reserve it for whenever it's available and only pay for the nights that I stay there. I have a staff that keeps it clean and well maintained so it's all ready for me when it's my turn to stay. National Parks rock!
     
    I feel good. Rejuvenated. Pain free! I could live in that little cabin on the water everyday for the rest of my life and be completely content. I don't need anything else. No TV, no phone, no computer, no cars. I'd even trade in chocolate.
     
    Now it's back to reality. Back to the rest of the summer -- just working. That's it for my vacation. But you can bet that I will be spending as many sunny Sundays up there as I can squeeze in.
  4. barefut
    Listening to my 7 year old sing in the shower.
     
    A good cup of coffee.
     
    Snuggling on the couch with my boys.
     
    Sunrise.
     
    The sight of my 12 year old and his dog, snuggling and fast asleep on the living room floor.
     
    A clean house.
     
    Cooking, coloring or puzzles with my boys.
     
    My mountains.
     
    Sitting in my recliner at the end of the day and looking at my boys' school work and art work.
     
    Good hair days.
     
    My Lake.
     
    Getting into the car in the morning after I cleaned it the day before.
     
    My boys getting along.
     
    Summer road trips.
     
    My beach.
     
    Family, Friends and Food.
  5. barefut
    My seven year old caught me crying over my keyboard while reading the John’s Hopkins website on Myositis. "Mom, it says, ‘medical treatment’, what happened?” I hear his sweet, innocent little voice say. I wipe my tears and tell him, “Nothing happened, it‘s just that my hips and my shoulders and my elbows hurt and I’m just reading about how to make myself feel better“. That seemed to satisfy him. He gave me a hug and went back to his cartoon.
     
    About 50,000 Americans have myositis; apparently even rarer than scleroderma, this autoimmune inflammatory muscle disease is also incurable. I will soon start another immunosuppressant medication to try and bring the pain and inflammation under control. I am waiting on DNA test results which will tell me if I am susceptible to a rare and dangerous side effect before my rheumatologist will proceed with treatment.
     
    In the mean time I am back on prednisone and bummed because I just finally weaned off of it 3 months ago and it took a long time at a reduction of 1mg/month. Now I have to start all over. Prednisone, although a precious miracle of pain relief at the right dose, comes with a host of unpleasant side effects like weight gain, irritability as well as dangerous side effects like kidney failure. So not a good thing to be on long term especially at doses higher than 10 mg/day.
     
    What I learned about myositis on the John’s Hopkins’ website is that there are important lifestyle changes to make. For example, they recommend following a doctor-prescribed exercise program which might include physical therapy, whirlpool baths and gentle massage. Resting and pacing, and limiting activity is very important. Working with a nutritionist can be beneficial. And my personal favorite, reducing stress is vital, such as with yoga or biofeedback exercises
     
    I’ll order my Jacuzzi tomorrow, right after I quit my job, see my therapist, go to yoga class, see my nutritionist, have my massage, buy a lottery ticket and stop at the food bank.
  6. barefut
    My brain turned to mush at work with a balancing nightmare. If you work in banking or with numbers at all, I'm sure at one point or another you've experienced mushbrain. I was relieved to know that there is such a thing and that it was not just me.
     
    One of my very understanding and sympathetic supervisors, bless her sweet soul, told me that mush brain is very real and that if you can remember your name when asked, or even understand the question, then you will recover quite nicely.
     
    I stared at her blankly. Uhhhhh What? My name? Uhhhhhh, my name is.......What is my name??!!!
     
    Symptoms of Mushbrain
     
    Early warning signs
    1. A feeling that something isn't quite right
    2. Attempts to research the cause of the feeling are foiled time and time again
    3. Frustration ensues but must be squashed
    4. You are now overwhelmed, the clock is ticking, there is no one to help you
     
    Early stage Mushbrain attack
    1. You overcompensate your lack of knowledge with gushing friendliness
    2. In an attempt to regroup you only become more disorganized
    3. Constant interruptions are slowly eating your brain cells
    4. You will take advice from anyone
    5. Eyes become glazed
     
    Full blown Mushbrain attack
    1. Headache (what doesn't ache?)
    2. Loud ringing in the ears
    3. Blank stare
    4. Inability to answer simple questions
    5. Inability to utter a comprehensive word
    6. Fight or flight instinct kicks in
     
    Complicating Factors
    1. 11:00 am lunch, no afternoon break, it's now 5:30 pm
    2. You must find someone to pick up your children at daycare before 6:00pm
    3. No one you call is home
    4. Four different people are telling you 4 different things to do all at the same time
     
    Although fleeing did cross my mind, I stayed and fought to the bitter end which is a punch line in itself because the answer to the balancing nightmare was sitting on the copy machine the whole time.
  7. barefut
    I used to get so frustrated waking up at 1:30 am every single night (morning!) and not being able to get back to sleep, but now it has just become a new way of life.
     
