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barefut

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Blog Entries posted by barefut

  1. barefut
    A giant bowl of popcorn to go with my butter and salt, a glass of wine and the boys' leftover chocolate; who could ask for a better dinner? And I get to enjoy it in peace and without guilt while the boys are at the neighbor's house.
     
    Adult indulgences -- so few and far between. I want to go to a grown-up movie, even if it's by myself. The last grown-up movie I saw in a theater was Jerry Maguire -- or was it the Fugitive? Either way, it was like 11+ years ago!
     
    My co-worker's kids were at their grandma and grandpa's house for the night. She was meeting a friend for dinner after work. I can't wait until my sister, brother-in-law and my dad get settled here. I would love to be able to know my boys were safe and secure with family so I could go out for a night.
     
    But solitude for me is hard to come by and I am savoring every minute of it right now as I feel my arteries clogging and the cellulite forming from my healthy (NOT!) dinner. Well I guess the red wine will help to combat the bad effects the butter and salt has on my heart. What to do about the cellulite I do not know.....? Exercise? What is that?
  2. barefut
    SNOW!!!
     
    April 20th and snowing in Western Washington. So much for planting the veggie garden or anything else for that matter. Seems like I was looking forward to this spring more than any other, wanting to get a jump on things around the yard, and it snows at sea level a full month into spring.
     
    I have felt like a puddle all weekend, wanting to do nothing but sleep. But sleeping only makes me sleepier. Can't seem to shake the fog out of my head.
     
    Mom has been here 2 full weeks and my house has never been cleaner. Or more organized. I can't find anything. :blink:
     
    I keep noticing more and more things she's done, like dust under the computer printer and the top of the refrigerator. She also nailed back up the pickets that were knocked off the fence in the last windstorm (or was it by soccer balls?) And the household trash cans seem to empty themselves.
     
    Trying to enjoy it without guilt. During the week mom cooks dinner and then won't let me help clean up. She says, "Sit. You've been on your feet all day." I say, "Ok!"
     
    Don't want to take too much advantage though - I could get too used to being pampered and become spoiled and lazy.
     
    Sleepy, foggy headed, no energy, short attention span and a bit bored today. Just want this day to be over.
  3. barefut
    Today Little One woke up at 5:00am hungry but couldn't do much with his oatmeal yet. His fever is gone! And it's raining! Never thought I'd be glad to see the rain but if it washes some of the pollen out of the air for awhile, I'll take it. I woke up myself the other day with a swollen face and bloodshot eyes. Speaking of waking up, I have discovered that if I take 800mg ibuprofen at night, I wake up much better. I am down to 4mg prednisone, so up goes the ibuprofen.
     
    So, what to do today, if Little One (and my wallet) is up to it, I guess I'd better hit the laundromat. And check the mail for my tax return. Maybe get some food in the house. I hate grocery shopping. Yes, hate. Strong word but that's how I feel. I wish food would replenish itself.
     
    I remember a time when I actually looked forward to grocery shopping. Big One was little and not only was I a stay-at-home mom, I was an isolated, no friends mom. Grocery shopping was like going to a party. I actually planned menus, made lists and comparison shopped. Being around people was comforting even if they were strangers. If I was lucky, I'd run into someone I knew and get to talk their ear off about everything.
     
    How things change! Now, being around people is starting to wear on my nerves. My solitude is precious. I'm lucky if I can get in and out of the grocery store without seeing anyone I know. I can't remember anything long enough to put it on a list, planning menus takes place in the frozen dinners aisle, and comparison shopping is limited to 'which store can I get in and out of quickest?'
     
    Well, feels like one of my pills got stuck today, better go see if I can make it go down before my esophagus burns up.
  4. barefut
    Barb you make me feel like a slacker. If our blogs were books, yours would be thick as the dictionary and mine as thin as a comic book. Since I started blogging, yours out number mine 5 or 6 to 1. I can't even keep up reading your blogs. With all that you do, how do you keep up with writing them?!
     
    Mom's endless energy and motivation is also making me feel like a slacker. I SO want to go out and help her in the yard. I want to plant my vegetable garden and the pumpkin patch (yea, I haven't done it YET!) but when it comes to doing the enjoyable stuff I have already used up all of my spoons on the necessary stuff - like bathing.
     
    The miserable weather and insane gas prices are the topic of discussion wherever you go in town and with every customer at the bank. "Did you have a good 3 day weekend?" I asked one of my regulars. "Stayed home. Can't afford to go anywhere", was the reply. "Enjoy the sun," I said as he walked out the door into a downpour.
     
    "Good morning," I say as one of my old favorites comes through the door. "It's always a good morning when my feet hit the floor," he says. These old timers always make me smile. One gentleman calls me precious and one calls me kiddo. The one who calls me precious asked me out to lunch. They always make my day.
     
