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Hi Everyone -

 

Thought I'd start the day and give you a bit of an update on me.

 

Health-wise, I've been doing fairly well. My biggest battles are FATIGUE and PAIN. It's so hard to get anything done, or have too much joy when a person battles that. However, I know so many of you battle much more serious health issues, so I'm very grateful that is all I do battle!

 

Actually I've been battling some depression. As some of you know my son and daughter in law have planned to move to New Zealand (they've had a 5 year plan working on this. she's from there, all her family is there) It was supposed to be a 5 year plan, but they've bumped it up to 4. They just listed their house for sale a couple of months ago, which sent me into a big depression as the realization hit me as to how close it is. I'm so close with my son and his 2 girls. We have a tight special bond and to think I won't be able to see them every 2-3 weeks (they live 2 hours from me now) as I do now makes me physically sick, and my heart feels likes its breaking. They just received and accepted an offer on their house and it's supposed to close by the end of March. Then they will be gone........ It's hard for me to even put into words how I feel. I've been crying non stop for days. I have tried not to think of myself and realize how happy this is making my son. He sees this as an adventure. He's young enough (28) that he probably can't see how hard this is on all of us that won't be going.

 

When I tell people this, the first thing they say is "Oh but think of the trips you'll be able to take, I hear it's beautiful in NZ" Well yes, it is, but it's also a 30 hour fight and you arrive 2 days after you've left. It's clear across the WORLD, and will cost $3000. a piece to go. Now how often will I be able to make that trip??? The money is an immediate problem, but I also don't think my health will take the trip. I can't picture it. When I'm used to having the girls one on one here at my house for days on end, how will one trip a year if I'm lucky make up for that? It won't......

 

We were there this past weekend. The 3 year old who's world resolves around grandma woke up and came downstairs and cuddled into my bed with me….she was looking out the window and in a soft voice said “We selling the house, then we fly high in the sky and see Shilo, we buy new houseâ€â€¦.then she got quiet…so I looked at her, she had tears in her eyes and then she said “I won’t see you for a long long time†I lost it so couldn’t speak for a while, we just laid there. I asked her mother when she woke up if she has been preparing her for the departure and shared the story with her. She said yes.

 

 

Sorry I didn't mean to make this such a depressing post, all of that just fell out of my mouth.

 

On a brighter note, my son just called this morning and said he doesn't have anything going on this weekend and his wife is working all weekend, so he asked if he could come up with the girls -WELL OF COURSE!!! so I'll get to love on them for a couple of days and that is always a joy.

 

thanks for listening.


Warm and gentle hugs,

 

Pamela

ISN Support Specialist

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

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* * * big hugs * * *

* * * big hugs * * *

* * * big hugs * * *

 

peanut


You can deprive the body but the soul needs chocolate

my HMO makes me wear a helmet...

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And more big hugs from me, Sweetie. I can identify strongly with what you are going through as my two children and their families (and my parents) all live in California. I haven't been home for a visit in nearly three years. I used to go home every two years, but now I am just too tired to make the trip. My son came to visit alone for a week last year and it as lovely. I stay connected by phone and the grandkids are now getting old enough so they can send emails on their own or write letters, so it is not quite so bad. One thing you might consider is immigration to New Zealand - nurses are in demand. You might find that the climate is just what the doctor ordered. Of course, your husband might have something to say about that. We have a program right now that follows fifteen families who explore the possibilities of doing just this - they send them there for a trial week to test housing, employment, recreation, etc. Very interesting. Worth thinking about - perhaps as a retirement option.


Warm wishes,

Jefa

 

Carrie Maddoux

(Retired)ISN Sclero Forums Support Specialist

(Retired)ISN Sclero Forums UK Chat Host

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

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Hi Sweet~

 

My heart aches for you. I can't imagine what your going through. You're not being selfish by being upset by their move. This is your family, the ones you love so much more than anything in the world. Of course your feeling this way your a loving Mom. We all would feel this way. I like what Jefa said, you might consider retiring there and well, maybe you could do 6 months there and then 6 months over here. Hang in there sweetie!

 

BIG BIG HUGS TO YOU!


Take care and stay warm,

 

Michelle

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Hi Pam,

 

So sorry to hear your family are moving away :( It is heartbreaking I know ! You have made me realise how my own mother must have felt when we descided to move from NSW to QLD (not as far as your son) Cutting those apron strings at 34 was very much needed and not easy for me either, but after the initial feeling of guilt and abandonment (on my part) that lasted about a week, it turned into my first real life adventure. My mother and I have always been close and we missed eachother terribly, so we both invested in webcams where we could set up a time and connect that way. We loved it, the children loved it, it truely was the next best thing to being there. Our relationship has developed much stronger than before and when we seen eachother it would be as if we were never apart. That to me is a true sign of a close relationship ! When we visited once a year, it would be for a few weeks and it was always more precious than before. Now my mother and her husband have moved up here too, so we are close again. I am very Blessed !

 

I hope this gives you some encouagement. The relationships you have built with your family are solid and therefor that bond will never be broken, no matter how far the miles between you.