    Getting frustrated about it isn't going to help me get back to sleep so I might as well use the precious time to my advantage and do some laundry, balance the checkbook, finish my applications for financial assistance for my medical bills, pick up the house, pay some bills and write a blog.
     
    The only problem is, I'm still so foggy headed that my clothes are all pink, I'm overdrawn in my checking account, I can't remember where I put any of my assistance forms, I put tinker toys in the refrigerator, I sent the water payment to the power company and I'm boring you all to death with my endless drivel.
     
    At work I keep trying to give people more money than they are entitled. Thank goodness for the honest man who returned the extra $100 I gave him 2 weeks ago! (for those of you who don't know me, I'm a bank teller) Yesterday I tried to give the same man an extra $20! My boss asked me what's up with that ..."Is he cute or something? Does he have you flustered?"
     
    I think it's the time of day he always comes - right before closing when I'm pretty well brain fried. Maybe banking isn't such a good idea for me? :blink:
     
    Well, better go check on my laundry and look for those application forms.....
     
    I'd say good night but it's 2:35 in the MORNING! So, good DAY! :( :P
  8. barefut
    yogurt
    bagels and cream cheese
    eggs
    toast
    cereal
    instant oatmeal
    bananas
    strawberries
    pancake mix
    sausage
    instant breakfast drinks
    coffee
    orange juice
    milk
    hot cocoa
     
    "Most GOOD moms would not let their kids go to school without breakfast or at least would have food in the house!"
    The honeymoon is over. Pretty amazing how quickly a mom of a teenager can go from feeling hugged to feeling kicked in the gut. That is the list of "No Food" you see there. Pretty obvious that it's not a lack of food in the house but rather the lack of a mom who is able, available or willing to get up and make it for him. I hate mornings.
     
    And this morning I have someone else's sick kid home with me - coughing and gagging and hacking his germs all over the place. UGH. I had him 3 days last week too. We just finished going over the proper way to wash our hands - and when we need to wash them. He's pretty good about coughing into his shirt collar but I am mad that I threw out the child masks I picked up last week - though he wouldn't put them over his nose, he at least wore them over his mouth.
     
    My nerves are fried. A coma sounds nice. I hate that I require so much down time. I swear, if I had no responsibilities to anyone but me, I would sleep for days and when I woke up, I would enjoy complete solitude for weeks before I would feel like I needed to rejoin the rest of the world. And it's not that the rest of my world is all bad - it's not - I love my life. I just wish I had the energy to live it.
  9. barefut
    Barb you make me feel like a slacker. If our blogs were books, yours would be thick as the dictionary and mine as thin as a comic book. Since I started blogging, yours out number mine 5 or 6 to 1. I can't even keep up reading your blogs. With all that you do, how do you keep up with writing them?!
     
    Mom's endless energy and motivation is also making me feel like a slacker. I SO want to go out and help her in the yard. I want to plant my vegetable garden and the pumpkin patch (yea, I haven't done it YET!) but when it comes to doing the enjoyable stuff I have already used up all of my spoons on the necessary stuff - like bathing.
     
    The miserable weather and insane gas prices are the topic of discussion wherever you go in town and with every customer at the bank. "Did you have a good 3 day weekend?" I asked one of my regulars. "Stayed home. Can't afford to go anywhere", was the reply. "Enjoy the sun," I said as he walked out the door into a downpour.
     
    "Good morning," I say as one of my old favorites comes through the door. "It's always a good morning when my feet hit the floor," he says. These old timers always make me smile. One gentleman calls me precious and one calls me kiddo. The one who calls me precious asked me out to lunch. They always make my day.
     
