• Announcements

    • Joelf

      Upgraded Sclero Forums!   05/18/2017

      Welcome to the Upgraded and Redesigned Sclero Forums!!   Our Forums are even better and more up to date than before.   Happy Posting to all our Members!!
barefut

What do you do to lift your spirits?

31 posts in this topic

I've been feeling kind of trapped and lonely as well as worried and stressed about divorce and financial problems. The cold gloomy weather does not help.

 

I know we've talked about this before but I need to hear again what people do to lift their spirits.

 

Thanks,

Barefut


Take care,

Barefut

 

Serena Justis

ISN Blogger

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Barefut

I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling down. You are one of the people I most admire on this site. Being on your own with 2 kids, running a household and working. I love reading your blogs...where do you get the time and energy? If I am feeling sorry for myself I think of you feel ashamed. I am unable to work as I have Diffuse and I live with my best friend/carer. I am divorced...which I count as a blessing as I don't a man to look after etc. My kids are all married and I have 5 grandkids to spoil. My biggest problem is getting my friend to let me do some housework as she is always worried I will hurt myself...she remembers when I first got sick and was a wreck, pre drugs.

 

You should be proud of yourself and your achievements. Now you are coming out of winter (we are just starting here) :( hopefully you will start to feel better. :D

Take care and think positive thoughts

Helen

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess we all get kind of gloomy at times and you have more cause than most to be so!

There's nothing like a good cry and nothing like a good laugh to bring yourself round but of course it's not that easy when you have so much to deal with.

 

I think we're all pretty special -- super mum's, brilliant resilience, experts in hiding emotions and above all, brave beyond all comprehension! You should think of yourself on a plinth with laurel leaves around your head and a huge medal around your neck! because, my dear that's how special we really are!

 

Keep going with your head down is a great expression but try holding it high. Tomorrow is another day and then after that will be another and if I sound like I'm not making sense then join the club -- I'm weird!

 

My heart goes out to you, and if I could drink alcohol I'd come around and share a huge bottle of plonk -- wine with you and have a chuckle.

 

Keep well my friend and keep that sweet little head high.

 

Best wishes

 

Barbara xxx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well thanks Helen and Barb. :)

 

I was fishing for things like: shave your legs, watch a comedy, paint your nails...

Your flattering replies have lifted my spirits.

 

I have been a bit concerned about some of this stress and worry regarding my still pending divorce, sending me back into a depression. I know I just need to have faith that things will work out okay and push ahead. Sometimes it's hard to push ahead when all I want to do is crawl into a hole.

 

Thanks again for your ecouraging words which I will read over and over I'm sure.

 

Love yous!

Barefut


Take care,

Barefut

 

Serena Justis

ISN Blogger

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OK, barefut....

Shave your legs, watch a comedy, paint your nails.... sounds like you need a slumber party, whether it be with your kids and/or a couple of close friends... you be the one who decides!

 

My stepson just went through a difficult time... 1 1/2 years... divorce final mid-February. From where he was... to where he is now, the difference is astounding! He too, was concerned about the financial issues, but he's working on those things and getting through this. Faith is so very important and it sounds as though you know what it's going to take.

Just put one foot in front of the other, taking one day at a time, conserving as much energy as you can along the way... You need it to take care of yourself.

 

This tie of year is tough for the very reasons you named... the advantage is... the weather will be changing and for the better, so that is one of so many things to look forward to :rolleyes:

 

All of what Barbara posted is so very true.... we tend to forget how strong we really are ;)

Be good to yourself and think of setting up something special for yourself!

 

Big, soft Hugs coming your way....CATCH! {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Love, Susie


Special Hugs,

 

Susie Kraft

ISN Support Specialist

ISN Chat Host

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi barefut,

Like everyone here, I'm sorry you are feeling down, but this is a great idea for a thread, For us to share things that perk us up. For me a nice pedicure helps. Also petting and cuddling with my mushy furball cat named Shelly.

Music is good too. I crank my favorite music and just groove a bit.

 

Hope it helps.

 

Hugs to you!!!

