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barefut

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Blog Entries posted by barefut

  1. barefut
    Wow, would you look at that -- I am a blogger. A blogger for the International Scleroderma Network! (International!) My blog even has its very own (witty-ish) title and everything -- I think I might capitalize Blogger.
     
    One might even go so far as to say that, I am a 'writer'. I write; therefore I am a writer. That is bold for me to say. I have always felt inhibited from actually referring to myself as'a writer. That term is reserved for published people who make a living from their work. People who have struggled for years, emotionally and financially, to earn that title. People who have gone to school to learn the finer art of writing and/or who have spent countless hours working to become published in addition to the countless hours of writing and/or agonizing over what to write about.
     
    But tonight, with my glass of red wine warming my sore throat, I am uninhibited enough to say that, "I am a writer." That feels kinda cool. I couldn't pretend to be a writer without the privilege of being a Blogger for the International Scleroderma Network! (International - that's world-wide!) And I couldn't be a Blogger without the blessing of Shelley Ensz and the wisdom and support of my editor and mentor Carrie (Jefa) Maddoux. (That's cool - I have an editor -- I must be a writer!)
     
    Without knowing it, Jefa has taught me a lot about writing and even more about myself. She has given me one of the greatest personal gifts I could ever ask for -- confidence. And without ever having met her in person, I can feel her confidence in me. She has made me think. Hard. About a lot of things. Carrie is on the top of my list of cyberfriends I would really love to meet in person, if only to give her a big hug and say thank you. Thank you for your confidence in me and thank you for giving me confidence in myself.
     
    Thank you, Carrie.
    You will always be in my heart.
  2. barefut
    My cat decided it was time to take down the holiday decorations - at 5am this morning. Then he serenaded me with my son's guitar. Why did I decide it was a good idea to get a cat?
     
    We had a windstorm this week that blew my glass top patio table over and shattered it. I stood at the kitchen window and watched it happen. It was like slow motion. Nothing I could have done to stop it. Surprisingly, I wasn't all that upset about it. I'm sure I will be when summer comes and I'm eating out of my lap. I was mostly perplexed about how in the world I was going to get a million pieces of glass out of my grass. When I came home from work on Tuesday it was all cleaned up! Two of my dear sweet neighbors had come over to walk the dog, saw the mess and cleaned it up for me. Now what do I do to deserve such precious people in my life?
     
    Had the day off Wednesday. Really nice to have a day off in the middle of the week to take care of business that can't otherwise get done on the weekend, and nice to do it without kids. But a midweek day off just means I'm working Saturday but that's okay other than the fact that it's Thursday and I haven't arranged childcare yet.
     
    Got my 2007 tax return back (long story, don't ask!) so after going for months without any food in the house I went to the warehouse store and stocked up. When I saw, for the first time, the checkout gals loading a pallet cart for me, I was frightened of my total! Just under $300 with a coupon. Shouldn't have to go back for a very long time. Also got caught up on all my bills. Feels good but still broke.
     
    Well back to work today gotta go......
  3. barefut
    Well I managed to scavenge rides from people to get to and from work on Saturday and Monday. When my sweet neighbors saw me getting dropped off Monday evening, I got a call as soon as I got in the door:
     
    "Are you a single mom in need of a vehicle?"
     
    "Yes..... Why? Do you happen to have an extra one lying around?"
     
    "Yes, we'll bring the Bronco over - why didn't you just ask?"
     
    Why didn't I just ask? I did think of asking but couldn't bring myself to. It felt like I would be asking too much. Apparently not. In fact, they offered to tow Betsy home to save me the towing charges and the next Saturday he brought her home all fixed! All at a cost of $70 for the part and an hour and a half of his labor. Where my FORMER mechanics came up with their $700 estimate I will never know because I am never going back to them.
     
    I am just simply blessed to have such kind, caring, thoughtful, generous, neighbors. The world needs more people like them in it. I hope I can be there for them someday as they have been there for me. This neighborhood is my home. These people are my family. We look out for each other. That's the stuff that makes me cry in movies.
     