    I had to leave work early three days last week. Once for a doctor appointment and twice because my attempts to hack up a lung left me dizzy and lightheaded - not to mention that every time I coughed I wet my pants a little. <_< (That said, I'm still all for natural childbirth, ladies)
     
    When I left work Thursday afternoon it was raining and cold as usual. My head was heavy and I could barely keep my eyes open. All I could think about was putting on my jammies and curling up in bed with my favorite blankie and pillow and drifting off into hours and hours of blissful deep sleep. And I did! It was better than chocolate.
     
    By the way, I have to brag -- er -- mention that I actually got in and out of my doctor's office, in and out of the lab and in and out of radiology all in under an hour on Monday! 4:20pm Monday appointments rock! I guess you have to have your doctor's office in the same parking lot as the hospital and live in a small town though.
     
    Doc said I was wheezing and he could hear some crackling in my lungs but the x-rays showed nothing. Was put on antibiotics because white cell count was up, just in case. Feeling much better today (Saturday) and actually made it through all of Friday at work. Still trying to hack up the other lung though.
     
    I am enjoying the most delectable, crunchy, chewey, double chocolate, thin, brownie cookie I have ever had the pleasure of chewing and now I am going to guzzle a gallon of milk and then have some popcorn with my butter and salt. (Yea, okay it's that time of the month - sorry if that's too much information for you men. :blink: )
  10. barefut
    My 15 year old son gave me an unsolicited hug this morning then a few minutes later we had this exchange:
     
    He: Do you feel really bad when you don't take your pills?
    Me: Yes
    He: Do you feel really bad when you do take your pills?
    Me; Well some of them do have some bad side effects.
    He: Like what?
    Me: Well 2 of them make me dizzy and nauseous but then so does this disease (gastrointestinal involvement) And one of them makes me irritable (we smile at each other)
     
    Me: Why are you asking?
    He: Because I just want to know how you feel.
     
    Me - instant tears. What sclerodermian does not want to hear that?! From ANYONE let alone their children? Ohhhh I'm going to feel hugged all day. This gave me chills yet made me feel warm all over. And then I thought about what it must be like for him to have a mom with scleroderma.
     
    I would love to interview children of parents with chronic illnesses and put together an anthology. In fact I am composing questions in my mind as I type this.
  11. barefut
    My oldest left for a sleepover at a friend's house this afternoon. It has been a long time since he has been invited to anyone else's house for an overnighter. I must say it has been rather peaceful in the house without anyone for my little one to fight with. Boys and their noise and their toys....I tell you, sometimes I just need a break!
     
    I had to stay home from work on Friday with them. Big one had sore throat and pinkeye and little one a sore throat. Between their pestering and bickering and whining and tattling and the tantrums, I just wanted to be at work. I thought I'd try to make the day at least a little bit productive and get some grocery shopping done. I needed to go out and get something for the sore throats anyway. By the time we got home I felt like my head had been through the blender.
     
    Little one got the pinkeye today. The pharmacist was right, I do have enough eye drops left over for him. Big one's eyes looked good today so I let him go. What a blessing for us all. He needed to get out and I needed the break.
     
    Big one is invited to another friend's house for another sleepover tomorrow night. I'll let him go. It's Spring Break next week, I have to work and mom is not here yet due to snow in the passes. Thank goodness for good neighbors who have agreed to babysit next week. I have 2 days covered so far. With big one at friend's house on Monday, I'll save a bit on childcare expenses.
     
    It should be a peaceful day today with only one kid in the house. Maybe I can get something productive done if I can muster the energy. If the weather wasn't frigid and wet I would like to get out in the yard - maybe someday....Where is Spring? It actually snowed here Friday!!!
     
    Going to try for my second round of sleep now. Wish me luck.
  12. barefut
    I hate people games. If you wanted to torture me, just make me watch any one of the reality TV shows that are so popular these days. What a monumental waste of time and energy and life itself to participate in and perpetuate trivial, foolish, petty, insolent, tattling, back stabbing, behavior which results in everybody's emotional angst. It is scary to me that this has become entertainment. Don't people get enough of this stuff in their own personal everyday lives? Does it make people feel better to see others suffer along too? I start to wonder...
     