 

Karen

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so so, so sorry to hear you are down. My thoughts are with you. I too have been feeling depressed and my daughter treated me last Thursday to a pedicure and manicure and a little shopping. It lifted my spirits and ended up being such a nice day.

 

I hope you are feeling better soon. Blessings to you.

 

Warm hugs.

Peggy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd like to add something else to the mix here. Laughter. A good comedy, no matter what makes you laugh. For example, I had been pretty down and scared for the last couple of weeks since this is all new to me and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around everything.

So, I'm shuffling around my bedroom feeling sorry for myself and being mopey. I had the TV on in the background and Fraiser was on. I overheard a line that had me laughing until I had tears running down my face. When I finally composed myself I felt so much better inside and out. I think laughing has a physiological affect on the body so try to watch something that makes you laugh. :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Barefut,

 

Sorry you have the blues. I find myself with them quite often lately, with the upcoming departure of my son and his family.

For me, I talk it out with my husband, friend. Make sure I get out of the house, put on loud dancing music and let the groove take over, get a pedicure, or even take a small walk.


Warm and gentle hugs,

 

Pamela

ISN Support Specialist

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Barefut,

 

I'm sorry you're feeling gloomy. You have a lot going on. I've had the gloomies all day because my granddaughter is moving back with her mom. It's good for both of them, sad and happy for me. She is my little buddy. When I'm feeling gloomy I like to read. It helps me get lost in somebody elses life. I don't know if you like to read or not, but I've always loved it. Sometimes I just get on here and read everything because everybody seems so friendly and that helps too when I'm feeling down.

 

We don't live that far from each other and I'd still love to meet you. You can also call me anytime - my granddaughter will be going with her mom tomorrow. I'll send you a PM incase you lost my number.

 

Just consider yourself hugged! You are very special.

 

Love,

 

Cheri

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Cheri,

 

I'm sorry you're going to miss your little buddy. You and Sweet - I don't envy your positions at all!

 

To Everyone -

 

Thanks for all your support and good ideas. I was just thinking I need to lose myself in a novel. Anybody have any good book recommendations please PM me!

 

Laughter IS the best medicine. That, I have always agreed with. Where to find laughter is another matter. My kids provide it for me regularly. So does Vee with her quality-only funny emails which I always look forward to and am grateful for!


Take care,

Barefut

 

Serena Justis

ISN Blogger

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like to shop, particularly for make up. Always makes me feel soo much better.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Barefut, you are not alone. I am a single mom of 2 teenage boys who want to be men so bad it's killing ME! To top it off my mother moved in with us after retirement 2 years ago and that has been a challenge on top of everything else. 2 grown women in a house is a reality show waiting to happen! I am a reader and do like to read to take my mind off of my life and strife; if only for a moment. Do you ever go to your local book store and camp out for a few hours? I also try to find a comedy on TV or put in one of my favorite DVD or CD's. I too love pampering with mani's and pedi's, but I can only do pedi's now because my nailbeds on my fingers are so sensitive. Anyhoo, take a long bubble bath, call a girlfriend you haven't spoken to in a while, go people watching in a public place, write down all the things in life you are grateful for. No matter what you decide, know you are loved! (and send some cool weather to Florida!!)


I may have Scleroderma, but Scleroderma doesn't have me!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi smac0719...funny you mention the manicures. I go for regular pedicures and refuse to get a manicure for the same reason you stated. My fingers are way too sore and my cuticles infect very easily so I wouldn't let anyone near my hands. Everytime I go in though, they tell me my hands look terrible and that I need a manicure. They just don't get it I suppose.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Darlin'

I did something the other that snapped me out of my slump. I called up 4 of my old friends that I haven't seen in quite a while, but who I used to hang out with A LOT. We met at our old hangout, drank a few beers, munched on chips and salsa and laughed, laughed, laughed. It was a blast! (In truth, I only had 2 beers in 3 hours. I can't drink like I use to plus I have to wait until the beer warms up a little. If it's too cold, it closes my throat and I start coughing. Still didn't stop me from having a marvelous time!)