 

{{{{Big hugs for you}}}}

 

Warmly,

Karen

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Pamela, you will definately miss your grandchildren. You will find so many things to talk with them though when they call or you call them. My son and family were in Japan for 1+1/2 years. I missed them terribly. We were suppose to go for a visit but my mother needed hip replacement surgery and I was the one taking care of her. So, we didn't get to go. I just kept counting down the months. Talking to them as often as I could. with the 13 hour time difference it was hard. Is this a 3 to 5 year plan to be away? Or was that the original plan for when they were going to leave the states? Don't let this ruin your special times with them now. Enjoy all the moments and store up all your memories. You will need them. Maybe if you went with them orginally and helped set up or just take care of the kids while they looked for a place and jobs that would help you. You will be traveling with them and wouldn't be alone on the way over. Just a thought. I know what you are going through. My grand kids really changed while they were away. But, they loved the experience and the entire group would move back there and live there if they could. They love the people and have made many friends. Your grand kids will get to meet all the relatives on their mommy's side of the family. They need to know where there mom grew up and see the things she saw. I will shut up now. I am most likely making you cry again. I feel for you. Sheryl


Strength and Warmth,

Sheryl

 

Sheryl Doom

ISN Support Specialist

(Retired) ISN Chat Moderator

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

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Sweet:

 

There is nothing anyone can say to comfort you at this time. Clearly, we realize that as our children grow, it is their life to live as they choose; the same as we did.

 

It is not their outline to include us, the parents in the overall plan they've laid out.

 

I know this doesn't change our feelings, our heart, our love for our children.

 

As you and others on this site know, I virtually lost mine in June. I came to the realization as the months passed, that I never had children.

 

Mine have returned, but in a very stilted and protected way. The feeling is just not as connected as once before.

 

Your choices are to follow them where ever and when ever they go, or to stay connected through your love via emails, letters, phone, visits. If you are able to relocate to their destination, do so.

 

You say your son is happy with the thought of this new adventure; isn't that the whole picture? Isn't it up to us as parents to realize we did a beautiful job, and now, we need to let go and let our children continue as we did.

 

They come back, everything is a full circle in time.

 

Hang in there Sweet. Everything happens for a reason and one door doesn't close without another one opening.


Tru

 

It is what it is...........

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Oh Sweet Sweet Pam,

 

Your post made me cry. It is heart breaking and I have no words that would console you when the only thing you really want to hear is "We've changed our minds mom, we're staying!"

 

Just know my thoughts are with you. And if you need some antidepressants to help you through this rough time, there's no shame in that.

 

Love you!

Barefut


Take care,

Barefut

 

Serena Justis

ISN Blogger

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

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Sweet,

Just had an idea... you should all get web cams! This way you can see your family. I'm going to get one when I get my stem cell transplant because I'm going to be away from hubby for almost 2 months. He gets very grumpy without me.

 

More hugs,

peanut


You can deprive the body but the soul needs chocolate

my HMO makes me wear a helmet...

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Hi Pamela,

 

I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you,I'm sure that you will treasure the time that you have with your family and you never know, after a few months they may decide to come back home.

 

Maybe you should get involved in a new hobby (one that's not tiring) to keep your self busy.

 

Take care Pamela and try and not to dwell on things too much.

Celia

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OH Sweetheart!

Lots and lots of big comforting hugs to add to all the rest! Your latest picture portrays how much you love those girls. Your smile says it all! I think Peanut's idea is a great one! Web cams are a cheap and easy way to stay in touch further than the normal phone call or email. My sister got one for her daughter when she flew across the country to go to school. As she said "We saw each other everyday!"

 

Peanut - Boy do I know what you mean about the husband getting grumpy without you! However, it he didn't get grumpy I'd be worried.-:)

 

Big, big hugs,

Janey


Janey Willis

ISN Support Specialist

(Retired) ISN Assistant Webmaster

(Retired) ISN News Director

(Retired) ISN Technical Writer for Training Manuals

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

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Pamela, I am so sorry to hear this news. My daughter lives in Toronto and has for 15 years. when she left I thought my heart was being ripped out. She is thinking of moving back to Vancouver after she's finished University in April, if she can get a job. Of course I am very excited, but when she left I was so sad I didn't know what to do with myself. I have a great long distance plan and we are online with MSN alot. I like the idea some of the other girls are suggesting a possible move there for you. If you could make it happen that would be wonderfull. I know a move to another Country sounds totally impossible, but who knows, it's worth checking into. New Zealand sounds wonderfull, nice weather, beautifull scenery, etc. I know when you have health problems, it sounds impossible. I would check it out, you never know. Well, try to enjoy your time with your family now, and try to be happy for them, this is a great adventure for them

 

Take Care

 

Jackie S.

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I am so sorry. My mother used to have a saying that our children are just "borrowed to us" and how true. They make us who we are and having them close is what makes us a family. You have to cherish the time you have with them and cherish the memories. I have a son who is off to Afghanistan to fight the war and I too, like you, lay in my fatigue and worry and get depressed. We have to try and stay busy and be so very grateful that we have these beautiful people in our lives and the love and bonds will always be there.

 

Blessings to you and a very warm hug from Minnesota.

 

Peggy

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My two cents worth...I also think Peanut's idea of the web cams is a great idea. Friends of mine have that too...their daughter, husband, and only grandchild moved to the other side of the world as well.....and although they miss them like mad because they can't stand in front of them and hug them, they really love to be able to see them and talk to them on the web cam whenever they like, they get really excited when those days draw near and treasure those moment too. I know it helped them all to adjust to the move easier....I'm sure in the back of your mind you think that those grandbabies will forget what you look like, but you have such a good relationship with them...there's no way that will happen Sweet...enjoy your time with them now and then think about positive plans for special times with all of them whether its by web cam, phone, letters, or a trip to NZ...sounds to me like you'de go to the moon to see your family (hope in some small way that makes NZ sound a whole lot closer to you).....lots of hugs!


Sending good wishes your way!

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