    I have always wondered about people. This may be why I was drawn to sociology in college. Sociology is the study of human social behavior. It would serve us all well to study a little human social behavior. Maybe that's what these shows are really all about? Everyone involved is actually part of a sociological experiment. I can see a room full of sociologists placing bets and laughing their heads off behind a 2 way mirror. I am reminded of the two old guys in the balcony criticizing the show during the TV series The Muppet Show. That's me. I think that's what these reality shows need - 2 old guys in the balcony criticizing the show. Now that would be entertaining! Now watch someone steal my idea and make a jillion dollars from it. Remember, you heard it first here folks!
     
    I have never been one to jump on the band wagon no matter what was playing. In fact, I have always kind of enjoyed doing the opposite of the status quo. In high school when everyone else was wearing purple nail polish and mini skirts, I enjoyed wearing my flannel shirts and overalls. My own form of rebellion? Maybe. To this day, I find that I tend to behave in the opposite manner of what is normally expected of someone in a given situation. Examples? Let's see... when someone does something to me that would make most people angry, I laugh. Probably more for reasons of self-preservation in this instance than of rebellion because I have had more than my share of "angry" for one lifetime. In order for me to be able to do this, I have had to train myself to get past the knee-jerk, reactive, emotional response and consider the antagonistic source. How would I do in one of these reality shows? I would probably get beat up for not playing the game right.
  13. barefut
    My dog stinks. I hate that. He stinks up my house. I can't make him go outside on account of his eyes - his big brown "Mommy don't make me go outside" eyes with those eyebrows that go up and make him look even more pathetic. So, my house stinks. I hate that.
     
    Give him a bath? Yea, right. Me and what army? I just have to $ave up for the groomer.
     
    OH! Pet peeves don't have to be about your pet? Well then - where do I start?
     
    Tangled hangers
    Tangled paperclips
    Tangled hair
    Gray hairs
    Lack of hairs
    Inefficiency
    Lack of common sense
    Oblivious drivers
    Can't find the tape
    Can't find the scissors
    Can't find anything!
    :angry:
     
    Sclero-Peeves:
    My blood being replaced with concrete
    Waking up feeling like I slept under a bus
    The bitter med getting stuck in my throat and tasting it for the next 2 hours
    Lack of hair
    Clumsy hands
    Cold hands
    Painful hands
    Lack of hair
    Can't find any of my 100 pairs of gloves
    Living in the bathroom days
    Restless legs
    Sleepless nights
    Sleepy daze
    Sleeping on an incline
    Lack of hair
    Feeling like a professional patient
    Small veins
    :(
     
    Did I mention lack of hair?
    <_<
     
    Whew! This feels good! :)
     
    I'll bet there are a lot of sclero-peeves for those who have it a lot worse off than I do. I can't imagine dragging an oxygen tube around the house all day. Or doing your own dialysis at home. Or dealing with a feeding tube. Or having chronic finger ulcers - just to name a few.
     
    So when I'm done griping about my sclero-peeves, I think of those worse off than me, send them some good vibes and count my blessings.
     
    Your assignment for the day: list your pet peeves - sclero and otherwise. It's very cleansing. Then don't forget to count your blessings.
     
    *****************************************************************
    ISN members go to the Sclero Den and share your sclero-peeves under my peeve topic post
  14. barefut
    I have what's left of tonight and what little time I will have after work tomorrow to clean the house for dad's visit. There is a list as long as my arm of stuff to do. I will have to shave it down and prioritize it into a list as long as my pinky for the amount of time and energy I actually have to get anything done.
     
    1. unclog master bathroom sink
    2. clean master bathroom
    3. reclean boys' bathroom
    4. wash dishes
    5. mop kitchen floor
    6. clean out Betsy
    7. make up bed for dad
    8. finish laundry - wash/fold/put away
     
    That's about as long as my pinky right there. But there's also the holiday stuff I have to think about too....
     
    1. menu plan
    2. grocery shop
    3. finish gift making
    4. wrap gifts
    5. purchase stamps & mail cards
    6. have flowers sent to grandma
     
    I am officially overwhelmed. How did time get by me this year? I usually start holiday planning the first of October because my oldest's birthday is in December too. I put his birthday party off until January this year so I really don't have any excuse for procrastinating all my chores other than maybe pure laziness - oh wait! No such thing as laziness for a sclerodermian. I am pacing myself! That's right. We have that privilege as sclerodermians to eliminate the word "lazy" in any form from our vocabulary when referring to ourselves.
     