 

Sending a big smile your way, :)


Janey Willis

ISN Support Specialist

(Retired) ISN Assistant Webmaster

(Retired) ISN News Director

(Retired) ISN Technical Writer for Training Manuals

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Barefut,

 

It is easy for me to get in a funk, especially if the weather is gloomy. I snuggle with my baby dogs for comfort. I'll take a walk in the park on a sunny day and make small talk with others...that really helps.

Sometimes I will go to my favorite restaurant alone, and have a little dinner and a glass of red wine. I enjoy being alone, so going out alone is good for me. Of course, if my husband were here I'd be in 7th heaven.

Just getting out of the house helps me a lot. Mostly though, I find comfort in my dogs. The way they look at me melts my heart and nothing seems to matter. Also, if I have something planned for the future (like seeing my husband) it helps. I have definitely noticed that on the days that I decide to stay in sweats and not shower or put on makeup, are the days I stay in my funk.

Hang in there sweetie. You make me smile with your blogs!

xo,

Tangie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I , too find great comfort in my doggies. I am home by myself during the day, it's just me and the pups. My family says it's the dogs job to take care of me while they aren't here :P and they do a fine job!! I can't even go potty without them with me :blink: And like mentioned, if there's something planned to look forward to helps as well. i have reconnected with a friend from High school. She and I meet regularly on the second Thursday of the month for lunch. It gives me a reason to get up, get showered , dress in something other than a night gown :rolleyes: and go out into the real world. I haven't had to stop the manicures yet, I really enjoy them. Now that the weather is turning warmer, I hope to be ale to take the doggies out to the park to play.


Peace :)

Barbara aka relicmom1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Barefut,

 

This is going to sound unbelievably trite, I know. But I'm going to spill the beans, anyway.

 

Here's the gist of it. Our minds are only capable of thinking one thought at a time. We have the option of changing our thoughts at any moment. We can stay on the same topic but deliberately change our attitude about it, or we can even switch channels entirely. Think of it like a tv station, which can only play one channel and one program at a time.

 

So, what I try to do is either stay on the same topic but actively think, how can I look at this another way, a better way, on the brighter side or with an entirely different attitude? One trick is to take someone or something troublesome and create a picture of them as being huge (a cartoonish character)...and then start visually shrinking it down, making it smaller and smaller and smaller. Then look down on that teensy little thing and realize you are so much bigger and more powerful than that situation. Why, if you wanted to, you could even squish it under your foot or flush it down the toilet, couldn't you?

 

If you were a cartoonist, or a comedian, how could you make the situation funny? Usually simply by exaggerating the truth, we can create humor. People have made entire careers out of a terrible ex or a fraughtful in law. I haven't yet met a situation I couldn't find humor in, if I tried hard enough. Laughing at ourselves is good, as you know, and a real balm to the spirit.

 

If I'm not in the mood to make it funny, then I just try to change the station by finding another topic to pursue. Bear in mind we are naturally attracted to the worst of everything (a human condition) and that it takes effort and determination to see the best instead.

 

An example of a practical application of this, is that the day my second husband moved out, he totally trashed the whole house in the process. He even stole my coffee pot! He also put all the bills in my name, and wiped out our checking, savings, and even an extra $2,000 (of our checking account overdraft protection).

 

So I went to the store and bought a new coffee pot, a warm robe, slippers, and a small bunch of fresh flowers and put it on the only credit card I had. I wasn't up to even trying to cope with the housekeeping disasters he created, and what's more debt when you're already destitute? So I put one flower in every room of the house and promised myself that I would only focus on the lovely flower in each room.

 

Then, focusing on the flowers and thus shaking off the gloom, I took myself out for dinner...where I met hubby #3!!! The most absolute charming love of my life, and we've shared 27 delightful years together. All thanks to those lovely flowers that helped me shrink down my "problems" (which were actually "opportunities", weren't they?) to manageable proportions and focus on the positive "anyway" with a truly joyful sparkle in my eye. After all, there's not many days when life totally whacks you upside the head, all at once, so what can you do except go with the flow and wonder where it will lead?