    I had to leave work early three days last week. Once for a doctor appointment and twice because my attempts to hack up a lung left me dizzy and lightheaded - not to mention that every time I coughed I wet my pants a little. <_< (That said, I'm still all for natural childbirth, ladies)
     
    When I left work Thursday afternoon it was raining and cold as usual. My head was heavy and I could barely keep my eyes open. All I could think about was putting on my jammies and curling up in bed with my favorite blankie and pillow and drifting off into hours and hours of blissful deep sleep. And I did! It was better than chocolate.
     
    By the way, I have to brag -- er -- mention that I actually got in and out of my doctor's office, in and out of the lab and in and out of radiology all in under an hour on Monday! 4:20pm Monday appointments rock! I guess you have to have your doctor's office in the same parking lot as the hospital and live in a small town though.
     
    Doc said I was wheezing and he could hear some crackling in my lungs but the x-rays showed nothing. Was put on antibiotics because white cell count was up, just in case. Feeling much better today (Saturday) and actually made it through all of Friday at work. Still trying to hack up the other lung though.
     
    I am enjoying the most delectable, crunchy, chewey, double chocolate, thin, brownie cookie I have ever had the pleasure of chewing and now I am going to guzzle a gallon of milk and then have some popcorn with my butter and salt. (Yea, okay it's that time of the month - sorry if that's too much information for you men. :blink: )
  5. barefut
    Two sick kids again. ARGH! Can we ever get healthy? This past weekend Big One complained of a sore throat, headache, stiff neck, aching back, had a temp of 102.5 and was hunched over a bowl in anticipation of vomiting. Somewhere in the far reaches of my memory, those particular symptoms rang a bell. Something I read.....meningitis? A quick web search said yep, get him to the doctor. A visit to the Express Care at the hospital confirmed strep throat. Antibiotics on the menu and I am to keep a close eye on him for the M word. Thankfully, he feels much better today. Luckily Little One's earache is not an infection and is probably just allergy related. The pollen is really bad right now and his poor little eyes and nose are driving him crazy.
     
    So, off to school they go Monday morning. 2:00pm I get a call from school, Little One has a tummy ache and has been sleeping in the nurse's office. I have missed so much work due to our illnesses, I have gotten a verbal warning. I called my precious friend/babysitter/neighbor who is battling some serious health issues of her own and isn't even supposed to be around any kind of possible infection. The school nurse said he didn't have a fever. My friend agreed to pick him up for me and take him home with her.
     
    She tucked him in with blankies, gingerale and movies and he again fell asleep. About 45 minutes before I was able to pick him up, he woke up with a fever and vomited. Poor kid. My poor friend, too! Now I am sick with worry about her catching this 'whatever it is' bug. Little Ones bounce back. An infection could be life threatening for my friend. Now I will keep an eye on her too. Well, thankfully I was scheduled for my day off tomorrow so I can stay home and play nurse and hope I don't get this latest crud.
     
    I have had one day off in the last 12. Yea, 2 of those were Saturdays and I was off at 1:30 but nevertheless, it wasn't a day off. Then I totally forgot the 8:00am staff meeting this morning! I have never forgotten a meeting! I am always the first one there! I may joke but I am seriously worried about my memory. I know employee evaluations are coming up soon, so I couldn't have better timing to start messing up at work. I am lucky to have a job.
     
    Oh and my clothes washing machine broke. I have been anticipating that one. I wish it could have waited for me to have some clean clothes in the house. Nope. Everything we own is dirty. Now I get to spend $3.00/load at the laundromat, one load at a time, on my lunch hours. My refrigerator is next to go. Instead of getting to spend my tax return on a hot tub, or invest it or save it, I will be buying new appliances with it. Joy. But, I am grateful to have a tax return.
     
    Some good news! When I got home from work today, another of my precious neighbors had mowed my lawn! Front, back and side. I can't tell you what a relief it was to see it all done. He also pulled some weeds in my front flower weed beds. I am blessed to have such great neighbors.
  6. barefut
    If you dream about exercise, does that count? I woke up this morning thinking I was all firm and fit and healthy. What a rude awakening! Then I noticed the headache. And its raining. Silver lining: It's not snowing!
     
    My cat is trying to pet himself with the vacuum cleaner. My youngest is staring at me. "Why don't you pet your poor cat?"
     
    "Nope, I'm busy."
     
    Big One streaks through the house looking for clothes. He can't find any because they are all folded up in his dresser drawers.
     
    Little One discovers my grandpa's harmonicas. Yay. Could be worse; grandpa could have played drums.
    Cat sings along - or is he telling him to stop it? OOPS! He's telling him to stop it.
     
    Big one says, "What do you play if you can't play an instrument? Drums."
     