    So here I sit, pacing myself, and pacing myself, and pacing myself.....
    And not knowing where to even start; I started procrastablogging. :P
  15. barefut
    I am finding that I am starting to use blogging as a procrastination exercise when I should be doing something else. Just like in college when I suddenly decided it was crucial that I do the laundry or clean my room when I really should have been studying. I got a lot of organizing done that way.
     
    I sit here bleary eyed and heavy headed with the clock pushing midnight and the acid pushing up my throat. I haven't even laid down yet and I ate an early dinner. I am going to blame this on my meds that I just took 20 minutes ago. Seems I can drink a gallon of water with them and still sometimes the acid flows. I don't know what's worse, the acid or the hung-over feeling I'll have tomorrow from the lack of sleep tonight.
     
    AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    Anyway, what I should be doing instead of procrastablogging is filing my giant piles of paper stuff. Where does all that stuff come from anyway?! Everyday on my To-Do list is "File the Pile" but it only seems to grow bigger and bigger like a science experiment gone bad.
     
    But now my hip is cramping so I'd better just ease gently into my poor old broken down recliner -or what's left of it (we have a lot in common, my recliner and I; partly why I can't get rid of it I guess) and try some biofeedback on this reflux. Maybe it will work; it never hurts to try...
     
    Acid go back~Acid go back~Acid go back..........
  16. barefut
    One more rare sunny day and actually warm too! I promised to keep y'all updated on my progress in the yard and gardens so here is what I did yesterday...
     
    First I did some catching up on the dog messes in the backyard (Eeew) :P . Then I mowed and edgetrimmed front, back and side yards as well as beyond the back fence, around the campfire pit. I can't tell you how much better that alone made things look around here. It had been 2 weeks since I've been able to mow and it was getting pretty tall.
     
    Then mom and I partially disassembled the swingset and moved it out of the play ground area, which is full of wood chips, and out into the yard. Putting it back together was a bit of a feat but we did it. It is much less wobbily being on solid ground rather than the wood chips.
     
    Since my preschool is no more, I think I can put the playground area to better use as a dog kennel - a huge, super deluxe dog kennel! Next step is to move the sandbox out of the playground and then fence it in. Then the boys can reclaim the back yard as a play area and I can work on filling in the bare patches in the 'lawn'. With dog in kennel I can actually have my raised vegetable garden back again without him digging it up! AND I can have my precious, beloved hammock out without him chewing it up! I love my dog but I love my yard, gardens and hammock too.
     
    Progress is not without its price however....although I did really well pacing myself and having patience at my slow pace, I stepped in a hole coming down a small hill with an armload of stuff and wrenched my hip. It went pop, there was a shooting pain and now it aches like all get out.
     
    So since I can't sleep, I thought it a good time to bore you all with my yard work progress. Maybe if you can't sleep either, you will after reading this!
  17. barefut
    In thumbing through a specialty catalog the other day I came across 2 items that reminded me of a couple of members here. One was a T-shirt that said, "It Is What It Is". The other was an outdoor 'welcome' mat that said, "Close The Door The Chickens Will Come In!" I'll let you all try and figure out who I am talking about. ;) And if anyone wants the name of that catalog, feel free to PM me.
     
    I may have over done it a bit in my workout tonight. Sharp chest pains. Please, if I have to have a heart attack, don't let it happen until my insurance kicks in. I have 8 more days.....can you put heart attacks on hold?
     
    I have a gripe to vent. "When does she not have a gripe to vent?" I hear some of you who know me well and/or have worked with me, say ;) But listen, I've been keeping all my gripes to myself lately and honestly there haven't been a whole lot either. But this one has to come out.
     
    I need to know why every single public woman's restroom I have ever been in that has gigantic toilet paper roll dispensers, has them mounted so low that you have to stand on your head to dispense the toilet paper?! Is there some kind of regulation, mandate or standard building code that requires this? What logical reason must there be for not installing them 2 feet higher?
     
    Is it just one of those things that has always been done that way and now that we have King Kong sized toilet paper rolls enclosed in plastic dispensers (which when holding a full roll is so heavy that the tissue can't pull it's own weight and breaks off in little tiny pieces in your hands) that no one has stopped to think, "Gee, this would be hard to reach even for someone not in a delicate situation; maybe it should be higher?"
     