 

After all, one door had closed -- so surely, another one would open, sooner or later! What an exciting adventure that would be! So I try not to look at the doors that have slammed shut and instead use my imagination to conjure up delightful things that could be beyond that next door, that I have yet to open up.

 

But I have to say, I haven't always thought this way and I still fail to rise to the challenge of thinking the best all the time. I can really grovel and complain with the best of them. And I remember when my first boyfriend (read, total love of my life) broke up with me to go with my best girlfriend. I was totally devastated. My mom tried to cheer me up in my hysterics by saying, "Oh there's plenty of other fish in the sea!"

 

And I just wailed, "But Mom, I don't WANT a fish!"

 

So, Barefut, if you don't WANT a fish and life totally stinks. Oh well. There's plenty of other beans in the pot...corn in the field...pigeons in the park...


Warm Hugs,

 

Shelley Ensz

Founder and President

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

Hotline and Donations: 1-800-564-7099

 

The most important thing in the world to know about scleroderma is sclero.org.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm gonna jump in here with my cure for the blues. Now that I am no longer employed outside the home, I get depressed quite frequently. But I have a wonderful group of freidns who continue to include me in almost every outing they take. So usually once a month, we get together for a "girls day or night out". Sometimes, it is an entire weekend where we go shopping, have dinner and drinks, go to the spa, or just chill at someone's house. It gives us a chance to laugh, catch up with each others' lives and unwind without children or spouses to worry about. Our own little slice of "paradise". For those times when I can't get together with them, I make it a point to have my hair done and get a manicure and pedicure every two weeks like clock-work. Looking good always picks me up and makes me feel better.

 

Hope that helps.

 

Much love,

 

Kim


Much love,

 

Kim

 

 

Be yourself...everyone else is taken.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

More Replies - Wow!

 

Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to give little ole' me ideas to crush my blues. They are all very good and now that they are all here in black and white I can come and read them again and again whenever I need to be reminded of not only your great ideas but of how much you all really care.

 

I feel hugged :D

 

Love you all!


Take care,

Barefut

 

Serena Justis

ISN Blogger

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Barefut,

 

I just noticed you mentioned the cold, gloomy weather as being part of the problem. That's an issue for me, too, as we live in Minnesota so cold and gloomy describes a huge portion of the year. We fight back on the gloomy front with full-spectrum lamps (just one will do, but put it where you sit most often and use it for hobbies, reading, or eating just like a regular lamp). The lamps are used to treat seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and many people find them helpful for just lifting their spirits during low-light times of the year when sunshine doesn't seem to be an option. I found it's cheaper to buy one lamp than to treat the gloomies with shopaholicism. ;)

 

Also, I try to seek out bright and airy places with lots of flowers or fountains. We have a local flower shop that is outstanding, and good for a nice long mosey among plants, flowers, and fountains -- and they have tons of great "sunshine" since the plants need it. Ours is also blessed with a wonderful coffee shop inside, it can't get any better than that! :) I purposefully schedule a trip there as often as I need it during the winter.

 

Some office buildings in our area have large indoor gardens, often with coffee shops too, and it is free to mosey around the main areas. Hotels are a great and often overlooked resource for locals. Look for resources for flowers, fountains, water, and sunshine and particularly places where you can drag the kids along, like public zoos (which often have free days) or indoor conservatories. Take the kids on a rousing walk through a hotel, at least until management catches up with them.

 

The thing is, its possible to feel so gloomy that we don't feel like doing any of that or making that special effort. In which case it can help to put ourselves on the spot, by inviting a friend along -- or "promising" your kids, they'd never let you off the hook. <LOL> The deadline helps fight fatigue as it gives a mini adrenaline rush and thus helps manage the getting there, which in turn lifts our spirits enough to pull us through another day.


Warm Hugs,

 

Shelley Ensz

Founder and President

International Scleroderma Network (ISN)

Hotline and Donations: 1-800-564-7099

 

The most important thing in the world to know about scleroderma is sclero.org.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Barefut,

 

I was going thru some of the older threads and found this one. Everyone's ideas are fantastic! I especially enjoyed Shelley's suggestions.