    Okay, so I actually went to an online match making service last night and filled out a questionnaire. With every group of questions I found myself criticizing the survey: "They just asked me the same thing in slightly different words in the last group of questions! How did I answer that one?" By the time I was done they said I was schizophrenic. Don't tell anybody.
     
    Silver lining turned to lead: It's snowing.
     
    45 minutes later -- It's a whiteout with the most gigantic flakes I have ever seen! How can something so beautiful be so much of a pain?! There'd better be school tomorrow - I'm going to work if I have to harness up the neighborhood dogs and mush into town.
  7. barefut
    There once were two bloggers with colds in their heads
    People kept telling them that they should be in bed
    "Whatever will my family do then?" they said
    Whatever will your family do when you're dead?
     
    For that's surely their fate if they kept running 'round
    They were driving themselves right into the ground
    That is not where their families want them to be found!
    They need those bloggers with a body that's sound
     
    So off to bed they did go that day
    And in their beds they loved to stay
    What bliss it was for them to lay
    And have things brought to them on tray
     
    Their families worked just like a team
    They even cleaned the carpets with steam
    And brought their sick bloggers warm cocoa with cream
    POOF! It was only just a dream
  8. barefut
    Good Sunday morning all,
     
    Jammie Day. Catch up on housework and laundry day. Reload the weekly pill container day. Rainy Day. Procrastiblogging day! :) Wish I had a laptop so I could curl up in my recliner and blog away instead of sitting at this hard, cold, uncomfortable desk in the kitchen.
     
    Basketball season comes to a close and Baseball tryouts are next Saturday. My favorite sport of the season. Not to brag, but my boys have been blessed with exceptional athletic abilities which makes watching them even more fun for mom. Big One will be trying out for Majors and it will be Little One's first baseball season (T-Ball last year). I am starting to stress about how I will get them to practices and games and am hoping they will have their practices on the same days and their games on different days and that my boss and co workers will be kind enough to let me off early enough to see their games or else I will go crazy!
     
    I got flowers for Valentine's Day! I haven't gotten flowers for Valentine's Day since my high school sweetheart worked at a florist. My flowers came from my Little One's Big Brother, of the Big Brothers Big Sisters Program. The card said, "To the best mom in the world". That really made my day. It was a Saturday and I was working (as usual) when the delivery came. I had a customer so I couldn't read the card right away, even though my customer urged me to. Just so y'all don't get the wrong idea, he's much older than me and happily married. But it was kind of fun wondering who sent them in those few minutes of anticipation.
     
    Both of my boys have been perfectly matched with Big Brothers. They are pretty amazing people. My oldest and his Big just had their one year match "anniversary" in January. Over the past year they have gone to movies, swimming, trail bike riding, scuba diving, and built a tree fort together in the backyard. Later this month he is going to take Ryan flying. He is a commercial pilot and former flight instructor. They also have started building a sailboat.
     
    Little one's Big is a retired businessman, married, with two grown boys of his own. Together, they play all kinds of sports, go exploring downtown, and have started a lower level addition to the tree fort. They like to ride with the top down in his Porsche. Yesterday he took both my boys to their basketball games in the Porsche with the top down. As I followed them in 'Ole Betsy, I laughed out loud at how my boys are riding in Porches and flying airplanes! Who would have thought ?!
     
    Well as much as I wish they would, those chores aren't going to do themselves....
  9. barefut
    Been having some gastrointestinal and pulmonary issues that have been bothering me more in the head than in the lungs or gut. Makes me wonder what is going on in there. Of course I just had my 6 month check up and failed to mention the gut stuff. The shortness of breath which I did mention to my pulmonologist, didn't seem to phase him. It bothers me however, since I haven't had to deal with it for such a long time. Maybe it is just a flare? Maybe it is to do with my fall upon my ribs? The fact that it only occurs with exercise makes me worry about pulmonary hypertension.
     
    My pulmonary doctor asked me to participate in a study. A right heart catheterization is involved. Sounds scary but folks I talked to here who have been through one assure me not to worry. I try not to worry but when I see that possible complications include death, I wonder if it is being irresponsible of me, as a single mom, to put myself at risk? Or is it irresponsible of me as a sclerodermian to not participate? I'll bet there's more of a risk of me getting killed by a bus while crossing the street than during a right heart cath. I do feel a responsibility to participate. And if I gotta go, I'd rather go in the name of research than in the name of a bus.
     
    One purpose of the study is to evaluate the effectiveness of non-invasive screening methods for pulmonary hypertension and pulmonary arterial hypertension to see how well they can predict and confirm diagnosis in scleroderma patients. Right now, a right heart cath is the standard method of testing for PH/PAH and it is invasive and expensive. Since RHC is so invasive, it is only used to confirm diagnosis not to screen for it.
     