    On Friday when I broke down in my co-worker's office, she helped me apply for an auto loan right away. I have been wanting a more economical car to get around town - nothing fancy and under $5000. I figured now was finally the time. It usually takes something like this to get me in gear on things I should do.
     
    In the mean time I replied to my dad's email; "How are you?" So I told him. Next thing I know, I am being offered an interest-free loan and a monetary gift to boot! After Betsy came home all fixed, dad said the offer still stands and urged me to take it.
     
    Letting daddy buy me a new ("pre-owned") car is not standing on my own two feet as I really want to do. Even though I told him I would still accept his generosity, because he wants us to have a safe reliable car; I am having second thoughts about it, contemplating how it will make me feel.
     
    Again, what can I say? I am blessed to have such a kind, caring thoughtful, generous dad. I miss him and can't wait to see him on his holiday visit.
  4. barefut
    April 10th, screening appointment for the study. I need to score less than 60% on my PFT for diffusion in order to qualify. My PFT a month ago was 58% so, we'll see.......
     
    Been home all week with sick kid(s). Big One has a double ear infection and a sinus infection! I feel SO bad because in hindsight I should have taken him to the doctor sooner and I could have saved him at least a day or two of agony as well as maybe saved myself some time off work. I have no sick, or float days left and had to dig into my vacation as well. He is much better today now that he has a couple of days of antibiotics in him. Now, my head is filling up! I need to be done with whatever is coming my way by Monday because I can NOT miss any more work!!! Been trying to use the time off this week to catch up on house chores, though I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I tackle one area only to come back to the place I just finished and find it a mess again. How does that happen?!
     
    I have enjoyed being at home with my boys this week but I hated to be missing work (The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.) It was nice to be able to take Little One to his baseball practices, nice to make dinner before 7:30 pm and nice to help with homework without falling asleep. Lately I have been experiencing extreme sleepiness and fatigue at about 2:00 - 3:00pm everyday. It's like my body says, "Okay, I'm done for the day, time to go home." Working part time and getting paid full time hours would be a dream! I want to work. I like to work and I love my job but the hours are killing me and my family life.
     
    If I could only clock out at 5:00pm instead of 6:30 it would make a world of difference in my single momhood life. That extra dinner time hour is crucial family time with sports practices and games to get to, dinner to be eaten, and homework to be done - not to mention sleep! Listen to me complain - I'm LUCKY to HAVE a JOB!
     
    Feeling dizzy and feverish........better go now.
     
    Stay Healthy Happy Safe and Warm!
  5. barefut
    I am on vacation (at home) and have had two, count them, TWO days of sun in a row! It must be some kind of record. I got out and got my hands dirty in the garden and it was very therapeutic for me as I have had a couple of setbacks lately. Mom has gone back to Montana. The kids and I miss her. Not only that but now I am stuck without childcare for the summer. Stressful trying to work out what I am going to do.
     
    Another couple of personal disappointments and I am struggling to stay positive. The weather today isn't helping as now it is dark and gloomy and of course cold and wet. I guess I'll try to get some chores done in the house today, that always cheers me up. I need to finish painting my bedroom. It's been 1/2 painted for 6 months. Nice way to spend a vacation huh?
     
    I'm just happy to have the time off work as things haven't been going so well there lately either. Friday I had an ATM nightmare, which is fitting since it was the 13th. And since I had a bad dream about the ATM Thursday night. I dreampt that the machine kept taking and destroying people's cards. I went in to get them and try to make it stop but when I opened the door, more and more cards kept flying in at me, all in little bitty pieces. Friday's real life nightmare wasn't about cards but a nightmare nontheless.
     
    On the positive side, my dad came out from Indiana to visit! He's been at my sister and brother-in-law's, 2 hours away, since Friday and they are all coming over here tonight and staying at a bed and breakfast. Tomorrow, Wednesday, they will come over to my house and we're going to put up the dog kennel fence. Nothing fancy, just wire fencing and a gate. Then we're gong to celebrate Father's Day (a little late) with steaks on the grill. For the rest of their time here we will be working out on sister's (soon to be) farm, planting and putting up fence.
     