    I have a trophy for the first establishment I visit that has this type of dispenser installed with common sense.
     
    Okay, now on to the motion sensor, automatic flushing toilets which flush (and splash) on you when you lean forward into your headstand to tear off your 1200 thumb-sized toilet paper rations. Yea, gotta gripe about that too. And why does the toilet sometimes choose not to flush at all? Huh? Then you're looking all over the place for the over-ride switch/default flusher button (or else the candid camera) because they never put them in the same place from one manufacturer to the next. I imagine a bunch of people in security laughing their socks off as they sit there with a remote control flusher, just messing with people.
     
    Well, I guess that's enough potty talk for one night. This blog may not even be approved!
     
    1:25 am. Going to be a fun day today. Man I wish I could sleep!
  18. barefut
    If you dream about exercise, does that count? I woke up this morning thinking I was all firm and fit and healthy. What a rude awakening! Then I noticed the headache. And its raining. Silver lining: It's not snowing!
     
    My cat is trying to pet himself with the vacuum cleaner. My youngest is staring at me. "Why don't you pet your poor cat?"
     
    "Nope, I'm busy."
     
    Big One streaks through the house looking for clothes. He can't find any because they are all folded up in his dresser drawers.
     
    Little One discovers my grandpa's harmonicas. Yay. Could be worse; grandpa could have played drums.
    Cat sings along - or is he telling him to stop it? OOPS! He's telling him to stop it.
     
    Big one says, "What do you play if you can't play an instrument? Drums."
     
    Okay, so I actually went to an online match making service last night and filled out a questionnaire. With every group of questions I found myself criticizing the survey: "They just asked me the same thing in slightly different words in the last group of questions! How did I answer that one?" By the time I was done they said I was schizophrenic. Don't tell anybody.
     
    Silver lining turned to lead: It's snowing.
     
    45 minutes later -- It's a whiteout with the most gigantic flakes I have ever seen! How can something so beautiful be so much of a pain?! There'd better be school tomorrow - I'm going to work if I have to harness up the neighborhood dogs and mush into town.
  19. barefut
    Ten years ago
    And it seems like yesterday
    Where does it all go?
     
    Yesterday
    Seems like ten years ago
    Time
     
    Like a freight train
    Goes rushing by
    Yes it does fly
     
    People and places come and go
    Only their faces
    Do we know?
     
    Another birthday
    And we think we're getting old
    Or so we're told
     
    Ten years ago
    And it seems like yesterday
    The way we laughed and played
     
    Makes us sad now
    And we wish we knew how
    To do it all again
  20. barefut
    Today was doomed from the get go. Yet with each little, (medium and big) setback, I kept a positive attitude and kept telling myself, "It's just a bump in the road. Fix it, learn from it and don't let it ruin the whole day." Like water rolls off a duck's back, I let the day's mishaps and frustrations roll off of my back until the day was done. And then I took 10 minutes before I picked up the kids and sat in Betsy Big Rig and cried.
     
    Okay, good to go for another round of life. Today was really, really not good (to put it nicely). I am going to give myself a pat on the back here for handling the day with patience and maturity and professionalism in the face of total frustration and impending meltdown. I am just thankful that it wasn't worse than it was because it easily could have been. And I know I was not the only one with the same kind of day. It's nothing that a glass of wine and a good night's sleep won't fix.
     
    Well I failed to mention to y'all that I did go ahead and have pinky toenail cut off. Good days and bad days with it so far - a pretty long healing time! Yesterday was the first day since Nov. 27th that I walked without a limp. Been walking on the ball of my foot to avoid putting weight on pinky. This is best accomplished by keeping knee from bending so I end up looking like Frankenstein. You should see me go down the stairs at work! Then I decided it was time to get the sock fuzz out of the wound with a cotton swab. Yeouch!!! Back to my limp again.
     
    For those of you who have never had to have a toenail cut off I will tell you it is an amazingly painless procedure - until the numbness wear off!!! You would think that soaking 3 times a day in warm water and epsom salts would be soothing for such an operation. Think again. It is excruciating! I had to leave out the epsom salt and still...not exactly pleasant. But, I sucked it up and took it like a woman. Looking forward to the day when I won't have to limp again though. I'm starting to develop a tingling and numbness in my ankle from avoiding the outside of my right foot. I'm also growing weary of answering people's questions of how did I hurt myself. It's just a little gross to discuss with near strangers. You all, I don't mind. You all know I'm gross.
     