    The other purpose of the study is to see how many scleroderma patients develop PH/PAH. The study will be performed in about 70 hospitals in 11 countries with hopefully 500 sclerodermians. Each patient will be followed for 3 years. Results should be concluded in the year 2013. So that's it. Pretty cool.
     
    So, in light of my recurring shortness of breath and the anxiety it evokes in me, and since early detection of PH/PAH is important in treatment and prolonging life, I think this study couldn't have landed in my lap at a better time. It's probably no coincidence that my doctor got the "green light" less than an hour before my appointment, at which time he asked me.
     
    I want to thank Shelley B) (smart smiley) for clearing my brain fog :huh: (confused smiley) in the identification of the thingy that clips onto your finger and measures your oxygen saturation level. OXIMETER!
    I knew that once. :( Really. I did. ;) I gotta get me one of those.
  10. barefut
    Life's too short not to get in the game
    To sit on the sidelines is a cryin' shame
     
    But pay attention or pay the price
    You don't want to make the same mistakes twice
     
    Take it from me because this I know
    Life's too short not to go with the flow
     
    Listen to signals all around you
    Soon you'll wonder how fulfillment found you
     
    Life's too short not to take a leap
    You never know what joy you'll reap
  11. barefut
    Okay Barb, do you want to stop making me cry now? :P
     
    I couldn't agree with you more on all points except for maybe the part about me dealing with parenthood immaculately. I muddle through. Seems I am constantly looking for role models and asking every parent I know, "Do you run into this (or that) - what do you do?" As with Scleroderma, I guess I just don't want to feel all alone in this uncertain adventure called parenthood.
     
    Then there's my two subtypes of being a Parent:
    1. Single Parent
    2. Single Parent with Scleroderma
     
    Yes, we are rare. I would like to bend the ear of other single parents with scleroderma. I don't know of many. Maybe I will put out an all points bulletin in the Sclero Den. I think I need to be relieved of some of my guilt by knowing I am not the only one who parents like me. For me, sclero mom equals slacker mom.
  12. barefut
    Today was my first day back to work in the public world for the first time in 10 years, this time as a bank teller. I was nervous. Thank goodness for my boss, the branch manager, who is a very sweet, patient and down-to-earth woman, about my age (42). The other gals range in age from 19 - 23. I sense that my boss is grateful to have another 'mature' woman around - HA! - if she only knew...I feel about as mature as I did when I was 16.
     
    It's going to feel a bit strange having these young gals teaching this old dog new tricks. By all rights, I am old enough to be their mother and then some!
     
    It was nice to get out of my "mom uniform" of t-shirt and stretch knit capris, and into some "real" clothes. It helped me to feel a bit more grown-up. I even wore make-up, which I usually never do. I'm going to have to practice how to even put it on again without looking like a clown.
     
    I was grateful for the quiet office with the comfy chair and view of the water where I spent most of the day reading the new employee orientation online. It sure beats potty training 10 toddlers all day. I was right to pass on the "assistant teacher" job for the 0 - 3 year olds who broke my back. Sweet as they are, and as much as I love to spend time with little ones, they have a way of sucking the energy right out of you in no time.
     
    My boys enjoyed their time at the YMCA after school care in the school's gym. They got a snack and played basketball and board games until I picked them up at 5:30. We went out to our favorite restaurant for dinner on the way home. We call it our second kitchen but it's starting to become our first kitchen as much as we've been going there lately, and the staff has practically become second family. Such is the life of a tired, single mom with scleroderma. We've learned how and where to eat out frugally.
     
    Wow! It's almost 9pm already! My boys fell asleep, one on the couch, one in the recliner, right after their dessert, without brushing their teeth. We're all going to have to get used to a new routine. Tomorrow will be a challenge, as my youngest has basketball practice at 6pm in the same gym as his after school care. The poor kid will be at school from 8:30am - 7pm, the last 4 hours all in that gym. At least my 10 year old can walk over to the library for a change of scenery. I'm gonna have to bring sandwiches for dinner tomorrow.
     
    Adjustments, adjustments....bring 'em on. I'm ready for the challenge and the change. I think I'm going to like this job.
  13. barefut
    Oh dear Barb what can I say?
    Your poems always brighten my day. :D
     
    You are so clever, you have such wit
    Your writing you'd better never quit
     
    I am so sorry you are feeling pain to the bone
    I want to tell you, you are not alone.
     
    My hips are rebelling going up the stairs
    And my knees are screaming at the weight they must bear.
     
    My shoulder too is giving me grief
    When can we ever find some relief?
     
    The pain has gone up my neck and down my arm
    This dismobility is causing alarm
     
    Why must we work harder than anyone else
    To do the same things and with so much pain felt?
     