    I can't wait to see dad. The boys and I miss him so much. Sis is taking dad house hunting while he is here, as he is also going to move to my town. Within the next few years my boys will have their grandpa and their aunt and uncle living only 15 minutes away. I can't wait. Sometimes it seems like just a dream and that it will never really happen.
     
    My family is so important to me. My parents divorced when I was 20 and after I moved out, we have been separated by 2 1/2 hours in travel time. Then mom moved to Montana and Dad retired and moved back home to Indiana. That left just me and sis out here and I never got to see her much as she is the city mouse and I am the country mouse. I can't wait for that to change! We were both born in rural Indiana. Though sis was only 4 when we moved out here, I guess you can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl.
     
    Well now I have to brag about my oldest being chosen for the All Star baseball team. I am happy to have an extended baseball season even if it means driving to practices every evening for the next week. I SO love watching the boys play and was sad to see the regular season end.
     
    Guess I'd better start my day. Getting pretty stiff sitting here - time to hit the shower.
  6. barefut
    There goes the cork! I feel lousy. No, lousy would feel good. On the lousy scale of 1 - 10, I'm at about a 20. On top of the normal everyday lousy, I have been trying to hack up a lung for 2 weeks all the while trying to keep from peeing my pants with every cough. I also think my head might explode. After staying home with the boys for a week when they had the crud, now I have to continue on to work with my crud. I'm sure my fellow employees appreciate that. Oh, and it's that time of the month. That time of the month always has perfect timing.
     
    As sclerodermians, or fibromyalgians or any kind of chronic pain sufferers, think for a minute about how much constant pain and discomfort we ignore every minute of every day. Once in awhile, in a quiet moment I will close my eyes and take inventory of what hurts and I have to laugh. Because, what a joke! Really. And it's either laugh or cry and crying never really does much good.
     
    And then there are the body parts that, if not actually painful, they just refuse to function. Take my brain for example. As I mentioned before, part of my job as a personal banker is to remember people's names, and use them. Thus the term personal banker. I have a couple of problems with that. First of all, I have to remember a face. Then I have to remember a name and match it to the face. It doesn't do any good to remember names if I'm not using the right name with the right face. If only I could just call everyone sweetie or honey or pumpkin. I think that might be frowned upon in personal banking.
     
    Well, I'll put the cork back in it and spare you my inventory of pain and go for another dose of cold medicine. I have to get ready for work in about 3 hours maybe I can catch a few zzzz's before then.
  7. barefut
    Yea Barb, I know what you mean. Thank goodness I only travel to the concrete jungle, I don't have to live there. I am blessed to live in a paradise with only the weather to complain about (and the occasional rubber necking tourist when I'm in a hurry) I wouldn't mind being someone's bit of fluff either. :D Do I get Tarzan along with that title? But a bit of fluff I 'aint. More like a ton of lard.
     
    Oh, you asked the significance of the Luke Skywalker cardboard cutout in my rheumatologist's lobby. I think Luke was the office manager's significant other. Little did she know he was already taken. We've been an item since I was 12. I still have all his magazine photos in a large manilla envelope.
     
    I have gained 20 pounds on Prednisone. Tapering down by 1mg a month will take forever. So will taking off this weight. Can't say it was worth it now. But that's also because I can still move somewhat. Oh the things we must 'weigh' in considering meds. :rolleyes:
     
    Autumn is in full drizzle and the leaves, like my fingers, are turning colors and falling off of their limbs. Time to dig out my 100 pairs of dollar store gloves. I learned early on to buy all the same color if I want to match for longer than a day.
     
    I am freezing so I have to make this another short blog and go warm up in the shower. I wish I knew how to relight the pilot light on the propane fireplace. Probably better off anyway; propane costs as much as gasoline!
     