    I tried simply telling people that I had some minor foot surgery and they just get nosier. They want to know all about it and then they always have their own story to tell. I'd love to share one of the most hilarious stories I have ever heard with you but since it is not my own I don't believe it is allowed here. I'm not so sure this particular story isn't just an urban legend but either way, I would be someone telling someone else's story about someone else. I guess that would make it pretty anonymous however. Just trust me. It was F U N N Y (and meant to be).
     
    Oh the holidays......oh the meddling weather. I will be lucky to see my family on the holiday with the roads the way they are. Sis and I decided that my trying to pick up dad from the ferry on Wednesday after work was just not a safe idea, even with Betsy's four wheel drive. So, dad will come with Sis and brother-in-law on the 25th. The first such holiday eve ever, without my dad - so sad. But I guess I just have to look at it not as breaking tradition but as starting a new inclement weather tradition. The boys and I will have to do something special just the three of us. I am just bummed that I am going to have to miss about 1/2 my annual designated dad time due to having to work and 2 feet of snow on the roads.
     
    Must sleep now. Tomorrow is another day; another opportunity to start fresh.
  21. barefut
    Weeds, disease and garden pests - AGH! I can't keep up with it! Watering my "gardens" (weed patches) tonight (a little late) I couldn't believe how fast and how many weeds popped up since I was in the garden last. How long ago was it? Seems like only last week but may well have been 2 or even 3 weeks ago - I don't know. All I know is I obviously can't keep up with it.
     
    I have often wondered why I even keep the rosebush by the front door, which every year becomes ridden with disease and pests. Tonight it came to me that, that's why. It's a sacrificial rosebush, meant to be dinner for garden pests so that my other plants may live.
     
    Kinda sad really but I hate using chemicals in my gardens. So my pathetic little martyr of a rosebush does its best every year until disease takes it over and I prune it to the ground. Now each spring it comes back with more and more buds than the year before, as if trying to prove something. You have to admire that.
  22. barefut
    After reading Lori's post on losing her husband to scleroderma I had to take timeout again for a good long cry. Every time I hear of this disease taking someone's life I feel like I have lost a member of my family even though we have never met.
     
    My heart aches for the families who have lost their loved ones to this ugly, unpredictable, disease. Families whose only consolation is that now their loved ones are no longer suffering.
     
    And then I get angry because its not fair. And then I want answers. I want more money for more research and I want answers. I want to know why scleroderma? I want someone to just fix it. I want a cure!
  23. barefut
    Telangiectasia are red
    My fingers are blue
    This disease feels like
    Always having the flu
     
    Sometimes I do well
    Other times I do not
    It's not just my body
    My attitude is shot
     
    So when I am angry
    And I don't give a care
    I come to this place
    For my feelings to share
     
    I know I am safe here
    With my scleropeeps
    For they understand
    This awful disease
  24. barefut
    Wow! Been awhile....
     
    What's new with me? A teenage driver (and all the angst associated with it) A new (used) car (and all the angst associated with that). Dating (and you guessed it - more angst)
     
    All angst aside, I have missed this place! I hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected. I am status quo for me :)
     
    Need to do some reading and catching up and then will get back to you all with my usual wit and humor ;)
     
    Spoons to all!
    XOXO
    Barefut
  25. barefut
    Okay Barb, do you want to stop making me cry now? :P
     
    I couldn't agree with you more on all points except for maybe the part about me dealing with parenthood immaculately. I muddle through. Seems I am constantly looking for role models and asking every parent I know, "Do you run into this (or that) - what do you do?" As with Scleroderma, I guess I just don't want to feel all alone in this uncertain adventure called parenthood.
     
    Then there's my two subtypes of being a Parent:
    1. Single Parent
    2. Single Parent with Scleroderma
     
    Yes, we are rare. I would like to bend the ear of other single parents with scleroderma. I don't know of many. Maybe I will put out an all points bulletin in the Sclero Den. I think I need to be relieved of some of my guilt by knowing I am not the only one who parents like me. For me, sclero mom equals slacker mom.
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