    I am not looking for sympathy either
    (Just a Rhyme for either right now)
     
    Your poems on life always amaze
    I hope you're not shy of a little praise
     
    You make rhyming look easy but it 'aint all the time
    Like Yoda I write just to make it rhyme
     
    So, thanks once again for another smile
    And la -la -la something to rhyme with smile
     
    Love you!
    Feel better soon!
  14. barefut
    I knew I was in trouble for the week when I woke up Tuesday and it felt like it should have been Friday. But, here is where my summer kicks into high gear and I will wake up tomorrow and it will be August. Little one's last day of kindergarten is tomorrow. Big one's last day is Friday.
     
    Today is Wednesday. Just got home from the last baseball game and an exciting one it was! The kids were actually swinging and hitting, and catching - unlike the past few yawners where no one swung the bat and both teams walked all the bases for 5 innings.
     
    It was nice to end the season on a good note even though we lost by one run. A boy who never pitched before amazed us all with strike after strike in the last 2 innings. And a boy who hadn't had a hit all season popped one up into right field - it was caught but no one cared. All the parents came to their feet for this kid's hit. It was beautiful.
     
    Finally home after being away for 12 hours and wanted nothing more than 10 minutes of solitude to put down my things, change into my jammies and check phone messages and emails.
     
    Not gonna happen..... "Mom, look at this.......mom, I need this......mom we have to do that......." "Boys, hit the showers. I'll see and do all your stuff when you get out and jammied up."
     
    2 showers, 6 painted and planted little clay pots with Jade for teachers, secretaries and principal, 2 emptied backpacks full of school work and artwork and 2 snacks later.... 2 boys are snoring softly while dreams of summer fill their heads.
     
    And 1 tired mom struggles to stay awake long enough to finish her blog, tie up some loose ends and get ready for another tomorrow. Only 2 more days until the weekend. I hope tomorrow feels like Thursday.
  15. barefut
    One more rare sunny day and actually warm too! I promised to keep y'all updated on my progress in the yard and gardens so here is what I did yesterday...
     
    First I did some catching up on the dog messes in the backyard (Eeew) :P . Then I mowed and edgetrimmed front, back and side yards as well as beyond the back fence, around the campfire pit. I can't tell you how much better that alone made things look around here. It had been 2 weeks since I've been able to mow and it was getting pretty tall.
     
    Then mom and I partially disassembled the swingset and moved it out of the play ground area, which is full of wood chips, and out into the yard. Putting it back together was a bit of a feat but we did it. It is much less wobbily being on solid ground rather than the wood chips.
     
    Since my preschool is no more, I think I can put the playground area to better use as a dog kennel - a huge, super deluxe dog kennel! Next step is to move the sandbox out of the playground and then fence it in. Then the boys can reclaim the back yard as a play area and I can work on filling in the bare patches in the 'lawn'. With dog in kennel I can actually have my raised vegetable garden back again without him digging it up! AND I can have my precious, beloved hammock out without him chewing it up! I love my dog but I love my yard, gardens and hammock too.
     
    Progress is not without its price however....although I did really well pacing myself and having patience at my slow pace, I stepped in a hole coming down a small hill with an armload of stuff and wrenched my hip. It went pop, there was a shooting pain and now it aches like all get out.
     
    So since I can't sleep, I thought it a good time to bore you all with my yard work progress. Maybe if you can't sleep either, you will after reading this!
  16. barefut
    Took Little One to the urgent care at the hospital tonight upon his second, "My ear hurts". This is the kid who holds the record for most ear infections as an infant. This is the kid whos ER doctor told me when he was 2 years old, "You know, ear infections will clear up on their own - you don't have to have antibiotics every time." Okay doctor, tell that to this screaming kid at 3 am! Anyway, I wasn't going to wait another day this time.
     
    I'm still feeling guilty for not taking Big One in sooner. Poor kid. I feel awful about that. He has not had the history with ear infections like my youngest and so I let it go until he had a sinus infection too! What kind of mom am I? That borders on neglect! Handcuff me and take me away. If there is a silver lining (and I am always looking for one) I got to spend some much needed quality time with my oldest this week. We worked on his homework together. He gave me refresher courses in American colonization and plane geometry. I learned a lot! We also had some good talks, played board games and laughed a lot. That kid cracks me up. I am a very lucky mom.
     
    I'm kind of a lonely mom too. I've been single for 3 years now. It is really hard for me to see all the happily married couples of my sons' team mates at practices, games and the award dinners. I feel like an outsider. I will admit, I am jealous. You can tell these couples are truly soul mates and completely devoted to each other and their kids. I want that. But I am so far from that. I haven't even been asked on a date - or asked anyone myself. This small town does not help.
     