    Stay Healthy, Happy Safe and WARM!!!!!
  8. barefut
    STRENGTH of body mind and spirit
     
    COURAGE of convictions
     
    FAITH that everything will be all right
     
    CONSISTENCY of actions
     
    MOTIVATION of body mind and spirit
     
    AMBITION to work towards goals
     
    GOALS to achieve fulfillment
     
    FULFILLMENT to achieve happiness
     
    HAPPINESS to achieve peace
     
    PEACE for body mind and spirit
  9. barefut
    Barb, your 3 month checkups sound kind of like mine. A two and a half hour minimum, one way travel time, crossing 2 bodies of water, one by floating bridge that is usually open to submarine traffic every time I cross it and I must wait at least 1/2 hour. The other body of water crossed by ferry usually during commuter time. Then a treacherous hill climb through downtown traffic and dodging pedestrians running to beat the light. Finally to the top of the hill and into the parking garage. No sense even looking for a space until I get to the top floor. Then a 6 story descent by foot down the stairs to street level.
     
    Once inside, a wait in line to check in, then the elevator to the 5th floor where I cross a skybridge to the next building and go up the elevator to the 6th floor. Around the corner and a life size cardboard cutout of Luke Skywalker dressed in real scrubs greets me at the reception desk. Seeing my childhood crush waiting for me at the end of my long journey is totally worth it all. :D The gals at the desk promised me I could have him. They even offered to carry him down to my car for me. But he belonged to their boss and she wasn't there that day, so I was a little hesitant about taking him. Upon my next visit he was gone. :(
     
    Then yea, a 5 minute face to face with rheumatologist and it's all the way back home and all at a cost of about $120 for gas, ferry, parking and at least one meal on the road, not to mention missing work. So, I talked my rheumatologist into seeing me every 6 months as long as I was feeling the same. I can get my bloodwork done locally and they'll fax results to her. When I see my pulmonologist and have my PFT every 6 months, I see my rheumatologist too. The clinics have been great at scheduling my appointments all within an hour of each other.
     
    As far as complaints or questions to ask, I really don't have much to say anymore either. "Uhhh......I got nuthin' - wanna look at my toe?" So at last visit I showed her my painful pinky toe with the brownsih toenail (which I have concluded is a stubborn fungal infection not gangrene). She said, sometimes people just have it cut off. Knowing what she meant I teasingly said, "The toe?!" :o to which she replied, "No, the nail." <_< I think she thought I was serious. Now she thinks I'm a nut case. I was concerned about the healing process with Raynaud's and all but since she didn't seem at all concerned, I think I will have it cut off - sick of dealing with it.
     
    What a lovely discussion! :P
  10. barefut
    I was born in the Midwest and I have seen their snowstorms and this is definitely one of them. How it got itself way over here, I do not know. I think it's lost.
     
    The forecast calls for 70 - 90 mph winds in some places (one of those places just 15 minutes from me) and power outages to go with it. Right now it is snowing hard and blowing. We haven't seen this much snow around here in about 20 years. And the cold! 14 degrees the other day -- who knows what with the wind chill. My Raynaud's has been behaving pretty well up until the other day.
     
    My dad's flight had to turn around and land in Boise tonight. We had no contact with him for about 2 hours after his flight was supposed to be here and didn't know what was going on. But he's all tucked into a hotel now and will call my sister tomorrow when he gets to the airport. I really hope they can make it to my house for the holidays!!!
     
    I hear 'transplanted' and visiting Midwesterners say, "This is nothing. You Northwesterners freak out at the first flake." Well, yea. We're not used to the white stuff and have you seen the hills in Seattle? Where in the Midwest would you find 60+ degree inclines as a general rule? In fact, the other day, there was an accident in Seattle where 2 tour buses collided near an overpass and one of them ended up with about the first 1/4 of the bus hanging over Interstate 5. Everyone got off safely but if you could see the pictures... I'll bet the driver thought for sure it was all over.
     
    The boys are sure enjoying the snow. Two snow days, Thursday and Friday added on to their holiday break. Wet clothes into the dryer, dry clothes on, hot cocoa warms them up, then it's back outside for another round of sledding and snowball fights.
     
    Found a frozen rat on the patio this afternoon and another one, barely alive, hiding under the lawn mower. Kinda cute little guys - except for their creepy tails. The kids said they found a "pile" of frozen rats in the ditch when they were sledding. EEeeew! But still, poor little ratsicles.
     
    Tired. Must sleep. Blog at 'cha later.
     
    Stay healthy, happy, safe and warm!
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