 

I have a few I can add. I'll go to the local hot dog stand withmy mom, buy a couple hot dogs and sodas and drive across the street to the 95th Beach. Then I'll park facing the lake, if it's cold out we'll sit in the car, enjoy our lunch watching the geese and other birds flying over the lake. Admiring beautiful landscapes or even looking up at the sky is calming and peaceful.

 

Any kind of hobby or activity is good for the soul. You don't have to be an artist to try painting or a seamstress to sew something simple and pretty. Creating something colorful makes me feel good. I wanted to buy curtains for my living room but they were too expensive. These curtains were simple, 2 panels with a scarf (I think it's called a scarf) draped in the middle. The scarf had mauve, diamond-shaped beads stitched on one side. I measured the windows, had my daughter go out, buy the material and beads and made the curtains myself. I saved a bundle of money and now when I'm sitting in my livingroom, I'm reminded of what I can do.

 

Or, if you enjoy cooking, preparing a favorite meal or baking cookies, brownies fills the house with fantastic smells. Hanging out withupbeat people or watching comedies are my favorite.

 

Thanks for bringing up this topic!

 

 

:lol:

Razz


Live well, Laugh often, Love much

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Serena:

 

Cooking lifts my spirits. I love to cook and since I'm now by myself, I still haven't learned I need to cut down on the recipe sizes, so I share with neighbors and friends.

 

Divorce weighs heavy. Don't let it get you down. I don't know whose choice it was, but once everything is done and over you'll be able to move on. Divorce comes in stages; shock, denial, anger, etc. Each stage will pass. It is only now that my ex and I are able to speak, and I was divorced in 1982. There was always an ulterior motive if he wanted to speak to me, but since I became ill, he seems to speak more from the heart. Don't get me wrong, the wall and radar will always remain with me.


Tru

 

It is what it is...........

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're right KarenLee about humor and comedy. I always go to sleep with a comedy on. Doesn't have to be hilarious, just light enough to bring a smile to me. Went to the fourth picnic and laughed so much with such very good friends that I came home and actually slept a full 8 hour night with an hour nap this afternoon. Haven't slept normally since diagnosis. Humor is very good medicine. :lol:


Tru

 

It is what it is...........

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like KarenLee and Tru"s ideas about comedies - that works for me.

 

Talking to my husband and cuddling with him - he has a very positive outlook

 

Planning something fun to do in the future to get excited about (we plan to go to Italy in '09 for our 30th anniversary - I am doing all I can to be healthy enough to do it)

 

Manicures and pedicures help too.

 

Playing with my cats or just watching the 3 of them at play.

 

Reading something that just takes me away to another time and place.

 

A telephone conversation with a good friend to either vent or that has nothing to do with how I feel.

 

Resting and watching mindless TV. --usually Law and Order reruns

 

Taking a nap in the middle of the day-and not doing one chore or bit of work!

 

Trying to tell myself that it is just my mood right now and it will pass and not allowing this down time to control me

 

Trying deep breathing or to meditate.

 

Listening to music that makes me happy.

 

Not answering the telephone.

 

I just try to ignore the outside world and heal. Somedays that may mean not getting out of my nightgown. In the beginning when I had bad days I really felt guilty. Now I understand that if I don't take some down time I won't have much "up" time.

 

Stress may not have caused my disease, but I do believe that negativity and stress lowers my pain threshold so I try really hard not to let it get to me or it starts to put me in a cycle that can spin out of control. It is hard to pull myself out of the cycle once it gets started. It is bad enough that we have this disease and we have to cope with all of its ramifications but we also have to juggle all the complications of life with all its bumps in the road.

 

I hope that you can find ways to make yourself feel better and stronger. You are juggling a great deal all at once and that can certainly bring you down. I practiced divorce law for many years and I can only begin to understand your pain. I wish you strength, freedom from pain, and peace. Those proceedings can take a long time to be concluded and can continually reopen old wounds. I hope that things are concluded quickly and fairly.

 

Smurfette


Smurfette

 

Chocolate, It isn't just for breakfast anymore!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now