    I am about ready to go online in search of someone. That's economical. I figure life is too short you know? I don't want to spend what little time I have left on this planet wishing I had someone else's relationship; waiting and looking for someone in this small town who might be compatible. And I don't want to play games either. I want to lay all my cards on the table, cut to the chase and get to the good stuff. I've always been a no nonsense kind of girl. Wow, this is starting to sound like a profile.....maybe I'll work on that.
  17. barefut
    Bla Bla Bla..........
     
    That's about the best I can do right now - unless you want to hear about my adventures in hair removal - but I threw away my notes so you're out of luck.
    Incidentally, most of my cosmetic trials and tribulations have to do with hair. Lack of it here... too much of it there....
     
    Unfortunately, I inherited my grandfather's eyebrows. I remember my grandmother trimming his brows when she cut his hair. She would comb them out from his face and snip off about an inch and a half.
     
    It's bad enough to be a woman and have brows thick, dark and bushy but do they have to also grow together? Forget tweezing - I need to use a hedge trimmer! People try to make me feel better by saying, "Oh, no you have great eyebrows - that's the style" I didn't know wearing a wild animal on your face was in style.
     
    I've never been one to start the trendy fads, nor have I been one to follow them. Where am I going with this? I don't know!
     
    I titled this blog before I even started writing it. The well has been dry for weeks it seems. I had no idea what I was going to write when I sat down but I wanted to squeeze something out - anything - in the desperate hope that it might actually trigger an interesting thought and turn into something worth reading.
     
    Writer's block is aptly named, though sometimes I think it feels more like a clog than a block. But "writer's clog" doesn't sound near as sophisticated.
     
    Sometimes I feel as though I am ready to burst with artistic creativity. But I can't paint. Or draw. Or do anything else artistic. So there I sit, creatively constipated with no outlet.
     
    Punctuation seems to be a problem for me at times too as you may well have noticed. I tend to write like I talk and there is no punctuation for that. Using lots of ........dots .........and - dashes - for........dramatic pauses or........to lead you......somewhere....... Seems to be my forte.
     
    What I remember from high school English class about writing:
     
    1. Never start a sentence with "And" or "But"
    2. Never end a sentence with a preposition - or was it a proposition?
    3. Run-on sentences are bad
    4. Two words do not make a sentence (Wanna bet?)
    5. Slang is generally frowned upon (Wanna bet?)
     
    Rules are made to be broken and when it comes to writing, I've probably broken them all.
     
    G'night
  18. barefut
    My 10 year old came to me the other day, stuck his armpit up to my face and said, "Look mom! Pit hair!" It was a hair alright. But it wasn't his. Turns out he was teasing me.
     
    We were watching a funny video show on TV where a goose was attacking people. My son's friend said, "Man, geese are mean!" to which my son replied without batting an eye, "That's how you get goosebumps."
     
    Yes, I have a little comedian in my home. He has been a clown since he was able to walk and talk. He made a name for himself in Playschool when he was only 18 months old. Parents I didn't even know, knew my little clown and I would hear, "Oh, you're Ryan's mom..." and then, "Good luck with that." as they watched him dance on the tables.
     
    I have hours and hours of video that would take days to watch. Some of it worthy of television video show awards. (Hmmm....I could use $10,000) I also have a little journal stashed away with all the funny things he's said and done over the years. It's priceless. So is he. :D
  19. barefut
    I have what's left of tonight and what little time I will have after work tomorrow to clean the house for dad's visit. There is a list as long as my arm of stuff to do. I will have to shave it down and prioritize it into a list as long as my pinky for the amount of time and energy I actually have to get anything done.
     
    1. unclog master bathroom sink
    2. clean master bathroom
    3. reclean boys' bathroom
    4. wash dishes
    5. mop kitchen floor
    6. clean out Betsy
    7. make up bed for dad
    8. finish laundry - wash/fold/put away
     
    That's about as long as my pinky right there. But there's also the holiday stuff I have to think about too....
     
    1. menu plan
    2. grocery shop
    3. finish gift making
    4. wrap gifts
    5. purchase stamps & mail cards
    6. have flowers sent to grandma
     
    I am officially overwhelmed. How did time get by me this year? I usually start holiday planning the first of October because my oldest's birthday is in December too. I put his birthday party off until January this year so I really don't have any excuse for procrastinating all my chores other than maybe pure laziness - oh wait! No such thing as laziness for a sclerodermian. I am pacing myself! That's right. We have that privilege as sclerodermians to eliminate the word "lazy" in any form from our vocabulary when referring to ourselves.
     
    So here I sit, pacing myself, and pacing myself, and pacing myself.....
    And not knowing where to even start; I started procrastablogging. :P
  20. barefut
    You know the weather is bad when chickens fly, because even though they have been equipped with wings and feathers, they were just not built for flying.
     
