I am Fykah, eighteen, and it is my birthday tomorrow. But I guess I already got my nineteenth birthday present: lupus.
I am recently diagnosed with lupus, yet some complications are still under-diagnosed. I've always had huge aspirations. Now, as my health deterioates at a weird rate, I can't walk around. My heart is in serious condition, my lungs are swollen, so are my joints. My voice is almost not there and here I am, thinking about my nineteenth birthday.
My face is swollen, as some gland in my neck has bloated and somehow I don't enjoy what I see in the mirror. I am very sensitive to sunlight and so I stay in for all day and when I decide to go out, it is after 8 or 9 p.m.
I almost feel drained by going down my stairs, and so I decide against it. It has been days since I walked out in the sun. I always loved sun; now I am forced to hate it.
I am despondent, yes. Because I see my dreams shattering, my family life is breaking apart and I am getting more useless EVERY single day. How long will I continue?
Maybe another thirty years…maybe not another day.
Email: Withheld by Request
Story edited 04-30-07 JTD
Story posted 04-30-07 SLE
ISN Senior Artist: Sherrill Knaggs
Story Editor: Judith Thompson Devlin
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