    I SO love reading about Barb's life on the farm. I wish she would get more animals so I could hear more stories. But I guess that's kind of mean since they are so much work and the last thing I would wish upon Barbs is more work.
     
    I thought we had it bad weather-wise up here in the "Great Northwest" or as I call it, the Great North Wet. I live in Northwest Washington USA and sometimes it feels like it will never dry out. Some of us have adapted with webbed feet; some of us just have moss between our toes. But it sounds like Barbs has it much worse off in her neck of the woods.
     
    March has so far been windy and wet as usual. By April I will give my right arm for a ray of sunshine. The most depressing days though are the ones where the fog never lifts all day.
     
    Weather can have a profound effect on our moods not to mention our physical well being as I'm sure most of you have experienced. Makes me wonder too, how much of my physical woes are weather/mood related. I know when the sun does finally shine down on me, I am elated and I feel like I can tackle the world. I usually don't know what to do first and run around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to tackle all my yard chores at once.
     
    Then there's the sunny days where I just don't want to do anything but sit on the beach, listen to the waves and watch the kids play. I think I'll leave you with that warm thought for now.
  21. barefut
    Over, short, over, short, over, short.........I think I can make a case for disability since I haven't been able to balance for more than 3 days in a row at work. It is so frustrating! Like bowling - if I can get a strike once, then why shouldn't I be able to get a strike every time?
     
    Consistency. That's my problem. I don't have any. About the only thing I am consistent at, is being inconsistent.
     
    If I was consistent I would be thin and firm and fit. I would have perfectly behaved children, my house and yard and vehicle would be immaculate and my grandma would be as pleased punch to have at least one letter a month from me like I vowed that I would write to her when I was 10.
     
    But it's really more than that. Why am I inconsistent? Answer: Too many variables. What are the variables?
     
    Well, let me list some just off the top of my head:
     
    1. Amount of sleep
    2. Weather
    3. Amount of nourishment
    4. Medications
    5. Degree of hydration
    6. People messing with me
    7. Amount of energy
    8. Degree of overall pain
    9. Type of hair day
    10. Time left until perimenopause
    11. People messing with me
    12. Grams of chocolate ingested
     
    How pathetic. Listing variables as to why I am inconsistent (and therefore coming off as a flake) sounds like a blame game. I really only have myself to blame except when it comes to the weather - or people messing with me. I don't like people messing with me.
     
    I guess perimenopause isn't my fault either. Or my bad haircut since I didn't do it (this time). BUT the amount of sleep I get is my responsibility and something I can control; so I suppose I'd better hit the proverbial hay and try to make tomorrow a better day.
     
    It's all about BALANCE!
  22. barefut
    As I lay in bed last night, I thought about coping. Kind of eerie how when I read Barb's last blog, the word cope kept popping up. Sometimes we seem to be on the same wave length. Then again, coping is a common thread amongst us sclerodermians so maybe I shouldn't read too much into it.
     
    When I was a sophomore in high school I made myself and my best friend a T-shirt for gym class that said on the front, "That's okay" and on the back, "I Cope". I think people liked it. Teachers and peers alike were always commenting on it. I actually still have mine, sort of a souvenir of the time.
     
    Last night I thought about that T-shirt and what I had to "Cope" with in high school compared to what I have to cope with now. I realize everything is relative. Being a sophomore in high school is no piece of cake, although at the same time, 16 was one of my best years ever. I wouldn't mind living 16 again. Especially if I could do it knowing what I know now.
     
    The old saying, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger" comes to my mind when I think about all I have had to cope with over the past 15 years. I really do believe that. I do think I am stronger because of all I have had to put up with. And you know what? I am kind of proud of myself for surviving it all too.
     
    Survivors. We are all survivors. Not only of scleroderma but of life. I survived my mistakes and actually learned from them. I have had to learn to give myself a break for making mistakes too.
     
    Life is a continual learning experience. I have to look at it that way. Especially after having to cope with scleroderma. I ask myself, why am I supposed to be carrying this burden and what am I supposed to be learning from it? How am I supposed to become a better person because of it? Let me count the ways.......
  23. barefut
    Well, back to work tomorrow or actually today as I have to catch up on laundry, grocery shopping, and housecleaning that fell by the wayside while dad, sis and brother-in-law were here.
     
    Wednesday, dad and brother-in-law got the dog kennel fence and gate put up. What a relief, now my vegetable garden is safe from digging paws and the kids' toys safe from chewing teeth. That's right, I said vegetable garden! It's finally planted! Sis and I also planted the pumpkin patch and sweet corn. We had an early BBQ dinner and then we all went to watch Big One's All Star baseball practice. After practice we loaded up Betsy and went to the drive in.
     
    The next morning, we all met at the farm to work on the fence and do some planting. The weather cooperated beautifully - not too hot , not too cold and with sun breaks! The men and sis made good headway on the fence while I made good headway on my tan. I feel kind of useless out there as far as physical laboring goes. So I make it my job to make the laborers comfy by providing water breaks and lawn chairs and blankets for lounging on. I am also the 'gofer' -- I go for the sandwiches at the deli and bring them back for a picnic lunch.
     
    The boys and the dog had fun playing in the tall grass at the end of the field and we all played baseball in the mowed end of the field while a bald eagle soared overhead, hunting chickens at the neighbor's farm (and yes, caught one).
     
    I got to take a long walk alone, just me and my camera. Something I haven't done in well over 10 years. The farm has 11 acres of trails full of wildflowers and wildlife. It was so peaceful and relaxing to be able to enjoy that solitude.
     
    Three blissful days of perfect weather out on the farm - the frontage fence is done and the farm gate in place, as well as an antique potato harvester we found buried in the brush on the back side of the property. It makes great 'yard art' at the entrance to the farm. This fall the barn will be built. I am as excited as if it were my own place. It's starting to feel more and more real that my sister, BIL and dad will soon be living out here close to me and the boys.
     
    It was a wonderful, peaceful, relaxing, vacation. Now back to the laundry.
  24. barefut
    In thumbing through a specialty catalog the other day I came across 2 items that reminded me of a couple of members here. One was a T-shirt that said, "It Is What It Is". The other was an outdoor 'welcome' mat that said, "Close The Door The Chickens Will Come In!" I'll let you all try and figure out who I am talking about. ;) And if anyone wants the name of that catalog, feel free to PM me.
     
    I may have over done it a bit in my workout tonight. Sharp chest pains. Please, if I have to have a heart attack, don't let it happen until my insurance kicks in. I have 8 more days.....can you put heart attacks on hold?
     
    I have a gripe to vent. "When does she not have a gripe to vent?" I hear some of you who know me well and/or have worked with me, say ;) But listen, I've been keeping all my gripes to myself lately and honestly there haven't been a whole lot either. But this one has to come out.
     
    I need to know why every single public woman's restroom I have ever been in that has gigantic toilet paper roll dispensers, has them mounted so low that you have to stand on your head to dispense the toilet paper?! Is there some kind of regulation, mandate or standard building code that requires this? What logical reason must there be for not installing them 2 feet higher?
     
    Is it just one of those things that has always been done that way and now that we have King Kong sized toilet paper rolls enclosed in plastic dispensers (which when holding a full roll is so heavy that the tissue can't pull it's own weight and breaks off in little tiny pieces in your hands) that no one has stopped to think, "Gee, this would be hard to reach even for someone not in a delicate situation; maybe it should be higher?"
     
    I have a trophy for the first establishment I visit that has this type of dispenser installed with common sense.
     
    Okay, now on to the motion sensor, automatic flushing toilets which flush (and splash) on you when you lean forward into your headstand to tear off your 1200 thumb-sized toilet paper rations. Yea, gotta gripe about that too. And why does the toilet sometimes choose not to flush at all? Huh? Then you're looking all over the place for the over-ride switch/default flusher button (or else the candid camera) because they never put them in the same place from one manufacturer to the next. I imagine a bunch of people in security laughing their socks off as they sit there with a remote control flusher, just messing with people.
     
    Well, I guess that's enough potty talk for one night. This blog may not even be approved!
     
    1:25 am. Going to be a fun day today. Man I wish I could sleep!
  25. barefut
    Family made it here for the holiday and we had a great time. One of my gifts to the boys was a bedroom makeover. I wrapped a paint tray and paint samples along with a note. Turned out that it ended up being a gift from my sister and dad. While I was at work Monday they did the whole thing for me. The boys had a great time. They ended up trading rooms and ever since they have kept their rooms immaculate!
     
    Spent New Year's Eve at my sister's house. It was nice to get out of town for a change. Last time I left the Peninsula was 5 months ago for my doctor appointment. She spoiled us with a big ham dinner New Year's Eve and a champagne breakfast New Year's Day. Then we went out to see a movie. It was a nice little getaway.
     
    My little one has been crying that he misses his mom. I work too much. I am always gone and I never play with him anymore. So yesterday we rigged up his bike with duct tape and a paper towel roll so that it sounded like a dirt bike. I really miss doing stuff like that. Made me long for summer as it was nearly 10 below outside! Or at least it felt like it.
     
    I've been spending my weekends one day cleaning house and catching up and one day doing nothing. Little one says all I want to do is watch football. Even though I'm here I guess I haven't really been here for him. Gotta start planning things to do just the 2 of us.
     
    Resolutions. I have a lot of them.
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